By Anne Dirkse ( (Own work) [CC BY-SA 4.0 (], via Wikimedia Commons

How Am I Doing? Part 2


I would suggest you read this series in order, so start here.

When I was relatively new to this spiritual odyssey, I had an important insight. I realized that once you are on the train, you cannot stop it. Once you pursue what is beyond the 5 senses ( 3D world), it is on. At the time, I was fine with it. I was exhilarated by the ride and had plenty of support. You cannot go back to not knowing.

Fast forward to now: There are many moments when I wish I could see the chair as just a chair, the window as the window, the floor as solid. Years of studying A Course in Miracles helped me exit the world of duality and separation. I have no regrets about The Course. I love what I have learned and the timing of my introduction was perfect. I just am at a place where it gets to be too much. I would not say that ignorance is bliss, but I would say that with knowledge comes responsibility.

Having gifts or abilities does not eliminate loss, sadness, confusion, or fear. If anything, my sensitivity can often heighten my emotional experiences. Love is stronger than fear and it is close to impossible to be in love and fearful simultaneously. Yet love does not eliminate all the pain and suffering on the planet ( within and without).

I offer another song from the same time period as the last couple posts. Another haunting melody with powerful lyrics and a message that is up for interpretation. Let the music take you wherever you want to go…

By Anne Dirkse ( (Own work) [CC BY-SA 4.0 (], via Wikimedia Commons

How Am I Doing? Part 1

I realize that most of my recent posts have been about art or reblogs ( of my work or fellow bloggers). With the exception of the March Madness post, I have been rather quiet.

I have really been struggling. So much so, that while the blog ideas arrive fast and furious, my ability to digest and integrate the material has been compromised. So I have decided to write smallish posts for now.  My goal is to share my story in manageable, bite size nuggets until I am able to produce more lengthy material.

I do want to thank those who have prayed for me, sent me love, good vibes, light, etc. Please keep it coming. Some of it must have reached me because my physical health has shown some improvement. The symptoms are less harsh and less frequent. Thank you.

Music has always offered me solace. I cannot recall a time when it has not comforted me. As I continue to sort out the jewels from the rubbish, the soundtrack continues.

So I offer you another song. When I first heard this in the 1970s, I took the message literally. Today it takes on a symbolic tone.


After you listen, please take a pause and ask yourself:

Is this the Matrix or the Soul?

Or possibly an alternative way of being?

After the Fire

I am speechless. Well, practically speechless. I am not even close to wrapping my head around the last few weeks.

However, for the past few days the phrase After the Fire has been cycling repeatedly within me. I knew it was an old Who song that I vaguely remember. While most of the lyrics have long since receded, the message remains clear.


After the fire, the fire still burns
The heart grows older but never ever learns
The memories smolder and the soul always yearns
After the fire, the fire still burns


I found this rare and quite sweet video performance of After the Fire by Roger Daltrey and Sinead O’ Connor. I am in awe of how this particular rendition resonates with me so intimately.  Hoping this performance will convey my emotional state adequately.



image credit~

Fill in the blanks, literally

It is a warm and rainy Wednesday in my corner of the world. This eclipse hit me so hard, I never saw it coming. Kundalini (or whatever ? ) left me with aches and pains and emptiness and some  mysterious cold ” thingy “.  My energy waxes and wanes. I find that music, candles, meditation, and Lee Harris seem to help mitigate the anxiety and my intermittent desire to just throw in the towel.

get-attachment (48)

Caroline Myss said on Oprah that conscious beings know when to let go of anything that is not theirs to begin with. Well it appears that I will not be doing the “dream job” that I have spent most of my life preparing for. That means it was never mine to begin with.  To put it another way, does that mean every relationship, residence, business one spends extensive time in is theirs by birthright? I don’t actually understand the totality of her message, but I like the concept of recognizing what is worth pursuing and what is not. But isn’t a mind a terrible thing to waste?

How do you find what is yours?

I must admit that I feel quite foolish for believing that all my life was geared towards this one shot to apply most of my toughest lessons to the service of humanity. My north node in Virgo knows it has to earn money and serve. My south node in Pisces just wants to chill indefinitely.  Sometimes it is just easier to keep distracting myself with books, games, movies, etc to avoid this sense of inevitable loss. With so much emphasis in my Solar 12 house, what else can I expect?

