A Dream Sampler ~ My Winter Solstice Tribute

Just before Mercury stations direct tomorrow, I am going “retro” by posting a popular dream post that coincided with Winter Solstice 2013.

Wishing all a glorious Solstice, a productive Saturn in Capricorn transit, and a blessed holiday season.

litebeing chronicles

Some readers have been interested in my dream groups, and more specifically the content of my dreams. I have been hesitant to blog about my dreams because I do not like being analyzed. As a psychotherapist, I am sensitive to those who tend to pathologize or judge the inner experiences of others. When I assist another in dream analysis, I take special care to empower the dreamer and avoid labeling or limiting the multitude of layers potentially contained within each dream.

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Having said that, I see that my desire to inspire and advocate for dream work overrides my worries over being labeled or pigeonholed. So I have assembled a dream sampler for you today! This sampler is an assortment of various dream types. All of them have been quite meaningful because they have provided me with guidance or insight into the larger workings of Source as well as my individual…

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Half- Birthday Greetings!

Howdy litebeings and welcome to all my new followers! Today is my half-birthday and that makes me 56 1/2 years old in Earth time. More like 17 inside and 90 outside ( and sometimes the reverse is true). In my case, the sun also squares my Ascendant! It makes life a bit intense at times.  Anyway, I have been somewhat absent from WP and want to say hello and update you a little on the past few weeks.

I am still waiting for my car to be returned to me and I am glad that it will be finished after Mercury and Venus stationed direct. I have Venus ruling my 3rd house and this episode seems to be linked with Venus and Mercury moving backwards through my 2nd house of possessions. Uranus is still transiting my 2nd house also and this may have triggered the accident.

Internally I have been feeling alternately fearful, overwhelmed, and hopeful. Sometimes these emotions appear together. I have been getting interesting guidance lately. Most of the time it appears subtly, but this week the messages were very obvious. I have plenty to ponder.

Future posts:

1 Dreams and synchronicity 

2  Book review on the Quaker Spiritual Path

3  Film review on a movie about Synchronicity

4 Emerging intuitive process

While I strive to be organized and efficient ( Virgo north node), I allow myself to veer off when necessary. I will be back soon to finish responding to all your wonderful comments.

namaste, litebeing

Dreamers Unite

UPDATE: I listened to the call last night and feel asleep. I have heard the information is better received this way, but that was not my intent. I did recall an interesting dream last night, so that is encouraging. I hope to listen to the replay so my conscious mind can be informed. Did anyone else hear the event?

Howdy Litebeings! I recently got wind of a free on-line Shamanic Dreaming event with Robert Moss. It takes place on Wednesday April 19th. I know it is short notice, but you know how it goes. If you are called, you are CALLED!

Here’s the link: http://theshiftnetwork.com/IroquoisTradition

Robert Moss is a true dream-worker, accomplished author and accessible writer and his book Conscious Dreaming is glorious.

That’s all folks………   ( for now)

A Mixed Bag

As we move towards the end of 2016, I say , thank goodness. I also say welcome to new followers and readers! I would love to hear from you. Please leave a comment and introduce yourself if you like.

It has been such an active, tumultuous, over-the-top, and humbling time for me and many others. Christmas music is playing, cars have trees attached to their roofs, and I am still processing the summer!

A post I wrote last year comes to mind when I reflect on Saturn and Jupiter and how they have impacted me psychologically and spiritually. I only mentioned Saturn at that time, but I see Jupiter as relevant, especially since Saturn is currently residing in the sign of Sagittarius ( ruled by Jupiter.)

When I consider that this season is the Saturn return of my initial Saturn Venus conjunction, the tears begin to flow. I fell in love with a Saturnian man who was older and the relationship felt quite “fated”. Robert Hand says that love is often lost or tested during a Saturn Venus transit, but that a new love may occur of the “fated” quality. That is what happened in my case.

What I am encountering this time around is a profound loneliness and boredom. Life is busy but boring and filled with chores, tasks, and obligations. My social time seems rushed and lacks substance. Life seems very inconvenient and empty.

