I am not complaining, I promise.
Just wanting to be real in the moment. Ever have a day that seems to be off course from the minute you leave your bed to the minute you crawl back in? Yup, that’s today and it is happening to me. Despair and darkness surround me and even with the heat cranked up to the highest setting, it is utterly freezing! It is so 12th House today.
I am writing just to express my condition. My prayers appear unanswered but I am not certain. I keep feeling my feelings and reminding myself that I am being prepared for something beyond my imagination. I just don’t see anything beyond the chill in my bones and the bleak dark night.
Love is everywhere and I am aware of love’s inherent triumph. I just feel empty and powerless and unreachable. My ego is in hog heaven, lapping up the sweet nectar of failure and misery. But I am not complaining, no!
I know I will not feel today tomorrow. I know that what I can create is still
undermined undetermined. I am still grateful for so so much. Like a working laptop, a functioning brain that can string words together, electricity, a full belly, and Dexter snoring in his catbed.
But dread is my current companion and loneliness is my steady partner right now. And I am too bummed to even consider poetry. I may even delete this later, just do not care…
NO tags, NO categories, NO IMAGES, NO giveaways, just my words on a bad day.
And a video: