Tree House Refuge

I knew upon seeing this sign that it would be prominently placed in a future post. We are always one, whether we like it or acknowledge it. It just is. This entry is a follow up to my post in February about the treasures unleashed at a recent consult with my Spiritual Director. It took me a few months but I finally made it over to Morris Arboretum to revisit their TreeHouse exhibit. I picked a day that turned out to be warmer than expected and the place was packed with families and their young children. As an introvert, my pursuit of peace was not found during this trip. Yet, the TreeHouse was lovely and the Rose Garden was in full bloom. And then I discovered the Garden Railway was back “on track.” Sorry, I had to go there!

While this excursion ( only about 10 minutes from home) was neither mystical or freeing, the photos I took are lovely and the signage about Interconnection was not lost on me. Here are a few shots from the Arboretum:

The sky was so vibrantly blue and I had seen so much of the place with fresh eyes. But it was almost closing time and I was feeling oddly dehydrated so my exploration was put on hold for another time.

You see, the day before my visit was very intensely emotional for me and I felt quite depleted.  Sadly, the  ” Treehouse refuge ” I was seeking still remains elusive. I still have much to process as my recent homecoming was certainly not idyllic. I am in no hurry though. I have learned not to rush the process. My spirit does feel some comfort though from my snapshots of nature on this ordinary Spring afternoon. I hope you find them comforting as well.

 

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A House is Not a Home

Thanks to the magic of Google maps, I do not have to take a new image to show my childhood home. I lived here from the end of 6th grade through junior year of college. The house was white with light blue trim originally but my parents decided on a chocolate brown upgrade.

I recently learned that my mother sold our house to move into an older adult apartment community, aka retirement place where people go to die community. I know this is strong language, but I am speaking my truth. She has wanted to sell even before my dad died, over 10 years ago. I do not know if I will get the chance to see it in-person one last time before she vacates.

Here’s the thing: I spent most of my childhood in various apartments in four states from birth to age 11. I had 4 homes from 2nd through 6th grade, including going to two different schools in separate states for both 5th and 6th grades. We finally “settled down ” when I was 11 as my parents purchased this modest home in a predominantly affluent housing development. It is the only house I ever lived in, with a yard and separation from neighbors. This meant privacy and less noise ( outside of my family dramas). Why my parents could not wait for the summer to move says way more about how I was parented then anything else. My moon in Gemini in the fourth house would speak to the frequent disruptions, but damn, my dad was not in the military!

This ordinary suburban split level structure was filled with drama, kind of like Game of Thrones, but without the dragons or intriguing character arcs. It contained plenty of power plays, betrayals, and arguments. I would not call it a happy home. But a house is not a home.

I have not as of yet lived in a house as an adult. My homes have all been apartments. While my current home is fine, it is small and a bit crowded with stuff because of insufficient storage space. Maybe this is partly why I am having some difficulty letting my old house go. This is a place, mind you, that I rarely visited once I moved away. I could not wait to get out of there and told myself I would not return. My sister did live there a few years after college, but I did not.

The therapist part of me knows that I still want to ” reclaim my childhood” before letting go of the house. I have done as much inner work as I can on this. When I consider the fond memories, they are overshadowed by darkness, with one exception.

That would be the music.

My mom plays piano well and this gift was passed down from her father who learned by ear. I don’t know how he was exposed to the piano, but he did play in the silent movie theaters, so I am told. The house was warm with emotion when my mom sang and played on many an evening. She lit up completely while playing. I believe she was born to play. She says the piano is going with her to the new place.

Google maps has made it possible for me to move on even if I cannot find time for a visit before the place is packed up or occupied by the new residents. I hope they make it a house filled with love. When or if they have children ( it is a young couple), I pray they figure out how to parent them well, or well enough. Maybe then they won’t all grow up to be therapists and heal others as a way to address their unhealed parts.

I am afraid this post is coming off rather bitter, but this is not my intention. I am still figuring out why I am bothered so much by this event. I can understand why my mother wants to live among people her age and have activities and transportation at her disposal. All I know is that I feel sad and a bit confused.

I am well aware that home is inside me, at the seat of my soul. A house is a structure made up of matter, which is not solid. I don’t remember my family being that messed up until we moved in. Perhaps it had to do with my parents’ entrance into middle age and the state of the marriage. I don’t know.

What I do know is that I will continue living life the best I know how, with faith that I can find joy and peace within. And some sweet music wouldn’t hurt either.

What can Druidry offer in dark times?

This is a fascinating, informational post about druidry that is hopeful and practical. I am excited to know that forestry in my state is healing. I love the idea of focusing on the healed  in the midst of the healing process. This is essential now more than ever.

blessings, litebeing

The Druid's Garden

Things seem broken right now. These last two weeks have been a very hard week for many people. The national conversation here in the USA grows more difficult by the day, and it seems nearly every nation is facing many kinds of serious issues. These challenges are happening concurrently at many levels—internationally, but also in communities we care about, in our families, in our homes. Things are tough. They seem tougher for many of us today than they were yesterday. Many of us fear that they will likely be even tougher tomorrow. This is the reality of industrial decline, the reality of the climate crisis before us.

The questions that I’ve had for myself, and my fellow druids is a simple one: what can druidry offer us in these dark times?

I’ve been thinking about the role of druidry in all of this, this question a lot, not only over…

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Pluto station – purge, clear, forgive, release

Howdy litebeings! Pluto  in Capricorn stations direct this Sunday 9-30-18. This event occurs on the heels of Venus stationing retrograde on 10-5-18 in Pluto ruled Scorpio ( where Jupiter currently resides). The convergence of Saturnian, Jupiterian and Plutonian energies is quite palpable. Just look to the societal dramas as they escalate to a profound cathartic crescendo.

This station is a BIG deal!  Enjoy this reblog that provides some helpful tools and insights, Do the work, I promise to  continue to work alongside of you.

  Namaste, litebeing

Art is My Medicine ~ Blood Moon Eclipse Retro Edition

With this Total Lunar Eclipse impacting my 12th house/6th house axis and most of our solar system operating retro-style, life is in sloooow – mo and the past is showing up for us in original and sometimes jarring ways. So I decided rather than doing an Astrology blog tonight, I am presenting an intuitive art selection and recommending a fabulous healing summit so more of you can catch it before it ends. My inspiration for the art was how to conceptualize the universe through this medium. Let me know your reactions. Did I hit the mark?

Here is some more art by Russian artist Pavel Filonov:

wikiart.org public domain

Now comes the healing:

As someone who has been living with all sorts of anomalous health issues, I have been challenged to dig deeper and learn more about alternative healing methodologies. I was all in with Chiropractic medicine back in the 1980s when it was exotic. Along the way I tried Acupuncture, Massage therapy,  Reiki  , yoga (with limited success) herbs, and nutritional counseling. I even signed up to take Reiki 1 later this summer.

I have found this journey both exasperating and fulfilling. Since I am so verbal and mentally comfortable, bodywork is rather effective for me. What is also interesting is that lately I notice stress shows up more as somatic than emotional or mental in nature.

Many of my readers know I am a big fan of Hay House and have had the opportunity to hear ( and even meet) some of my faves such as John Edward, Anita Moorjani, and Dr. Joe Dispenza. Now Matt Kahn is a Hay House author too, yea!

Anyway, I am currently viewing a different type of Hay House online summit devoted to healing. I cannot explain why, but this particular event is striking all the right notes for me. For the past three days I have been introduced to three different experts who have blown me away, Dr. Kelly Brogan, Joan Borysenko PhD  and Anthony William. While I may have heard these names in passing or glossed over some of their material, these hour-long presentations have been incredibly insightful and fascinating. Some of you may have read my reblog about probiotics and mental illness. Just  a few days later I am watching her presentation, rejoicing in the synchronicity that I have just heard of her here at WP.

Today’s interview with medical intuitive Anthony William was such a delight. My main reason for blogging now is to share the link so you can watch his video for free. That’s how good it is. Go over now by clicking here.

The rulers of my Scorpio sun, Mars and Pluto are both moving retrograde in my 12 house and have been traveling there for some time. This type of energy is powerfully mysterious and can also be disturbing, Isolation, an influx of unconscious material, and confusion can manifest easily under these conditions. But so can miracles, atypical healing, and heightened compassion. Wherever and however these planetary energies impact you, I wish you nothing but healing, miracles, and peaceful awakening.

Blessings on this Eclipse and all-ways, litebeing

images courtesy of wikiart.org public domain

My Best Friend For Life

litebeing chronicles 2013

UPDATE 2018: It will be three years since Dexter passed on July 12th, 5 days from now. While I occasionally consider adopting again, I always find reasons to decline. My finances are unstable, or my health is unstable, or I want to travel, etc. The real truth is I am not ready yet. Like so many things, I won’t know until I know.

I spent some time around many cats while at a BBQ for the 4th of July. I clearly enjoyed their company and it appeared the feeling was mutual. For now, I will savor the time I have around felines however they find me. I continue to relish the love Dexter brought to me. He was a heart chakra activator extraordinaire.

Enjoy this post from 2015 ( below the 2016 update).

 

UPDATE 2016: July 12th will mark the one year anniversary of Dexter’s passing. Tomorrow will be more poignant for me because he passed on a Sunday. I am beginning to receive signs, some of which are rather bold, that is time to seriously explore adopting a new cat. While I will consider this guidance carefully, a part of me is still not quite ready. Dexter made me better, and I do not know if another soul can bring out the best that is left inside my soul.

Here is an old post written a week after Dex’s passing. It is heartfelt and chock full of excellent resources. Please send me some light tomorrow and show your loved ones how much they mean to you. It is everything.

Photo896

It has been incredibly challenging to simply survive this week. One week ago today, my beloved Dexter transitioned to another realm. So far this is a realm I cannot reach. I sincerely thank everyone here for their love and support. My longtime readers know that this year has not been an easy one. Your unwavering loyalty is priceless.

While writing is both my joy and my solace, words have not come easily to me lately. My pain is too great and my motivation too meager. Yet I do have a message to convey and I will attempt to do so to the best of my ability.

The week that Dexter died was a very busy one. While I know the word busy is relative, for me the increase in activity was substantial. Tuesday was the dentist, Wednesday and Thursday Caryn visited me, and Friday I took my car to the shop. Saturday, my last full day with Dexter was a blur, except for posting about master/students late at night. Sunday, of course, was my own private circle of hell. I wish I could remember more of my final day at home with Dexter, but I don’t. Unfortunately the details of last Sunday seem to be on a rotating loop inside my heart.

But I want to go back to earlier in the week to share some resources that have helped me and may help others who “stumble” upon my blog. Caryn and I have not been together in Philly since the 1990s. We did hang out last fall in NY after reconnecting on FB. I plan to blog about what brought me to NY, but that draft is not ready for completion. Caryn and I were so so busy: special Impressionist exhibition at the Philadelphia Museum of Art, movie night at an old lovely theater, 2 incredible meals ( one was Indian since we both adore it!) and a mini road trip to Longwood Gardens. Our 2 days were go go go and rather frenetic. The weather was horrible both days and my patience often wore thin. Yet grace did surround us in many ways: a deer crossing on a road where this “never” happens; a “random” encounter with a waiter that was filled with synchronicity, a gratis fruit platter that was a work of art in itself and discounts off our bill; and  the sheer joy of watching Caryn frolicking at Longwood for the very first time. The waterlilies  I am sharing were a highlight of this particular visit for me. They were not in bloom during my last two trips.

Photo897 (1)

Another source of peace was Matt Kahn. On Wednesday Caryn and I spoke about relationships and the nature of connections. That very evening I come home to notice a brand new video by Matt on soul mates and twin flames. In it he mentions, among many other things, that for some a soul mate may be their pet. This idea prompted me to refer to Dexter as my soul mate on my latest post. Matt refers to a soul mate as a balancing counterpart with little drama or intensity, but great love. While I do not agree with every point made, I find Matt’s take on the different type of soul connections to be fascinating and quite revelatory. This information is especially relevant in regards to next week’s Venus retrograde event.  I offer his video here:

 

Now I want to share some resources that have softened the loss by providing a rare understanding of my bond with my cats ( and most animals and inhabitants of the natural world) and some insight into the grieving process.

They are both courtesy of  Caryn and Karin, “the Carings” in my life. Caryn provided me with this link that really spoke to me. I am very picky about these grief expert offerings, perhaps because I provide these services in my work, or because I am quite discerning. In any case, this article was profoundly insightful. For those who may not understand the connection between human and animal, please take a look and your impressions may shift.

http://www.anaflora.com/grieving/beloved/beloved.html

I especially like both these passages:

The love of an animal permits us to unfold, to open up, drop our defenses and to be naked, not only physically but psychologically and spiritually as well. With an animal we let ourselves be seen instead of hiding behind our personalities, our cultures, our jobs, our clothing or our makeup. They know us as no one else does, in our private joys, angry rages, deepest despair, in sickness and in health. All the while their calm steady presence companions us with an unwavering love like few others on this earth. Our animal companions see through us to the very soul of our soul, encouraging the unfolding of a sacred trust. If there is such a thing as a soul mate, then surely this is it.