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Citizens Park

Here’s an example of how this has been appearing in my journey. There is more money now and I can catch up on buying things that have been necessary but put on hold. I also now can afford books,  some art supplies, and other needs of the soul. But there is a lack of enjoyment or satisfaction. I feel weighed down by pursuing my LCSW while staying in a low – paying, paperwork – heavy job in a poorly run program that is lucky to have me. The LCSW supervisor just flaked on me today ( Sun conjunct Saturn) and I will have to hire someone else soon. She seems somewhat Saturnian to me also ; quite serious, rigid, and harsh.  Yesterday my sole friend at the job just handed in her resignation. She is leaving in part because she feels unappreciated and dumped on, among other things.

But then Jupiter steps in … On Thursday evening my father appeared at the end of a dream, descending down a flight of stairs with energy and youth. He was younger and thin and moved with confidence. He was never like this in “real life”. I was happy to see him so free and full of vitality. Yesterday the company held its holiday party. The sun was sextile Jupiter in Libra and also conjunct my natal Venus ( Sun conjunct Venus in Sag sextile Jupiter in Libra). There were several door prizes given out at the party. I won an early prize and was pleasantly surprised. Later on,  the top prize was awarded to ME! I was given a certificate and was a bit confused because it was not an awards ceremony. It turns out that the certificate was for 2 Phillies tickets with meals and drink at a luxury suite at Citizens Park. I have never won anything of this magnitude before and I was floored. When I looked at the certificate and noticed the Phillies logo, my eyes teared up. My father would have been “over the moon” to receive such a gift. He was an avid sports fanatic and baseball was his favorite game. When we moved to this area, he switched from the Mets to the Phillies and became a relentless Phillies fan. I quickly considered my dream and realized it had a pre-cognitive feel to it. Or possibly this was a sign that my father was watching over me. Then the realization set in that I do not enjoy most sports and that this gift is wasted on me. This is classic Jupiter/Saturn thinking: here I am with an embarrassment of riches bestowed upon me and I don’t enjoy them.

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Tomorrow is another day and it is likely my mood will change. Learning recently that the decision to change my program’s funding structure has been postponed for at least 6 months has reduced some pressure that was weighing heavily on me. More books arrived today and perhaps one of them will help me shift my perspective. But hey, life is not always rosy and it is important to acknowledge where we are at any given moment. Thanks for letting me vent and illustrate the wonder of astrology at the same time.

Speaking of astrology, I will announce the winner of my challenge very soon!

first image credit ~ wikipedia.org, public domain
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Magnificence in Motion ~ I AM THAT I AM

Hello everyone, this is my contribution to Litebeing’s Magnificent Challenge. I waited until today to complete my post because I needed some time to put it all together. I am thrilled with the response we have gotten. After posting a reminder yesterday, two more bloggers added their entries to the mix. Thanks Dayna and Michael for sharing your reflections on what makes you “you“. There is still some time left to enter the challenge. Why not take a few minutes and conjure up  some of your magnificent essence now? There is also a shot at a free reading and this nifty badge to display on your site!

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First, a little bit about the process. I don’t think I ever intended to create blogging challenges. I would receive an idea that sparked my enthusiasm and soon after, I would receive another notion that it would make an excellent challenge. What I have discovered is that with the exception of my initial challenge, I really struggled to prepare my own post. Maybe this is because I prefer to write in a stream of consciousness style, or because the concepts are more difficult to put into written form? I don’t know. However, I welcome the chance to be challenged, to look deeper, and take my initial inspiration as a nudge to explore my inner landscape in a different way.

So I present Magnificence in Motion ~ IAM THAT IAM:

As someone with natal Neptune conjunct Sun and Neptune square my Ascendant, I often see myself with either rose-colored glasses or not at all, and others may also project their fantasies or confusion onto me. I still agree with what I wrote on my about page, that I am fascinated with and identify with a kaleidoscope ~ obeserver of beautiful forms. This attraction to the reflection of light or “lite” is an enduring theme for how I am unique. It is more apparent in the visual art, photography, poetry, film, books, and music that I showcase here at litebeing chronicles. Composing the about page was an arduous task because like Dayna, I have struggled with identity most of my life.