So I created this exercise that hopefully is more than a mere distraction. It could be very exciting and lead to all kinds of openings. We shall see.


get-attachment (27)


The picture above was created during my Awakening week in 2005. I worked on it at Pendle Hill and left it unfinished. I would like you to finish it for me and send it back to me for upload here. I don’t know how you will do this, but am certain there is a way to copy the image and add onto it ( I used markers and colored pencils).

I trust this invitation will reach the right people with the inclination to collaborate on this incomplete birthing of potential.

Help me fill in the blanks.




all artwork and photographs by © litebeing chronicles

Hindsight is 20/10

Those who are familiar with this blog know I am fascinated with time. Many of my favorite films and songs are devoted to this subject. This post is part of the daily prompt series and it has litebeing chronicles written all over it! I am incredibly analytic and have spent many hours ( translation – weeks) going over major decision points to see if I chose correctly. Maybe it started when me and my high school buddy began to play the ” What if ” game, trying to predict outcomes regarding our crushes of the moment. Then again, who knows.

Psychology or writing: turns out this is not an either/or question, but a multiple choice item(Both A and B are correct).

Quit the job or keep the job: guess what, it doesn’t matter if you don’t work on yourself!

Paper or plastic: just testing to see if you paying attention, April Fools!


wikimedia free domain

 image credit


What I realized eventually is that most of the time I made the best choices I could have under the circumstances. Most of my choices were not made lightly and while I often predicted an accurate and sometimes unfortunate outcome, I still did the best that I could.

There were a few situations I could have avoided had I not made decisions that I knew were dumb and made them anyway. When I was about 5 or so, my aunt kept telling me not to rock the metal chair I was sitting in all the way back towards the concrete. It was so much fun so I ignored her. The doctor who stitched me up said I was lucky I didn’t lose an eye.

Another time me and my teenage friends got high in the bathroom at a PAL ( Police Athletic League) dance. Who does that! Fortunately, a deal was made where my friend gave up her supplier in exchange for the cops not hauling our sorry butts to the station. Oh were we mad when they would not return our stash. I do not know what was stupider, getting high at the dance or actually going to the dance? Yes, I saw this outcome  a mile away.

I have also considered do- overs and realize that I do not want to relive any part of my life. This is because I would have to give up the ripple effects that each choice created. I am simply not down with that. I do wish that I would have taken some sage advice a bit sooner. It would have saved me some pain and heartache, to say the least. Here are some pearls of wisdom that are worth mentioning:

Pick your battles wisely: I first remember hearing this in my twenties. My supervisor at the time was suggesting that I do not get upset about every little obstacle I encountered at the office. I heard the words, but disregarded them. She was so right about this. Energy is precious and I wasted so much of it on people and situations that simply were not worth it. Sometimes life is about more than winning. I see now that getting distracted with minutia is not the way to go.

Don’t talk about past lovers with your present lover: This gem was imparted to my in my late teens. The message went completely over my head and I did not understand its inherent wisdom. I thought that I could talk about anything with my boyfriends. I had a few of them help my process my breakups ( before we also broke up , inevitably). If you are more focused on your past relationship than your present one, that should be telling you something!

Don’t take your health for granted: Thank you mom, this was a good one. Until I hit middle age, I did not have a clue what she meant. I thought it was cool to have above average vision, 20/10 in both eyes. I was farsighted in a good way. I could see things from a distance before most people could. This made me quite valuable during a road trip! When my sight declined and I needed to wear glasses, I understood what a precious gift it was to have excellent eyesight. With every new ache and pain and ailment along the way, I am mindful to be grateful for all the vitality I still possess.

Love yourself: I saved the best for last. Again, middle age was a turning point for me in discovering my inner beauty. Before that I did not have the tools or perspective to really put this advice into action. When I look at old picture albums and see the sweet lovely girl and young woman I once was, I am amazed at how I did not notice it at the time. I was too busy comparing myself to others and judging myself for my ” imperfections”. I could have really used the extra confidence back then. The good news is that I have become much more comfortable in my own skin and can see my light shine from within.

This is truly a sign of progress. I can finally love myself with less judgement now and I don’t even have the 20/10 vision anymore. Maybe that’s why they say hindsight is 20/20.

related posts: