Reclaiming My Day 11/11/19

This autumn was less vibrant, or maybe I missed the foliage at its peak. You see, I was ill for over a month with a “mystery illness”. It came and went and later returned, near my birthday. My birthday was last Wednesday and I took the day off from work excited to see where the day would take me. But when I woke up in pain and so nauseated that I had to vomit, I know I wasn’t going anywhere. The feeling of nausea and the act of vomiting are among the most dreadful experiences to me. The fact that this happened on my birthday pissed me off! Vomiting rarely happens to me as an adult and the fact it happened on my day of rebirth was cruel. But, as usual, I adjusted to my circumstances and focused on feeling better. It appears ( not definitively ) that the new probiotics I am taking are making me sick.  After weeks of tests and no answers, I started to improve without treatment. The only change made was the elimination of my supplements, recommended by my GI specialist. At first, I was skeptical but went along anyway. After my test results returned to “normal”, the doctors were no longer interested in figuring out a diagnosis. So a few days later I went back on the probiotics and the symptoms returned. So I stopped taking them again and am also noticing a lessening of symptoms. How could this product that I considered life-saving be the culprit? Could it be a bad batch or some other reason? I don’t know.

I began leasing a car about 3 years ago, just a couple weeks before my birthday. So it was time to trade in Kokoa for a newer model. Say hello to Azia! I named her after the lovely blue color that reminds me of the astral. From astral I came up with Azia.  I chose this particular model because it is a very quiet ride. I revel in quiet these days, not to mention, standard features include a sunroof and heated seats! While not much brings me joy anymore, I hoped a new car would help because I really dig cars. I also like the free trial of Sirius Radio but really miss not having a CD player. So much has become obsolete in these “modern times. ”

Please enjoy this song that also helped inspire Azia’s name:

The past few days have been exhausting and liberating, all leading up to a new start for me. I took two risks, one planned and one rather spontaneous. At a book club with my Social Work group, I disclosed something very private. I barely gave it a minute of contemplation. Someone in the group shared a personal story and I was moved. I decided to be authentic and see what happens. It was a chance to be more vulnerable, but there was more to it. Later I realized that I was challenging some of the older LCSWs on how non-judgmental and inclusive they really are. Behind the political correctness and blind obedience to ethics, I wondered ” Will they walk their talk? ” It turns out that I still know how to shut up a room! It is disheartening to see that I still feel superior or above the established groups I belong to, but not ( hopefully) in a narcissistic way. People are people and most I encounter have little consciousness. Part of me already knew I might be rejected, but I was feeling rejected in other sectors of my life anyway.

cropped-20191111_151348.jpg

The second risk I took happened yesterday. I fired my clinical supervisor, this judgmental, rigid, mean woman who I have paid to provide me with supervision to prepare me for a higher level of licensure. I have worked with her off and one since 2017, the second of three people I have hired to walk me through this minefield. She has misled me about many things and I let them go. She does not respect my wishes, she is petty, and sometimes passive-aggressive. She will not be accountable for any mistakes she makes and has threatened to end our association a few times. She is unpredictable and often remembers events very differently from my recollections. I kept this going because of fear I would not find someone else affordable, nearby, and able to meet me outside of my work schedule. But after a few sleepless nights, I decided enough was enough. I did not have the courage to confront her directly but I left a detailed voicemail on her phone. I was also afraid she would sabotage my LCSW application if I stayed with her. I wonder why I keep attracting these cold women into my life after so much therapy and other forms of inner work. Maybe so that I can continue to take better care of me? I have not found a new replacement, but I am glad I let her go. So many people abuse their power and do not question how they handle their responsibilities. I hope I will choose better next time.

So what about my blog title? When will I write about 11-11? Patience is a virtue, right? I decided I would take back my birthday this weekend if I felt up to it. I enjoy time alone to travel somewhere and indulge in activities that bring me pleasure and/or peace. Today I felt well enough to drive to South Street and visit a new find and an old haunt. Dishes that feature fall flavors are among my favorites and I planned on going somewhere for Oktoberfest. That did not happen so today I discovered the very popular Brauhaus Schmitz.