There lies the rub: the struggle was necessary until it wasn’t…..

A powerful dream excerpt from April 17 2016 provides more of the picture:

I’m with a former love but I am my present age. We are living together in a lovely home with a big modern kitchen. We are standing in the kitchen. The kitchen is modern, yet warm. In the center of the room is a wooden island. Sitting on top of the island is a serving of a raw steak. It resembles premium sushi grade tuna, thick, gleaming, pristine. I plan to season it simply with salt and pepper. I consider whether to marinate the steak, but decide it is not necessary. I then plan to grill it or bake it in the oven. I am delighted with this new setup, new way of living. I tell myself ” This is my second life, a better life, a new beginning.”

Brief analysis: I had journaled upon awakening that I felt proud of my accomplishments and was very excited about the future. These accomplishments include committing to a healthier wellness-centric lifestyle. This sense of a re-incarnation has stuck with me since then and has not wavered. It seems to be signaling a turning point. The house and kitchen are part of me : modern yet comfortable and warm; creative, sustaining, practical yet engaging.  The steak is what is ” at stake” and could also be my heart, pure and simple. No more marinating needed, it is time to just be…

So how does my magnificence shine?

I can dive into colors naturally

My wit is effortless and seemingly automatic

I totally relish helping others grow and learn, marvelling at how most of my “help” is my intuition in free – flow.

I am most magnificent in the absence of :

trying

striving

analyzing

planning

comparing

strategizing

re-framing

judging

I now realize that all I need to know is provided in the given moment and that I already have left the planet better than how I found it, by simply BEING. What a relief to discover that IAM on-point simply by breathing and allowing Source to guide me.  This is how the creative spark manifests, as unique and special in an ocean of unity and love.

Maybe an illustration would help clarify what my words cannot.

While contemplating this post, an image came to me of what is known as scratch art. I did not have the name for it, just a memory of creating this way as a child. It is a great memory. Up until recently I had completely forgotten about it. But the memory surfaced at the right time.

Easy directions:

Take a blank page and cover it with bright vibrant hues, leaving nothing blank.

Cover it entirely with black paint or crayon:

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Then apply a pin or ballpoint pen and draw a picture by scratching the surface to reveal some of the colors obscured by the black.

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See how we radiate under the layers of darkness of living on the material plane?

Visit this page to learn more about this technique.

I like the scratch art metaphor to describe my magnificence because I see radiance as mutable and unlimited. We can create over and over again and uncover more aspects of self. There are no limits. This is the beauty of consciousness.

Thanks to Barbara for inspiring me and thanks to all of you who support the unfolding of my light by simply being you.

header image via wikipedia.prg, public domain

Black Squirrel Morning

There have been a plethora of creatures afoot in my world lately. I woke up feeling peaceful this morning, immediately drew the shades and spotted a black squirrel. Here’s a beloved old article about our animal friends.

litebeing chronicles

Now that we are in the thick of the liminal season, I know Where the Wild Things Are. They are in my backyard and in my dreams. While I continue to seek the identity of my permanent animals totems and the rest of my ” Team”, I can always rely on the natural world to provide temporary guidance. With Dexter by my side and Jasmine before him, I am more solid, more kind, and more engaged in general. Creatures make me a much better person.

So I present you with a few recent sightings that come to bring me blessings, which I in turn, will share with you :

On a mid October Friday morning the energy was quite vivid, with plenty of animal magic. Every morning one of the first things I do is draw the shades in my dining room. They open to my backyard which is…

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Dreams Made Manifest ~ The Clintons

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After writing my latest post about the power of women, I was curious to see if I recorded my dream about the Clintons that relates to the presidency. I searched my journals and voila, I found it.

Dream Title ~ The Clintons  recorded on 7-12-13

I am in a building, maybe an office. I see Bill Clinton and I approach him. I say ” I wish we would see more of you on TV doing policy. You are more like a stay-at-home dad now, not that there’s anything wrong with that role.”  He is walking fast and I am not catching up to him. He sounds brilliant and thoughtful. He may be discussing economic issues.

Later while alone I see Hillary. She asks me for advice so we go somewhere quiet. She is considering going to California in July but is not sure. I am thinking to myself that this is about the Presidential race. I ask her if there’s a deadline involved? I do not recall her answer or if she did respond to my question.  I suggest she spend a few days there to see if she likes the area and to also get grounded ( spiritual practices perhaps?) .

I do want to mention that a few days prior to the dream I watched Hillary on live stream at my alma mater Bryn Mawr College. However, there are many levels to dreams and I do not always dream about those I view online or elsewhere. I also am thinking that grounding may have to do with her political ground game ( I watch a lot of MSNBC).

Upon awakening I remember thinking she will run again for president. It clearly seems that California was pivotal to the outcome this time around. Primaries are usually decided much earlier. In my dream July was noted, but this event took place in June. Keep in mind that I was not aware of primary contest dates back in 2013.  This dream took place about three years ago but I never completely forgotten it. I have dreamt about the Clintons and other government figures from time to time. But this seemed more ” real”.  I am so glad I bothered to record it. Lately I have not been motivated to write down my dreams. Hopefully my motivation will return shortly.

I welcome any and all comments about the meaning. What stands out for you?

 

image credit ~ wikipedia.org, public domain

Guest post by litebeing of “litebeing chronicles”

Thank you Shannon for having me guest post for your wonderful blog on surviving grief. I hope my experiences will inspire and offer comfort to others who are in the throes of grief.

Surviving Grief


Litebeing delights in assisting others in self-discovery as a blogger, astrologer, teacher, artist, mentor, writer, therapist, dreamer, intuitive guide, light worker and mystic. She has been blogging at litebeing chronicles for three years.


The theme of litebeing chronicles is a glimpse into my everyday life, showing how the light shines through on a moment- to- moment basis. The light may vary from a tiny flicker to a strong ray to a magnificent rainbow to a blinding shaft of white light. The blog also chronicles my reactions to the cosmic weather. The cosmic weather varies and leaves us with joy, elation, inner peace, sadness, doubts, questions, hope, and resignation. I have experienced tremendous miracles, devastating grief and loss, and everything in between. I hope to inspire others as I record my reactions as I continue to heal, regroup, and advance on my path. The reactions may be in the form of…

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The Golden Road to Transformation

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What a long strange trip it’s been, indeed.

My inspiration for the Time Machine Challenge started on a crisp and brilliant afternoon in September. If you are new to my blog or would like to catch up on your reading, please visit here to find the entire roster of spectacular challenge blogs. Reminiscing about my first September in Philly and the man who represented that era took me back to a state of excitement and joy.  I was amazed how my instantaneous flash of insight was later validated when I visited a website where that former boyfriend currently works. According to Michael Lutin, this time period before the New Scorpio Moon accentuates preoccupation and/or random encounters with past lovers or folks who trigger memories of former flames.

A few connections from Leigh and Laura gently guided me on a path of forgiveness and acceptance of the past. Leigh’s post on the  ho’oponopono prayer got me thinking of all the guilt and regret that still remains within me. An unexpected email from a stranger set in motion a fresh attempt to reframe any past relationships. I am speaking of the ones that seemed to stick with me, defying all my efforts to sever lingering cords. That stranger who contacted me is now a friend who readers know as Laura.

So I set out on an adventure to forgive all my past romantic entanglements, beginning with the first and moving towards present time. I would recite ho’oponono before falling asleep and visualize myself back in time with these former flames. It was often unpleasant as long forgotten details resurfaced. I was also looking to explore with fresh eyes the circumstances in which my ex from college would re-enter my life. I am seeking clues as to what his presence symbolizes for me now. I expected this process would eventually lead to healing. Truth be told, this exercise has been met with much resistance. However, I still am pursuing this path, hoping it is a “path with heart.”

But it is a path unfinished and did not reveal a story for the challenge. Around the same time ( late September) I followed up by contacting the director of the group practice where my ex works to inquire about employment. I did so because my ex works at their other location and my friend spoke so highly of the director. This contact led me to the discovery that I cannot get re-credentialed at my level of licensure. Perhaps this was a blessing in disguise because if I was hired and unable to work, the fallout would have been more upsetting and more time would have been wasted.

So I put off writing a post and hoped for the best. After reading Fiona’s challenge offering, I remembered an unfinished draft from July. Oddly enough, it addresses the challenge beautifully. Why am I surprised to discover that yet again Spirit has other plans?

So without further adieu I bring you my nonlinear, unplanned, but totally cool trip back in time:

See that girl, barefootin’ along,
Whistlin’ and singin’, she’s a carryin’ on.
There’s laughing in her eyes, dancing in her feet,
She’s a neon-light diamond and she can live on the street.

Hey hey, hey, come right away
Come and join the party every day.

Well everybody’s dancin’ in a ring around the sun
Nobody’s finished, we ain’t even begun.
So take off your shoes, child, and take off your hat.
Try on your wings and find our where it’s at. *

Was it 2015 or 1978 or perhaps 1967 ?  You decide:

July 4, 2015:

I had just received some long over -due money. I noticed that the Grateful Dead were live streaming their Chicago Fare Thee Well  50 year anniversary reunion concerts on On Demand. The fees were pricey but I had extra money. I deserved to splurge on something fun and purely entertaining. I had not seen any assembly of the Dead in decades and I was not going to be teleported to Chicago, sans an airplane ticket and place to stay. The concerts were to be held over 3 nights. This could be my last chance to see them perform, ever. Which night do I choose?

I could not justify viewing all 3 shows. I finally decided that July 4th would be the one. My reasoning was they would be settled in after the 1st show and since I associate the Dead with parties, why not celebrate America’s birthday in style? This decision was an arduous process. As an INFJ, I like to ponder and deliberate, often to a fault. In this case, I am glad I took my time.

Earlier that day I spotted a HUGE beetle like creature on my bedroom door. It seemed almost alien-like. I was terrified but managed to flush it down the toilet. Dexter was oblivious to this terrifying menace, but it certainly got a reaction out of me. I looked up beetle online to see what I could find here.

By J. Coelho [CC BY 2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0)], via Wikimedia Commons

This image is a rather close approximation. While I found the various interpretations fascinating, the following paragraph holds true till the present:

Perhaps the most profound lesson the beetle shares with us is the lesson of transformation and adaptation. Beetles engage in metamorphosis for development and growth. From egg to adult, they are a marvel of transformation illustrated in a short lifetime. They go through these revolutionary transformations with aplomb, very nonchalantly and matter-of-factly. Beetles embrace the flow of life and all its transitions without question. They surrender to change.

Looking back, I realize that this was my final complete weekend with Dexter. I was blissfully unaware that he would be leaving me so soon. Yet I did surrender to change and enter into a phase of transformation. The beetle sighting was fortuitous as it signals a new way of being on the planet. I would venture a guess that Dexter is more adaptive than I have been, given his loving demeanor in spite of multiple placements and tricky health issues.  We have so much to gain from the natural world.

Post beetle episode, I am ready for the concert. There was so much to take in and integrate.  Never in my wildest dreams would I have imagined watching a live concert on TV in this fashion. The word surreal is not superfluous in this instance. The telecast was filmed so you were truly in the moment, without commercials and artificial editing. I cannot exactly describe it, but it was quite close to being there in Chicago.

It turns out I almost lived in Chicago. My parents traveled their often as it was where my dad’s company’s main headquarters were located. It is also where they purchased my very first astrology book. I still have it and it was published in the 1960s. I also made a wonderful friend from Chicago who I met in Miami. We both stayed at the same hotel for 2 years over Xmas holidays. We became pen pals and I never forgotten her. Plus I have some online blogger buddies from Chicago so the city keeps appearing in my life.  I recently found out that we almost moved there when I was young. My mother revealed that my dad was offered a big promotion at the main headquarters. I was shocked to hear that he turned it down, given we moved around so often.  So here I am focusing in on elusive and mysterious Chicago. Here’s yet another example of the road not traveled.

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The music itself was very moving. The pace was slow and many of the songs were folksy and bluegrass style. The evening progressed like a heartfelt lullaby. Yet at certain points the mood shifted and the pace quickened. I had not been feeling well and was functioning on little energy. But I was propelled to get off my couch and dance. One song in particular set me in motion like a dervish. The Golden Road to Unlimited Devotion was playing. I could have been hallucinating , but I was lucid and sober. As Dexter watched, I began to swirl. This is MY song and I have never heard it performed live. I felt as if another force was propelling me into seamless, graceful, dizzying, flight. How did I get so energized? What was the source of all this power inside of me? I was floating on air, whizzing in circles, free of obstructions or constraints. I was on fire!

Later I researched the show online to read about the setlist. I came upon this article that blew my mind wide open. Here is what was written about the Golden Road performance:

Next up was “The Golden Road (To Unlimited Devotion),” a song Jerry Garcia wrote about the Haight hippie scene that The Grateful Dead only played a handful of times in 1967. Bruce Hornsby and Trey Anastasio fronted the group on the obscurity.

My favorite ( among favorites such as Eyes of the World, Sugar Magnolia, Truckin’, Scarlet Begonias, US Blues, and Box of Rain, to name a few) is basically a favorite of the few. It was last performed in 1967. I had not even heard of the band until 1977 and had not attended my first show until 1978.  It is probably a statistical anomaly that this song was performed on the exact night I decided to watch the show. This is not just a song to me. It is an anthem. I was this chick in the song in high school and college. Or at least I imagined myself to be like her. She was free and blissful and at peace. Perhaps I longed to get out of my own way so I could be her.

I actually transformed into her a few months earlier. Here is an excerpt of my May 26th post on dream number 3 of an incredibly active sojourn of slumber.

May 26, 2015 ( circa 1978?)

And now for something completely different:

3 – Went back in time to the 1970s. Lots of teens around, big crowd. I run into a friend.We will call him “Sam.” He used to be my dream prompt. Seeing him meant I was dreaming. He has not appeared in years though. There was to be a 1970s party. I was excited about this. My friend “Sam” said I would like to dance with you , big smile. I was so excited and I typically don’t like to dance. Lots of love between me and Sam, unlike real life where we were longtime yet intermittent, platonic friends. I knew him from when I first moved to NJ in the middle of 6th grade through the summer after HS grad when our families vacationed at the same hotel down the shore. At the party, there was such a joyous atmosphere. The room was dark and the music was psychedelic. Sam and I hit the dance floor and did our thing. We were both young but I danced with the confidence of a more mature person. In high school I would have not felt as eager to express myself this freely.

When I turned around I saw a young Bob Weir singing Grateful Dead music. It was a big surprise. I have dreamed of Bob and Jerry( Garcia) many times before over the years. Sometimes while dreaming I talk with them. In this dream I did not know Bob, nor did I interact with him. I was so excited and remembered Sam was there at my first Grateful Dead concert in 1978. The same day he and his band performed a concert at the high school. A group of us began to chant the date of that concert 5-13-78. ( later I checked and that was the actual date of the concert. How did I remember that?) It was wild. I said to him “You were in a band!” I think he was the lead singer. My friends who attended the concert with me were at this party or at the very least I mentioned them to Sam. Some of Sam’s friends were also there. Sam and I were becoming a couple and were very happy. I felt loved and adored.

What was so interesting was the Bob Weir became the face of the Dead once Jerry Garcia passed away. He was my favorite anyway so I would always focus on Bobby. I was also stunned to realize the prophetic nature of this dream. I was seeing Bob Weir perform and dancing as if no one was watching. I was imbuing my current knowingness into the past.  What a wild ride of past and future morphing together in Dreamtime. You could say that for a few short minutes I was livin’ the dream.

I said Fare Thee Well to Dexter one week later. I also learned that the farewell concerts were not the last. A newly formed group called Dead and Company featuring Bob Weir, John Mayer ( another Libra with loads of Scorpio) , Mickey Hart, and others have begun touring recently so the music apparently never stops in some form.

Update: Apparently Dead and Company were performing in Philadelphia last night ( 11-5-15) while I was completing this post. The synchronicity continues…

We never know how much or how little is happening at any given time. I did not know that my current physical body possessed that much energy. I certainly never expected to hear the Golden Road performed live and in real-time in my living room. Life is a mystery that keeps surprising me, just when I think I’ve got it all figured out.

But I have figured out one important lesson. I want to play! Perhaps having the experience of both spontaneity, exuberance, and confidence will assist me in replicating this behavior going forward. My birthday is approaching as I type and I have set my intention to be that girl from the Golden Road. Being free and playful and in motion is the way. 

The time machine kept me quite busy, transporting me to and from Philly to Chicago and to 1967 ( around the year I began studying astrology), 1978,  2015 and beyond. My consciousness flowed from waking state to frenzied ecstasy to Dreamtime. My challenge was not what I intended upon its inception in September. Yet I took the steps necessary to get me to this point. Now I am ready to try on my wings.

*lyrics credit

Here’s a video of the original 67 performance.

Here’s what I saw on 7-4-15.

Thanks to all for another spectacular blogging challenge. They keep getting better because WE keep getting better.

image credits: beetle by J. Coelho [CC BY 2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0)], via Wikimedia Commons dervishes images, wikipedia.org, public domain
header image, wikipedia.org, public domain

Bouncing Back

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2015 has been a very intense year, full of surprises and obstacles. I came into the year full of excitement and hope. Saturn was leaving Scorpio and moving up towards my Midheaven. Time to manifest and rebuild.

Or so I thought. Taking my pension a bit early was much more of an adjustment than anticipated. I figured that having some monetary security would actually build my confidence once I resume my job search. I also thought that taking my time would allow for some truly necessary relaxation and self-care.

Apparently the Universe had other ideas. The acceptance of having nearly approached government-employee retirement age proved very difficult. Old stuff came to the surface in a variety of unusual ways. I experienced bodily sensations and dreams that put death and mortality on the front burner once more. Strong themes of mortality were rising to the surface and were beginning to become a preoccupation. Having a medical emergency and then needing to put Dexter down gave more power to old fears and worries about the unknown.

Due to all the obstacles of the past few months, I did not get back on the horse. I have not looked for work. Saturn fell short of hitting my Midheaven , but it will arrive there in a few short months. With mars in Leo and the transiting sun on my Descendant, I feel a bit more momentum, but there are still many loose ends that need to be addressed and losses to mourn.

Those who read here regularly know I am a dreamer and a dreamworker. My dreams are easily recalled and typically powerful. While I do not always attend to their symbology, I am fortunate that they are available to me.

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I had a powerful dream recently that is worth documenting here.

In my dream  I find myself behind the wheel sleepy and with poor vision. I do not have control of the car and I am damaging the side of one parked car. I am moving faster and faster and am about to drive smack into the middle of a house. I tell myself ok this is it and I am feeling relieved and ready. I am ready to leave this world. The car begins to make impact and crashes straight into the house, but then miraculously bounces back and richochets backwards! Both myself and the car are intact. It was as if the crash never happened. I am amazed and try to reach for the emergency brake. Then I wake up.

I have had many many dreams in the past where I was behind the wheel, out of control and mercy to whatever situation presents itself. This theme of powerlessness is not new to me and I understand its ramifications. I have also had dreams where I almost had an accident or that I survived unharmed.

This was not one of those times.

This was a new reality where actions were reversed and my welfare was fiercely protected. I have not given the dream a thorough analysis, but woke up the next morning with a sense of excitement and awe. Perhaps I can bounce back from all the hardship and pain. Perhaps I can survive the fear and lack of control over my destiny. There are so many miracles seen and unseen.

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What do you think is possible?