Flip The Script

Here is some magic that took place yesterday ( Wednesday)  morning, when Pluto was standing still, awaiting its retrograde journey ( Thursday) today. I was at the drive thru at the local Dunkin’ Donuts. I have mixed feelings about this particular location, but am grateful to be able to use the drive-thru seamlessly. For many years, the driver’s window on my car was not working, so I would have to open the door at the drive thru, toll booth, etc., I was thinking about receiving a miracle, while recalling a synchronicity that occurred Tuesday evening ( more on that later.)

The man at the counter is one of my favorites. He is very kind and patient with me and my special orders. As I go to give him some money, he stops me and says ” Your order is paid for. Someone bought you your order.” I was in shock. I could not believe it! I become a bit teary and tell him that I was actually asking for a miracle. He replies  ” You never know the form, but miracles are always here ( paraphrase) .” Apparently he also is of a spiritual nature. That did not surprise me!

Then I go on to say ” I have seen this on TV, a pay it forward plan. Take my money and use it to pay for the car behind me.” I was so caught up in the moment that I forgot to ask him how much the order cost. I hope the money I gave covered it, but at least I had the wherewithal to follow through. I held onto the receipt as proof that I was part of this glorious exchange.

I cannot tell you how healing it felt to be seen and cared for and acknowledged to be part of humanity. It was the antithesis of having uninsured people ram into my parked, new car, virtually total it, and walk away from their vehicle. In that instant I felt as if the harm was erased and that I was back in the flow. This reminded me that positivity is within reach and can be just as unexpected as negativity.

Tuesday evening was also fulfilling, but in a different way. I was talking with my supervisor at the diner about how I look for reasons to go to work each day and that may be why I lose some objectivity when I consider that many successes may be met by subsequent relapses or poor outcomes. As we were having this conversation, a man approaches me. He looks a bit like a friend of mine, but younger and thinner. He comes to the table with a smile and says ” I don’t know if you remember me Linda, but I’m ( blank).”  When he says his name, I immediately remember him and say hi. I introduce him to my supervisor while his wife yells ” Hi Linda!” from their booth. I yell hello back and I tell him he looks good and that it has been many years. I wish him well and he returns to his wife and two young children.

I cannot tell my supervisor, but I grin because of the irony. It did not matter because I knew she understood why I had to remain silent. Here is a former client of mine who worked with me for many, many years. I worked with his wife for couples sessions and helped him adjust to parenting both of his children. His smile was an indication that I was important to him. He could have stayed in his seat, or perhaps said hello if I happened to walk by his booth. His presence solidified for me that I do help people and that my efforts do matter. Once again, it was about being seen.

I am so grateful for the appearance of these seemingly simple events in the overall fabric of my life. The script was flipped and it could not have happened at a better time.

Tell us about a time you paid it forward.  How did it feel to flip the script?

Dunkin' image via wikipedia.org, public domain

New Sagittarius Moon ~ Prepare to Communicate with Tolerance and Forgiveness

Hello Litebeings,
I want to reach out , to ask you to keep me in your prayers. Last night someone rammed their vehicle into mine, which was parked on my street. The driver and her companion fled the scene after practically totaling both vehicles. I am feeling victimized and very very angry.

I was looking for something to reblog for you. This post was listed as a recommendation at the end of a different post I was considering. That post was not quite right, but this one is. While the Sag New Moon is somewhat irrelevant for today, the themes are on point. That lunation is very close to today’s current Saturn placement. With the recent Saturn station and Mercury’s retrograde imminent, this message is very timely. It not only articulates what I need more of in my own attitudes and behavior, but it is a bit prophetic as well. Tolerance and forgiveness are not easily achieved, but are essential ingredients in the elixir of peace and unity for Gaia.

much love, litebeing

litebeing chronicles

Happy New Moon litebeings! May I add Happy 12-11!

How did my very personal post become political and global? This is what I asked myself after I crafted the title.

 The symbology took me there.

wikipedia.org public domain US

Today the new moon highlights 19 degrees Sagittarius. This just happens to be the location of my natal Venus. Venus is about many things, love and resources in particular. This new moon is part of a t-square with Chiron at 17 Pisces and Jupiter at 22 Virgo opposing each other and squaring the sun and moon. The release point of this configuration is between 17 and 22 degrees Gemini. This just happens to be where my natal moon is situated.

Clearly this is an important event for me personally. I’ll share a little bit about how I have done Venus in Sagittarius:

Love of adventure and travel

Taking risks in romance

Spending money on…

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J2P: Women’s Issues and Healing

Leigh’s post on the necessity of feminism is quite moving and extremely relevant. Please read and share 🙂

in lite, litebeing

Not Just Sassy on the Inside

Suffragette (women's rights movement) Emmeline... Suffragette (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

One of the arenas in which I have been really disturbed by Trump and the voters of America is the subject of women and women’s rights.

I feel like he’s made it quite clear he thinks it’s perfectly all right for men to grope and molest and sexually harass women any time they want.  And that makes me feel anyone who voted for him was basically saying they favor that.

I know young women today are for some reason turned off to the women’s movement and that bugs me (which I’ve discussed here) but I don’t think they get how bad it was or how recently.

HOW IT WAS

You see I am old enough that when I had my first jobs, there were no sexual harassment laws.  It was perfectly acceptable for a man to follow you into a supply closet or an alcove…

View original post 927 more words

wikiart.org, pub domain

In Plein Air

Is it just me or is time racing by with a vengeance? We have a second Sag full moon, the Summer Solstice in the Northern Hemisphere ( Happy Winter to our friends in the Southern Hemisphere) and Father’s day, all within 24 hours or less of one another.

This brings up plenty of stuff for me. Beginnings and endings, light and dark, knowledge and wisdom, fathers and daughters, presence and uncertainty.

Let’s begin with a touch of grace. Last Sunday I decided to have a brief stroll down Germantown Avenue to take in the Plein Air competition. Plein air is associated with the open air painting style found in French Impressionism. I live very close to the Garden district but rarely feel drawn to aimlessly wander up and down the avenue. But this event has a Parisian feel to it, so I figured why not?

After a healthy lunch, I begin walking up hill, on the lookout for artists doing their thing. Without notice , it hits me. I feel so different ; it is so pleasant and yet very unfamiliar. I was relaxed. I was at peace. My mind had slowed down on its own and my anxiety had washed away. I was able to be present without effort. My authentic self surfaced as I made conversation with the artists and felt the gentle breeze. It was a slice of heaven on Earth.

I intend to enter this space more often. When I am fully engaged, I am less likely to ruminate or obsess. I can align with whatever arises and be in the flow. Simple pleasures do abound. Sometimes an attitude adjustment is required, other times, Grace is at hand.

I do not have my father on Earth anymore, and I never liked celebrating Father’s Day. At least, I do not have any memories of enjoying it. So many people grow up without fathers or have poor relationships with their dads. Parenting and nurturing are so crucial in our society. I have made much headway in forgiving my father. He was a flawed person who had a troubled life. But he did not leave my mother and  he always put food on the table. I have less anger and resentment in my heart. This is progress.

The song Daughters came to me while thinking about this post. My brother-in-law is a great dad to his two daughters. My nieces are really blessed in this way and it will help them grow into womanhood with confidence and strength.

To all the dads and future dads out there, take a listen and pay attention. You are capable of so much potentially.

Wishing all my readers the brightest of days and the sweetest of dreams.

image credit ~ wikiart.org, public domain

New Sagittarius Moon ~ Prepare to Communicate with Tolerance and Forgiveness

Happy New Moon litebeings! May I add Happy 12-11!

How did my very personal post become political and global? This is what I asked myself after I crafted the title.

 The symbology took me there.

wikipedia.org public domain US

Today the new moon highlights 19 degrees Sagittarius. This just happens to be the location of my natal Venus. Venus is about many things, love and resources in particular. This new moon is part of a t-square with Chiron at 17 Pisces and Jupiter at 22 Virgo opposing each other and squaring the sun and moon. The release point of this configuration is between 17 and 22 degrees Gemini. This just happens to be where my natal moon is situated.

Clearly this is an important event for me personally. I’ll share a little bit about how I have done Venus in Sagittarius:

Love of adventure and travel

Taking risks in romance

Spending money on leisure activities

Appreciation of the exotic and unfamiliar

Expensive and often lavish taste

Feeling at home on the road and in hotels

My focus has been more on resources than romance presently. My upbringing comes into play as I consider how I do money. It seems strange to me to be living on so little income, because I don’t see myself as poor. I have lived most of my life with more than enough to make ends meet. Or at least enough to get by. I grew up always wanting expensive stuff and aspiring to dine in fine restaurants and stay at luxurious resorts. This is because I was introduced to this lifestyle early on. But I had champagne taste without the champagne budget!  While looking back at my history, however, poverty is never that far away. And yet, optimism was also just around the corner.

