Blame it on the Rain

A few minutes ago the title for this post came to me and it is perfect. Honestly, I have no one or no – thing to blame for my misfortune, but sometimes it is fun to regress a little and place the blame somewhere.  Today’s New Libra Moon has really turned out to be a bummer for me and I did not have any expectations. I do have hope that tonight may turn out to be lovely. But I want to write about how I am feeling right now. It seems like my latest round of job leads has been disappointing and misleading.  Just a week and a half or so ago I was feeling quite jubilant, in the flow and excited about two interviews. Then in the midst of this timeline another job that sounded even better emerged and the employer expressed interest in me. I even dreamed about telling someone about it last night, meaning it had remained with me in the astral.

All three jobs did require that I stuff myself in a box in terms of clinical approach. But they had remote work flexibility and decent pay and were happy to take someone without the LCSW. The two screening interviews I had last week were awkward and felt forced. One already wrote a rejection email. I am waiting to hear back from the other. The most interesting twist is about the third job, which has excellent pay, is very close to home and offers benefits and fulltime hours.

I was asked to answer a question about projecting myself three years into the future and I enjoyed that challenge. The other day I was informed I was going through to the next phase of the selection process. I was  asked to perform an online assessment to see if I would be a good fit. In the past I have had to do this once or twice with poor results. This time I was given the name of the instrument so I looked it up. I was curious how this test would influence their decision so I paid to take the test first myself and learn about how it works. I could not find a free test and considered it to be an investment. It was definitely interesting and echoed a little of my Myers Briggs profile. Today I was ready to take the test for the prospective employer and the code did not work. This seemed off but I attributed it to Mercury retrograde. I emailed the practice to tell them about the glitch so I could take the assessment. Half an hour later I get an email from an admin thanking me for my interest and telling me they hired someone else. What happened??

My mind went down a rabbit hole. I thought that maybe they knew I took the test already and that perhaps disqualified me. Or they accessed my results and decided not to move forward. Or it was a miscommunication.  Eventually the practice owner responded and said that the hiring process moved faster than expected and that she will keep my resume on file as they expect another vacancy in the winter. I do not know if I believe what I was told, but I need to let it go. I will be kind to myself and let my feelings move through me. While musing on this, I remembered something my Reiki teacher said recently about the second attunement she did for me. She received a message that my need to control situations usually makes them worse and that I must find a way to be in the flow. I really tried to control this assessment situation. I did not like being judged this way and wanted to “crack the code”. The irony here is that my test results revealed that I do a lot of research and preparation when I face a difficult problem.

So here you go.

In the midst of this dreary day I drove to the post office to mail my ballot. It was anticlimactic. I usually like to wait in line to vote and find this ritual energizing. But it is more convenient to go the mail – in route. I am not excited about this election, just three days before my 60th birthday ( a discussion for another day). I am not a Biden fan. I remember him from the Anita Hill fiasco during the Clarence Thomas Supreme Court hearings back in the nineties. I found him to be sexist and it bothered me. If I could choose, it would be Marianne Williamson or Bernie Sanders. I prefer authenticly messy people over ambiguous phony people. But I certainly don’t want to live in a reboot of Nazi Germany. I read that Trump’s first wife said he would often read Hitler’s speeches over and over. I could go on about the Con Man/ Mob Boss in Chief, but I am out of wine and do not want to worsen my mood.

This Libra New Moon is very challenging as it squares Mars and opposes Jupiter Saturn and Pluto. So it behooves me to watch my words a bit online and off. And yet, as I ponder my job search and this latest theme of trying to please others by showing up as the prototype they prefer, I really resent not being simply me! I do not have a “brand” and shy away from writers who are inauthentic in order to always stay on brand. This is not for me. I revere honesty and want to write from a place of vulnerability.

I may never get a chance to find out if I was right for that job that required an assessment, but I really would like to work somewhere with people who are more like me. Where are they? Who are they? I don’t know. Libra energy is harsh for me because it occupies my Solar 12th house and natal 8th house. These houses are messy and often contain hidden emotional baggage. I have no planets in Libra. I know some wonderful Libra folk like my advisor ( hey CL!)  and my niece but many Libra’s I have encountered have caused me much harm or frustration. It is what it is. We all have our strengths and our weak spots.