Doesn’t that look good? It is schnitzel with mushroom sauce, cabbage, and spaetzle. I could not finish it all, but it was delicious. The cabbage was amazing, so yummy with the mushroom sauce. Authenticity matters to me, in cuisine and in people!

A few blocks away is The Garland of Letters, a bookstore that opened in 1972, way before my college days when South St was one of my typical hangouts. It is reassuring that it still remains in its original location, featuring all the spiritual books and gifts anyone could wish for.

This is my little present to me from me, a cool book about chakras that I just had to have. I wanted something I could take back home with me to carry on the 11-11 energy. Going downtown did shift my awareness and increase my vibration. I felt it rather quickly. Synchs were happening with regularity and my mood brightened. I was also delighted to notice that fall foliage was rather abundant in Center City. I took a few shots from my car ( while the vehicle was stopped).

I am aware that today’s blog could have been spread over several posts, but I see it as a complete story. Existence can be dark and hopeless and full of pain, regrets, and lost opportunities until the opposite emerges. Birthdays or solar returns, whichever you prefer, is a time of reflection for me. This was not a stellar year in many respects, months of illness, much upheaval, disappointment, and displacement. Yet, chakra bibles, trees bursting with color, and liberation can manifest, sometimes when hope is lost and letting go is the only choice that works. So I chose a new birthday this year and hope the memories I made will reverberate throughout the next solar cycle.

HAPPY 11 – 11 TO YOU!

A Day in the Flow

I dedicate this post to Anthony Bourdain on his birthday today. He would have been 62 years old. I chose this blog because it chronicles an ordinary, yet extraordinary day filled with food, reading, cinema, and exploration.

litebeing chronicles

The day after Easter was one of those days. It flowed. Everything turned out better than I planned and when I can quiet my INFJ monkey mind, anything can happen! I wanted traditional Easter ham. Mind you, I have never celebrated Easter but I just love that ham. It reminds me of numerous road trips to Virginia and one to Canada, places known for ham extraordinaire. Travel and food are dear to my heart and memories often include a combination of the two.  My sister’s mother in-law bring this sweet spiral ham every Thanksgiving and I adore it. I am the kind of person who will decide ahead of time what I will order at a restaurant unless I see something better on the menu. So I arrived at Cracker Barrel ready to dig in. I ended up having ham with 2 order of carbs because cornbread stuffing was the…

View original post 659 more words

East Africa in West Philly ~ Traversing Time and Space

Here is a post I wrote that appears to be inspired by Anthony Bourdain’s influence on me. Someone in the media today called him a culinary rock star. I would totally agree. He was someone whose love of life was so evident, particularly in how the emotional signature of an experience left a strong residue. long after time has passed. I would like to think he would see some of his influence in my writing.

I never reblog several posts in one day, but I need to do this to cope with the shock that I feel and to convey the love I have for this talented and flawed man.

litebeing chronicles

I had a very important meeting today in my old college neighborhood. It is called University City because Drexel University and The University of Pennsylvania are located there. I moved away many years ago, but still have so many fond memories. Sometimes work or a social event will bring me back, but I have not visited in a few years. The last time I was there it was a very sad occasion. I went with a coworker to visit a former client of ours who was receiving hospice care. She died a few days later.  She was not much older than I, but was dying of uterine cancer that was diagnosed way too late. She had schizophrenia and this contributed to her death. Her caretaker did not believe her when she told her she was bleeding. I did all I could to advocate for her, but it was not enough…

View original post 935 more words

Lucky litebeing ~ published on 7-7-14

This one’s for you, Anthony Bourdain!  RIP

litebeing chronicles

Welcome to my world!

This quote is the first line from the food show that started it all, A Cook’s Tour with Anthony Bourdain. There are some people you like right away and Anthony is one of those in my world. I considered his influence on me immediately last Saturday when I had an incredibly blessed and lucky day that involved food, film, and fancy.

By WNYC New York Public Radio. Cropped and edited by Daniel Case (Anthony Bourdain and Leonard Lopate) [CC-BY-2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0)], via Wikimedia Commons

Tony is not only a gifted television personality on multiple networks, but  a supremely talented writer, chef, foodie, philosopher and adventurer. Here is an excerpt from his book A Cook’s Tour,  from which the television show was based:

I wanted magic.  When is food magic?  What are the common denominators? Certainly. when food is the result of a brilliant  and obsessive personal vision, it can take on mystical, magical aspects. At their best, chefs like to consider themselves alchemists, and some of them, particularly…

View original post 719 more words

It’s All About the Yummy

Just literally woke up to the news that my idol Anthony Bourdain killed himself and was found dead in France today. Honestly I do not know how much more emotional upheaval I can bear. I will be reblogging some posts that reference him in his honor. I am beyond sad and more than a little angry. I have watched all his TV shows and have dreamed of meeting him and perhaps imbuing some of his energy when I write about food and travel. If you are feeling depressed, please get some help!

 

Call 1-800-273-8255 ( US)

litebeing chronicles

There are many instances in my life where I doubted the point of being here, chained to a body and being at the mercy of unexpected events that challenge its survival. Many thought leaders are now touting the benefits of waking up and staying in human form. So I started to consider some of the perks of 3D material existence. Many metaphysical teachers claim that sensory experiences are unnecessary on the higher planes. Immediately I thought, no need for clothes, jewelry, shoes, food, etc.

So I created a blogging challenge ( a Sense-sational one, you might say), to invite people to really ponder the gifts of living in form. After all, we all know the limitations. Which of the 5 bodily senses are preferred and how do they enhance your life?  This is what I was looking to uncover, in order to create a conversation about incarnation with a certain…

View original post 889 more words

It’s All About the Yummy

There are many instances in my life where I doubted the point of being here, chained to a body and being at the mercy of unexpected events that challenge its survival. Many thought leaders are now touting the benefits of waking up and staying in human form. So I started to consider some of the perks of 3D material existence. Many metaphysical teachers claim that sensory experiences are unnecessary on the higher planes. Immediately I thought, no need for clothes, jewelry, shoes, food, etc.

So I created a blogging challenge ( a Sense-sational one, you might say), to invite people to really ponder the gifts of living in form. After all, we all know the limitations. Which of the 5 bodily senses are preferred and how do they enhance your life?  This is what I was looking to uncover, in order to create a conversation about incarnation with a certain perspective.

 Here is what I discovered about my preferences and delights:

If I was asked as a child to name my favorite sense, it would have been my sight. I have always been so fond of colors, patterns, and images and could not image functioning without use of my outer  eyes or third eye. I am definitely a visual learner and will forget names, but never a face! As my readers know, art is therapy for me and it never lets me down. Like C said in her post, the thought of becoming blind is simply unthinkable. My eyesight has certainly declined with time, but glasses fill the gap most of the time. I went from having superior vision ( 20/10) to requiring progressive lenses for myopia, astigmatism, and presbyopia. Yet I am grateful that these are usually a  minor inconvenience. I am quite fortunate that I do not need to wear glasses all day, but mostly for reading or walking outside where distances are out of focus.

I have experienced many shifts in sensory acuity over the years. As a child and young adult, my sense of smell was impaired. I could not smell odors and fragrances that others took for granted. When someone suggested I smell a  delicious flower, it was both disappointing and frustrating to notice nothing.  Then one day my sense of smell improved dramatically. Not only can I smell a variety of wonderful fragrances, I am very sensitive to strong and unpleasant ones. It is a mixed blessing, as many seem to be.

My ability to hear has always been sub par, but it never prevented me from enjoying music. Music has always been my companion, especially during the darkest times. It is remarkable how the vibrations offer unlimited healing of body and spirit.  But my left ear was always trouble and a few years ago I developed tinnitus. I was tested and have some hearing loss in the right ear. So sometimes I  struggle to understand when  someone is muttering or has a strong accent. But I have adjusted the best I can.

While it is important to have a sense of touch/sensation , it is not my favorite; particularly when confronted with chronic painful health conditions.  However, I do not take anything for granted and value the pleasure that often accompanies the ability to feel bodily sensations. I would give anything to re-live the tactile sensation of a head bump from Dexter, or the calming warmth of Jasmine sleeping on the back of my legs. Hugging my nieces or petting my cat “babies” are treasured moments that make life rich with meaning.

Like the majority of the challenge writers, I enjoy having access to all of my senses. In fact, I am pleased that I often have access to intuition, clairvoyance, clairsentience, and a few others. But the sense that provides me the most joy is the sense of taste, in the form of food. Interestingly enough, my sense of taste was not important as a young child. I was a very picky eater with not much of an appetite. Breakfast before school each day was half a slice of toast. Exciting, right? But as I matured, I began to develop a sophisticated palate and became a foodie in training.

Enjoying food is more than taking pleasure in consumption of fuel for the body; it is a process that integrates all five senses. Sight, sound, smell, touch, along with taste, can play a role in the gustatory experience.

Here are a few examples:

The sizzle of meat and veggies cooking on the grill.

The crunch of popcorn coinciding with the sharpness of salt and the luxurious feel of creamy butter.

The intoxicating smell of freshly brewed coffee.

The deep burgundy hue of a glass of Merlot.

The neon pink cloud of cotton candy.

The brittle caramelized sugar layer on top of creme brulee.

The silky texture of frozen vanilla custard meeting the decisive crunch of the sugar cone.

The bittersweet taste and unctuous smoothness of dark chocolate mousse.

The comforting aroma of mom’s chicken soup simmering on the stove.

The complex, thick, savory – sweetness of chicken mole.

The vivid, maroon goodness of red velvet cake, complemented by sweet, velvety cream cheese icing.

The crackle of peking duck skin marrying the succulent meat and unami hoisin sauce with the crisp bite of scallions and soft mandarin pancakes. Peking duck is a dish that exemplifies holy matrimony of the delicious kind!

One of my dreams is to be the next Anthony Bourdain so I can incorporate my passion for food, travel, and writing together as a food/travel critic. In the meantime, though, I am happy to share with you my thoughts and feelings on all things yummy here at litebeing chronicles. Thank to all who participated in this challenge either directly or vicariously. I appreciate your patience with me in finishing my own offering. Time kinda got away from me.

Speaking of time, let me wish all of my readers the very best of 2018. Please love your Selves first so that more energy is available to you for all you wish to manifest.  The journey really is within, after all.

Here are some blogs that feature my foodie spirit:

https://litebeing.com/2014/09/15/east-africa-in-west-philly-traversing-time-and-space/

https://litebeing.com/2014/08/18/returning-home-part-v-pendle-hill/

https://litebeing.com/2014/07/07/lucky-litebeing/

https://litebeing.com/2014/05/02/a-day-in-the-flow/

https://litebeing.com/2014/04/18/musings-herstory-poland-ukraine-and-ancestral-mysteries/

https://litebeing.com/2013/06/11/scenes-from-an-indian-restaurant-collisions-of-parallel-time/

https://litebeing.com/2013/06/10/111-global-party/

 

images courtesy of wikipedia.org, public domain

Emotional Rescue ~ Gratitude Rising

I am noticing a liteness of being lately. Could be some lovely transits. Could be the result of my spiritual practices. Could be all or none of the above. Does not matter as I remain grateful. 

You can listen to this while you read: Emotional Rescue

I am grateful to WordPress for making linking so much easier, way cool…

My income tax return arrived about 2 months late. HOWEVER, I was given an extra hundred dollars! Thought it was interest, but apparently I made some mathematical errors. I have been filing my own taxes since I got my first job and dear readers, I have never received extra money from the IRS! It is glorious to temporarily have more than enough money in the bank. Thank you!

After receiving the money, I get iced tea at McDonald’s. I pay for a medium drink and this lollapalooza size iced tea is planted in front of me. “Isn’t this a large?” “Yes, this one is cheaper than the one you ordered.”

Later that day I treat myself to a sushi lunch. I am so grateful for the splendor of beautiful fresh seafood and the ability to treat myself like a queen:

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

There is something stunning about the simplicity of Japanese cuisine that elevates my mood and evokes purity.

By Akira Kamikura (Flickr) [CC BY 2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0)], via Wikimedia Commons

O Toro is the ocean in one bite. Salty, smooth, sweet, unctuousness to the next level. You must experience this for yourself. It is all about the texture. 

Matt Kahn is my hero. I spend many a night listening to his videos right before I fall asleep. I have recently heard that I am not the only one doing so. He whispers sweet nothings to my third eye and heart when my mind ( aka the universe) isn’t watching. His love is palpable and I carry it with me throughout my day. I am so grateful to find someone with a new message and a strong mission of healing our planet.

I wonder if the feeling of monetary abundance will propel me to raise my vibration. I may be oversimplifying this notion here, but I am referring to what happens when you function as someone who feels relieved and more peaceful. Matt speaks often about the magnificence of being a spirit in human form. Being in a body is not an inconvenience or a punishment, but a wonderful opportunity! When I hear him speak, I am so often reminded of my friend and blogger Sarah. Her blog domain is sayyestoeverything. Is this a coincidence? C’mon, if you read my blog even infrequently, you know the answer. What is interesting is that I do not even think she knows his teachings. The blessing here is that when some positive message is reinforced for me, its intensity becomes stronger! So I see Sarah in Matt and Matt in Sarah and that is beautiful.

wikiart.org pub domain

Mars entered Cancer today. I feel less fried and hyped. Having Mars behind your Natal Mars in awkward at best and unsettling at worst. I am excited for my Mars return to arrive and set me on a new action cycle, whee! I have been crying like a baby on steroids and loving each wave of emotion as it arises. Love it or not, Mars in Cancer is my default position and it makes me more me!

The past few days make me consider the theory that the Universe is always conspiring in your favor. There are realities where the IRS gives you extra money and McDonald’s gives you extra iced tea and also slows you down so you can digest new material. I am working on becoming someone who can envision the most ridiculously over-the-top circumstances. I remember watching people being offered jobs while on the interview and thinking that is such crap, until it happened to me! Last year I was offered 2 jobs within about the space of 2 weeks. I did not believe it until it happened. It is time to create outrageously, rather than wait for the Universe to deliver your pizza before you believe in pizza! I am not a fan of belief anyway; I look for confirmation or validation. But faith is another thing entirely. I will be honest here, I have never been much of a faith person either. However, I am coming to the realization that trust is essential to living with a whole heart.

While I bitch and complain sometimes about my dependence on the internet, I am grateful for the ability to communicate with all of you. My mom and I were talking recently and she shared how she really prefers letters and phone calls to email or Facebook. I replied that without the internet it is unlikely that my writing would be available to others. She agreed with me on that point. There are so many facets to the utilization of technology. Do you brag that you no longer watch television, yet you sleep with your smart phone on by your bed? Do you text during dinner? Do you text while driving? Do you withdraw from in-person interaction more and more? Today the Moon in Libra can be a reminder to find some balance.

The thing is, the world we inhabit is spinning faster than ever and the advancement of technology is bombarding our collective psyche beyond its apparent limits. This is where faith and grace come in. There has to be some order. I have given up trying to understand everything, but not on stepping into my birthright of magnificence. We must rescue ourselves. We can choose to assist one another as we evolve and develop. I choose to say yes, with no reservation.

image credits:o toro by Akira Kamikura (Flickr) [CC BY 2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0)], via Wikimedia Commons, large sushi platter by wikipedia.org, public domain, cancer painting by wikiart.org, public domain, header image by " moi " aka  © litebeing chronicles 
By U.S. Department of Agriculture (Hapgood Pond) [CC-BY-2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0)], via Wikimedia Commons

Road to NO-where

I have noticed lately how bored I am with this “recovery”. My pain returned somewhat dramatically today, so the doctor put me back on 2 antibiotics. Good times, not! I am curious to see how long my body will tolerate them. So far, so good, for all of 8 hours.  The pain has already decreased, which leads me to think my infection has returned or I have succumbed to the placebo effect. When I had lyme disease many years ago, it was an extended odyssey into the world of multiple medications, hives, assorted side effects, and old-fashioned misery. Eventually I healed, but my fear of ticks persisted. So tired of fear!

