The day I have been both dreaming of and dreading has finally arrived. Today Uranus sits at 5 degrees Gemini. This is my IC angle. In addition my Progressed Ascendant has also moved to the same location. 5 degrees Gemini. So my chart ruler Uranus now sits on another powerful angle, the IC. My moon alos occupies the 4th house natally in Gemini. Currently this shows up in my need to communicate. I am blogging much more often.
Uranus is called the Great Awakener. Not always but with this transit I am definitely experiencing a new level of Spiritual Awakening. This upgrade is very unsettling and exciting. When Neptune moved to my Ascendant in 2005 I had an upgrade also. After reading my Awakening post it was evident that many themes prevail with relationship and energetic merging. However that earlier leveling up was sweet, more emotional and while confusing, certainly less chaotic than now. At a later date I plan to write about how Kundalini has become an ever-present force in my body and awareness. One could say it is the gift that keeps on giving. Stay tuned!
Since the IC can pertain to family. I have decided to share a bit more about my father. During this most recent excavation of the men in my life, neglecting to include my father would be foolish. One’s parents are so important in how we develop as romantic partners. As a woman that prefers men, my dad was the first man to teach me about how men show up in the world.
Conveniently my father had a Gemini sun. As he has been dead for many years now, I feel more comfortable saying a bit more about our dynamic. Decades of therapy have certainly been helpful and my growth has allowed me to pass on some wisdom to my clients.
I am the first born in my family of origin. My mother miscarried a few years before I was born and believes it was a son. No ultrasounds were available in the 1950s to determine gender. I have no idea waht sex this person would have expressed, but I suspect it was my soul. I think I decided to opt out. This intuition is based on the truth that I do not think I wanted to be born. Perhaps I was convinced to go a long with the plan. I cannot be certain but this narrative seems likely.
May dad was raised with sisters. He wanted at least one son and instead had 2 daughters. It seems he adjusted because he was very attentive. He was more nurturing than my mother and more playful. Both of my parents have lots of fire in their charts. My father had planets in all 3 fire signs plus Jupiter conjunct Pluto. He was larger than life, very strong, powerful. and driven. He was also a leader who kept rising in his career. Some would call him charming. He certainly had the gift of gab and was a great communicator.
He doted on me when I was born. While he worked a lot , family was very important to him. I was more similar to him than to my mother. We were both very curious, bright, and headstrong. As I headed into puberty we began to clash. I challenged authority and spoke my mind. I noticed his flaws and the man I once idealized I no longer recognized. It appeared as if his stress was impacting his mental health. My household became quite toxic. My father was someone I feared . I no longer felt safe in my home which was was filled with emotional and mental abuse.
So when I began noticing boys, the astrologer in me was seeing all these Geminis show up. Traditionally it looks good to have the female’s moon matched to the male’s sun. However I associated Gemini with duplicity, dishonesty, and lack of safety. Eventually Pisces began to arrive instead. Later The Scorpios took over, For the most part my boyfriends were becoming more and more Plutonian and Martian with Aries placements. These changes matched my 7th house energy. I kept upping the ante but avoiding my moon. Yet when James arrived later in life, he had a Gemini moon closely aspecting my own. This felt warm, cozy, and safe. He to this day was an outlier, He was not a karmic mate but closer to soul family or soulmate. We were so bonded but devoid of drama. However he shortly left the US after we met and never returned. This bond is eternal but the relationship was short in duration.
So I was challenged to stop idealizing men and still keep them around. I was to learn trust and avoid abuse. Eventually I stopped playing the game altogether. I feel fortunate that I survived at all. In many ways my dad was broken and never got help. This most likely is part of my own karma. Every time I met a new man I was being tested. Could I let someone in? Would they turn on me or leave me? Or would I leave them first?
Rick who recently passed also had some Gemini in his chart. His Jupiter was on my moon. While that placement was less influential than our other synastry aspect, it was a lovely energy.It also made me wonder if in some way I was beginning to heal. Let me explain.
Some readers know I have been grieving Rick. So far he showed up in two dreams. What I had not mentioned is that my father was also part of both of them. This was not lost on me. I dreamt of Rick the very first night I learned of his passing. I had a bunch of belongings to move. They were heavy and I was overwhelmed. Rick gathered them up and put them in a large bag or container. We moved them somewhere and my dad was there. Upon awakening it made sense that now my dad and Rick were together in the astral. The strange thing is they may have liked each other. Rick was the most arhletic of anyone I was involved with. In his 40s he actively plated tennis and pool. Earlier on he played almost every sport and excelled. I do not enjoy sports but was willing to overlook this differnce. My dad was passionate about most sports. In some alternate timeline they would have gone to games together. It makes me wonder if my dad and Rick are in my soul family. Rick and I shared a birthday. I feel like he was my twin.
In the second dream I was on vacation. A stranger started coming on to me. He was very aggressive. I waled away and saw Rick. I first saw his ex girlfriend and said I will miss her. She was full of light. I told Rick about the other man and he dismissed him as negative. Then he and I took a walk on the island and drove away. I was so pleased because ” I am on vacation and I have all the time in the world .” I told Rick that my dad knew he was on the island. This could have been a Survivor reference because Rick adored that show. Yet I also see this as the afterlife.
Dream takeaways:
The belongings were old baggage I have been dragging around. His ex girlfriend was really my friend Emily who just passed. The stranger was this new man I recently met. Rick and my dad are appearing in these dreams together although my dad was not actually present in the last dream. Yet it seemed that these two were to become connected. The vacation spot was a different realm where time does not exist.
I wonder if this Uranus in Gemini transit will help me step into my next chapter. I do not feel much like me anymore. Even some of my habits have changed. My sense of time is altered and life has become less real. I hope that perhaps I can heal more of my father wounds. Fear of abuse or other cruelty is difficult to heal but not impossible. Rick hurt me terribly but most of my anger has faded. My love for him has become even fiercer. I guess I will just have to see how far I can go.
I really enjoy mty own Gemini energy. Without it I would be even more intense and lack charm and wit. I probably would not be a blogger either. Soul retrieval is so crucial on the healing journey.
I cry every time I hear this song. I pray that before I leave this life that I can learn to be in relationship with a man in a healthy way. For all the men reading this, if you are a father and lack parenting skills, get help. If you are an addict, get treatment. If you have mental health issues, seek therapy and meds if needed. It is never too late to evolve.
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