I grew up solid middle class, maybe even upper middle class for a while. But both of my parents grew up during the Great Depression and had little money. They were raised in households with little education and plenty of responsibility, like so many recent immigrants to this country. My parents’ synastry was based on a close Moon/Venus conjunction in Taurus. They both sought upper mobility and material security. My sister and I never knew what it was like to go without new clothes or a decent place to live. But worries about the future were always in the air. My father was the only one in his immediate family to get a college education and he was very ambitious. But even with the nice cars and fancy vacations, long lingered those disturbing memories of sacrifice and making do on very little. Some of those fears were transferred over to me. One cannot deny their history, otherwise they are doomed to repeat it

But there was also plenty of optimism about the future. My parents asked us to dream big and work towards our goals. They took us to foreign locales and exposed us to culture and diversity. They both loved history and this country. We visited many historical sites and made frequent trips to Washington DC. They discussed politics openly and encouraged us to be involved in the process by encouraging us to vote and participate in the national dialogue. They believed that we would see a brighter future. There was plenty of enthusiasm and exuberance both at the dinner table and out in the world. It was a strange mix of conservatism and naiveté. Another paradox that I strive to resolve.

Sagittarius is my family signature. We all have either a Sag MC or a Sag IC ( my mom). We were wanderers who enjoyed travel, foreign food, and gambling on the American Dream. But there was also plenty of conflict about religion and diversity. Diversity and identity are personal to me. I grew up in a Jewish/ Roman Catholic, Italian ( originally French immigrants to Italy), Eastern European ( German, Polish, Russian) family where many factions did not tolerate one another very well.   This theme goes back to my grandparents marrying outside their faith and ethnic heritage , and possibly even further back. Sagittarius can mean evolved sages or radical extremists or fervent fundamentalists. Often times it has to do with recognizing that some limitations ( Saturn) are actually for our own benefit. So much to chew on and integrate. When will we achieve the right balance as a society?

So fast forward to the present. Sagittarius is also about fanaticism, over-the-top ideology that can be equated with intolerance and self-righteousness. However, the flip side of Jupiter/Sag is a live and let live, anything goes philosophy. Bigotry and acceptance, side by side.

Here is a look at the Sabian symbol for this new moon :

Sabian Symbol for 20 degrees Sagittarius by Dane Rudhyar

20° MEN CUTTING THE ICE OF A FROZEN POND, FOR SUMMER USE.

Depth of operation necessary to prepare for next phase of life. Sacrifice of present to future. Throughness of action.

I wonder,  how does this apply to me? I rarely thought about the future in romance or finances and that is how I got here. Lots of lived experience with little to show for it ( materially). Sagittarius is all about experience. I live my life that way and this worldview is reflected in my astrological practice and in my writing. Yet it does not necessarily help with saving, investing, and maintaining a budget. But I had enough foresight to stick with my government job long enough to acquire a pension. So perhaps I was living the symbology to some degree.

You may wonder how I arrived at my title  Prepare ( 20 ° Sag) to Communicate ( Gemini) with Tolerance ( Jupiter) and Forgiveness ( Chiron) ? Basically I combined the key themes for Jupiter, Chiron, and Gemini with the Sabian symbol for this lunation. Tolerance is the antidote to too much excess (Jupiter). Jupiter squaring this Jupiter- ruled new moon implores that we become more moderate so that we can promote healing ( Chiron)  through forgiveness ( Pisces). This leads to self-love and ultimately, global peace. Communication with one’s higher nature is the way to begin. Forgive and tolerate any excesses or missteps. Chart a new course but first free oneself from old, dysfunctional, belief systems. Embrace your truth in a way that allows others to do the same, tolerating what you may not understand or agree with.

I really think this post was channeled , at least partially. My initial ideas for this article had very little to do with this prevailing theme. But I am going with the flow and allowing this material to be expressed in this manner. I hope that it resonates with some of my readers.

On some level, I have been wanting to contribute somehow to the global discussion of terrorism, inclusion, and finding a way to come together as one people. I just did not know how. By the way, presidential candidate Donald Trump has the moon at 21 Sagittarius and Sun at 22 Gemini. I have a strong belief that astrology presents us with public events and personalities to illustrate the mood of the times. Can you see how perfectly this is being played out on the public stage?

If we are all connected, then we all must own our part in the situations we find ourselves in. All this mutability ( Gem, Virgo, Sag, Pisces) encourages the ability to change, adapt, move through resistance.

I still have to explore further how this may operate in my life. I know all 4 angles of my chart are lit up in neon lights. Look for any planets and house cusps between 17 and 22 degrees of Gem, Virgo, Sag, and Pisces to see where you are being triggered to communicate with tolerance and forgiveness for the future.