Controlling outcomes is one of my weaknesses and Scorpios love to control. Tomorrow is a new day and fortunately my moods tend to change quickly of late. Writing about my darkness is a cathartic relief. So now to bring some light I  will leave you with the song that inspired today’s title :

rain photos by pexels.com , public domain

How to Navigate These Surreal Times

 

” You gotta learn how to zig when you wanna zag. ”  Wise words from my former  supervisor at the rehab where I worked. I use them all the time, talking myself down when I feel powerless in handling a situation. Most people would not call me flexible and when someone does, I feel like I have made a significant change. WP just gave me a good scare to reinforce the theme of today’s blog, acting as a catalyst for change. Some readers know I am not all that tech savvy. I  find it miraculous that I learned how to blog mostly on my own. But when WP unceremoniously switched me today to the Block Editor,  I was really stuck. After trying to figure it out , I became quite overwhelmed. Then I began to go into crisis mode, but  I went over to my reader and saw that the first blog in the feed was entitled Trust. That was my sign not to give up. I eventually found a way, albeit possibly temporarily, to still blog in Classic Mode. I also saw how fast my thoughts deteriorated into a catastrophic storyline.

wikipedia .org
Saturn

Saturn, pictured above, recently stationed direct on September 29th, signaling a return to progress and form. Let’s say this statement comes with some fine print. 2020 has been prophesied by many astrologers as a major game changer and the month ahead is no exception. Saturn and Pluto ( who stationed direct today October 4th) moving forward bodes well in general. But both planets are still dancing together with Jupiter in Capricorn and will be making several challenging squares to Mars retrograde in Aries and Sun in Libra. The encouraging news is that even with Mercury retrograding soon , all of the traditional malefics ( Mars, Saturn, and Pluto ) are in cardinal signs. Cardinal energy adds action and enthusiasm and agency, and we could all use that about now.

Pluto

These energies are very powerful and transformative. I have the big 3 ( Pluto Saturn and Jupiter) currently transiting my 12th house, which does not bode well for optimism, but does favor subconscious attitude readjustment. It also improves the connection with all that is nonsensory and energetic. I am happy to report that I have completed my Reiki I training. There is still much to absorb but I am really glad I achieved this goal. I am also excited that my art class begins on Tuesday. In addition I was able to manifest two job interviews this week that allow working remotely from home. It is possible that my high from completing my attunement and getting the interviews caused a flare up of my GI troubles. It is interesting that I recently read how Mars retrograde can cause health flare ups, which makes sense to me with natal Mars in the 6th house of health. Or it could have been faulty thinking that led to a setback. Or both.  Or neither.

Today I am feeling improved and excited for the first interview tomorrow. I am a bit out of practice, but I will remind myself how much I have to offer. Speaking of which, a recent email heading tonight eased my mind. The title said Offers Are Coming Your Way.  Well, how about that? This synch is quite encouraging!

I subscribe more and more to the importance of paying attention to one’s thought patterns and the outside environment. Mindfulness and gratitude have helped me cultivate more patience and hope. This doesn’t mean I am completely unaffected by the shitshow in my country for which the word surreal can seem insufficient.  I just don’t have a better word in my vocabulary so surreal will have to do.  Yet, I am learning to surrender more and more. I recommend mindfulness, meditation, anger reduction, and exercise as ways to improve resilience and focus. All practices are not for everyone so your mileage may vary. Astrology is not a panacea that will solve all conflicts but it can point one in the right direction.

 

Please send me some love for this coming week as many changes are in play. While I am becoming more adept at coping with this tumultuous year, I am still a work in progress. Just don’t mess with the Classic Editor because I don’t want to zigzag right off the rails. I just love blogging for all of you way too much.

all non-feature images courtesy of wikipedia.org, public domain

Matisse Made Manifest

I’m going back to school, virtually that is! A few days ago I received an email from the extraordinary Barnes Foundation about online art courses. The Barnes is a magical art collection originally showcased in a suburban mansion in Merion Pa. I have been a frequent visitor and fan of this unconventional art connoisseur whose vision was clearly ahead of his time.

Typically I delete these types of promotional emails because of the location or cost. But I noticed that the subject heading said ” You can take a Barnes course for free. ” This got my attention.

Most of my readers know how much I fancy art, especially painting. I have really missed visiting art museums during the pandemic and have been viewing some artwork online. What you probably don’t know is that I have wanted to take Art History classes for many years. I did not have the time or inclination to do so while in school. I flirted with taking painting classes to improve my skills but did not make it a priority. Yet the dream to immerse myself in art history and art appreciation has been building steadily into a bucket list – like obsession. I figured I could pursue this once I retired and would just enjoy art whenever I could. I had a  lovely time in Santa Fe, New Mexico attending a conference called Creativity and Madness  that focused on the mental health challenges of well known musicians and visual artists. It was a great event and allotted me plenty of continuing education credits for my license. I also had many adventures and transformative experiences. New Mexico is certainly the Land of Enchantment!

