My Best Friend For Life

litebeing chronicles 2013

UPDATE 2018: It will be three years since Dexter passed on July 12th, 5 days from now. While I occasionally consider adopting again, I always find reasons to decline. My finances are unstable, or my health is unstable, or I want to travel, etc. The real truth is I am not ready yet. Like so many things, I won’t know until I know.

I spent some time around many cats while at a BBQ for the 4th of July. I clearly enjoyed their company and it appeared the feeling was mutual. For now, I will savor the time I have around felines however they find me. I continue to relish the love Dexter brought to me. He was a heart chakra activator extraordinaire.

Enjoy this post from 2015 ( below the 2016 update).

 

UPDATE 2016: July 12th will mark the one year anniversary of Dexter’s passing. Tomorrow will be more poignant for me because he passed on a Sunday. I am beginning to receive signs, some of which are rather bold, that is time to seriously explore adopting a new cat. While I will consider this guidance carefully, a part of me is still not quite ready. Dexter made me better, and I do not know if another soul can bring out the best that is left inside my soul.

Here is an old post written a week after Dex’s passing. It is heartfelt and chock full of excellent resources. Please send me some light tomorrow and show your loved ones how much they mean to you. It is everything.

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It has been incredibly challenging to simply survive this week. One week ago today, my beloved Dexter transitioned to another realm. So far this is a realm I cannot reach. I sincerely thank everyone here for their love and support. My longtime readers know that this year has not been an easy one. Your unwavering loyalty is priceless.

While writing is both my joy and my solace, words have not come easily to me lately. My pain is too great and my motivation too meager. Yet I do have a message to convey and I will attempt to do so to the best of my ability.

The week that Dexter died was a very busy one. While I know the word busy is relative, for me the increase in activity was substantial. Tuesday was the dentist, Wednesday and Thursday Caryn visited me, and Friday I took my car to the shop. Saturday, my last full day with Dexter was a blur, except for posting about master/students late at night. Sunday, of course, was my own private circle of hell. I wish I could remember more of my final day at home with Dexter, but I don’t. Unfortunately the details of last Sunday seem to be on a rotating loop inside my heart.

But I want to go back to earlier in the week to share some resources that have helped me and may help others who “stumble” upon my blog. Caryn and I have not been together in Philly since the 1990s. We did hang out last fall in NY after reconnecting on FB. I plan to blog about what brought me to NY, but that draft is not ready for completion. Caryn and I were so so busy: special Impressionist exhibition at the Philadelphia Museum of Art, movie night at an old lovely theater, 2 incredible meals ( one was Indian since we both adore it!) and a mini road trip to Longwood Gardens. Our 2 days were go go go and rather frenetic. The weather was horrible both days and my patience often wore thin. Yet grace did surround us in many ways: a deer crossing on a road where this “never” happens; a “random” encounter with a waiter that was filled with synchronicity, a gratis fruit platter that was a work of art in itself and discounts off our bill; and  the sheer joy of watching Caryn frolicking at Longwood for the very first time. The waterlilies  I am sharing were a highlight of this particular visit for me. They were not in bloom during my last two trips.

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Another source of peace was Matt Kahn. On Wednesday Caryn and I spoke about relationships and the nature of connections. That very evening I come home to notice a brand new video by Matt on soul mates and twin flames. In it he mentions, among many other things, that for some a soul mate may be their pet. This idea prompted me to refer to Dexter as my soul mate on my latest post. Matt refers to a soul mate as a balancing counterpart with little drama or intensity, but great love. While I do not agree with every point made, I find Matt’s take on the different type of soul connections to be fascinating and quite revelatory. This information is especially relevant in regards to next week’s Venus retrograde event.  I offer his video here:

 

Now I want to share some resources that have softened the loss by providing a rare understanding of my bond with my cats ( and most animals and inhabitants of the natural world) and some insight into the grieving process.

They are both courtesy of  Caryn and Karin, “the Carings” in my life. Caryn provided me with this link that really spoke to me. I am very picky about these grief expert offerings, perhaps because I provide these services in my work, or because I am quite discerning. In any case, this article was profoundly insightful. For those who may not understand the connection between human and animal, please take a look and your impressions may shift.

http://www.anaflora.com/grieving/beloved/beloved.html

I especially like both these passages:

The love of an animal permits us to unfold, to open up, drop our defenses and to be naked, not only physically but psychologically and spiritually as well. With an animal we let ourselves be seen instead of hiding behind our personalities, our cultures, our jobs, our clothing or our makeup. They know us as no one else does, in our private joys, angry rages, deepest despair, in sickness and in health. All the while their calm steady presence companions us with an unwavering love like few others on this earth. Our animal companions see through us to the very soul of our soul, encouraging the unfolding of a sacred trust. If there is such a thing as a soul mate, then surely this is it.

Many people have never been blessed with, or felt for themselves, the true love of an animal. They are incapable of understanding that your love for an animal may surpass your love for the humans that are the closest to you. It is a different bond, in a way, more profound; something only the heart understands. What I have learned over the years, as a student of grief and a student of many spiritual traditions, is that no guru, guide, master or friend no matter how enlightened can comfort the heart that believes it has lost what it holds most dear. Whether grieving ourselves, or consoling a grieving friend, often the most useful thing we can do is to simply tell our story. For in the story of our own journey through the gates of grief, or in bearing witness to the grief of another, we can at least legitimize the experience and make it “Sacred.”

Karin turned me on to this excellent video with medium Danielle MacKinnon that was posted just a few days ago. While I do hold some skepticism regarding animal communicators, Danielle is someone who naturally conveys authenticity and warmth. Please check it out if you are called to explore this topic further. What really struck me most was the question posed near the end of the interview.:

 Animals choose to pass at a particular time.  Ask yourself : What was it about this time that has meaning for you?

Here is the link for the video: https://wingingwithwhitehawk.wordpress.com/2015/07/16/pets-in-the-afterlife/

Finally I want to share some closing thoughts. It is so ironic that I have been so successful as a grief counselor. So very many clients over the years suffered unimaginable trauma and loss. I seem to be rather effective at facilitating healing for those in pain and was quite driven to focus on this area of therapy. Personally though, I suck at loss and death. I do not judge how I grieve, so please do not misconstrue my meaning. I just do not like to let go. I do not detach easily, especially if the bond was deep. Losing my first cat brought me to the brink of depression from which I doubted I would ever recover. Yet I did recover and I will recover from this loss. But this journey has just begun…

Let me conclude with a song that helps express the enormity of my love for Dexter. When I call him my best friend and soul mate, I am not exaggerating. It does not mean I do not love or have not loved other human beings deeply.

Dexter

It’s just different.


For a tribute to Dexter circa 2013ish, please visit OM’s site here.

J2P: Clear ancestral fear, clear current fear?

I keep returning to Leigh’s blog and feel led to share it here. Energetic healing is complex and simple simultaneously. The processes can take care of the complexities while we learn to better love ourSelves. ❤

Not Just Sassy on the Inside

As my regular readers know, I’m big on clearing issues and have been quite fascinated about ancestral fears and beliefs and how they pass down.  So a chunk of the time I’ve been spending on Steve Nobel’s many meditations has been spent on various ones focused on clearing ancestral lines of fear and negativity.

Such guided meditations are always intriguing to me as I rarely can point to a tangible provable outcome in the world and say it resulted from meditating.  But doing these many clearings has certainly had my energy shifting and buzzing and left me feeling often unbalanced and…  odd.

Yesterday I decided to dust off an old meditation I was taught 30+ years ago by the transpersonal psychologist who introduced me to all this “spiritual stuff”.  In this one you follow a specific path to reach a council of guides and then ask questions.

One of the…

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Why Do We Die?

Last night I discovered that a favorite rehab patient died at the age of 25. While I don’t know the details, I am assuming heroin and/or suicide were involved. He was addicted to heroin and cocaine, in addition to other substances and had many deep wounds. He was quite multi-talented and was sweet. He was also bright as a whip and quite charming. I could go on about him, but it is not necessary.

After a night of restless sleep I login to Facebook and find a video from a dear friend. She did not know about this  development. It is incredible, so please watch now with an open heart.

blessings, litebeing

 

Art is My Medicine ~ We Need a Rainbow Edition

At last I hear the birds singing once more, Pisces is back in town.

While it has been a very long time since I wrote any original material, you all have been on my mind. I have made a commitment to write up some reviews for an amazing film and book that I want to share with you. I hold great enthusiasm for both projects and need to devote the time they deserve to give them their proper due. I also want to express my take on identity and how it continually morphs as I grow. Bottom line: I want to share my life with you!

But lately it consists of a very busy schedule: a demanding ( in a good way) job, weekly chiro and massage appointments, weekly LSCW supervision, and sometimes, sleep.

So for now I will introduce my latest installment of the Art is My Medicine series. As we navigate more extreme weather, school shootings, and post-eclipse reverberations, the image of a rainbow came to mind. Rainbows inspire awe, enchantment, and joy. What better way to heal the soul.

Wishing you comfort and birdsongs,

litebeing

wikiart.org, public domain

images courtesy of wikiart.org, public domain

In Plein Air

Last week I went to In Plein Air again and threw out my back. Go figure! As I contemplate John Mayer’s role in the Grateful Dead 2.0 version, I am reminded how much his song Daughters resonates for me. This is for all the fathers and children ( and adult children). Happy Father’s Day! PS I will be back soon with new content, please be patient 🙂

litebeing chronicles

Is it just me or is time racing by with a vengeance? We have a second Sag full moon, the Summer Solstice in the Northern Hemisphere ( Happy Winter to our friends in the Southern Hemisphere) and Father’s day, all within 24 hours or less of one another.

This brings up plenty of stuff for me. Beginnings and endings, light and dark, knowledge and wisdom, fathers and daughters, presence and uncertainty.

Let’s begin with a touch of grace. Last Sunday I decided to have a brief stroll down Germantown Avenue to take in the Plein Air competition. Plein air is associated with the open air painting style found in French Impressionism. I live very close to the Garden district but rarely feel drawn to aimlessly wander up and down the avenue. But this event has a Parisian feel to it, so I figured why not?

After a healthy lunch, I…

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Colonodyssey~WTF?

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Intuitive drawing of my colon circa 2016

Is the third time a charm? I have safely emerged from hospitalization number three for diverticulitis. I went to the ER Sunday afternoon  May 14th and returned home on Tuesday May 16th. This past Thursday evening I felt worse and on Friday I had relentless chills and a feeling I was relapsing. I am back on antibiotics and my doctor is concerned about my recovery. I guess it is just as well that I never completed the Colonodyssey wrap-up post. Clearly this saga continues.

I have no great insights or epiphanies to report. I briefly looked for astrological transits and did not notice anything major. However, when I consider the solar house approach , where you place your Sun sign as the Ascendant  and use the whole sign house system, I shifted my perspective. I typically do not use this approach but it resonates for me strongly now. Placing my Scorpio sun as the Ascendant would give me an Aries 6th house of health and service. Uranus has been transiting there since 2010, which is when my health issues began to increase in frequency and intensity. I have been more focused on Uranus transiting my 2nd house of money and values in my traditional chart to consider this alternate system. But when Michael Lutin talks, I listen. He is a big fan of solar houses and when I read his site for Scorpio forecasts, he highlights health issues lately.

The whole house system ends where each sign ends so I have only until May 2018 to see a shift. At that point Uranus moves into my solar 7th house ( but remains in traditional 2nd house). The astrologers who read this will get it. For everyone else, here is the takeaway: There are always alternative explanations for any event or experience. As Matt Kahn says, each being is existing in its own unique reality or dimension where all is based on a range of frequencies. So wish as I might, to analyze everything to death, fugetaboutit.

I have been reading more about how to approach chronic and acute dis-ease in a more balanced way. I do resent that I have little control. I was planning a trip for my vacation week but stayed home due to medical and financial obstacles. On top of it all, my LCSW supervisor just informed me that she is ending our supervision later this month because of changes with her private practice. I am really beginning to question many of the recent decisions I have made lately. Little seems to stick in this reality that I am living in. Perhaps this is how it needs to be, but I find it frustrating.

I run a grief and loss group and I stress the importance of accepting and embracing change, letting in opportunities for growth and evolution. Sometimes I wonder if I am having this group so I can learn more myself. We do teach what we need to learn. I was watching Super Soul Sunday and the guest was saying how she encourages people to think about what is working, rather than what is going wrong. I use that technique in my group and thought it was my original idea, ha!

While I could complain about all that has happened the last few months ( years, decades), I rather be grateful for what remains after the dust settles. I keep learning more about myself and my attitudes and perceptions. I find joy in the small things. I can keep writing….

Namaste and thanks for your continued interest in my writing.

Art is my Medicine ~ Gemini New Moon Edition

Yesterday’s Gemini New Moon fell on my IC, the soul point. It also squares my Pluto in the 7th house of relationships. Pluto is currently transiting my 12th house of undoing, unconsciousness, and shadow ( among other things). Needless to say, I am in a contemplative state of being.

While I am working on a new post about my most recent hospital stay, I offer up some photos I took about 3 weeks ago at the Woodmere Art Museum. This small space serves as a local treasure for my community.

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I pray for peace within and without and am learning to accept what is.

For new readers and others interested in the state of my colon, here are the links for the colonodyssey posts:

https://litebeing.com/2016/02/17/colonodyssey-part-1/

https://litebeing.com/2016/03/17/colonodyssey-part-2/

 

See ya again soon.

