Just a Bad Day, 12th house Woes

litebeing

I am not complaining, I promise.

Just wanting to be real in the moment. Ever have a day that seems to be off course from the minute you leave your bed to the minute you crawl back in? Yup, that’s today and it is happening to me. Despair and darkness surround me and even with the heat cranked up to the highest setting, it is utterly freezing! It is so 12th House today.

I am writing just to express my condition. My prayers appear unanswered but I am not certain. I keep feeling my feelings and reminding myself that I am being prepared for something beyond my imagination. I just don’t see anything beyond the chill in my bones and the bleak dark night.

Love is everywhere and I am aware of love’s inherent triumph. I just feel empty and powerless and unreachable. My ego is in hog heaven, lapping up the sweet nectar of failure and misery. But I am not complaining, no!

I know I will not feel today tomorrow. I know that what I can create is still undermined undetermined. I am still grateful for so so much. Like a working laptop, a functioning brain that can string words together, electricity, a full belly, and Dexter snoring in his catbed.

But dread is my current companion and loneliness is my steady partner right now. And I am too bummed to even consider poetry. I may even delete this later, just do not care…

NO tags, NO categories, NO IMAGES, NO giveaways, just my words on a bad day.

And a video:

Published by litebeing

Seeking magic and awe in ordinary moments

35 Comments

  1. OMG — This SO describes last Tuesday for me! Stress beyond stress filled my day. I kept trying to re-frame it as breakdown before breakthrough — which did show up on Wednesday, thank goodness. I like your suggestion that I was being prepared for something great that I could not access at the time. Certainly it is good for us to stretch from time to time but in those moments much of my mind was occupied with self-criticism and self-judgment and naming my experience as being “overwhelming!” Thanks for recycling this post from your archives, Alia

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  3. Reblogged this on litebeing chronicles and commented:

    OMG I have to re-blog. I was meeting today with my spiritual director and thinking about the Sun ( and now Pluto ) transiting my 12th house. Then I want to a restaurant and 2 songs got my attention, Closing Time and Bad Day. I knew they were relevant. I remembered using Bad Day as a blog title. So now I am perusing my 12 house posts and this comes up! Hopefully this will be helpful, especially to those who dread the US inauguration.

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  4. i’ve had many of these moments in the last few months. i just let myself feel them…don’t have the energy to resist. it just seems to be what my body needs to allow! sending love and hoping you feel much, much better. ❤

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    1. sorry to hear you have been there yourself. Seems many have quietly suffered the same fate. I agree that it all has purpose and that emotional and physical bodies require we listen and go with the flow, not resist.

      thanks for the ❤

      hugs,
      Linda

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  5. Hi Linda!
    I’m just getting caught up ❤ Glad things are better now. Thanks for your email about the dream, and sharing cuisine! I had Mooji in my dream last night. Some days are just amazingly weird. Today was a weird day for me. I saw poetry in this post, and self-reflection. It was a good post. Turning over the soil of our experiences, sometimes we just need to write what we need to write…
    Love,
    Ka

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    1. Things are better today. Would not want to repeat how I felt that I wrote this post 😦
      As I wrote it , I did notice poetic nuances, you are a sharp observant cookie!
      I do owe you a complete email and will eventually deliver. What is Mooji? It was cathartic and apparently blogworthy 🙂

      love,
      Linda

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      1. Dear Linda,
        You don’t owe me 🙂 It’ll be nice to hear from you, whenever you can/want/the spirit moves you…etc. Mooji: I have one or two posts with him. Here’s the link for the Play of Existence, just for reference, as you asked ‘what is Mooji?’ I was especially entertained by the vampire story he told from this movie plot that I thought was ‘Fright Night’ but it might be something else. https://fiestaestrella.wordpress.com/2014/11/07/the-play-of-existence/ Thank you for your compliment.
        Love & Light,
        Ka

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  6. I am pleased your Bad day didn’t last.. And the energies have been playing havoc with us all.. Loved the music.. I had not heard before.. … And you are doing the right thing.. Counting your blessings each and every one..
    Hope its warming up where you are.. xxxx Sending warm HUGS ❤ <3… xxx

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    1. Hi Sue,
      sorry I have been lagging in moderating comments. Both sense of time and my moods have kept me off balance. The song is great, really sweet and moving.

      I am blessed simply to be here, and I know this, radical gratitude is the art of reexaming what we take for granted or overlook and then take it in with awe and blessings,

      hugs,
      Linda

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      1. No worries Linda.. I know the planets have been keeping me awake at nights LOL.. as my energy is out of balance.. I want to sleep in the day and stay awake all night.. 🙂

        Big Hugs your ways xxx

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  7. Hi Linda,

    I was moved by your sharing here. There is a myth that blogs should all be upbeat, which is kind of a microcosm of the one that suggests our lives should all be evidence of our great creative prowess (or else are debilitating evidence of the opposite). I’d rather know your whole story than the excerpts “fit to be shared.” We’ve all been there, and every being who has been there has lived to tell about it, and will tell you it will pass. I’ve written about a few such times once in a while on my blog, but in hindsight they’re probably not tagged well enough for you to find them.

    When I’ve despaired, it’s so often been related to my assessments of what I’m not, or don’t have, as compared to what I am, and do have. It’s like we can’t get back to the viewpoint from which things are okay. We’re entrenched and consumed by the viewpoint that nothing is okay, and there’s so little we can do about it. I recommend the funniest movie you can think of, and a repeated turning to the space in your heart. Even if it’s inaccessible temporarily, it’s reaching for you even as you’re reaching for it, and there is a certain inevitability to that… 🙂

    Michael

    PS – Thanks for the reblog…!

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    1. Hi Michael,
      Thanks for your comforting comments.
      Especially this: I was moved by your sharing here. There is a myth that blogs should all be upbeat, which is kind of a microcosm of the one that suggests our lives should all be evidence of our great creative prowess (or else are debilitating evidence of the opposite). I’d rather know your whole story than the excerpts “fit to be shared.”

      I strive to be authentic and typically without effort. It pains me to even consider being dishonest. Goes against my grain. Yet this blog has a goal and my crappy days don’t seamlessly blend in. Yet, just like you, I rather know the whole story. So I am keeping this post here to demonstrate that I am indeed human and experience different perspectives, such as a kaleidoscope captures different patterns and colors as it is moved.

      And you are welcome 😉

      PS Today does feel new and different and this moment is just fine!

      peace,
      Linda

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  9. I hope you found a little bit of comfort in knowing you are not alone in your experience. I think I spent most of 2014 feeling like that, and I haven’t fully brushed it off yet. Here’s wishing for 2015 to lift us up! Sending you love and light my dear moon-sister ❤

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    1. Hi Renate,
      I am not comforted to know my experience is shared, but am comforted by the care and love of my community. I am so glad that 2014 is done and am hoping for new beginnings. But the 12th is the 12th and Pluto is slowly marching in its direction. It hits Saturn on the way over… Yet, I know that underneath it all, all is well and we are part of ALL.

      PS, You were included in a recent dream. Do not remember much else but your name on my brain upon awaking.

      Here is too light and love and healing.

      xoxo moon sister,
      Linda

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      1. Very interesting, Linda! Perhaps we met up for some Ethiopian food and a nice conversation about everything and anything! 🙂 Then I thought, since you have been feeling change coming on for some time now, I wonder if your consciousness captured my name in the dream-state knowing on some level that it means ‘re-born’, you could even say ‘Renaissance’. Light, love, and healing to you too ❤

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      2. Wish I could remember more but it is interesting that i was repeatedly reminded to keep your name fresh in my memory upon awakening. Love the notion of a lovely conversation over Ethopian food 😉
        Also fascinating about Renate etymology ~ reborn. I do see how that makes sense. Is it a French name?

        We both love dreams and now my blog also pays homage. Looking to find a new or re-newed dream group soon for the new year.

        love and light back in abundance. ❤ Linda

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  12. Sorry to hear about your woes. Oh, how many times I have been there in recent months. I listened to this podcast this morning and it lifted my spirits some:

    The Astrology of 2015


    I am awaiting 2015 full of hope.
    I mean – after the whole structure of my life has just crumbled with Uranus Pluto squares – things can only look up. I choose to believe that.
    Lots of love
    Monika

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    1. Hi Monika,
      Thank you for the kind thoughts. I have been through so much that I fight very hard to get the hope back in the door.

      I am so sorry to hear about the year you had. Very Very sorry, I did not know. I really hope that whatever you lost will be replaced with dreams that mirror the magnificence of who you are.

      love,
      Linda

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  13. Hey Linda L,

    Blwyddyn Newydd Dda 2015! (Happy New Year 2015) 😉

    ’12th House Woes’…perhaps the cadence of spirit post Christmas and New Year is inevitable as we let go the allure of seasonal magic and replace it with the drama of realism and participate again in busy lives. But unlike returning to normality from a holiday abroad, the heralding of a New Year is a time of transition and change that always asks for an unconscious and conscious consideration of both past and present to balance the moment. I like to think of a new year as a time to germinate the ideas and notions that were created by us and gifted to us last year and then slowly expand upon them as a vision of the future.

    But it certainly does seem like you have been unwittingly placed into the 12th house a little more firmly today than most…”I just feel empty and powerless and unreachable. My ego is in hog heaven, lapping up the sweet nectar of failure and misery. But I am not complaining, no!” Sorry to hear this Linda 😦

    And yet, you seem to know that amidst those perceived moments of despondency lay threads of hope falling as sunlight between the clouds and reaching down to warm the darkness. “I keep feeling my feelings and reminding myself that I am being prepared for something beyond my imagination.” 🙂

    In my humble opinion, 12th house woes seem to describe something deeper and darker and mysteriously nocturnal, something elusive and shadowed, unseen or mostly hidden from moonlight…akin perhaps to a mysterious, looming feminine energy, intangible, phantasmagorical and powerfully influencing that is most probably already manifesting in a premature and unrecognised state of solid development in the conscious mind: themes that always provide ideal material from which to word a winter’s tale.

    Curiously, my own Friday 9th January was beset by similar clouds in the shape of horrendous weather, and further complicated by train delays en route to the office. But it wouldn’t have been a day of balance if my return home had not included a moment of playful fun…catching the 60mph wind with an unfolded golfing umbrella and launching myself into the air in a bid to paraglide! And it seemed to work pretty well lol 15feet was my best distance. That I landed several times in puddles and even slipped and fell was inconsequential to experiencing the youthful fun of living in the impulsive moment. Waking this morning with aches and bruises to a wild world of weather outside the window was no surprise…the winter’s tale persisted overnight as forecast…but 6 hours later and dismal grey skies have dissolved into hazy blue and dappled white with a tender warmth in the sunlight and a view through clear air towards the distant hills. And even the aches and pains have disappeared as well! Happy days 🙂

    Keep smiling Linda and ‘shine your Litebeing on’ out there…

    Namaste

    DN – 10/12/2015

    P.S: Your melancholy day and my youthful misadventure put me in mind of this well known poem…

    The Rainy Day ~ by ~ Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

    The day is cold, and dark, and dreary;
    It rains, and the wind is never weary;
    The vine still clings to the mouldering wall,
    But at every gust the dead leaves fall,
    And the day is dark and dreary.

    My life is cold, and dark, and dreary;
    It rains, and the wind is never weary;
    My thoughts still cling to the mouldering past,
    But the hopes of youth fall thick in the blast,
    And the days are dark and dreary.

    Be still, sad heart, and cease repining;
    Behind the clouds is the sun still shining;
    Thy fate is the common fate of all,
    Into each life some rain must fall,
    Some days must be dark and dreary..

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    1. Thanks Dewin for sharing this old poem, such a treasure for what you Brits call melancholy. I enjoyed your golf umbrella antics, glad you survived. There are many reasons for my 12th house woes and the Sun transiting this life sector just brings them more into focus for me. I can see more of my darkness in the dark!

      Namaste Dewin

      peace,
      Linda

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      1. Hey Linda,

        Curiously, I was notified of your reply at the moment I began reading a fascinating article about the Voyager 2 mission to Pluto (published last August), which is due to arrive in that local system in July 2015. Whilst you mentioned seeing more in the darkness…the Voyager 2 mission to Pluto certainly seems to be heading towards a similar conclusion as well 🙂 More curious still is reading the article and identifying the numerous symbolic references contained there-in. From huge Planets the tiny probe passes to Sky Gods and ancient Deities it negotiates and traverses, Voyager 2 has certainly mixed it up with the Astrology in the Heavens en route to meeting the dark-one.

        It’s a fascinating read 😉

        Namaste LL

        DN – 24/01/2015

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    1. Hi Paula,
      Thanks for the love. I am often unsure if I am taking in so much more than my inner pain. Music has been a constant source of healing, thank goodness.

      peace to you amidst the chaos,
      Linda

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