In any case, I went to the Barnes website yesterday and browsed the course offerings. Scholarships were available. While I usually find these type of applications daunting, I decided to apply. I chose to write from the heart about my love of art and my dream to enrich my art education. I selected a class about Henri Matisse because I adore many of the French impressionists and expressionists. Also, Matisse employs pointillism in some of his paintings. This seemed like a longshot but I figured I had nothing to lose and it would also be a way to practice manifesting. Writing from my heart and showing my love for art was key. No pretense, just authenticity. This opportunity certainly seemed out of the blue, just as my introduction to the Creativity and Madness programs that arrived in my snail mail box one day back in the late 1990s. I recall being transfixed by the postcards that arrived in the mail describing unusual lectures taking place in exotic settings all over the planet. I had a strong knowingness that this was meant for me and I could not ignore the invitations that kept arriving. The Barnes e-mail felt similar but not as strong. I could see myself taking the class because I have pictured myself taking art history classes often, knowing I would simply love it.

Today I received notice that I was given a full scholarship! The woman who wrote me is named Alia and I knew that was a great synch, reminding me of my blogette pal Alia! This “happy accident” was not lost on me.

I am so excited about this class and wanted to share my glee with of all you by sharing some Matisse paintings:

wikipedia.org pub domainwikiart.org pub domain

I have been using Dr. Joe Dispenza’s techniques to recalibrate my brain and emphasize choosing my thoughts, pairing them with gratitude and joy while imagining my situation in the “future” had already happened. I am especially interested in having an excellent job well suited for me to “find me” and break the cycle of toxic workspaces I have been experiencing. I am encouraged by how easily this art class found me. I will keep you posted on “future” developments.

all images courtesy of both wikipedia.com and wikiart.org, public domain
wikipedia.org public domain

The Golden Road to Transformation

Where were you 25 years ago today? RIP Jerry ❤

 

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What a long strange trip it’s been, indeed.

My inspiration for the Time Machine Challenge started on a crisp and brilliant afternoon in September. If you are new to my blog or would like to catch up on your reading, please visit here to find the entire roster of spectacular challenge blogs. Reminiscing about my first September in Philly and the man who represented that era took me back to a state of excitement and joy.  I was amazed how my instantaneous flash of insight was later validated when I visited a website where that former boyfriend currently works. According to Michael Lutin, this time period before the New Scorpio Moon accentuates preoccupation and/or random encounters with past lovers or folks who trigger memories of former flames.

A few connections from Leigh and Laura gently guided me on a path of forgiveness and acceptance of the past. Leigh’s post on the  ho’oponopono prayer got me thinking of all the guilt and regret that still remains within me. An unexpected email from a stranger set in motion a fresh attempt to reframe any past relationships. I am speaking of the ones that seemed to stick with me, defying all my efforts to sever lingering cords. That stranger who contacted me is now a friend who readers know as Laura.

So I set out on an adventure to forgive all my past romantic entanglements, beginning with the first and moving towards present time. I would recite ho’oponono before falling asleep and visualize myself back in time with these former flames. It was often unpleasant as long forgotten details resurfaced. I was also looking to explore with fresh eyes the circumstances in which my ex from college would re-enter my life. I am seeking clues as to what his presence symbolizes for me now. I expected this process would eventually lead to healing. Truth be told, this exercise has been met with much resistance. However, I still am pursuing this path, hoping it is a “path with heart.”

But it is a path unfinished and did not reveal a story for the challenge. Around the same time ( late September) I followed up by contacting the director of the group practice where my ex works to inquire about employment. I did so because my ex works at their other location and my friend spoke so highly of the director. This contact led me to the discovery that I cannot get re-credentialed at my level of licensure. Perhaps this was a blessing in disguise because if I was hired and unable to work, the fallout would have been more upsetting and more time would have been wasted.

So I put off writing a post and hoped for the best. After reading Fiona’s challenge offering, I remembered an unfinished draft from July. Oddly enough, it addresses the challenge beautifully. Why am I surprised to discover that yet again Spirit has other plans?

So without further adieu I bring you my nonlinear, unplanned, but totally cool trip back in time:

See that girl, barefootin’ along,
Whistlin’ and singin’, she’s a carryin’ on.
There’s laughing in her eyes, dancing in her feet,
She’s a neon-light diamond and she can live on the street.

Hey hey, hey, come right away
Come and join the party every day.

