Reclaiming My Day 11/11/19

This autumn was less vibrant, or maybe I missed the foliage at its peak. You see, I was ill for over a month with a “mystery illness”. It came and went and later returned, near my birthday. My birthday was last Wednesday and I took the day off from work excited to see where the day would take me. But when I woke up in pain and so nauseated that I had to vomit, I know I wasn’t going anywhere. The feeling of nausea and the act of vomiting are among the most dreadful experiences to me. The fact that this happened on my birthday pissed me off! Vomiting rarely happens to me as an adult and the fact it happened on my day of rebirth was cruel. But, as usual, I adjusted to my circumstances and focused on feeling better. It appears ( not definitively ) that the new probiotics I am taking are making me sick.  After weeks of tests and no answers, I started to improve without treatment. The only change made was the elimination of my supplements, recommended by my GI specialist. At first, I was skeptical but went along anyway. After my test results returned to “normal”, the doctors were no longer interested in figuring out a diagnosis. So a few days later I went back on the probiotics and the symptoms returned. So I stopped taking them again and am also noticing a lessening of symptoms. How could this product that I considered life-saving be the culprit? Could it be a bad batch or some other reason? I don’t know.

I began leasing a car about 3 years ago, just a couple weeks before my birthday. So it was time to trade in Kokoa for a newer model. Say hello to Azia! I named her after the lovely blue color that reminds me of the astral. From astral I came up with Azia.  I chose this particular model because it is a very quiet ride. I revel in quiet these days, not to mention, standard features include a sunroof and heated seats! While not much brings me joy anymore, I hoped a new car would help because I really dig cars. I also like the free trial of Sirius Radio but really miss not having a CD player. So much has become obsolete in these “modern times. ”

Please enjoy this song that also helped inspire Azia’s name:

The past few days have been exhausting and liberating, all leading up to a new start for me. I took two risks, one planned and one rather spontaneous. At a book club with my Social Work group, I disclosed something very private. I barely gave it a minute of contemplation. Someone in the group shared a personal story and I was moved. I decided to be authentic and see what happens. It was a chance to be more vulnerable, but there was more to it. Later I realized that I was challenging some of the older LCSWs on how non-judgmental and inclusive they really are. Behind the political correctness and blind obedience to ethics, I wondered ” Will they walk their talk? ” It turns out that I still know how to shut up a room! It is disheartening to see that I still feel superior or above the established groups I belong to, but not ( hopefully) in a narcissistic way. People are people and most I encounter have little consciousness. Part of me already knew I might be rejected, but I was feeling rejected in other sectors of my life anyway.

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The second risk I took happened yesterday. I fired my clinical supervisor, this judgmental, rigid, mean woman who I have paid to provide me with supervision to prepare me for a higher level of licensure. I have worked with her off and one since 2017, the second of three people I have hired to walk me through this minefield. She has misled me about many things and I let them go. She does not respect my wishes, she is petty, and sometimes passive-aggressive. She will not be accountable for any mistakes she makes and has threatened to end our association a few times. She is unpredictable and often remembers events very differently from my recollections. I kept this going because of fear I would not find someone else affordable, nearby, and able to meet me outside of my work schedule. But after a few sleepless nights, I decided enough was enough. I did not have the courage to confront her directly but I left a detailed voicemail on her phone. I was also afraid she would sabotage my LCSW application if I stayed with her. I wonder why I keep attracting these cold women into my life after so much therapy and other forms of inner work. Maybe so that I can continue to take better care of me? I have not found a new replacement, but I am glad I let her go. So many people abuse their power and do not question how they handle their responsibilities. I hope I will choose better next time.

So what about my blog title? When will I write about 11-11? Patience is a virtue, right? I decided I would take back my birthday this weekend if I felt up to it. I enjoy time alone to travel somewhere and indulge in activities that bring me pleasure and/or peace. Today I felt well enough to drive to South Street and visit a new find and an old haunt. Dishes that feature fall flavors are among my favorites and I planned on going somewhere for Oktoberfest. That did not happen so today I discovered the very popular Brauhaus Schmitz.

Doesn’t that look good? It is schnitzel with mushroom sauce, cabbage, and spaetzle. I could not finish it all, but it was delicious. The cabbage was amazing, so yummy with the mushroom sauce. Authenticity matters to me, in cuisine and in people!

A few blocks away is The Garland of Letters, a bookstore that opened in 1972, way before my college days when South St was one of my typical hangouts. It is reassuring that it still remains in its original location, featuring all the spiritual books and gifts anyone could wish for.

This is my little present to me from me, a cool book about chakras that I just had to have. I wanted something I could take back home with me to carry on the 11-11 energy. Going downtown did shift my awareness and increase my vibration. I felt it rather quickly. Synchs were happening with regularity and my mood brightened. I was also delighted to notice that fall foliage was rather abundant in Center City. I took a few shots from my car ( while the vehicle was stopped).

I am aware that today’s blog could have been spread over several posts, but I see it as a complete story. Existence can be dark and hopeless and full of pain, regrets, and lost opportunities until the opposite emerges. Birthdays or solar returns, whichever you prefer, is a time of reflection for me. This was not a stellar year in many respects, months of illness, much upheaval, disappointment, and displacement. Yet, chakra bibles, trees bursting with color, and liberation can manifest, sometimes when hope is lost and letting go is the only choice that works. So I chose a new birthday this year and hope the memories I made will reverberate throughout the next solar cycle.

HAPPY 11 – 11 TO YOU!

16 thoughts on “Reclaiming My Day 11/11/19

  1. A happy belated birthday to you Linda… And looks like you treated yourself in several ways.. Love the new rental car and the Chakra Bible What a beautiful gift to yourself..
    It also sounds like you are finding a new assertiveness in finding the courage to dispense of those whose services you no longer require or have out grown..
    I am certain all will work out perfectly.. And any future choice will be in alignment with your needs..
    Sorry to hear you have been unwell again Linda.. and hope it was just the probotics..
    I know some nasty viruses have been causing problems this side of the ocean too..
    A few weeks ago my Granddaughter was taken into hospital with stomach problems, and became badly dehydrated with very high temperature.. She scared us all..
    But after a few days she was healing well, though tests didn’t say either what it was other than they also detected a urine infection due to dehydration mainly I think..

    I must apologise I haven’t had time to write that email…
    I have had to force myself on line these days and today I am in WP and so enjoyed your long post and update..

    I hope Autumn is kind, here its very wet, and we still have flood alerts in place.. But thankfully we have sun shining today and forecast sunny for tomorrow, so two days of dry before more rain heads our way again..

    Sending love your way Linda.. And take care of you my friend ❤
    Sue ❤

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Hi Sue,
      I enjoyed reading your wonderful comments. I was feeling rather sorry for myself as I virtually missed most of the autumn season, but continue to attempt to connect with Spirit. I worked very diligently to find a way to celebrate we during a time of sustained illness, loneliness and dealing with toxic people and situations.

      I understand the pull you feel to spend more time offline but hope you will eventually write me an email as discussed. I look forward to connecting with you privately 🙂 Today is sunny and a bit warmer which I prefer. Less daylight I find unpleasant as I work long hours and miss daylight. However, we all need to accept what is and find joy where we can.

      blessings, Linda

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Dear Linda, thank you, happy your weather was a bit warmer.. Wish ours were a bit dryer, still rain and more rain here..
        That email was sent a couple of minutes ago my friend to your email you list with your WordPress Account.. So look out for it… Its entitled Tuning Out to Tune In from Sue🙏
        Sending loads of love from this grey wet day.. Hope the sun shines upon you ❤ Love and Blessings Sue 💕🙏

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Lots of love to you, Linda and I am happy you are feeling better. A lot of resonated with me in your writing, not the least being Spätzli (that is how the Swiss call them), which I adore😊They are very common here. I was moved by your “cold woman” issues. I had a very similar situation in July – it was challenging to say the least. I shudder when I remember how she made me feel.I connected it with the current Capricorn pile-up opposing my Saturn in Cancer.

    I like the colour of your car, but between you and me – I don’t dig car, don’t have one and don’t want one. I realize you cannot do without them in the US

    Hugs

    Monika

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Monika,
      I do like Spaetzle but it is not served many places near me. I loved the hot chocolate in Lugano Switzerland, thick and not like the American version.

      This woman acted like a witch and was so unconscious, not sure how this stacks up in my chart, nothing stands out currently. Sorry you also had to endure such cruelty. Some people have undiagnosed personality disorders that go undetected.

      Glad you like my car color choice but surprised to hear a Gemini doesn’t drive, lol! My moon adores cars 🙂

      love, Linda

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Happy B-Day – a few days late (both for me wishing and you feeling like celebrating…) – A. I think it’s sad you must pay someone to mentor you through your certificate/licensing levels – sigh – isn’t there a kind of industry mentorship available? I realize it may not fit in with your industry/field, but I count on the retired folks who ‘give back’ in so many fields, with so many different industry experience through S.C.O.R.E. – no matter what I’m wanting guidance on in legal, accounting, business set-up, checking regulations for an industry I’m doing a website for, there just always seems to be a mentor with experience in what I’m looking for guidance on, in the industry I’m asking for – here’s the nationwide website – in case it is of use to you: https://www.score.org/# – even on times when I had questions that were outside their scope, whomever I was teamed up with, got me in touch with someone who could help – sometimes folks still working in field/research, etc. B. RE: supplements – my tummy was ripped up quite a fright and I discovered it’s the vegetarian capsules my purchased enzymes were housed in – I took them for a while during deep stress at work, for blood pressure, after having not had to take them for years – something changed in the capsule formula – for the powder, emptied out and taken wiht water worked fine – just sharing my findings – – anyhoo – good for you for getting out and celebrating your own way, happy b-day and ttyl! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks for your well wishes and two or three cents! Mentors come with a price in my profession, all part of the State scam to raise revenue off the backs of underpaid helping professionals! I really appreciate your tale about the enzymes, giving validity to my theory that my supplements are causing my grief. As more days go by without taking them and my symptoms continue to dissipate, I am angrier by the minute that something I thought would improve my immune system could cause so much suffering. take care Tamrah Jo 😉

      Liked by 1 person

  4. happy belated birthday linda! i’m glad you’re feeling better coming off the probiotics. it’s no fun when you can’t understand why you’re not feeling well. i hope that you continue to feel improvement. congratulations on your beautiful cosmic car ❤ sounds like you're making some empowered choices. lots of love to you and a big hug!

    Like

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