The Light Remains

As I sit here tonight typing these words, I am humbled by the nature of my blogging challenge. How do I know the extent of the changes I have experienced during 2020? I expect many more insights will be revealed in the weeks and months ahead. However on this day of Thanksgiving here in the US, I want to speak to the expansion and abundance residing within me.  So here we go!

This is my entry for the Change Challenge, in which I challenged myself and other writers to take stock of their transformation in this year unlike any other. I needed to develop some structure for this piece, a way to organize my thoughts. I have become less organized as a result of this time without work and without many outside activities. I decided to start with describing the changes internally and externally, as one often reflects the other.

Sacred old oak outside of my terrace.

Outside :

My physicality had shifted in some ways. I have lost about 7-10 pounds. This was not intentional  and yet, I have wanted to lose more weight for some time now. My hair is very long again and is in need of a serious trim. Often I see a much older woman in the mirror, due more to lack of vitality or mood than actual aging.  Stress can leave its mark. This perception of aging is in flux: some moments I see a woman who is absolutely beaming. 2020 for me is a time of paradox and inconsistency.

I have often wondered what I would do with unlimited time, free from the confines of a full time job. My last job was so exhausting as I discovered that while I am a night owl, 1o or more hours per day at the office was not ideal. As is often the case, I find myself with either more money and less time, or less money and more time. But this year it has been more money ( for a few weeks), less money, and more time, but with constraints on freedom and social outlets.

I had initially thought I would give my home a thorough cleaning and throw out all the stuff I no longer want or need. Well, I learned quickly that I am not an iota more motivated to do either. I will at times dive into a small cleaning or sorting project, but this urge is haphazard and short-lived at best. The few changes I have made to clear up some clutter have served me well though.While I have done way less shopping in stores, I found a way to accumulate more books, newspapers, and magazines! This is not surprising though.

My car usually has a mask sitting above the dashboard and my scarf from last March is now on the back seat. I periodically collect food containers and bags from Dunkin or Starbucks, the difference now being that I let them pile up longer on the floor. I used to have an immaculate car, but I hardly drive anymore so who cares? The car has collected some minor scratches on the ride side from other cars and from my inability to navigate my crowded neighborhood street. As I have mentioned before, people have been flocking to my community on the weekends and park on both sides of my narrow winding street, making driving and parking a dangerous and slow process. In some ways I can see myself reflected in my car Azia, less utilized, more scratched up, but still able to get from point A to point B.

Inside:

Procrastination versus action: I had thought that my procrastination has receded over the years, but now I am not so sure. I waited until tonight to do this blog post, but I was home all day. I did not want to write it way ahead of time, because I wanted the Thanksgiving energy ( and transiting sun on my MC) to be in full effect. I did follow through on launching a job search in September, but have not been that motivated. I have done several interviews and so far none have felt right to me. My fear of more illness has impacted my drive to run errands or take walks or do much outside the home. It’s funny though that in the beginning of the Pandemic, I took a walk almost every night while I worked remotely from  home. This was in pre-mask America, before the hospitalizations and deaths began to accelerate. I realize that your mileage may vary because governmental and geographic differences are noteworthy. I do need more exercise and wish to walk more often. I tend to enjoy walking in the cold weather and am hoping the “tourists” will disperse once the weather goes below freezing.

Rigidity versus adaptability: Many who know me well would call me stubborn, fixed, or rigid and they would be correct. As a therapist, astrologer, and writer, I am less so, because my creative process kicks in and takes on a life of its own. Outside of these domains, I tend to be a creature of habits and preferences. But I have shifted a bit more towards spontaneity and adaptability as this year has progressed. I have taken on projects without much planning or scheduling. Quite a few opportunities have “landed in my lap” without warning or much wiggle room for preparation. Yet my devotion to watching TV at a designated time has continued to take priority. While it may not seem “enlightened” to say, watching TV grounds me and soothes me, as it has since childhood. I am more careful about what I take in, but I find the regularity and predictability comforting now more than ever. This comfort zone has been disturbed often though by “news conferences” and power outages. It is quite odd how often my apartment complex loses power. But I digress.