I will end this very intense post with a song. I am not athletic, but I really took to archery at camp, before I was aware of my Venus placement ( Sagittarius the archer). The following song came to me as I was preparing for this draft to be written. Arc of a Diver and Archery, get it?

Do you see any of the themes discussed in the lyrics?

Arc of a Diver

If you would like a consultation for yourself or to gift to someone, this sale and contest may interest you.

image credit: wikipedia.org, US public domain
wikipedia.org public domain

The Golden Road to Transformation

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What a long strange trip it’s been, indeed.

My inspiration for the Time Machine Challenge started on a crisp and brilliant afternoon in September. If you are new to my blog or would like to catch up on your reading, please visit here to find the entire roster of spectacular challenge blogs. Reminiscing about my first September in Philly and the man who represented that era took me back to a state of excitement and joy.  I was amazed how my instantaneous flash of insight was later validated when I visited a website where that former boyfriend currently works. According to Michael Lutin, this time period before the New Scorpio Moon accentuates preoccupation and/or random encounters with past lovers are folks who trigger memories of former flames.

A few connections from Leigh and Laura gently guided me on a path of forgiveness and acceptance of the past. Leigh’s post on the  ho’oponopono prayer got me thinking of all the guilt and regret that still remains within me. An unexpected email from a stranger set in motion a fresh attempt to reframe any past relationships. I am speaking of the ones that seemed to stick with me, defying all my efforts to sever lingering cords. That stranger who contacted me is now a friend who readers know as Laura.

So I set out on an adventure to forgive all my past romantic entanglements, beginning with the first and moving towards present time. I would recite ho’oponono before falling asleep and visualize myself back in time with these former flames. It was often unpleasant as long forgotten details resurfaced. I was also looking to explore with fresh eyes the circumstances in which my ex from college would re-enter my life. I am seeking clues as to what his presence symbolizes for me now. I expected this process would eventually lead to healing. Truth be told, this exercise has been met with much resistance. However, I still am pursuing this path, hoping it is a “path with heart.”

But it is a path unfinished and did not reveal a story for the challenge. Around the same time ( late September) I followed up by contacting the director of the group practice where my ex works to inquire about employment. I did so because my ex works at their other location and my friend spoke so highly of the director. This contact led me to the discovery that I cannot get re-credentialed at my level of licensure. Perhaps this was a blessing in disguise because if I was hired and unable to work, the fallout would have been more upsetting and more time would have been wasted.

So I put off writing a post and hoped for the best. After reading Fiona’s challenge offering, I remembered an unfinished draft from July. Oddly enough, it addresses the challenge beautifully. Why am I surprised to discover that yet again Spirit has other plans?

So without further adieu I bring you my nonlinear, unplanned, but totally cool trip back in time:

See that girl, barefootin’ along,
Whistlin’ and singin’, she’s a carryin’ on.
There’s laughing in her eyes, dancing in her feet,
She’s a neon-light diamond and she can live on the street.

Hey hey, hey, come right away
Come and join the party every day.

Well everybody’s dancin’ in a ring around the sun
Nobody’s finished, we ain’t even begun.
So take off your shoes, child, and take off your hat.
Try on your wings and find our where it’s at. *

Was it 2015 or 1978 or perhaps 1967 ?  You decide:

July 4, 2015:

I had just received some long over -due money. I noticed that the Grateful Dead were live streaming their Chicago Fare Thee Well  50 year anniversary reunion concerts on On Demand. The fees were pricey but I had extra money. I deserved to splurge on something fun and purely entertaining. I had not seen any assembly of the Dead in decades and I was not going to be teleported to Chicago, sans an airplane ticket and place to stay. The concerts were to be held over 3 nights. This could be my last chance to see them perform, ever. Which night do I choose?

I could not justify viewing all 3 shows. I finally decided that July 4th would be the one. My reasoning was they would be settled in after the 1st show and since I associate the Dead with parties, why not celebrate America’s birthday in style? This decision was an arduous process. As an INFJ, I like to ponder and deliberate, often to a fault. In this case, I am glad I took my time.

Earlier that day I spotted a HUGE beetle like creature on my bedroom door. It seemed almost alien-like. I was terrified but managed to flush it down the toilet. Dexter was oblivious to this terrifying menace, but it certainly got a reaction out of me. I looked up beetle online to see what I could find here.

By J. Coelho [CC BY 2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0)], via Wikimedia Commons

This image is a rather close approximation. While I found the various interpretations fascinating, the following paragraph holds true till the present:

Perhaps the most profound lesson the beetle shares with us is the lesson of transformation and adaptation. Beetles engage in metamorphosis for development and growth. From egg to adult, they are a marvel of transformation illustrated in a short lifetime. They go through these revolutionary transformations with aplomb, very nonchalantly and matter-of-factly. Beetles embrace the flow of life and all its transitions without question. They surrender to change.

Looking back, I realize that this was my final complete weekend with Dexter. I was blissfully unaware that he would be leaving me so soon. Yet I did surrender to change and enter into a phase of transformation. The beetle sighting was fortuitous as it signals a new way of being on the planet. I would venture a guess that Dexter is more adaptive than I have been, given his loving demeanor in spite of multiple placements and tricky health issues.  We have so much to gain from the natural world.

Post beetle episode, I am ready for the concert. There was so much to take in and integrate.  Never in my wildest dreams would I have imagined watching a live concert on TV in this fashion. The word surreal is not superfluous in this instance. The telecast was filmed so you were truly in the moment, without commercials and artificial editing. I cannot exactly describe it, but it was quite close to being there in Chicago.

It turns out I almost lived in Chicago. My parents traveled their often as it was where my dad’s company’s main headquarters were located. It is also where they purchased my very first astrology book. I still have it and it was published in the 1960s. I also made a wonderful friend from Chicago who I met in Miami. We both stayed at the same hotel for 2 years over Xmas holidays. We became pen pals and I never forgotten her. Plus I have some online blogger buddies from Chicago so the city keeps appearing in my life.  I recently found out that we almost moved there when I was young. My mother revealed that my dad was offered a big promotion at the main headquarters. I was shocked to hear that he turned it down, given we moved around so often.  So here I am focusing in on elusive and mysterious Chicago. Here’s yet another example of the road not traveled.

wikipedia.org public domain

The music itself was very moving. The pace was slow and many of the songs were folksy and bluegrass style. The evening progressed like a heartfelt lullaby. Yet at certain points the mood shifted and the pace quickened. I had not been feeling well and was functioning on little energy. But I was propelled to get off my couch and dance. One song in particular set me in motion like a dervish. The Golden Road to Unlimited Devotion was playing. I could have been hallucinating , but I was lucid and sober. As Dexter watched, I began to swirl. This is MY song and I have never heard it performed live. I felt as if another force was propelling me into seamless, graceful, dizzying, flight. How did I get so energized? What was the source of all this power inside of me? I was floating on air, whizzing in circles, free of obstructions or constraints. I was on fire!

Later I researched the show online to read about the setlist. I came upon this article that blew my mind wide open. Here is what was written about the Golden Road performance:

Next up was “The Golden Road (To Unlimited Devotion),” a song Jerry Garcia wrote about the Haight hippie scene that The Grateful Dead only played a handful of times in 1967. Bruce Hornsby and Trey Anastasio fronted the group on the obscurity.

My favorite ( among favorites such as Eyes of the World, Sugar Magnolia, Truckin’, Scarlet Begonias, US Blues, and Box of Rain, to name a few) is basically a favorite of the few. It was last performed in 1967. I had not even heard of the band until 1977 and had not attended my first show until 1978.  It is probably a statistical anomaly that this song was performed on the exact night I decided to watch the show. This is not just a song to me. It is an anthem. I was this chick in the song in high school and college. Or at least I imagined myself to be like her. She was free and blissful and at peace. Perhaps I longed to get out of my own way so I could be her.

I actually transformed into her a few months earlier. Here is an excerpt of my May 26th post on dream number 3 of an incredibly active sojourn of slumber.

May 26, 2015 ( circa 1978?)

And now for something completely different:

3 – Went back in time to the 1970s. Lots of teens around, big crowd. I run into a friend.We will call him “Sam.” He used to be my dream prompt. Seeing him meant I was dreaming. He has not appeared in years though. There was to be a 1970s party. I was excited about this. My friend “Sam” said I would like to dance with you , big smile. I was so excited and I typically don’t like to dance. Lots of love between me and Sam, unlike real life where we were longtime yet intermittent, platonic friends. I knew him from when I first moved to NJ in the middle of 6th grade through the summer after HS grad when our families vacationed at the same hotel down the shore. At the party, there was such a joyous atmosphere. The room was dark and the music was psychedelic. Sam and I hit the dance floor and did our thing. We were both young but I danced with the confidence of a more mature person. In high school I would have not felt as eager to express myself this freely.

When I turned around I saw a young Bob Weir singing Grateful Dead music. It was a big surprise. I have dreamed of Bob and Jerry( Garcia) many times before over the years. Sometimes while dreaming I talk with them. In this dream I did not know Bob, nor did I interact with him. I was so excited and remembered Sam was there at my first Grateful Dead concert in 1978. The same day he and his band performed a concert at the high school. A group of us began to chant the date of that concert 5-13-78. ( later I checked and that was the actual date of the concert. How did I remember that?) It was wild. I said to him “You were in a band!” I think he was the lead singer. My friends who attended the concert with me were at this party or at the very least I mentioned them to Sam. Some of Sam’s friends were also there. Sam and I were becoming a couple and were very happy. I felt loved and adored.

What was so interesting was the Bob Weir became the face of the Dead once Jerry Garcia passed away. He was my favorite anyway so I would always focus on Bobby. I was also stunned to realize the prophetic nature of this dream. I was seeing Bob Weir perform and dancing as if no one was watching. I was imbuing my current knowingness into the past.  What a wild ride of past and future morphing together in Dreamtime. You could say that for a few short minutes I was livin’ the dream.

I said Fare Thee Well to Dexter one week later. I also learned that the farewell concerts were not the last. A newly formed group called Dead and Company featuring Bob Weir, John Mayer ( another Libra with loads of Scorpio) , Mickey Hart, and others have begun touring recently so the music apparently never stops in some form.

Update: Apparently Dead and Company were performing in Philadelphia last night ( 11-5-15) while I was completing this post. The synchronicity continues…

We never know how much or how little is happening at any given time. I did not know that my current physical body possessed that much energy. I certainly never expected to hear the Golden Road performed live and in real-time in my living room. Life is a mystery that keeps surprising me, just when I think I’ve got it all figured out.

But I have figured out one important lesson. I want to play! Perhaps having the experience of both spontaneity, exuberance, and confidence will assist me in replicating this behavior going forward. My birthday is approaching as I type and I have set my intention to be that girl from the Golden Road. Being free and playful and in motion is the way. 

The time machine kept me quite busy, transporting me to and from Philly to Chicago and to 1967 ( around the year I began studying astrology), 1978,  2015 and beyond. My consciousness flowed from waking state to frenzied ecstasy to Dreamtime. My challenge was not what I intended upon its inception in September. Yet I took the steps necessary to get me to this point. Now I am ready to try on my wings.

*lyrics credit

Here’s a video of the original 67 performance.

Here’s what I saw on 7-4-15.

Thanks to all for another spectacular blogging challenge. They keep getting better because WE keep getting better.

image credits: beetle by J. Coelho [CC BY 2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0)], via Wikimedia Commons dervishes images, wikipedia.org, public domain
header image, wikipedia.org, public domain

Right Place, Wrong Time

I love using song titles for my posts. It was gonna be ” Oops I Did It Again” by Britney Spears, but I just couldn’t go there. Besides, this Dr. John classic discusses time and lately I am all about time!

So why this song? I find myself dumbfounded by my inability to hold onto anything lately. I am so glad to have another birthday and get on with it. At least then I gain another year.

wikipedia.org, public domain

So where was the right place? Bryn Mawr College. Oh how I loved it there. I made amazing friends, was reignited with passion for my career, and learned so much about how to serve.  My degree is Master of Social Service. It is unlike the typical Master of Social Work title. Bryn Mawr is distinguished in a myriad of ways, but in this case it distinguished itself by substituting service for work. It did make a world of difference. So I graduate and pass my licensing exam on the first try. Woohoo I am a licensed professional. I honestly would not have wanted to go anywhere else. I was accepted also at Penn, but I made the wise choice.

When was the wrong time? 1996. Now, there is nothing wrong with 1996. It was a perfectly fine year. This has to do with Pennsylvania state law. Just a couple of years after I become licensed, the stated decides to add another level of licensure. In order to practice therapy and get insurance reimbursement for services, you now have to get another license and get documented hours of supervision. Then you can take another exam and so on…

When I first heard about this, I was stunned. ” Are you kidding me?” However, I doubt that this recent situation could have been predicted or avoided. I have been working as a therapist for years and already have a license for doing something I did in the 1980s with just a Master’s Degree in Psychology. No license required thenThen was the right time.

So I was lucky enough to be grandfathered in when I wanted to return to work as a therapist. Cool, I thought. I liked my group practice and figured I would work there after I retired. Well, the owner sold the practice not long ago and I was less than pleased. The new regime was not to my liking ( putting it mildly), so I left. Little did I know this decision would come back to bite me now.

I discovered a few weeks ago that once I left my practice and exited the network, I cannot return without the LCSW. Do you think I was told about this? No. How about when I contacted the credentialing entity to notify them of my status? What was I told when I asked about resuming my practice? I was told that I would just reapply when I join another group. That was all. Not a word about my license.

Nadda.

This morning I heard that my appeal was denied. It is so tempting to say, okay I am going to remain retired. I could assume this is a sign that I am to remain on this couch with a new cat at a to be determined time. However I realize that it is not so simple. Those types of conclusions are erroneous. To be absolutely frank, I do not think licenses are necessary. Passing an exam does not make one a clinician. Many professionals are licensed and are anything but professional. What about driver’s licenses? How many licensed drivers should be off the road? Get my point.

So where is the spiritual part of this post? I could start a new blog for rants if I wanted. Well, for starters, writing is my therapy and I don’t need a license to blog ( yet!). Secondly, I know that such a twist of fate is somehow for my evolution. It was so perfectly orchestrated. I do not know how this will be for my betterment, but throwing a tantrum will not suffice. It is all about acceptance and forgiveness. It boils down to me forgiving myself for not being able to fix the unfixable. It is also about permitting myself to grieve the loss of autonomy that my credentialed status allowed me to enjoy. It is all about reinvention and loving the aspects of myself that are prone to self-doubt and defeatism. For the astrologers, let’s call it Pisces South Node. Victim central. I will not allow myself to live in Victim Central.

People make decisions regularly without all of the facts. Even HSPs who are highly intuitive don’t know everything. Who knew? Not me.

It happens. Shit happens. It and shit rhymes. I am losing it a little now. Won’t be the first time. But it is the right time.

To recap: Bryn Mawr good, 1996 bad.

If only.

Humor me: If you have been in a similar situation, do tell.

image credit, wikipedia.org

September ~ Behold the Parfait

Ahh, finally September. The idea of September comforts me. Maybe it has to do with the Earth Wind and Fire song of the same name, or because it signals the end of humid oppressive weather. Maybe I associate this month with hope.  I am just so ready to move on. But to where, to what?

StrawberrySundae (1)

When I consider my evolution, the parfait comes to mind. The image above is a strawberry sundae, but you get the idea. It is about the different layers. Reading about parallel universes and varying levels of consciousness have influenced me greatly over the summer. While I draw no conclusions, I see how this metaphor can be effective. Take yesterday for example: I wake up from a positive loving dream. I feel open, confident, and cared for. In waking life, all sorts of shit hits the fan. Most of it stems from dealing with people who lack consciousness. Now I understand there are times when I am one of those people, but I am talking about people who you want to trust, but show you otherwise. You give them the benefit of the doubt and you stretch your patience. You see the beauty within them and hope for the best. When you reach your boundary, you express your feelings with truth and some diplomacy. You receive defensiveness, no accountability, and anger in return.

Have any of you experienced this?

With Venus about to complete her retrograde cycle, I have been feeling sadness deepen within me. This sadness has inspired me in the examining of past relationships. I keep coming back to the quote ” When people show you who they are, believe them.” I learned years ago not to accept one’s words over actions. We are much more than either words or actions, but they are indicators of our level of awareness at a point in time and space.

I am happy to report that I am not judging myself for giving people the benefit of the doubt. I lead with my intuition and I would do so again. When I reflect on past romances and consider excuses, manipulations, and blatant dishonesty, I feel less bitter.

People are flawed and we do the best we can. Like Matt Kahn says, it is not about just hanging out with people at your level or trying to convince others that you know the way. Have you ever called a liar a liar? Have you ever called a manipulator a manipulator? It accomplishes nothing. I refuse to see people who behave this way as reflections of me anymore. It is not that simple and never was.

When I notice how my big open heart invites some to take advantage, I fight the tendency to close down. I enjoy being full of love. My Dexter taught me well. In his absence I truly feel the sadness of being disconnected. I have so few people in my life that really know me and offer me unconditional love. I could adopt another cat and be done with it. I probably will adopt when I am ready.

But in this transitional period I travel from layer to layer. I allow the extreme sadness to stay with me until it dissipates. I enjoy my dream state and meditative states of being. Which layer is more real? I don’t know.   At some levels of consciousness, all is well exactly as it is. I grasp the panoramic view where my soul is delighting in my incarnation. I continue to be grateful for the big and little things, the organic dates and fresh guacamole, the magical powers of probiotics, an unexpected breeze, a smile that appears on my face…

Wishing you a multilayered September full of revelations and love.