Well everybody’s dancin’ in a ring around the sun
Nobody’s finished, we ain’t even begun.
So take off your shoes, child, and take off your hat.
Try on your wings and find our where it’s at. *

Was it 2015 or 1978 or perhaps 1967 ?  You decide:

July 4, 2015:

I had just received some long over -due money. I noticed that the Grateful Dead were live streaming their Chicago Fare Thee Well  50 year anniversary reunion concerts on On Demand. The fees were pricey but I had extra money. I deserved to splurge on something fun and purely entertaining. I had not seen any assembly of the Dead in decades and I was not going to be teleported to Chicago, sans an airplane ticket and place to stay. The concerts were to be held over 3 nights. This could be my last chance to see them perform, ever. Which night do I choose?

I could not justify viewing all 3 shows. I finally decided that July 4th would be the one. My reasoning was they would be settled in after the 1st show and since I associate the Dead with parties, why not celebrate America’s birthday in style? This decision was an arduous process. As an INFJ, I like to ponder and deliberate, often to a fault. In this case, I am glad I took my time.

Earlier that day I spotted a HUGE beetle like creature on my bedroom door. It seemed almost alien-like. I was terrified but managed to flush it down the toilet. Dexter was oblivious to this terrifying menace, but it certainly got a reaction out of me. I looked up beetle online to see what I could find here.

By J. Coelho [CC BY 2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0)], via Wikimedia Commons

This image is a rather close approximation. While I found the various interpretations fascinating, the following paragraph holds true till the present:

Perhaps the most profound lesson the beetle shares with us is the lesson of transformation and adaptation. Beetles engage in metamorphosis for development and growth. From egg to adult, they are a marvel of transformation illustrated in a short lifetime. They go through these revolutionary transformations with aplomb, very nonchalantly and matter-of-factly. Beetles embrace the flow of life and all its transitions without question. They surrender to change.

Looking back, I realize that this was my final complete weekend with Dexter. I was blissfully unaware that he would be leaving me so soon. Yet I did surrender to change and enter into a phase of transformation. The beetle sighting was fortuitous as it signals a new way of being on the planet. I would venture a guess that Dexter is more adaptive than I have been, given his loving demeanor in spite of multiple placements and tricky health issues.  We have so much to gain from the natural world.

Post beetle episode, I am ready for the concert. There was so much to take in and integrate.  Never in my wildest dreams would I have imagined watching a live concert on TV in this fashion. The word surreal is not superfluous in this instance. The telecast was filmed so you were truly in the moment, without commercials and artificial editing. I cannot exactly describe it, but it was quite close to being there in Chicago.

It turns out I almost lived in Chicago. My parents traveled their often as it was where my dad’s company’s main headquarters were located. It is also where they purchased my very first astrology book. I still have it and it was published in the 1960s. I also made a wonderful friend from Chicago who I met in Miami. We both stayed at the same hotel for 2 years over Xmas holidays. We became pen pals and I never forgotten her. Plus I have some online blogger buddies from Chicago so the city keeps appearing in my life.  I recently found out that we almost moved there when I was young. My mother revealed that my dad was offered a big promotion at the main headquarters. I was shocked to hear that he turned it down, given we moved around so often.  So here I am focusing in on elusive and mysterious Chicago. Here’s yet another example of the road not traveled.

wikipedia.org public domain

The music itself was very moving. The pace was slow and many of the songs were folksy and bluegrass style. The evening progressed like a heartfelt lullaby. Yet at certain points the mood shifted and the pace quickened. I had not been feeling well and was functioning on little energy. But I was propelled to get off my couch and dance. One song in particular set me in motion like a dervish. The Golden Road to Unlimited Devotion was playing. I could have been hallucinating , but I was lucid and sober. As Dexter watched, I began to swirl. This is MY song and I have never heard it performed live. I felt as if another force was propelling me into seamless, graceful, dizzying, flight. How did I get so energized? What was the source of all this power inside of me? I was floating on air, whizzing in circles, free of obstructions or constraints. I was on fire!

Later I researched the show online to read about the setlist. I came upon this article that blew my mind wide open. Here is what was written about the Golden Road performance:

Next up was “The Golden Road (To Unlimited Devotion),” a song Jerry Garcia wrote about the Haight hippie scene that The Grateful Dead only played a handful of times in 1967. Bruce Hornsby and Trey Anastasio fronted the group on the obscurity.

My favorite ( among favorites such as Eyes of the World, Sugar Magnolia, Truckin’, Scarlet Begonias, US Blues, and Box of Rain, to name a few) is basically a favorite of the few. It was last performed in 1967. I had not even heard of the band until 1977 and had not attended my first show until 1978.  It is probably a statistical anomaly that this song was performed on the exact night I decided to watch the show. This is not just a song to me. It is an anthem. I was this chick in the song in high school and college. Or at least I imagined myself to be like her. She was free and blissful and at peace. Perhaps I longed to get out of my own way so I could be her.

