Reclaiming My Day 11/11/19

This autumn was less vibrant, or maybe I missed the foliage at its peak. You see, I was ill for over a month with a “mystery illness”. It came and went and later returned, near my birthday. My birthday was last Wednesday and I took the day off from work excited to see where the day would take me. But when I woke up in pain and so nauseated that I had to vomit, I know I wasn’t going anywhere. The feeling of nausea and the act of vomiting are among the most dreadful experiences to me. The fact that this happened on my birthday pissed me off! Vomiting rarely happens to me as an adult and the fact it happened on my day of rebirth was cruel. But, as usual, I adjusted to my circumstances and focused on feeling better. It appears ( not definitively ) that the new probiotics I am taking are making me sick.  After weeks of tests and no answers, I started to improve without treatment. The only change made was the elimination of my supplements, recommended by my GI specialist. At first, I was skeptical but went along anyway. After my test results returned to “normal”, the doctors were no longer interested in figuring out a diagnosis. So a few days later I went back on the probiotics and the symptoms returned. So I stopped taking them again and am also noticing a lessening of symptoms. How could this product that I considered life-saving be the culprit? Could it be a bad batch or some other reason? I don’t know.

I began leasing a car about 3 years ago, just a couple weeks before my birthday. So it was time to trade in Kokoa for a newer model. Say hello to Azia! I named her after the lovely blue color that reminds me of the astral. From astral I came up with Azia.  I chose this particular model because it is a very quiet ride. I revel in quiet these days, not to mention, standard features include a sunroof and heated seats! While not much brings me joy anymore, I hoped a new car would help because I really dig cars. I also like the free trial of Sirius Radio but really miss not having a CD player. So much has become obsolete in these “modern times. ”

Please enjoy this song that also helped inspire Azia’s name:

The past few days have been exhausting and liberating, all leading up to a new start for me. I took two risks, one planned and one rather spontaneous. At a book club with my Social Work group, I disclosed something very private. I barely gave it a minute of contemplation. Someone in the group shared a personal story and I was moved. I decided to be authentic and see what happens. It was a chance to be more vulnerable, but there was more to it. Later I realized that I was challenging some of the older LCSWs on how non-judgmental and inclusive they really are. Behind the political correctness and blind obedience to ethics, I wondered ” Will they walk their talk? ” It turns out that I still know how to shut up a room! It is disheartening to see that I still feel superior or above the established groups I belong to, but not ( hopefully) in a narcissistic way. People are people and most I encounter have little consciousness. Part of me already knew I might be rejected, but I was feeling rejected in other sectors of my life anyway.

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The second risk I took happened yesterday. I fired my clinical supervisor, this judgmental, rigid, mean woman who I have paid to provide me with supervision to prepare me for a higher level of licensure. I have worked with her off and one since 2017, the second of three people I have hired to walk me through this minefield. She has misled me about many things and I let them go. She does not respect my wishes, she is petty, and sometimes passive-aggressive. She will not be accountable for any mistakes she makes and has threatened to end our association a few times. She is unpredictable and often remembers events very differently from my recollections. I kept this going because of fear I would not find someone else affordable, nearby, and able to meet me outside of my work schedule. But after a few sleepless nights, I decided enough was enough. I did not have the courage to confront her directly but I left a detailed voicemail on her phone. I was also afraid she would sabotage my LCSW application if I stayed with her. I wonder why I keep attracting these cold women into my life after so much therapy and other forms of inner work. Maybe so that I can continue to take better care of me? I have not found a new replacement, but I am glad I let her go. So many people abuse their power and do not question how they handle their responsibilities. I hope I will choose better next time.

So what about my blog title? When will I write about 11-11? Patience is a virtue, right? I decided I would take back my birthday this weekend if I felt up to it. I enjoy time alone to travel somewhere and indulge in activities that bring me pleasure and/or peace. Today I felt well enough to drive to South Street and visit a new find and an old haunt. Dishes that feature fall flavors are among my favorites and I planned on going somewhere for Oktoberfest. That did not happen so today I discovered the very popular Brauhaus Schmitz.

Doesn’t that look good? It is schnitzel with mushroom sauce, cabbage, and spaetzle. I could not finish it all, but it was delicious. The cabbage was amazing, so yummy with the mushroom sauce. Authenticity matters to me, in cuisine and in people!

A few blocks away is The Garland of Letters, a bookstore that opened in 1972, way before my college days when South St was one of my typical hangouts. It is reassuring that it still remains in its original location, featuring all the spiritual books and gifts anyone could wish for.

This is my little present to me from me, a cool book about chakras that I just had to have. I wanted something I could take back home with me to carry on the 11-11 energy. Going downtown did shift my awareness and increase my vibration. I felt it rather quickly. Synchs were happening with regularity and my mood brightened. I was also delighted to notice that fall foliage was rather abundant in Center City. I took a few shots from my car ( while the vehicle was stopped).

I am aware that today’s blog could have been spread over several posts, but I see it as a complete story. Existence can be dark and hopeless and full of pain, regrets, and lost opportunities until the opposite emerges. Birthdays or solar returns, whichever you prefer, is a time of reflection for me. This was not a stellar year in many respects, months of illness, much upheaval, disappointment, and displacement. Yet, chakra bibles, trees bursting with color, and liberation can manifest, sometimes when hope is lost and letting go is the only choice that works. So I chose a new birthday this year and hope the memories I made will reverberate throughout the next solar cycle.

HAPPY 11 – 11 TO YOU!

Nature Rocks

Communion with the natural world is how I do mysticism best ( or better at the very least). My heart opens so wide when I connect with cats, birds, light on a leaf, a pink sunset, etc. My experiences the past month or so have been interesting. On several occasions, I have caught a quick glimpse of a creature or two; an intense flash of movement, so easily dismissed and unlikely to register with the typical busy human be-ing.


Driving home a few nights ago, I saw a solitary deer retreat back towards the woods. ( Photos above were taken in March in my backyard). A few days ago I opened my front door to witness about 8 sparrows fly up from the bushes in unison. Last week I spotted a rare for this area black and blue butterfly move around my car. I remember seeing one like it last August as well. We do not get many butterfly varieties in my neck of the woods, so this was a treat. I consciously set an intention for this beauty to fly back to the car. And I waited. A few minutes. And it did not return.

Fast forward to yesterday right before work as I sit on the couch and watch some TV. A black and blue butterfly flies towards the terrace. There are no plants or flowers there so I do not know what the draw was. I watched it dance around the perimeter of the terrace. Then I noticed it take root on the green mat on the terrace floor. It rested there and fluttered its wings. I rushed to take a picture, wondering if it would allow me to snap a shot. It appeared to see me, but stayed on the mat, in a  butterfly “resting pose.” This lovely creature hung out on my terrace for close to an hour. I took a few shots over the course of 30 minutes.

Isn’t she lovely? Looks like my wish was granted from a few days earlier. This truly felt like a blessing from the Divine, as the butterfly held space for me. It reminded me of my grasshopper giventure a few years back. The photography is not award-winning, but it documents our sweet communion.

Sometimes it is the simple moments that give us all we need if we just take the time to remain quiet and open.

How has your week been?

I Applied to 200 Jobs and All I Got Was This Moderate-Severe Depression

Hey litebeings, I wondered onto Discover and landed on this insightful moving essay by the ubertalented ( not the taxi service uber) Athena. While this reblog might be off brand for litebeing chronicles, I was so drawn to it as someone who has endured so much suffering via unemployment and the job searches from Hell. Although I am certainly not a Millenial, Athena’s desire to be her authentic self and not be homeless while waiting tugs at my heartstrings. My desire is for some of my readers to reblog her post and help her get closer to finding the career that is waiting for her somewhere. ❤

Bertha Mason's Attic

“And when everything else is gone, you can be rich in loss.”

– Rebecca Solnit, A Field Guide to Getting Lost

About Me, Your Friendly Neighborhood Millennial:

I was your garden-variety smart kid, shuffled through GATE programs of every type from kindergarten onward. In sixth grade, I left the classroom in the afternoons to study Latin roots with our school’s principal for the spelling bee circuit. As you can probably imagine, I was bullied a lot (Apparently, no one likes a first-grader who says “in addition to” instead of “and.”). I went to a competitive high school near Silicon Valley, where– with my AP courses– I had a 4.0 cumulative GPA, but was not in the top 10% of my class.

After getting summarily rejected from the Ivies, I went to a small university in Oregon, where I worked harder than I thought possible to graduate a year early with…

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This New Now

Welcome to the new now! We are in the thick of eclipse season, having just digested a partial solar eclipse on 7-12-18 at 20 degrees Cancer. If you are interested in a great article on this lunation, check out this link to Mike Lutin’s siteIt packs quite a wallop and is way more sophisticated than most astrologers’ musings. The degree point is 20 degrees Cancer opposing transiting Pluto. All you have to do is go online or , dare I say it, read a newspaper and you will see Pluto in Cap, doing its dismantling thing.

