Tonight’s entry is a long overdue status update. I have hinted at some changes afoot and now I am going to fill in some details.
COVID or Not? : A few weeks ago I suddenly feel ill. This was different than my reactions to dust or the A/C. I had body aches, a pervasive headache, some loss of smell, and weird neurological glitches, There was also fatigue, a sore throat, runny nose, and major congestion. This lasted for about 2 weeks and the fatigue remained a while longer. I took 2 COVID tests and recently followed that up with an antibody test. All tests were negative. There is no flu in the summer and this was different than a cold. I can function pretty well with a cold, even with a low grade fever. The fatigue knocked me out.
I am left wondering what the hell happened. Tests are flawed and my body often is wonky in the diagnosis department. I am left incredibly undecided about where to go from here. It may surprise some readers to know I am unvaccinated and am truly on the fence. I see both sides of this dilemma: I don’t really trust this vaccine or how COVID came to be. Nothing about 2020 seems “random”. Yet I do not think these vaccines are tracking devices. I just wonder if it is a higher risk to inject some RNA crap into my body for an illness that I am unlikely to catch. On the other hand, this pandemic has exaggerated many of my fears about illness and death, which keeps me in fear. I worry it could take a good while before I feel safe living like I did before. Having a few chronic and intermittent illnesses has left me more protective of my body and more aware of its fragility. So as of now I am in a holding pattern of sorts. I keep asking for guidance regarding what steps to take. So far, no clue.
Working for a Living:
I started my new gig about 2 months ago. I have been reluctant to share because I have been superstitious. After all the career karma I have endured, this new position did not seem real. After getting paid this month, it feels like maybe it is real. I am working as an independent contractor therapist for a small private practice near my home. It is well established and the owner has a good professional reputation. Currently my work is remote and I choose my hours and number of clients. There is no pressure to complete my LCSW but there is support for this goal. If it wasn’t for some sage advice in early 2020, I would not have even applied for private practice positions. But the sage advice was given and I landed a future gig ahead of schedule. I have many worries about how this will shake out once we return to the office. Will I lose many remote clients and will I feel safe? I am not making much money yet, so there is risk involved, but I must admit that Source has a hand in the clients being sent to me. Most of the referrals come from voicemail messages left for the practice. Often I am given just a name and phone number. Yet most of the people come to me needing help with grief, addictive behaviors, and life transitions. I find most of my clients to be interesting people who are seeking more clarity and peace. While I still feel shaky at times, more often than not I come back to life while conducting these sessions. My purpose has reemerged, even in the throes of illness ( currently GI issues) and stormy weather of all types.
Chutes and ladders: The constant flow of fresh obstacles and challenges is overwhelming, Car issues, home renovations and repairs, financial challenges; they keep on coming. But so do the unexpected blessings and gifts. For the first time in months I asked to dream about a specific person and the dream materialized. When I woke up this morning, I was so excited that this gift was restored. I cannot recall much of the content, but this person appeared in the form of a younger Jude Law. So it was good no matter what took place!
Being Erica: An awesome blogette turned me on the the Canadian tv series Being Erica. Erica is a Jewish woman in Toronto, Ontario who finds herself in crisis, A therapist meets her in the hospital and with his help she time travels to examine life regrets. It is soulful, mystical, hilarious, and at times, eerily familiar. Like the show Younger, it also highlights the publishing industry. I soak in all the material, and imagine what it would be like to work in publishing ( a 9th house activity) and time travel. She visits the past, alternative realities, and on occasion, the future. My friend assumed I knew of the show, but this series from 2009 never registered on my radar. It is truly a love letter to Canada and Ontario in particular. I am thankful that this series found its way to me.
Time Travel 1972:
It makes perfect sense to end this status report with a song that harkens back to a simpler time, 1972. Enjoy this Todd Rundgren classic about love and loss, regrets and memories. Happy weekend, and to my US readers, find independence however you can!