I hope you enjoy this bonus post for the Cosmic Retrograde Challenge ~
While I was already wearing the Sugilite, I wanted to do something extra to participate along with my fellow blogettes. I had already dug up some old pictures to show to some friends who had recently come back into my life. I began working with my A. T. Mann tarot cards again after years of neglect. I had also started rereading Many Mansions after viewing Shree’s book review. But these activities did not match the intensity of the Sugilite for me. I wanted to really feeeeeeel something. So I turned to music. I began to forage through stacks of CDs : Prince (maybe); U2 (not now) ; Joni Mitchell (this looks good!); but then I spotted Joan Armatrading and I knew. I felt the power contained within the disc and I knew this would work well. So for three weeks now I have been listening to Joan Armatrading’s Greatest Hits on my car radio. You may wonder why I chose the car radio.
play now : Song on the radio
In my last post I described how I became better equipped to tap into information to serve others. Historically I would (and still do) get information on its own terms. Typically a thought or idea would pop into my head and often lead me to a synchronistic event. My intuition appeared when it wanted to, I had no control over when and where I would be guided. I was ok with this. I was grateful to be guided in any form as long as it was for the highest good. There is one exception however ~ the radio. I cannot remember how it started but it is the one way I am able to easily receive information at my request. Sometimes it will work on Pandora or on TV music channels, but it really is all about my car radio. I have been asking for messages to guide me through the radio for a very long time. Never said a word about it until quite recently. I figured people would think I was out of my mind (crazy) if I spoke about my musical oracle. Truth is, I was out of MY mind and into the greater MIND. Usually I would set my intention to get a message within 3 songs. Occasionally I would request a song and it would be played automatically. I highly recommend trying this, very cool! This method does not always work , but when it does… So the car radio is the vehicle I chose for the challenge.
Love and Affection I am starting with the first of three songs on the CD that evoked great emotion. I have arranged them to coincide with the order of my journey. Since we are looking at cycles, I noticed an overlap between the recent Mercury Retrograde and my Saturn to Sun transit. I examined my first Saturn/ Sun conjunction back in 1984. I was checking out apartments. It was time to leave the security of living with room mates and have my own place. It was the Summer of 1984 and I was in Graduate School ( Saturn in Scorpio transiting the 9th house). I wanted the independence and freedom of being my own person. I was looking at a small studio apartment in the Castle Building. I had lived in that building a year ago with college room mates. I loved this old space with its high ceilings, huge windows and wooden floors. As I toured the kitchen I saw beans soaking in a bowl on the counter, along with lots of fresh vegetables, and fresh bread. I was very curious about these beans. An earth mother must live here, I thought to myself! Who will I become? Will I be a good cook? Will I learn how to bake and garden? Will I soak beans? How will my adulthood take form?
I initially associated this song with a crush of mine. This was a couple of years after I moved into that very studio apartment. I had made a great group of friends but was still missing my college ex- boyfriend. I wanted to feel alive and free and vulnerable again. I was ready for love once more. Later that song referred to other men in my life. But the first time I really got that song was around the time I began to establish a way in the world on my own. I would sing it in the mirror and twirl around full of hope and wonder.
Weakness in me I did not know of this song until much later in time. I did not have the CD until after I heard this song in concert. This concert I attended was in 1996 , right around my birthday. I saw Joan Armatrading in a small venue and it was amazing. I was in Graduate School again ( a different degree this time) and money was tight, but I wanted a treat. When I heard this tune, I immediately became teary. I knew the story all too well. By this time in my life I had already been involved in a few love triangles. In these cases, one or both of the parties was involved with another partner. The men in my life ( 2 lived in my neighborhood at the time) were prone to ” show up”. This could be taken many ways. They would pop back into my life after having moved away, or would just show up at my work or my home. Or I would get an email or phone call out of the blue. Or I would meet someone who looked just like a former lover. This song is about love, betrayal, control, and pain. Joan refers to weakness being part of her character. I would add that it applied to all the characters in this drama. Everyone always makes a choice, or chooses to not make one.
Me, Myself, I The third song in this trilogy has a great reggae beat and a happy melody. Basically Joan wants to be alone and enjoy herself. I often sang this song when I had enough of a relationship or was so angry with a former partner. I visualized myself traveling and going on adventures freely and joyfully. There is not a particular time period I associate with this song. I placed it last because it is where I am now. I went from the innocence of love to the complexity of intimacy and commitment, to the refuge of independence and mastery. And RELIEF!
Disclaimer: I know in past posts I have either inferred or directly stated that I am done with romance. I want to elaborate on this a bit. First of all, I deliberately leave out the details about my personal life. Although I do not use my name , some people in my real life read this material and know these men. While I am not in touch with any of them, some of my friends and associates may still be in contact with them. In this cyber world of ours, I prefer to keep things vague. Secondly, I adore men! For most of my life, my best friends were men. It took me a long time to find the connection with women that came easily with men! I do not want my readers to get the wrong impression. I have been fortunate to have loved deeply and experience the beauty of soulful, intimate relationships. It is just that I do not do them well. Just like cars: I have been driving since age 17 and still don’t understand how my car runs. Well, it is like that for me and romance. I tend to attract and get involved with very Plutonian, Saturnian and Neptunian partners in a Uranian way. ( Saturn in Cap opposing Mars, Uranus/Pluto in 7th house, Leo descendant, ruler of descendant – Sun, conjunct Neptune) It was exhausting! I am not saying I will never change my mind. I just do not think there is anything more for me to learn here. My work is DONE. By the way, I do not feel angry about this. I would prefer to call it mature acceptance.
Lessons learned: As I drove around listening to these passionate songs about love and identity, I remembered past associations and also made new ones. This is where the magic happens. Now when I hear Love and Affection, instead of imagining a new partner, I felt the rich, vibrant Cosmic love in the burgundy and rust trees as they shimmered and glowed under the November sun. To quote Steve Winwood, it is a ” Higher Love.” When I play Weakness in Me, I realize that I participated in dramas that were ultimately unhealthy and somewhat ridiculous. Living in chaos was an easier choice than going about the business of finding a suitable partner and settling down. Today I see that I am my own suitable partner. To live out my chart is to partner with my Sun. My sun is where I star in my life. I have learned to own most of my projections and become more balanced and integrated. Finally, when I sing Me, Myself, I, most of the anger and resentment is gone. I feel lighter and less defended. I am not singing ” I wanna be by myself ” in response to feeling overwhelmed, controlled, or frustrated. I am singing as an expression of gratitude.
Willow In the course of playing this CD for so long, I came upon a song that I had not noticed before, Willow. Please listen to this gorgeous , soulful composition. It is very soft and mellow. I am not really surprised to have discovered it because I took on this challenge in expectation of alchemy. I am in process of becoming a willow. Willow is a song about loyalty, protection, strength and stability. It is sweet, tender, and ethereal. Perhaps it is a taste of the future.
This challenge has been very Challenging! I have been relentlessly haunted in my dreams by old lovers. Many tears were shed. This exercise has required major soul-searching. But in the end it was worth staying with the discomfort. I came out of this experience ever so slightly transformed and renewed. Ghosts have been cleared and released. I am aware that I still have plenty of work to do. Fortunately the Saturn/Sun transit is in full effect.
POSTSCRIPT– Remember the young woman staring at the bowl of beans soaking on the counter. I am not through with her quite yet. She returns in a future Collisions series post – stay tuned!
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litebeing chronicles 
One thing I’m learning Linda…there is no such thing as “weirdness” at all when it comes to receiving messages from the Cosmos / God / Divine. It’s everywhere and YOU showed me that with some of your synchronicity posts 😛
Having a radio Oracle is totally awesome!
Unfortunately I couldn’t listen to the songs 😦 But I will do so when I’m at home after I’m all caught up..hehe.
Relationships and oh how we grow from them…if we choose to huh? 🙂 I’m glad that this time and the challenge helped you to see how from chaos comes peace…again …only if we allow it, and it sure seems that you have!
Thinking about your post as I am typing this the picture I get is of a graph..where one stands on what seems like a plateau and then all of a sudden he jumps up so high to reach a point above him. That’s the feeling I got …that’s what all your relationship journeys meant!
It’s good you are open to future relationships whether or not it happens. It’s awesome that you find that relationships to you now is with the Cosmos, the Divine, with yourself. That’s what it’s supposed to be like isn’t it. We as complete individuals when we do meet someone that resonates with us, someone who is also complete…then deciding to take a journey together, to evolve and grow…to our fullest potential.
Great post!! AND great bonus post too!! 😀
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Awesome! You could write a great post about this theme along these lines! I am open I suppose, but there is so much more on my plate. I am open to whatever and whoever can provide me positive guidance and unconditional acceptance of my truest nature and fullest version of my SELF.
thanks for supporting my efforts here and your friendship.
hugs,Linda
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Linda what an unique journey of finding self.. This journey takes us down many paths and gives us many methods of discovering our higher selves.. I think it great that Music has helped shape your journey in this way.. And apologies for only just getting to comment..
Sometimes we have to have the past brought to the present in order to release it.. In my own retrograde challenge my own own dreams brought up many people whom I had forgotten in the past..
I am pleased you are feeling more settled with yourself and own company,, Not many can say that…
Loved your Radio Songs by the way.. Some I had not heard of..
Sending you love and Peace and thank you again for this brilliant experience I have been privileged to take part in Linda xxx
Sue
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Thank you for taking the time to listen to the songs and really take in the material Sue. The Al Stewart track Song on the Radio is hauntingly beautiful and very otherWorldly! I have sought solace and shelter in music my entire life, so fortunate that is brings me comfort during the darkest hours. This season has been about really slaying dragons and exorcising demons that I thought were long gone. Be careful what you wish for ( alchemy) for you may get it! Grateful beyond measure to have you along for the ride.
blessings, Linda
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Yes I so know what you mean, and those demons of the past often take lots of slaying before they lay down for good!.. I still keep getting out my sword ! 🙂
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Wonderful to walk through memories to a musical score. Don’t feel weird lots of people use radio for divination. Those of us who ask for signs and communication are always aware. I do a lot of prayer when driving, lol Its my favorite time (at which case I turn off the radio.) The other day I was talking to the angels and when I was done I turned the radio on and the first thing I heard was angel.
Hmm no, just my opinion but, I do not think in any way that you are done with a romantic love. I myself did take an 18 year break but I wouldn’t advise it, especially not with hot Scorpion women like ourselves. Just my 2 cents, your welcome to pay me no nevermind. lol
Love~
Sindy
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Oh what really trips me out too is divination through my ipod when put on shuffle. That is a hoot and some funny stuff occurred around that time I was speaking with my departed friend. I was outside the night after she spoke to me, put my iTunes on shuffle and the first song that came on was “Alive and Kicking” my friends said, “Hmm not at the time.” I swear this is true. lol
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It seems that WordPress bloggers come with assorted divination skiils that are less likely elsewhere 🙂
really truly knew no one until very recently who did this except my psychotic clients who heard voices through the radio and this was frightening not joyful!
I do believe you, now go back and answer my question on the sugilite post 🙂
thanks Ms. Sindy goddess
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Love you don’t have time, off to work. It’snot a short answer.
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ok, I will wait 🙂
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“Remember the young woman staring at the bowl of beans soaking on the counter.”
Some images have such staying power! I do appreciate you pointing that out here.
I have had a similar relationship to car radios Linda. Must be an intuitive trait, combined with a love of music?
I admire that you are okay by yourself. My older sister, who dated way more than I did when we were young, got divorced after 6 years of marriage and has been raising her daughter, and quite happy without dating. Sometimes I think there’s an undue pressure to be “in a relationship.”
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Where have you been all my life? – regarding the shared car radio experience. It seems like my true soul mates are on the other side of my laptop lol!
Thank you for understanding about the girl and the beans. There is a great story there, still being shaped and formed into being. I am more than OK. Acceptance of what is has been a great teacher and has opened me up to more of my possibilities.
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The other side of the laptop is pretty amazing, isn’t it Linda?
Is WordPress really capable of finding needles in haystacks? Could be true…
My parents would play top 40, WABC from NYC in our car when we went on trips, so I think that’s where I fell in love with listening to the radio in cars.