Many people have never been blessed with, or felt for themselves, the true love of an animal. They are incapable of understanding that your love for an animal may surpass your love for the humans that are the closest to you. It is a different bond, in a way, more profound; something only the heart understands. What I have learned over the years, as a student of grief and a student of many spiritual traditions, is that no guru, guide, master or friend no matter how enlightened can comfort the heart that believes it has lost what it holds most dear. Whether grieving ourselves, or consoling a grieving friend, often the most useful thing we can do is to simply tell our story. For in the story of our own journey through the gates of grief, or in bearing witness to the grief of another, we can at least legitimize the experience and make it “Sacred.”

Karin turned me on to this excellent video with medium Danielle MacKinnon that was posted just a few days ago. While I do hold some skepticism regarding animal communicators, Danielle is someone who naturally conveys authenticity and warmth. Please check it out if you are called to explore this topic further. What really struck me most was the question posed near the end of the interview.:

 Animals choose to pass at a particular time.  Ask yourself : What was it about this time that has meaning for you?

Here is the link for the video: https://wingingwithwhitehawk.wordpress.com/2015/07/16/pets-in-the-afterlife/

Finally I want to share some closing thoughts. It is so ironic that I have been so successful as a grief counselor. So very many clients over the years suffered unimaginable trauma and loss. I seem to be rather effective at facilitating healing for those in pain and was quite driven to focus on this area of therapy. Personally though, I suck at loss and death. I do not judge how I grieve, so please do not misconstrue my meaning. I just do not like to let go. I do not detach easily, especially if the bond was deep. Losing my first cat brought me to the brink of depression from which I doubted I would ever recover. Yet I did recover and I will recover from this loss. But this journey has just begun…

Let me conclude with a song that helps express the enormity of my love for Dexter. When I call him my best friend and soul mate, I am not exaggerating. It does not mean I do not love or have not loved other human beings deeply.

Dexter

It’s just different.


For a tribute to Dexter circa 2013ish, please visit OM’s site here.

J2P: Clear ancestral fear, clear current fear?

I keep returning to Leigh’s blog and feel led to share it here. Energetic healing is complex and simple simultaneously. The processes can take care of the complexities while we learn to better love ourSelves. ❤

Not Just Sassy on the Inside

As my regular readers know, I’m big on clearing issues and have been quite fascinated about ancestral fears and beliefs and how they pass down.  So a chunk of the time I’ve been spending on Steve Nobel’s many meditations has been spent on various ones focused on clearing ancestral lines of fear and negativity.

Such guided meditations are always intriguing to me as I rarely can point to a tangible provable outcome in the world and say it resulted from meditating.  But doing these many clearings has certainly had my energy shifting and buzzing and left me feeling often unbalanced and…  odd.

Yesterday I decided to dust off an old meditation I was taught 30+ years ago by the transpersonal psychologist who introduced me to all this “spiritual stuff”.  In this one you follow a specific path to reach a council of guides and then ask questions.

One of the…

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Why Do We Die?

Last night I discovered that a favorite rehab patient died at the age of 25. While I don’t know the details, I am assuming heroin and/or suicide were involved. He was addicted to heroin and cocaine, in addition to other substances and had many deep wounds. He was quite multi-talented and was sweet. He was also bright as a whip and quite charming. I could go on about him, but it is not necessary.

After a night of restless sleep I login to Facebook and find a video from a dear friend. She did not know about this  development. It is incredible, so please watch now with an open heart.

blessings, litebeing

 

Art is My Medicine ~ We Need a Rainbow Edition

At last I hear the birds singing once more, Pisces is back in town.

While it has been a very long time since I wrote any original material, you all have been on my mind. I have made a commitment to write up some reviews for an amazing film and book that I want to share with you. I hold great enthusiasm for both projects and need to devote the time they deserve to give them their proper due. I also want to express my take on identity and how it continually morphs as I grow. Bottom line: I want to share my life with you!

But lately it consists of a very busy schedule: a demanding ( in a good way) job, weekly chiro and massage appointments, weekly LSCW supervision, and sometimes, sleep.

So for now I will introduce my latest installment of the Art is My Medicine series. As we navigate more extreme weather, school shootings, and post-eclipse reverberations, the image of a rainbow came to mind. Rainbows inspire awe, enchantment, and joy. What better way to heal the soul.

Wishing you comfort and birdsongs,

litebeing

wikiart.org, public domain

images courtesy of wikiart.org, public domain