Also, I am quite tired of putting plans aside, especially those that are rare and sacred, like my friend’s recent Quaker Wedding. My friend has waited so very long to find her mate and I could not be there. It would have also been my first Quaker Wedding. I was very excited to witness her joy and bask in the love and light.  She was very gracious about my absence, but that is not the point. The point is I am being forced to narrow the playing field in this game of life. It seems like more and more of my choices are being eliminated and I don’t like it.

Yes, I am venting, but this is not a pity party. I will accept what I cannot change. But in the meantime, I want to go to Longwood Gardens or Pendle Hill or the arboretum. Even a car ride out in the country would suffice. It is so beautiful outside , but my body has other ideas. It wants to rest, and stay close to the bathroom. I recently declared that I would only do what is essential or enjoyable. Sometimes what is enjoyable is also essential. The longings of the soul are what is of one’s essence.  .

When I became lactose intolerant, it was a long and unpleasant journey of experimentation. I eventually learned which foods I could consume and which were off-limits. Today I want to reminisce with you and pay tribute to some favorites I can no longer enjoy:

wikipedia.org public domain

Pepperoni_pizza (1)

Lasagna

Soft_Ice_cream

So long cheesy lasagna, gooey pizza, decadent fettuccine alfredo, and yummy ice cream! It was great while it lasted.. Will these seedy treats be added to the gone- but- not-forgotten list?:

Sesame_Chicken

Bagels-Montreal-REAL

Popcornmaker

Let’s not even consider abandoning pecan pie, or dare I say it, German chocolate cake?

I know I will adapt, and that time moves very slowly when I don’t feel well. Funny though, it has been almost 3 weeks and I can barely remember most of it! I am not happy with the prospect of giving up more and more of what I enjoy. Food is comfort and it is natural to seek comfort. It is part of the human experience, particular when one is in pain. When I was in the hospital, they put my treatment plan on the board in my room. I was not actively consulted, but the plan was accurate and quite amusing. It said Less Pain, More Comfort, and Better Explanation.

Who doesn’t desire less pain (contentment), more comfort ( peace) and adequate understanding ( closure) ? These states of being are basic human needs.  It is all about removing the obstacles to love ( fear) from the equation.

While I continue to juggle antibiotics, dietary restrictions, and other details. let me know which fattening and unhealthy foods are your favorites. You can even include pictures!

While you are considering which culinary delights are to “die-for” ? ( no I have not lost my sense of humor!), please listen to The Talking Heads road to nowhere

Maybe I am ascending after all, if I am no-where and arrived in no-time. I have heard we can ascend without leaving the body, but frankly I might prefer trading up for a newer model. On a more positive note, I am closer to recognizing that there is no reason to rush. At a certain age, I became obsessed with living my life now and putting my ambitions into action. I grasped tightly onto a ” now or never” attitude, as time slipped by drop by drop. I am rethinking this philosophy as I have arrived at the realization that there is nowhere to go. My soul is eternal and I have probably  already experienced most of the things I dream about in this incarnation. I sense my ego was having a field day with this midlife race to complete the bucket list. When in doubt, look to the ego!

Maybe all consciousness is perpetually on the road to no-where. I just hope I can grab one last slice of German chocolate cake and take it to go.

 

header image credit: By U.S. Department of Agriculture (Hapgood Pond) [CC-BY-2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0)], via Wikimedia Commons
other images courtesy of wikipedia.org, public domain