Namaste, litebeing

Art is My Medicine ~ Pre Libra Full Moon Post Mercury Retrograde Edition

Hey litebeings!

As I continue to struggle to process a myriad of emotions within me during a difficult challenge, I yearn to express myself in words. I have done some journaling and have found it cathartic. I also meditated today with the new Oprah/Deepak Chopra series entitled Hope in Uncertain Times. As we integrate this powerful full moon and begin yet another Mercury retrograde cycle, self-care is more essential than ever. While this is a good start, I am too overwhelmed to create a coherent blog today.

But that does not mean I cannot share some art therapy that is guaranteed to lift spirits and lighten one’s burdens. My inspiration today came via a painting that appeared in my Facebook news feed. I invite you to take in the magic of Odilon Redon. I have featured his work here a few times before and the more I discover, the more joy inhabits my being. Let’s honor Libra’s ruler Venus with boundless beauty.

Enjoy the view :

all Odilon Redon via wikiart.org public domain

Wishing you a spectacular Libra Full Moon!

image credits ~ wikiart.org, public domain

Just a Bad Day, 12th house Woes

OMG I have to re-blog. I was meeting today with my spiritual director and thinking about the Sun ( and now Pluto ) transiting my 12th house. Then I went to a restaurant for lunch and two songs that were playing got my attention, Closing Time and Bad Day. I knew they were relevant. I remembered using Bad Day as a blog title. So a few hours later I am perusing my 12 house posts and this comes up! Hopefully this message will be helpful, especially to those who dread the US inauguration.

litebeing chronicles

I am not complaining, I promise.

Just wanting to be real in the moment. Ever have a day that seems to be off course from the minute you leave your bed to the minute you crawl back in? Yup, that’s today and it is happening to me. Despair and darkness surround me and even with the heat cranked up to the highest setting, it is utterly freezing! It is so 12th House today.

I am writing just to express my condition. My prayers appear unanswered but I am not certain. I keep feeling my feelings and reminding myself that I am being prepared for something beyond my imagination. I just don’t see anything beyond the chill in my bones and the bleak dark night.

Love is everywhere and I am aware of love’s inherent triumph. I just feel empty and powerless and unreachable. My ego is in hog heaven, lapping…

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The Starman at 70 ~ Happy Forever David Bowie

David Bowie, had he lived, would have spent 70 years on Earth as of today. 70 reduces to 7, a sign of mysticism and Christ Consciousness, associated with the planet Neptune. While Bowie had elements of all the collective energies in his chart, Neptune is certainly well-presented. Artistry, musicality, acting, illusion, drugs, mystery, chameleon, shape-shifter, fashion, glamour, fluid identity, all very Neptune.

Rather than rehash what I have recently written, I rather provide links to various posts that include him in some way. You can choose which posts seem appealing and then discover how Bowie fits in.

My favorite Bowie album, Hunky Dory was a response to the transition to adulthood and becoming a father. It is about growth and maturity. In our society, 70 is considered a milestone and definitely elderly. With Capricorn natives , there is this age-reversal phenomenon a la Benjamin Button ; they get younger and freer over time. I think David would have appreciated that idea and hopefully embraced it.

https://litebeing.com/2016/11/18/sludge-party-neptune-direct/

https://litebeing.com/2016/02/27/a-selection-of-true-awakening-experiences-part-ii-litebeing-rising/

https://litebeing.com/2016/01/18/fill-your-heart/

https://litebeing.com/2016/01/17/timeless-tunes-updated-2/

https://litebeing.com/2016/01/16/share-my-world-2016-edition/

https://litebeing.com/2016/01/11/3-years-in-the-making/

https://litebeing.com/2015/06/09/moon-in-pisces-kinda-mood/

https://litebeing.com/2013/06/30/musing-we-can-be-heroes-just-for-one-day/

I just found out via google that an old lover Paul has died. He was only 55 years old and I am guessing drugs were involved. We were seeing each other when I was in my late teens and I have not heard from him in eons, but he had been on my mind lately. Watching a show today on Iggy Pop reminded me that we had seen him once in concert. That memory prompted me to google him. Iggy Pop and David Bowie were very close. Iggy said that David resurrected him.  Paul loved all kinds of music and that is one thing we shared in common. I think music kinda resurrected Paul, offering healing and magic. I know it has that effect on me.

I will dedicate this song to Paul and in memory of Bowie ( born David Jones). We met in 1978 when Heroes came out. I recall that Paul liked this tune and I think he would approve.