I actually transformed into her a few months earlier. Here is an excerpt of my May 26th post on dream number 3 of an incredibly active sojourn of slumber.

May 26, 2015 ( circa 1978?)

And now for something completely different:

3 – Went back in time to the 1970s. Lots of teens around, big crowd. I run into a friend.We will call him “Sam.” He used to be my dream prompt. Seeing him meant I was dreaming. He has not appeared in years though. There was to be a 1970s party. I was excited about this. My friend “Sam” said I would like to dance with you , big smile. I was so excited and I typically don’t like to dance. Lots of love between me and Sam, unlike real life where we were longtime yet intermittent, platonic friends. I knew him from when I first moved to NJ in the middle of 6th grade through the summer after HS grad when our families vacationed at the same hotel down the shore. At the party, there was such a joyous atmosphere. The room was dark and the music was psychedelic. Sam and I hit the dance floor and did our thing. We were both young but I danced with the confidence of a more mature person. In high school I would have not felt as eager to express myself this freely.

When I turned around I saw a young Bob Weir singing Grateful Dead music. It was a big surprise. I have dreamed of Bob and Jerry( Garcia) many times before over the years. Sometimes while dreaming I talk with them. In this dream I did not know Bob, nor did I interact with him. I was so excited and remembered Sam was there at my first Grateful Dead concert in 1978. The same day he and his band performed a concert at the high school. A group of us began to chant the date of that concert 5-13-78. ( later I checked and that was the actual date of the concert. How did I remember that?) It was wild. I said to him “You were in a band!” I think he was the lead singer. My friends who attended the concert with me were at this party or at the very least I mentioned them to Sam. Some of Sam’s friends were also there. Sam and I were becoming a couple and were very happy. I felt loved and adored.

What was so interesting was the Bob Weir became the face of the Dead once Jerry Garcia passed away. He was my favorite anyway so I would always focus on Bobby. I was also stunned to realize the prophetic nature of this dream. I was seeing Bob Weir perform and dancing as if no one was watching. I was imbuing my current knowingness into the past.  What a wild ride of past and future morphing together in Dreamtime. You could say that for a few short minutes I was livin’ the dream.

I said Fare Thee Well to Dexter one week later. I also learned that the farewell concerts were not the last. A newly formed group called Dead and Company featuring Bob Weir, John Mayer ( another Libra with loads of Scorpio) , Mickey Hart, and others have begun touring recently so the music apparently never stops in some form.

Update: Apparently Dead and Company were performing in Philadelphia last night ( 11-5-15) while I was completing this post. The synchronicity continues…

We never know how much or how little is happening at any given time. I did not know that my current physical body possessed that much energy. I certainly never expected to hear the Golden Road performed live and in real-time in my living room. Life is a mystery that keeps surprising me, just when I think I’ve got it all figured out.

But I have figured out one important lesson. I want to play! Perhaps having the experience of both spontaneity, exuberance, and confidence will assist me in replicating this behavior going forward. My birthday is approaching as I type and I have set my intention to be that girl from the Golden Road. Being free and playful and in motion is the way. 

The time machine kept me quite busy, transporting me to and from Philly to Chicago and to 1967 ( around the year I began studying astrology), 1978,  2015 and beyond. My consciousness flowed from waking state to frenzied ecstasy to Dreamtime. My challenge was not what I intended upon its inception in September. Yet I took the steps necessary to get me to this point. Now I am ready to try on my wings.

*lyrics credit

Here’s a video of the original 67 performance.

Here’s what I saw on 7-4-15.

Thanks to all for another spectacular blogging challenge. They keep getting better because WE keep getting better.

image credits: beetle by J. Coelho [CC BY 2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0)], via Wikimedia Commons dervishes images, wikipedia.org, public domain
header image, wikipedia.org, public domain

Green Butterfly

So here’s a quick and dirty tale about an experiment that worked. I needed a miracle and this one came with a twist. I have been watching a few videos on channeling and spiritual guidance. The teacher suggested asking simple questions and waiting for the answer to arrive. She said it often comes in an unusual or unexpected way, but you must ask something. So I thought to myself “okay, I have nothing to lose, why don’t I ask for a sign? ” I decided to ask for a visual image rather than ask a question. Yesterday I wrote down on a notebook to have my spirit guides show me a green butterfly on that day.  It did not happen. I questioned this choice afterwards, wondering if a green butterfly was feasible. I chose that color because I figured it would seem less random if it was an odd color. I see butterfly images often on social media so I wanted this to be more unlikely.

While there was no green butterfly yesterday, I became enthralled with this new Netflix series Unorthodox. It is about a young Hasidic woman who flees from her marriage and religious community. It is quite provocative and I watched most of the series in one day. It was strange to learn I watched part of it out of sequence. I watched the final episode instead of the third episode by mistake. This was really strange, but it happened. I decided not to watch anymore because I knew the ending.

Today was a day filled with symbols. I had very vivid dreams, one which involved multiple cats. I woke up in a good mood, which was a blessing. Later that morning I saw a couple deer outside my window. That was nice. After running errands, I returned home and decided to go back and watch episode three. I am so intrigued by this story and was hoping that seeing the “missing episode” would fill in some blanks for me. Towards the end of the episode, a relative of the protagonist’s husband breaks into an apartment. He moves around room to room. He goes to a bureau to go over some papers. Above the bureau is a fabric wall hanging decorated with butterflies. I was stunned to discover that one of them is green! I paused the show and focused on the butterflies. One was definitely dark green.

So here’s the thing: The guides delivered the goods and that is cool. But what about the delay? I thought I was watching the 3rd episode yesterday and would have seen the green butterfly if I had. I could have gone back and watched it but I chose not to. One could say this story is more interesting this way. I was disappointed when I did not get my answer during the stated timeframe but not surprised. I had few expectations. I considered asking for something new today but did not follow through. If you have any idea why it happened as it did, please reply in the comments. With all that is happening in our world, it was comforting to have confirmation that I am being watched over and my guides are listening. But it was very subtle and a bit confusing. Maybe I will try again tomorrow.

images courtesy of wikimedia.org, public domain

Spin the wheel of time – Update

I just completed a 4-4-2020 meditation with one of my Facebook groups, where we envisioned a new timeline in 5D. This post came to me during meditation.

love to all, litebeing

litebeing chronicles

I have added an update at the end of this post. Scroll down to the end or re-read my tale and you will find where the wheel of time landed:

WordPress really motivated me this week,  first with this weekly challenge and then a few days later with the daily prompt. Well I guess it is about time! Now how do you like that for irony? Anyone who knows my writing is aware that like most astrologers , I am obsessed with time and cycles.  So it has been a real treat to focus on one of my favorite obsessions.

With this challenge we are invited to enter a time machine and go wherever we like. Now we are talking ! So this is what I am going to do. I will let you eavesdrop on a conversation and show you some pictures of my destination and time period…

View original post 575 more words

Better Things

Before composing this post I took a shower, needing to wash off all the negativity residue.

I began to ponder what I actually believe about the planet today :

” I tend to be paranoid as a Scorpio but used to be skeptical of conspiracy theories and the theorists themselves. Yet, look at the world especially since 9/11. Hey, what about before I was born like the Holocaust and all the World Wars and so on. We really have not evolved much, or is it all simulated?”

Then my thoughts drifted here :

” Matt Kahn spoke so brilliantly about why some people don’t hear their guides. I remember a workshop I took where I set aside shower time as a safe space for Spirit to be with me so be quiet and listen. ”

Then this line from a song kept repeating in my head. I could hear part of the melody but only made out one line – Here’s wishing you the bluest sky. ” I asked myself to remember this line so I could Google it later, hoping it was a message.

Here’s the song that came to me:

I ‘m crying as a write these words, amazed by the blessings of my guidance and so strongly in need of joyful music. I don’t know how these songs pop in my head, but I know the quantum field is involved. Matt Kahn in his latest video Facing Uncertainty made some points that seemed both personal and universal. His take on what thoughts are and how bad thinking does not create one’s reality was revelatory. He described undesireable manifestation as aligning with a negative narrative, rather than thinking negative thoughts alone. He also spoke about why some people don’t hear their guidance team and what it may mean. Watch the video to get the complete picture. What I will reveal here is that he strongly encourages people on the awakening path to not expect guides to rescue them from unpleasant circumstances and events, but rather be with them while they live their experiences that are meant for them to live through.

I am just another soul trying to live my purpose and shine some light. I don’t know nearly as much as I thought I did and probably more than I realize at certain moments. However, I want to align myself with the narrative that all is really well, even in the face of seemingly Armageddon-like global catastrophes.

I’ll leave you with these final few words ~ Accept your life and what it brings. I hope tomorrow you’ll find better things.

Feather Fanfare

Update: Here is what Karin found after reading my post, an angel with fanfare!