In my chart, this eclipse hits my natal Mars in the 6th house of health, small pets, work, and daily routine.  Mars is about our force, drive, volition, and desire.The 6th house is traditionally ruled by Mercury, which is associated with communication. Cancer rules emotions, roots, stomach region, food, family, soul, mother, and country. I can illustrate how this played out in short order. I went to a barbecue with friends, which was a last minute decision. I was happy once I arrived at my friend’s house as he is a cat person, and there was plenty of feline energy. Another friend met us there and we drove out to the country. It was a very hot day, but it felt good to be among ( astrologer) friends and do something conventional for a change. So we arrived at the party and it is a lovely home, loaded with more kitties. I was so happy to be immersed in this pleasant atmosphere. The conversation and food were good and I met some new people. We spent some time surveying the extensive grounds and I tried to avoid the sun because it felt draining to me.

The next day I discovered an odd rash on my upper body and called the doctor when I began running a fever. I was advised to take Benadryl and not to worry. I took the lowest dose and then felt worse so I went to urgent care because my doctor was not in the office. They basically laughed at me, after  I paid a steep co-pay, and said I was fine. The doctor refused to run any tests. Then my colon began acting up and I was in pain. I could not sleep well and was concerned. So I went to see my doctor’s alternate on Friday. She ran tests and gave me  a script for antibiotics.  I started taking them and slowly the pain receded and my temp returned close to baseline. Upon arriving home I receive an email stating I was not chosen for the Director of Grief services job. This news really stung.

My doctor said all the tests were okay except for the inflammation marker , which was off the charts. He was not sure what triggered it, but said to stay the course and keep him posted. He actually called me on Sunday. I have the nicest doctor on this planet in my opinion. We do not always agree on treatment, but he is caring, patient, kind, and dependable.

The rash seems to be better, but I am avoiding the sun a bit longer. The day of the actual eclipse triggered a crash of my Word program on my laptop, most likely caused by the latest Windows update. I spent the actual lunation on the phone with the tech in the Philippines as she re-installed the program.

Findings: Here are some keywords for this time period – cats ( small animals), rash, inflammation, stomach, job rejection, barbecue, Word program, computer update, computer tech using remote technology. See how these keywords capture the symbolism of Mars, Cancer and the 6th house? Honestly, I was not expecting another colonodyssey, but fortunately I caught it in time.

I was very excited because a rare transit was to being for me on the Fourth of July: Uranus trine Jupiter. It is really an astounding aspect, signalling unexpected fortune! But I ended up with illness and a job rejection! This is a case where a more impactful astro event can “eclipse” another event! I am still looking for miracles, especially as Jupiter moves forward to approach my sun in the weeks ahead. As the new moon in my 6th house can signal a new job, I am gearing up for a fresh approach, steeped in meditation, mindfulness, and connecting positive thoughts to joyful emotion. This law of attraction practice is endorsed by Wayne Dyer, Dr. Joe Dispenza, Esther Hicks, and many others.

They may package the material differently, but it still boils down to this ” Neurons that fire together wire together! – Donald Hebb.

So my plan is to continue to feel my feelings, embrace gratitude practice, employ the law of attraction, all while staying in the body in the matrix-reality dreamscape we call 3D living. I do think that I am approaching other realms while awake, but it is difficult to truly discern. My sense of time and space has shifted, as evidenced by my trip to the store today. I am in the supermarket and see a box of confections from a distance that remind me of Irish potato candy. As I move closer I am thinking we are approaching St Patrick’s Day. The box is not Irish Potato candy and it is July, not March! Not long ago I might have assumed that I am losing it, but not now. My concept of space and time is fluid and as someone whose current life is less structured, there is less to demarcate these rather artificial signposts.

While I regret not being hired for the Grief services position, I have processed it and let it go. I have new hope for my future and will not be bogged down in victim consciousness. Most spiritual teachers postulate that as we evolve, all will fall away that is no longer working in our best interest, the highest good. This does beg the question, does that mean everything and everyone that remained in my life for an extensive time was for my highest good? I do not have an answer, but cannot remain stuck there. Life is very short and I do not want to get in my own way. I hope you will join me in really living in this new now.

images ~ public domain

The Golden Road to Transformation

This one’s for Lynda! ” Once is a while you get shown the light in the strangest of places if you look at it right. ” Yes!

litebeing chronicles

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What a long strange trip it’s been, indeed.