Connection versus isolation: I am an introvert at heart, but have really been craving human contact the past few months. I have dreams of being hugged probably because I have not had a hug in many moons. While I live among many neighbors, I am not close with most of the recent crop. I talk with friends on the phone and do countless zooms for all types of activities. And social media of course ( but I am more careful with FB). I have recently become acquainted with audio books and find the narration enjoyable. It substitutes for connection. The most common in -person encounters I have are in the grocery store, drug store,  or at drive thrus. These are usually not connections I look forward to. Yet, some are surprisingly pleasant. Admittedly the energy I bring to the transaction often determines at least a portion of the outcome.

Acknowledging fears and challenging their hold on me: This is a heavy topic for me. As I have written on previously, Jupiter Saturn and Pluto are dancing together in the 12th house of my natal chart. I have had Jupiter and Saturn visit here before, but it is a first for Pluto and all three together is very disturbing. The combination of expansion, fear, and renovation to my psyche has been quite torturous to endure. Memories of people and events long forgotten pop into my head as flashes from the void. My sensitivities have become more pronounced. often leading to more illness. For example, after learning about someone’s breast cancer diagnosis, my chest began to hurt a few weeks later. After reading about someone being hospitalized for diverticulitis, I end up back in the ER ( this past Sunday.)  When I focus on someone, I quickly imagine their circumstances and  carry some of their distress with me. While this is not uniquely a 2020 happening, the frequency and intensity has increased. Some of my darker impulses and thoughts have also returned, and I do not feel good about it. Yet, I eventually return to self compassion and self love, as I know that most of these darker tendencies have emerged due to stress and trauma from living in such an unstable time. I  sometimes have a desire to check out and be done with this lifetime, but over and over again I make a reversal and commit to living out my time here. It is usually the kindness and generosity of others or a striking synchronicity that warms my heart and sparks some hope for a better “now moment.” Lorie Ladd’s videos have been a blessing. She is so encouraging and genuine and shines her light very brightly. Like I hope to do again myself soon.

New endeavors and values clarification: Around April or so, I was determine to make my mark and morph into a newer me with a unique career/business. This quickly fizzled out as my health deteriorated and I became enthralled in financial and bureaucratic difficulties. A few of these remain as of today. This does not mean I am entirely closed off to vocational reinvention, but there does not seem to be much spark or movement that I can track.

I have been very busy, especially since September. This season has been devoted to pursuits I have long wanted to explore. Some have been long held dreams on hold while others a bit more recent. I have been attuned to Reiki 1, completed an Art History class on Matisse, am currently studying Animist Psychology, and have taken some other online projects on self – development. Reiki is confusing to me in its subtle nature. It has not prevented health issues, which is disappointing, but it has begun to change me is incremental mysterious ways.  I will say more about this in the future.

My Matisse class was a revelation. The instructor was so nurturing and passionate in a way that I need at this time. She taught me to see art differently and in turn , to see all of life with new eyes. Matisse was enchanted by the light and I did not know of this before taking the course. My trip to the Barnes was the respite I needed from this bland housebound existence I have come to know. I will write more about this also in future posts.

My current Animist Psychology course is so dense and overwhelming. Daniel Foor is Plutonian , yet communicates like a Virgo. Precision with intensity. At times his energy is too much for me to absorb. The material covers a lot of topics, from shamanism, to clinical practice, to cultural and environmental abuse, to ancestral wounding, and so much more.  It feels to me like I have covered this all before, but in another way and perhaps in a different timeline. It was not a random occurrence that I found and signed up for this course. I was strongly drawn to it and consider it to be among some of the projects I have meant to take on for years. Many of the subjects are both familiar and unknown to me in some undefined fashion. I was happy to learn that another blogger is taking the class and that I get to meet with hundreds of students on the live calls from all over the planet. Some are healers, others are seeking healing, and many like myself, encompass both paths. What I can report to be uplifting is my heightened reverence for the non – human life forms and the land that I inhabit.  I felt such a bold aliveness on my walk today from all the plant life, sky, and ground that surrounded me. The sun was uncharacteristically warm and light danced everywhere. I featured photos today that reveal the light’s marvel and power.

One of the most obvious ways I have changed is that my values have been refined and brought more into focus. Love, communion, vitality, beauty, authentic truth, silence, curiosity, knowledge, kindness, and purpose. I strive to take more opportunities that offer me a chance to live any of these values. When I follow through and embody these values, I feel more alive and in the flow.

Revised attitudes: This has gotten to be quite a lengthy essay but it is winding down. I will conclude by saying that I am listening more to my own inner voice and other guidance like a young child obeys her mother. When I am hungry I eat, when tired I sleep, when sad, the tears flow, when lonely I either process the feelings or seek connection. I do not have the luxury anymore to ignore these calls. My body is more susceptible to dis-ease, often compounded by fears and the perceived lack of safety. I choose to honor my humanness rather than pretend it is should take second place to some other goal. I am more “on the edge” in many ways, but also wiser and self-protective. This is yet another paradox of 2020 that I attempt to reconcile. I am grateful that my moods do not linger that long and that I have more books and projects than I could complete in the remainder of this lifetime.

While I do believe all this 12th house activity has exacerbated my reactions to living during such an unpredictable and revolutionary year, I have learned to accept that this is not an accident. I have read recently that embodied ascension is about loving all of life in all its forms, including one’s shadow along with one’s light. Yes, this idea is not new, and yes, I have written about this concept on this blog on more than one occasion, and yet I am interpreting it in a new way now. I am here and it is no mistake. My losses and my gains, my triumphs and my errors, my disappointments and my opportunities, none have more or less worth in the long run.

The light still remains….

 

Trudging Through The Revolution

Yesterday was my ,ahem, 60th birthday. Today Democracy was salvaged and Fascism averted. What will top these events tomorrow?

I am not prepared to post any new material yet, but want to reblog this post about my city, my country, and what it means to evolve as spirit in human form in this now moment. I pray for reset, unity, and reconciliation on this precious planet. Can we find a way to see light in every living creation? May separation be healed and the New Earth take hold.

litebeing chronicles

According to Webster’s dictionary, Revolution is the action by a celestial body of going round in an orbit or elliptical course,  completion of a course (as of years), a sudden, radical, or complete change, and a fundamental change in the way of thinking about or visualizing something a change of paradigm.

I like how all the different meanings coalesce and vibe off each other. Time and movement can inform change in action and in philosophy. The times we live in now show us how history impacts the present and how different perspectives inform the shifting of our future.

It is not an accident that a Lunar Eclipse is occurring this year on America’s birthday. While the entire planet is in major transition, so many look to the US for answers. The US or ” us ” is a hot mess right now, but has been for many decades…

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4th Place with 228 Billion Trees

Finally some good news to share, all about magnificent trees! The US ranked number 4 in the world with total number of trees adjusted to land size. Click the link to read Sandra’s blog.  Enjoy!

 

4th Place with 228 Billion Trees, is the United States according to a research by a group of scientists calculating comprehensive estimates of the numbers %

Source: 4th Place with 228 Billion Trees

Returning Home: Part V – Pendle Hill

Last night I dreamt of James and he referenced Pendle Hill.  Right on cue,  I received an email today from Pendle Hill announcing its 90th anniversary on September 24th. I am reposting this blog to celebrate this transformative space I love so dearly. Please check out their website https://pendlehill.org/ and perhaps attend an online lecture or class , buy a pamphlet, or worship with the community via Zoom.

litebeing chronicles

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 Last Sunday August 10th I felt drawn to have a “Returning Home” experience so I drove to Pendle Hill. I definitely needed to PAUSE and regroup and what better place than here! 

wikimedia free domain

 I had a sumptuous meal of Thai fish and eggplant coconut curry. I can still taste the sweet and spicy sauce as I recall the meal. The picture above is a close approximation.The food here is grown, purchased and prepared with intention, care, and love. The energy was frenetic, most likely due to the approaching Super-Moon Full Moon. I was frazzled by the loud interactions around me and took a seat alone. No one joined me and that has never happened to me before. I told myself perhaps it was what I needed. Behind me I overheard a conversation about Woodstock. Then someone began discussing the film A Walk on the Moon. I was led to…

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What now?