Karin's image

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This quick post is sponsored by ” unexpected magic when least expected and greatly needed. ” I had an urge to throw out the trash today and go outside. It was cold and damp and I felt like staying in on my day off. Yet this nagging thought persisted. And I lately feel lifted when I declutter my home in some fashion. So off I go to discard some garbage and see a gray feather in the parking lot. I am so surprised and thrilled as I scoot down to pick it up. After I walk back up to my house, I notice a second gray feather in the front yard. I gather that one also to bring inside. They look very similar to those I discovered in 2016. Has it been almost four years since I found some large feathers outdoors, well yes!

I went online to learn more about gray feathers to satisfy my curiosity. This particular section grabbed my attention:

A period of tranquillity may lie ahead

Have you been going through a tough time? The grey feather might have appeared to reassure you that the road ahead is much more positive. The feather won’t undo the past nor will it erase bad memories, but it could help to ease your pain and suffering.

Whether you’ve lost your job or someone you care about has passed away, the grey feather could be trying to tell you that everything will be okay. It might not seem like it at the moment but you’re a strong person and you will survive this. Make yourself and those you love proud by holding your head up high and carrying on with life as best you can. Eventually you’ll feel like a great weight has been lifted off your shoulders and you’ll start to feel joy again. Things will get better and these negative thoughts won’t last forever.

I really needed to hear today that things will get better. Life seems to be hyper – frenetic, both while awake and in dreamtime. I am striving to stay in a positive space by keeping up a gratitude practice and being open to signs. One could say I am embracing the dialectic aka gray areas of perspective.

I get very excited when I encounter symbols like these. Nature is wonderful and has so much healing potential. Life is precious and I gather many more folks are finally getting the message.

What have you discovered lately?

Reclaiming My Day 11/11/19

This autumn was less vibrant, or maybe I missed the foliage at its peak. You see, I was ill for over a month with a “mystery illness”. It came and went and later returned, near my birthday. My birthday was last Wednesday and I took the day off from work excited to see where the day would take me. But when I woke up in pain and so nauseated that I had to vomit, I know I wasn’t going anywhere. The feeling of nausea and the act of vomiting are among the most dreadful experiences to me. The fact that this happened on my birthday pissed me off! Vomiting rarely happens to me as an adult and the fact it happened on my day of rebirth was cruel. But, as usual, I adjusted to my circumstances and focused on feeling better. It appears ( not definitively ) that the new probiotics I am taking are making me sick.  After weeks of tests and no answers, I started to improve without treatment. The only change made was the elimination of my supplements, recommended by my GI specialist. At first, I was skeptical but went along anyway. After my test results returned to “normal”, the doctors were no longer interested in figuring out a diagnosis. So a few days later I went back on the probiotics and the symptoms returned. So I stopped taking them again and am also noticing a lessening of symptoms. How could this product that I considered life-saving be the culprit? Could it be a bad batch or some other reason? I don’t know.

I began leasing a car about 3 years ago, just a couple weeks before my birthday. So it was time to trade in Kokoa for a newer model. Say hello to Azia! I named her after the lovely blue color that reminds me of the astral. From astral I came up with Azia.  I chose this particular model because it is a very quiet ride. I revel in quiet these days, not to mention, standard features include a sunroof and heated seats! While not much brings me joy anymore, I hoped a new car would help because I really dig cars. I also like the free trial of Sirius Radio but really miss not having a CD player. So much has become obsolete in these “modern times. ”

Please enjoy this song that also helped inspire Azia’s name:

 

I also gifted myself with my birthstone reimagined in a mystical way.

Mystic Topaz earrings ~ reclaiming my birthstone with a rainbow- like incarnation,

The past few days have been exhausting and liberating, all leading up to a new start for me. I took two risks, one planned and one rather spontaneous. At a book club with my Social Work group, I disclosed something very private. I barely gave it a minute of contemplation. Someone in the group shared a personal story and I was moved. I decided to be authentic and see what happens. It was a chance to be more vulnerable, but there was more to it. Later I realized that I was challenging some of the older LCSWs on how non-judgmental and inclusive they really are. Behind the political correctness and blind obedience to ethics, I wondered ” Will they walk their talk? ” It turns out that I still know how to shut up a room! It is disheartening to see that I still feel superior or above the established groups I belong to, but not ( hopefully) in a narcissistic way. People are people and most I encounter have little consciousness. Part of me already knew I might be rejected, but I was feeling rejected in other sectors of my life anyway.