My inspiration for the Time Machine Challenge started on a crisp and brilliant afternoon in September. If you are new to my blog or would like to catch up on your reading, please visit here to find the entire roster of spectacular challenge blogs. Reminiscing about my first September in Philly and the man who represented that era took me back to a state of excitement and joy.  I was amazed how my instantaneous flash of insight was later validated when I visited a website where that former boyfriend currently works. According to Michael Lutin, this time period before the New Scorpio Moon accentuates preoccupation and/or random encounters with past lovers or folks who trigger memories of former flames.

A few connections from Leigh and Laura gently guided me on a path of forgiveness and acceptance of the past. Leigh’s post

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By Cekli829 (Own work) [CC BY-SA 3.0 (https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0)], via Wikimedia Commons

5 Year Blogiversary ~ Intentions in Process

Can you believe it,  litebeing chronicles is five years old! This blog has become a boisterous, temperamental 5-year-old, finding its voice and asserting its creative muscle day-to-day, from draft to publish. I am featuring a new drawing and tagline to celebrate another exciting year of blogging and building community.

A few months back, Sue Dreamwalker commented that I create some new artwork to reflect a fresh outlook. You can read the blog that inspired her comment here.  The image above  is my re-imagining of my healing journey. The grand canyon in the Western US is my muse, along with the recent transit of Saturn in Capricorn. Since I have my natal Saturn in Capricorn, it is “right on time.” The grand canyon is a kaleidoscope of earth and sky and light, punctuated by wildlife and human interactions. Saturn in Capricorn symbolizes navigating obstacles and delays with patience, persistence, humility, and grace.

I apparently chose the same color palette as my Colonodyssey piece,  but that is where the similarities end. Without hyper-analysis, I see this drawing as flowing with movement, soft in mood, and focused upward. Perhaps in time more nuanced symbolism will reveal itself. I am pleased to have finished the piece, which I nurtured slowly and spontaneously.

Along with the art, I crafted a new tagline to celebrate my 5th blogging year: separation interrupted, evolution imminentI really like the phrase Girl, Interrupted, taken from the film of the same name. Then I combined it with my reaction to the separation by adding evolution imminent.

I see this phrase as a description of my writing, my spiritual journey, and of the planet at large. The concept of separation is taken from A Course in Miracles, where it is seen as the illusion of disconnect from Source.  Collective separation is on the wane, and ascension is imminent. The tricky part is determining exactly how imminent and what ascension/evolution/at-one-ment will look like. I do not have the answers. The words came to me and I just jotted them down and edited the tagline, that’s all! We shall see how this tagline plays out, for myself, my writing, and the highest good for Gaia.

As many readers know, I deliberated chose 1-11 as my blog birthday because I had been seeing 11s and 1s repeatedly as numerical sequences everywhere and with increasing frequency. As it turns out, 2018 is an 11 year.  2 + 1 +8 equals 11.  11 is a master number , which holds a higher vibrational frequency. It signifies inspiration and all things mystical. It is also a double one, emphasizing innovation, self, independence, and mastery. When not approached with loving intentions, an 11 can be reduced to a 2, which centers around relationships and duality.

Check out these links to learn more about the electric and exuberant eleven:

http://www.whats-your-sign.com/spiritualmeaningofnumbereleven.html

https://feliciabender.com/2018-a-master-11-2-universal-year-the-overall-theme-is-love/

So what are my intentions for this 5th blogging year? The number 5 deals with adventure, movement, and travel and is associated with the planet Mercury so perhaps my evolution will include some or all of those directions. The 5th dimension is where we are ultimately headed as a planetary species, so that is another clue. While I am not living there in physical form all the time, I have occasional fleeting glimpses of the plane where divine love and effortless manifestation reside.

I have not formally set any intentions yet, except to make good on some promises to publish a few posts from 2017 that eluded me. I also want to share my genealogy findings, interview some folks, and bring some more awareness to addiction and mental illness as they pertain to the spiritual path. Beyond that, I need to take some time to see if there are new avenues for me to explore creatively.

 

Which topics are you interested in ?

Please let me know your preferences in the comments section.

I always love to hear from you!

 

I have drawn some cards for the new year and many of them point to passion for work, fertility, creativity, love, inner reflection, and masculine energy. It is interesting how so many of the cards within this reading and together with last lunation’s reading focus on the same themes. Since my blog documents the curiosity and awe that appear as light in my life, it is likely that these themes will show up here at WordPress. Speaking of WordPress, here’s to an awesome birthday for WP founder Matt Mullenweg. Cheers!

Thanks to all my fellow writers and readers who share the lite with me from post to post and comment to comment. We are all in this together!

Blessings, Linda aka litebeing

 

header image by  Cekli829 (Own work) [CC BY-SA 3.0 (https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0)], via Wikimedia Commons

Review: Dispelling Wetiko by Paul Levy

I have been hinting for some time that the state of our planet is a symptom of our collective shadow. This book review of Dispelling Wetiko by Paul Levy truly articulates my ideas in a grounded, cohesive format. Thank you Jessica for this fascinating post.

Adventures of a Reluctant Mystic

dispelling-wetikoThis week Zoe is reading Dispelling Wetiko by Paul Levy, which explores the collective psychosis now gripping our culture and challenges us to look inside ourselves for answers. The name ‘wetiko’ comes from Native American cultures and refers to a spirit or wicked person who terrorises others through its evil acts. Wetiko is an archetype that arises from the collective unconscious, a psychic virus that represents the nightmare we’re all dreaming up together.

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Grasshopper Riding Shotgun

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Howdy litebeings,

I am continuing to digest this past summer as we swirl into Scorpio season next week ( woohoo!). Early August found me immersed in animal magick and it was truly wonderful to behold.

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Since it  is likely that I will be trading in my purple car soon, I am glad that the featured photos present my faithful ” Sascha ” in all her glory.

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On 8-4-16 I  found a grasshopper on my car on windshield. It rode with me all the way to work, hanging on even at 60 mph on a busy freeway. He ( or she) hung out all day at work in the parking lot ( where I took a few photos).  Grasshopper later accompanied me back all the way from work and stayed a couple more hours upon my arrival home. It was astonishing to me as I have not experienced anything like this before.

On 8-6-16 after reading Shelley’s grasshopper post where she responds to my otter post for inspiration, I see a large otter in my backyard. It is practically screaming for me to take its pic. So I go outside to do so and it immediately moves away. I took a shot anyway, hoping to capture the moment.

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Then on 8-13-16 I found a gray feather by my car while parked at home. Two days later I spot another gray feather at my office parking lot. A couple of weeks later I discovered a blueish gray feather in my front yard. Here is a shot of the gray feathers. The blue one vanished before I was able to photograph it.

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Reflections:

I found myself mesmerized by the grasshopper and began to develop an attachment to it. I was relating to it as if it was my companion, in a Dexterly fashion. The symbolism for grasshopper is very strongly rooted in mysticism and resonated with me very deeply:

The grasshopper chooses those of us who are innovators, forward-thinkers, and those who progress in life by unorthodox methods. This is because grasshopper symbolism recognizes tremendous leaps of faith, impressive jumps in progress and consistent forward momentum. Those with this totem are likely to aim high, and achieve amazing feats – they take great leaps where others fear to tread (or jump, in this case).

Another special feature of the grasshopper totem is that it calls to those who have natural clairvoyant abilities. Just as the grasshopper uses thousands of tiny eyes to formulate the “big picture” so too do those whom the grasshopper is called. In other words, those with this totem are visionaries. They see things intuitively, seeing beyond what the concrete world holds, and they use this special vision to see the world with a childlike wonder.

I have blogged about the otter before and have appreciated all the otter love from readers.  I can definitely relate to their quirky, unconventional nature and admire their ability to be playful. I cannot be certain though that I was spotting otters, or another species such as beaver, groundhog, or muskrat. Or perhaps another unidentified creature that shares similar traits. I will continue to focus on noticing whomever crosses my path with the intention of seeking wisdom in their messages. Indigenous cultures revered the natural world and I see this practice becoming more critical now than ever before.

The awareness of the extraordinary residing in the ordinary is a primary part of my blog and I believe that August was very significant for me in terms of protection and guidance. The trick is to be able to discern the messages and apply them with reverence and care.

Check out this site for reliable insights on a variety of beloved creatures that inhabit our planet.

111111 and more

January 2017 update: Here are a few more symbolic receipts collected since this post. Looks like some new sequences are making an appearance, take note. Apologies for the quality, maybe a smart phone might have some advantages, we’ll see…

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My summer was one of extremes and I am just beginning to take stock of what went down. Let’s begin today with a numerology – packed post for  events that occurred between 8-27-16 and 9-24-16, taking up most of the Virgo time period.

 

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This is my receipt from my brunch at Cake on 9-4-16. It was quite a lovely meal that ended on a powerful note.