I am reblogging this post dear litebeings because it seems to resonate with these uncertain times we find ourselves in. I hope it provides some comfort as well.

We are the ones we’ve been waiting for.

Namaste, Linda

litebeing chronicles

So hello 2020! As I read so many musings on the astrological weather, I ask myself ” Why haven’t you wanted to write anything? ” I could answer that I am too busy, tired, or physically unwell ( and they are would be correct). But that is not the true answer. I just don’t have all that much to add to the conversation.

And yet, here I am typing out a few words right before bedtime. So I must have something to say!  When I consider how so much energy is in Capricorn, I wonder about the concept of form and what does it really mean in the true scheme of energy-based consciousness. Then I consider Uranus, who lives in the future and is such a wild card. And then, of course, is my blogiversary on 1-11-20, coming up on seven years. Where does the “time ” go ?

Currently…

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Fare Well 2019

Another year and decade, come and gone, and I feel the need to say something. I took a peek at some of my posts from 2019 to help me chart my “life review ” and it occurred to me that readers might enjoy a sampling to savor as a holyday treat.

Here are some links to a few posts from 2019:

https://litebeing.com/2019/01/04/hey-2019-lets-dive-right-in/

https://litebeing.com/2019/02/23/healing-weekend-retreat/

https://litebeing.com/2019/04/07/finally/

https://litebeing.com/2019/05/20/a-house-is-not-a-home/

https://litebeing.com/2019/06/09/seeing-aint-believing/

https://litebeing.com/2019/08/24/nature-rocks/

https://litebeing.com/2019/09/30/let-there-be-songs-to-fill-the-air/

https://litebeing.com/2019/11/02/we-were-looking-for-your-blog/

As I reflect on this decade, I consider what I am grateful for, what really moved me and placed love in my heart? I went through so many jobs, lost beloved Dexter, and became seriously ill during this timespan, so much loss and upheaval.

And yet….

On 1/11/13 I started litebeing chronicles and magic was afoot. No, it was not a mystical experience, but it was a holy communion of sorts. Taking the risk of expressing myself for the sheer joy of doing so, lead me on a path filled with excitement, wonder, fulfillment and community. It also gave me a platform to share my astrology with clients all over this beautiful planet, some by Skype, phone, or in person. All were blessed encounters where I was able to serve and shine some light.

I have so much more up my sleeve ( and in my drafts folder) to share when inspiration takes root. In the meantime, I want to share my gratitude for my loved ones, family of blood and of choice, and my guides who help me steer this physical body through both smooth and choppy seas.

What moments resonate for you as the treasured highlights of 2019, the 2010s, or this lifetime? Please share your highlights here in the comments section!

Blessings to all my readers, followers and fellow writers who mean everything to me.

Have a Fearless Joyful 2020! love, litebeing Linda

We were looking for your Blog

Happy Samhain season litebeings! It is not really on Halloween, more mid-Scorpio, so you have missed nothing yet. I plan to post today as more of a journal-style entry, experimenting with a new technique. Re-working one’s writing style is très Mercury Retrograde you know?

So here goes nothing:

11-2-19

I have come to the conclusion, as of today, that all points of view are true, that no one is ever wrong, regardless of intelligence, morality, logic, or dishonest leanings. It is pointless to argue with anyone if the goal is to change someone’s opinion. Motivational Interviewing is a therapy technique used to connect with people who have sought ( or were mandated to seek) therapy. The idea is to allow the client to be where they are, be supportive, assess where they are in terms of readiness for change, and point out any discrepancies between their goal and their choices. This strategy acknowledges it is futile to try to force someone’s hand.