 

 

image credit, wikipedia.org, public domain

love is love

Rainbow_at_Ladoga

This has been quite an extraordinary week for myself, Barack Obama, and the United States. Since the president and I share a similar  birth chart ( Aquarius Ascendant, Moon in Gemini in 4th house, close Sun Neptune aspect, Uranus Pluto in the 7th, etc) I pay close attention to how transits affect him on the public stage. I got my tax return with an extra hundred dollars and extra iced tea. The Affordable Care Act ( Obamacare) was validated once more by the Supreme Court, the contentious Trade bill passed, same-sex marriage is the law of the land, confederate flags will be going the way of VHS tapes, and a heartfelt eulogy for Reverend Pinckney in Charleston became an impassioned channeling of the Divine, concluding with a poignant rendition of Amazing Grace.

This week was book-ended by grace. Last Friday the family members and loved ones of the murdered congregation and pastor forgave the alleged murderer and this Friday Obama’s rousing eulogy broadcasted grace all over the planet. This is not an exaggeration. I truly felt a surge of energy while watching him speak, both this morning at the White House and later this afternoon in Charleston.

Venus conjunct Jupiter transiting the descendant can work miracles with a Uranus trine added for good measure! Sometimes I find my president to be a bit cold and distant for a Leo with the moon in Gemini, but today he did me proud! I witnessed a greater version of the man as leader. While I understand that politics are always at play and that he is quite strategic, it was clear to me that he was being used by Source.

I have included excerpts of Obama’s speech today at the White House after the Supreme Court ruled in favor of marriage for all. I highlighted my favorite sections in italics.

Progress on this journey often comes in small increments. Sometimes two steps forward, one step back, compelled by the persistent effort of dedicated citizens. And then sometimes there are days like this, when that slow, steady effort is rewarded with justice that arrives like a thunderbolt.

But today should also give us hope that on the many issues with which we grapple, often painfully, real change is possible. Shift in hearts and minds is possible. And those who have come so far on their journey to equality have a responsibility to reach back and help others join them, because for all of our differences, we are one people, stronger together than we could ever be alone. That’s always been our story.

We are big and vast and diverse, a nation of people with different backgrounds and beliefs, different experiences and stories but bound by the shared ideal that no matter who you are or what you look like, how you started off or how and who you love, America is a place where you can write your own destiny.

We are people who believe every child is entitled to life and liberty and the pursuit of happiness. There is so much more work to be done to extend the full promise of America to every American. But today, we can say in no uncertain terms that we’ve made our union a little more perfect.

That’s the consequence of a decision from the Supreme Court, but more importantly, it is a consequence of the countless small acts of courage of millions of people across decades who stood up, who came out, talked to parents, parents who loved their children no matter what, folks who were willing to endure bullying and taunts, and stayed strong, and came to believe in themselves and who they were.

And slowly made an entire country realize that love is love.

What an extraordinary achievement, but what a vindication of the belief that ordinary people can do extraordinary things; what a reminder of what Bobby Kennedy once said about how small actions can be like pebbles being thrown into a still lake, and ripples of hope cascade outwards and change the world.

While watching him speak , my mind flashed to many of Matt Kahn’s teachings and I had a mini mystical experience. It was a realization that we may really be moving towards a new global paradigm. I know my country is far behind many nations in numerous areas and that saddens me. I am second generation American on my dad’s side and third generation on my mother’s, so my people have not been here long. My trip to Europe really brought home to me the fact that so many “less powerful” nations treat their people better. As a result, I identify more with European values and sensibilities than the conservative, repressive ways of many who run the US government. But when I reflect on the amazing experiment of this young country that started in the city I call home, I want to see things differently. The amazing speed of change within just one week is epic. If you read the text from both of Obama’s speeches, you will see signs of light.

On a similar note: I have been feeling Leofied lately , so naturally the Stones have been front burner. The song She’s A Rainbow came to me last weekend. When I was celebrating my windfall on Monday, I went to Barnes and Nobles ( big surprise, right!) and perused the music section. I notice some CDs are on sale and I pick up one by the Stones. Of course, She’s A Rainbow is one of the tracks so I was compelled to buy the album. What I did not consciously know back then is that the Supreme Court would rule in favor of same-sex marriage today, along with the incredibly popular use of rainbow symbolism. Maybe I was picking up on this psychically, not certain. I observed many rainbows today ( loved the rainbow White House) along with plenty of purple at the funeral in Charleston. I am aware that these symbols have multiple meanings but I equate purple with spiritual energy and rainbows as mystical beacons.

As always, please let me know your reactions.

In honor of purple, rainbows, and Venus( love) Jupiter ( faith and grace) in Leo, please enjoy this sweet Stones song( the purple link)

she’s a rainbow

image credits: wikipedia.org, public domain