SPOILER ALERT: This is not a puff piece. Buttons will be pushed for some readers but I hope you will all keep scrolling…..
I could have just as easily made this a private entry in my journal, but my higher self knows better. This blog is my forum to do me as I continue to change and grow. I surprise myself more and more with how the changes keep showing up. I am famous in a way for my stubbornness. Many would call me bold, in your face, strongly opinionated and obstinate. I am less and less dominated by these qualities these days, except perhaps for the boldness. There is a part of me that longs for the reliability of the former personality. Does this resonate for you? I hope these thoughts are clear, but these discoveries are rather recent and take some effort to sort out.
After much rumination and indecisiveness, I made a decision and took action on it today. I got the first dose of the vaccine. Yup, I did it. A few weeks back I blogged about my wavering on my personal energy update. I have zero planets in Libra and often wonder about how the Venus – ruled handle the constant inability to take a stand. Now I have a much better understanding of this energy signature. I find it to be tortuous to be in that mindset. I am relieved somewhat to be off the fence.
I prayed for signs and none arrived, I have meditated and processed tons of information. Nothing significant was revealed. But gradually I found my voice. I will share it with you now:
These past 16 months or so have taught me so much about myself , especially my shadow. My long standing fears about health and safety have grown to the point where they have interfered with my quality of life. Fear of contagion, destruction, isolation, aging, deterioration, annihilation…… All the Scorpio stuff, but at another level.
I want to participate in the simple pleasures of daily living that I have opted out of throughout most of 2020 and all of 2021. I decided that getting the vaccine will begin to strip away fears of illness and worries about motivations of “others” I encounter in my neighborhood, while running errands, and wherever I go. I do not enjoy the ravages of paranoia that sometimes penetrate my psyche. My active curiosity is a blessing, yet my voracious appetite for the truth has taken me into some truly dark places. The Wingmakers saga drove me deeper into depression the further I travelled down into that rabbit hole. While I do not regret my zeal for knowledge, my emotional nature is very sensitive and often suffers when I find myself overwhelmed and confused. I find myself in a similar state these days. So much uncertainty for long stretches of time. My spirit can float to other dimensions, but this body calls 3D home.
I have a headache, my right arm hurts, but I made a choice before anyone had the chance to make it for me. That aspect of this process feels good to me. I am tired of living in limbo and figure that as the Quakers say, Way will open now that my life has less limits. What is freedom and sovereignty when a spark of the Divine takes residence in a perfectly imperfect aging body? How does it operate when the collective plays out as an illusion of duality? I figure that when our souls opted in to incarnate here, we left freedom and sovereignty behind. At least that is my perspective as of 8:58 PM EDT.
I welcome all comments as long as they are respectful. This is my story and every story has twists and turns. Mine certainly has had quite a few. I learned at a very young age that life is not what you expect or predict. This lesson was harsh but it served me well. I know that I need more support for my fears ( gnarly 12th house transits) and I am actively searching for the most effective ways to get the help I need. While I am grateful for all the love, beauty and wonder that graces my path, I still have to take care of the shadow.
litebeing chronicles 
My extreme experiences from past vaccines taken for boosters or annual flu, still have me ‘opting out’ for now, as so much to do, in the flurry of this time of year, every year, has me not wishing to be down, or nursing an enlarged, swollen arm.
– But not hard decision at all, since most of where I’m needed, where others congregate, is often outdoors, and not in close proximity with others, while MOST often, the only folks I’m around is me, myself and I.
I still do not know if/when, I shall afford to go get signed up with a new health care provider, seeing as how my fave from last year, retired, and it seems anymore, to take at least 3 visits just to get a new patient, an annual, then address any questions/decisions at the last one, for specific things – and again…
Maybe I should make time for it all,
But don’t ‘feel’ like carving out the $, gas money, drive time, wait time, office time, that seems to eat up the better part of one whole day, for me, just now.
That may change -it may not –
For now, the person most likely to get hurt over my procrastination, is me – so I figure okay to drag my feet on that, while racing through other lists of things to be done, right now.
Like, for instance, catching up on my back log of reading, liking, commenting that… GASP! I had gotten behind by nearly 2 weeks on!
I also manage to spend about 2 hours this morning, writing, for sheer joy of it –
And well….
We all have our priorities – 😀 Time will tell whether I prioritized correctly or not… 🙂
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There are no correct answers, just to do what your intuition tells you. Regarding the logistics though, it is rather straightforward. Where I live you can go to almost any pharmacy and walk right in and it is free. I believe it is free even without any insurance. Today, 4 days later, my arm only hurts a little bit. I am also a side effect queen, which Is why I avoid most unnatural medications/healing agents, etc. However as someone who grew up in the age of Polio, I am really glad my parents got me vaccinated. On another tip, I still have my chicken pox scars from all the scratching, lol!
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I was vaccinated for the biggees, including Measles, Mumps, Rubella, Diptheria, Pertusis, Tetnus and Polio – AFTER Small Pox erradicated, but before Chicken pox vaccines came out and though I was affected by those, certainly not to the extent the I was by DPT booster and two flu shots, that were administered well into adulthood and something in me had changed – Cuz it was the bad, the worse and the very, very ugly, and twice, ER visits. I did, however, get chicken pox when I was nearly 16 and had them EVERYwhere, and even with care, oatmeal baths and being old enough to wear the socks on my hands my mom said would keep me from ‘scratching in my sleep” still bear the scars of some of them. Until I can schedule time with a doctor, to go over history, ask questions I can’t seem to find even in medical journal updates, etc., on vaccines, I guess, it’s still just easier for me to ‘wait and hope’ I don’t push my fearlessness on COVID while fearing the unknowns on reactions – – Here, it has always been more cost effective to do even 3 visits, than it is to do 1 ER or Urgent Care trip – 😀
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Your body, your choice. My mom and step-father got their first shot recently also. They held out all this time because of uncertainty. These are stressful times. We all need to do what feels/is right for us. ❤
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Yes we do. I hope I did the right thing for me. Time will tell. Bottom line for me is doing all I can to take care of what I need to take care of so I can fulfill my mission here. Obsessing about a virus is a real energy buster. ❤
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Thank you for sharing your misgivings Linda. Fear and isolation can overwhelm us. It takes courage to take action for ourselves and others. Thank you for helping to save the world.
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Thanks Val for your comments. I have had some difficulties adjusting to the pandemic. For me it is about discernment, not courage though. 🙂
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Dear Linda, so did I and at the first possible opportunity I think 2 months ago or so. It was a no brainer to me – did not have to think twice. Yet I appreciate your misgivings.
Monika
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Many people automatically signed up, I get it. Others are passionately anti-vax.. I really struggled with this and time will tell if I decided wisely. Thanks as always for your support. Have a great weekend!
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