This idea triggered my mind to retrieve a quote I like ” If someone wants to leave your life, let them. ” It goes something like that. Basically, it implies that we are better off without those people at this time. They no longer belong in your life.  Reminds me of the three levels of teaching in Manual for Teachers in A Course in Miracles. Time spent together is unimportant, since time is a construct. What is important is what one gains from the teaching/learning potential during the course of the encounter.

What’s my point? We all exist in a separate plane of being, our own dimension/frequency that is rarely static. We are all one, but not in physical form. So each individual expression of energy has its own universe ( one – song). I do believe that there can be an overlap between 2 people or more, but not for extended intervals. These overlaps are fleeting more often than not. So if someone doesn’t “get me” and my efforts to connect are rejected and/or thwarted, it is best to just surrender. I cannot seem to attract many kind, decent authority figures into my orbit, at least not for a good stretch of time. I keep attracting cold, passive-aggressive, manipulative types who control something I need, like a paycheck or my LSCW. I feel beyond exhausted. I know my childhood was fraught with toxicity, but I also thought I had done more than my share of inner work and clearing the crap out of ” my field. ”

It feels like most people have no idea who I am or what I want or hope to accomplish. Today I had an image of my life being over while still breathing – meaning that it is possible to have exhausted one’s life force. I equate this with a product that has expired. You can still use it, but its quality has diminished because it is no longer in its prime or at its peak expression of vitality. Could my life force be compared to moldy cheese?

Perhaps this is why I was initially excited when a coworker greeted me yesterday with these words ” We were looking for your blog today. ”

What?

I told a friendly coworker that I am an astrologer after we discovered our birthdays are 4 days apart ( different year). She shares an office with a colleague who I find challenging. Anyway, I asked them both how their week went and if it was as bizarre as mine has been.  Then  I mentioned the frustrations of Mercury Retrograde. They had no idea what I meant.  Said challenging person’s face lit up though when I mentioned astrology and was excited when I said I am an astrologer. She asked if I have a business and I said that I advertise on my blog.  She wondered if I could do some astro type activities for her program if her boss agrees.

I wasn’t sure about this. After all, people in 2019 still are judgy about all the woo. So even while hearing the word blog uttered in the office was lovely, I told her that my blog is anonymous and I am not sure I feel ready to share myself that deeply at work. No one really pushed the issue, but for a moment I thought that maybe I am still alive, not sure though. Figured I better blog again and see what happens next.

PS: Move your clocks back one hour tonight if you live in the US.

 

You Have a Writer’s Energy

Greeting litebeings and welcome to all the new followers! Thank you for taking the time to visit this site and check out my musings, stories, and whatever Spirit brings forth from this vessel. I have a moon in Pisces blessing to share with you tonight.

Most readers know that my outer life has been consumed by work, adjusting to an odd schedule and accommodating an endless array of shifting demands and circumstances. I can truly say I love working with my clients, so I guess it is worth the effort to shapeshift as best I can.

Yet I yearn for the mystery that resides in my inner life, where Source resides and the divine spark is lit. Tonight I can report that a spark was present last night ( Friday).  After a very busy and exhausting week, I was delighted to park my car and walk towards my door.  Before I could do so, I was greeted by two neighbors with their collective dogs. I was feeling quite disengaged and made quick small talk without missing a beat. When a neighbor made a comment that saddened me, I retorted ” I work as a therapist and when I come home, I want to leave the negativity behind. ” ( or something to that effect. ) I do not know these neighbors well, and since I do not have dogs, I am not part of that crowd. So as I was walking to my apartment, the female neighbor ( we’ll call her Andrea) shouted out ” So do you practice CBT? ” and I am thinking ” What? ” I just want to watch some TV and chill. But I answer her and was surprised she knew about CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy). Andrea responded she once was a therapist but could not deal with the transference. She has lived upstairs for at least two years and I know nothing about her or her husband. Andrea seemed compelled to share more and more about her life. While it was interesting, I wanted to be alone with my thoughts.

Then she asked ” Are you published? ” I found that an odd question. I asked her if she was published because often people will ask others about topics that interest them personally. Apparently Andrea is getting her Ph.D.  in Education and her dissertation is almost complete. I told her I blog but have not published anything professionally.  She matter of factly declares ” I had thought you were a writer. ” This was strange since we never had a conversation before and barely say hello in passing. I wondered why she had arrived at this conclusion and she said that she’s an empath and reads people well.   ” You have a writer’s energy.” I was surprised she was spot on and quipped that since writing has always been my passion that perhaps I should step up my game. I took a good look at Andrea and the two small dogs she was cradling like babies. The dogs looked so gentle and sweet. How could I have not seen them before as they are? How could Andrea see me as I am so easily?  I suggested we talk again and she replied that they are relocating in about one month.

It occurred to me that I quickly dismiss people if they don’t quickly meet some arbitrary set of criteria that I subconsciously create. I make assumptions and filter out most people as mundane or mainstream or simply not interesting.  I rely on my perception to show me who and what to focus on. I avoid most dog people because I am a cat person and don’t really get dogs. Maybe my filtration system needs an upgrade. I wonder how many other people and situations I have overlooked in my desire to become less overstimulated by the outer world.  It is not a self-judgment as I understand that I do not have time to completely slow down and take in all of my environment. Yet, there is a lesson here for me to learn.

I really like the idea of having a writer energy, whatever that means. This was clearly a mystical moment; she could not have conjured up her impression randomly. She does not look like an empath, but even as I write this, I realize an empath does not have a look.

Speaking of perception and looking at things Wayne Dyer style, I have some lovely pieces to share with you from last week’s visit to the Philadelphia Museum of Art. Enjoy!

Don’t you just love moon in Pisces evenings?

 

all images courtesy of litebeing chronicles © 2019

Gratitude at Solstice

Happy Summer Solstice in the Northern Hemisphere and Happy Winter Solstice in the Southern Hemisphere! I am grateful to have readers all over the globe who grace me with their presence. One of many things I am grateful for.

I plan to use today to impart a radical gratitude practice. I do this now, rather than stew in all my problems or disappointments. In his new book, Everything is Here to Help You, Matt Kahn espouses that every circumstance will help us bring about more love for ourselves and each other. I much rather conclude that Source is conspiring for me, rather than against me.

I can feel the increase of light and warmth and am drinking it in. I live in such a beautiful neighborhood and am so lucky to be surrounded by trees and creatures of all kinds. As dusk approaches, my thoughts begin to settle down and my muscles begin to relax. I smell the sweet scent of lavender tealights and contemplate the day.

So here is a list in no particular order of what I am grateful for now:

The softening sky

Faint bird songs

Imminent fireflies aka lightning bugs

My hot pink kaleidoscope covered Samsung smart phone that allows me to take great pics and send them places ( and doubles as a flashlight.)

A virtual job interview tomorrow ( via Zoom) that excites me about what lies ahead.

Hydrangeas springing up outside my window, the inspiration for beautiful heartfelt emotions and scorpionic transformation and a symbol of this blog.

My new commitment to increasing sun exposure by taking daily morning walks. These walks help me get back in touch with nature and serves as a moving meditation bearing gifts:

Gentle inhalations and exhalations carry me from now to now, and back.

Great friends who love me for me, and write amazing books.

You can find Cindy’s first published book here.

Watching free Dead and Company live stream via Facebook, courtesy of Nugs TV. My teenage Deadhead self would never have imagined watching Bob Weir in real-time using a laptop on her couch.  no words….

Beauty is everywhere, just waiting to be absorbed and appreciated.

Meditating to Soleggio frequencies that are reminiscent of sound therapy baths, helping me leave my brain and raise my vibes.

The ability to take precious spaciousness, convert it to text, and share it with you.

Namaste and Solstice Blessings, Linda

May the light shine beyond your wildest dreams and may the darkness spin you into a transformed being of love.