 

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This blurry but angelic image was taken at McDonald’s on 9-5-16. I have been eating rather healthy since July, but I do have a thing for egg biscuits! I am human, at least some of the time.

 

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This first picture was taken inside my car, Sascha, on 9-18-16 at the Willow Grove Giant lot.  The second one was shot on 9-24-16 driving home from the Flourtown Giant. I initially thought  the odometer was broke and only now theorized that when a car moves past 99999 to 100000 the tenth of a mile gauge becomes the mile gauge so it can appear the miles are not being measured, but they actually are. I am not certain about this, but I am happy the odometer is still functioning properly.

This milestone occurred at exactly 2:22 pm. I could not make this up! Interesting Giant connection too ~ just sayin’. I am now convinced it is time to finally get a new car. I see the 111000 mark as significant.

Many 11 sightings happen like clockwork, pun intended, but here’s one that is a bit unusual. My niece Lily came to visit me on 8-27-16 with my mom. I don’t see her often so it was a treat. She plays soccer and came over right after her game so she was wearing her jersey. It is number 11! While reflecting on it today I realized that  Lily, which can also be written lily = 111y!

I was told her soccer number assignment was random, but since she is a master teacher, I don’t agree.

Follow the Winding Brook

wikiart.org public domain

This is a draft from November 2014 that had not made it to press. It was almost complete, save a few sentences I added a few minutes ago. In light of where I find myself currently, this piece is quite significant. More will be revealed soon. Have a great Memorial Day weekend!

I chose this painting entitled Winding Brook to illustrate that life can be lived like an open road with many twists and turns. What is truly magical is that the name Winding Brook itself is significant in a deeply personal way. Two of the loves of my life ( unbeknownst to one another) resided at the Winding Brook cul-de-sac many years ago. I worked there when I first moved to Philadelphia. Nice housing development, even better metaphor. I knew it should appear here for my post-birthday offering.

I can honestly say that I am gaining more clarity regarding my future, especially in regards to life purpose. The past few days in particular have brought me insights that are leading me out of what seems at times to be a perpetual fog. Born with Sun conjunct Neptune, this tends to be my default position. The fog can be incredibly mysterious and envelope you in its magnificence but I don’t like to drive in it!

With just a few weeks more before I must decide to either pull a rabbit out of a hat ( irony intended) or take my retirement money early, the heat has been on. I take full responsibility for my financial predicament. Years upon years of choices have led me to where I am today. I understand my relationship with money much better now than ever and I am totally fine with it.

Like Prince says:

Money don’t matter to night (no, don’t matter)
It sure didn’t matter yesterday (yesterday)
Just when you think you’ve got more than enough
That’s when it all up and flies away (flies away, flies away)
That’s when you find out that you’re better off
Makin’ sure your soul’s alright (make certain that your soul’s alright)
‘Cause money didn’t matter yesterday,
It sure don’t matter to night

 

This song has been bouncing in my head the last few days and I agree with its premise. I want to make sure my soul’s alright. I just had another birthday and I find this occasion to be a fine time to engage in some honest reflection about the state of my soul. While Prince rarely allows his videos to remain online, this Scorpio Gemini hybrid sure can make a statement with his lyrics. Today the Sun is in Scorpio with the moon in Gemini and it mimics my natal positions almost exactly. I feel so much like me today and hope my message is indicative of  the intense whimsy that resides at my core.

Money is not my primary objective, but freedom to move freely and unencumbered in pursuit of my highest expression IS. I have tried the past couple years to tell myself it is alright to have a small life, in order to appease myself and become comfortable with accepting my reality instead of fighting it. Learn to live within limits and make do with your circumstances. This concept is spoken like a reluctant realist who has just come off a brutal Saturn cycle. I also have had a progressed chart loaded with  many Capricorn planets, a Cap MH and a Taurus ascendant for quite a few years now.

There lies the rub. I now can clearly see that teaching and speaking my truth have a lot to do with my ” next steps” on the highway of life. I thought this new break in the action was a chance to regroup, especially when the research interview easily dropped into my lap. Although the research position did not materialize, it helped solidify what matters to me. Work has typically been the bane of my existence. I do not fit into highly conforming systems. Being an outsider resulted in plenty of stress, wreaking havoc with my health and peace of mind. Most of my jobs were a not so great fit, but had aspects to them that I really enjoyed. I want to hold onto the positive aspects of being a “helper”. At the same time, I cherish inner peace. The nourishment it offers is unlike anything else.

How will I find balance between purpose and peace?

Stay tuned..

image credit ~ wikiart.org, public domain