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The second risk I took happened yesterday. I fired my clinical supervisor, this judgmental, rigid, mean woman who I have paid to provide me with supervision to prepare me for a higher level of licensure. I have worked with her off and one since 2017, the second of three people I have hired to walk me through this minefield. She has misled me about many things and I let them go. She does not respect my wishes, she is petty, and sometimes passive-aggressive. She will not be accountable for any mistakes she makes and has threatened to end our association a few times. She is unpredictable and often remembers events very differently from my recollections. I kept this going because of fear I would not find someone else affordable, nearby, and able to meet me outside of my work schedule. But after a few sleepless nights, I decided enough was enough. I did not have the courage to confront her directly but I left a detailed voicemail on her phone. I was also afraid she would sabotage my LCSW application if I stayed with her. I wonder why I keep attracting these cold women into my life after so much therapy and other forms of inner work. Maybe so that I can continue to take better care of me? I have not found a new replacement, but I am glad I let her go. So many people abuse their power and do not question how they handle their responsibilities. I hope I will choose better next time.

So what about my blog title? When will I write about 11-11? Patience is a virtue, right? I decided I would take back my birthday this weekend if I felt up to it. I enjoy time alone to travel somewhere and indulge in activities that bring me pleasure and/or peace. Today I felt well enough to drive to South Street and visit a new find and an old haunt. Dishes that feature fall flavors are among my favorites and I planned on going somewhere for Oktoberfest. That did not happen so today I discovered the very popular Brauhaus Schmitz.

Doesn’t that look good? It is schnitzel with mushroom sauce, cabbage, and spaetzle. I could not finish it all, but it was delicious. The cabbage was amazing, so yummy with the mushroom sauce. Authenticity matters to me, in cuisine and in people!

A few blocks away is The Garland of Letters, a bookstore that opened in 1972, way before my college days when South St was one of my typical hangouts. It is reassuring that it still remains in its original location, featuring all the spiritual books and gifts anyone could wish for.

This is my little present to me from me, a cool book about chakras that I just had to have. I wanted something I could take back home with me to carry on the 11-11 energy. Going downtown did shift my awareness and increase my vibration. I felt it rather quickly. Synchs were happening with regularity and my mood brightened. I was also delighted to notice that fall foliage was rather abundant in Center City. I took a few shots from my car ( while the vehicle was stopped).

I am aware that today’s blog could have been spread over several posts, but I see it as a complete story. Existence can be dark and hopeless and full of pain, regrets, and lost opportunities until the opposite emerges. Birthdays or solar returns, whichever you prefer, is a time of reflection for me. This was not a stellar year in many respects, months of illness, much upheaval, disappointment, and displacement. Yet, chakra bibles, trees bursting with color, and liberation can manifest, sometimes when hope is lost and letting go is the only choice that works. So I chose a new birthday this year and hope the memories I made will reverberate throughout the next solar cycle.

HAPPY 11 – 11 TO YOU!

Nature Rocks

Communion with the natural world is how I do mysticism best ( or better at the very least). My heart opens so wide when I connect with cats, birds, light on a leaf, a pink sunset, etc. My experiences the past month or so have been interesting. On several occasions, I have caught a quick glimpse of a creature or two; an intense flash of movement, so easily dismissed and unlikely to register with the typical busy human be-ing.


Driving home a few nights ago, I saw a solitary deer retreat back towards the woods. ( Photos above were taken in March in my backyard). A few days ago I opened my front door to witness about 8 sparrows fly up from the bushes in unison. Last week I spotted a rare for this area black and blue butterfly move around my car. I remember seeing one like it last August as well. We do not get many butterfly varieties in my neck of the woods, so this was a treat. I consciously set an intention for this beauty to fly back to the car. And I waited. A few minutes. And it did not return.

Fast forward to yesterday right before work as I sit on the couch and watch some TV. A black and blue butterfly flies towards the terrace. There are no plants or flowers there so I do not know what the draw was. I watched it dance around the perimeter of the terrace. Then I noticed it take root on the green mat on the terrace floor. It rested there and fluttered its wings. I rushed to take a picture, wondering if it would allow me to snap a shot. It appeared to see me, but stayed on the mat, in a  butterfly “resting pose.” This lovely creature hung out on my terrace for close to an hour. I took a few shots over the course of 30 minutes.

Isn’t she lovely? Looks like my wish was granted from a few days earlier. This truly felt like a blessing from the Divine, as the butterfly held space for me. It reminded me of my grasshopper giventure a few years back. The photography is not award-winning, but it documents our sweet communion.

Sometimes it is the simple moments that give us all we need if we just take the time to remain quiet and open.

How has your week been?