Hugs and smiles!
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I did not like my parent’s choices for long trips, Frank Sinatra, big bands, and sports!
I kinda like Sinatra now though 🙂
For me it came with being out alone on the open road, like a moving meditation. The song life is a highway just came to mind, or take it to the limit by the Eagles.
PS, which Liz Greene book were you referring to over at Monika’s? I have her Saturn and Neptune and am up for including others to my collection 🙂
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Oh, yeah, my parents would have preferred Sinatra or Show Tunes, which I forever have rolling around in my head. But, my mom played her 45s for me when I was quite small and she did have some early Rock in her collection, Hound Dog, and Sh Boom were favorites…so when my sister wanted to buy Beatles records around 1965, they were okay with that. I loved rock so much that I used to keep a bulletin board in my bedroom and track the top 20 every week from ABC. I was pleased to find out that Cousin Brucie is still on Siriius XM :)…but I am really dating myself aren’t I?
But, yes I fell in love with Bluegrass of all things driving by myself around Oregon when I first moved here in the early 90’s.
I am reading The Astrology of Fate. Love it so far!
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cousin Brucie? Do you mean Springsteen?
I want to get that book! Love the title and her other works, especially Neptune 🙂
I like bluegrass too and Venus is on my ascendant in Seattle so I am destined to visit there sometime!
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Hey if you ever make it to Seattle, let me know if you want to meet up.
See, I am dating myself!!! Bruce Morrow is a DJ who worked for years at ABC. He is a very cool guy and knows his music.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bruce_Morrow
But, now that you mention Bruce Springsteen, yeah, I like him too. Reminds me of high school 🙂
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will look him up! I was not that into Springsteen, kinda meh. But my sister adores him. his sun is on her moon, back to Astrology again 🙂
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cousin Brucie? Do you mean Springsteen?
I want to get that book! Love the title and her other works, especially Neptune 🙂
I like bluegrass too and Venus is on my ascendant in Seattle so I am destined to visit there sometime!
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Love the radio oracle! That occasionally happens for me, but I only listen in my car and I rarely drive now. I do get song messages though! Thanks for the bonus post! Will start working on the WP astrology post for Friday soon!
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Hi Julie,
Did you play the song I linked ” Song on the radio” by Al Stewart? I chose it because it really compliments telepathy and the radio. I am glad to know this method operates in your life too! Like I shared with Debra, few people in my ” real life” presently have the same experiences as I do. Thanks for your encouragement and reminder about the joint post. I can focus on this now!
Blogging is the best job I ever had! Too bad it does not pay real well 🙂
Namaste
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Oh synchronicity! I just put a donation button up in my sidebar. Even if no one donates, it may help attract income through my books, but it would be nice to earn a little for all the blogging. Law of attraction! 🙂
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good idea!
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Another wonderful and touching post Linda. I am so pleased you are happy & secure in yourself… so many people would rather be with someone, anyone, than on their own, which is not healthy. Knowing ourselves and being happy and true to ourselves is perhaps the best lesson in life.
And I am glad you recognised the meanings of your dreams – Clearing, releasing. Funnily enough, I’ve been going through something akin to this recently… old memories I thought long buried have been rearing up… a test to see if they still have power over me. Also i think a challenge of how I think about myself now… do I still think I am ‘that’ person?
Thank you for letting us into your life 🙂 x
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Thank you Heidi for your kind words and support. I do respect and admire those who attract and maintain healthy partnerships.But it is very deadening to be with someone who does not suit you or will not grow as you change and grow. I am considering that many of us are having similar awakenings due to the planetary activities. And us Scorpion types have relentless Saturn knocking at the door, forcing us to mature or perish.
love and light,
xx Linda
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AT Mann tarot cards must be awesome. I would love to have this deck.
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Monika, check out the link in the post to purchase the book and cards. I have the book from 1987 , the black one. I won them at an astrology gathering so long ago. At many of these events, raffles were held. I took home plenty of cosmic goodies over time.
The cards are beautiful and I am glad I took them out of ” storage.”
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His zodiac mandalas are also amazing.
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