The Light Remains

As I sit here tonight typing these words, I am humbled by the nature of my blogging challenge. How do I know the extent of the changes I have experienced during 2020? I expect many more insights will be revealed in the weeks and months ahead. However on this day of Thanksgiving here in the US, I want to speak to the expansion and abundance residing within me.  So here we go!

This is my entry for the Change Challenge, in which I challenged myself and other writers to take stock of their transformation in this year unlike any other. I needed to develop some structure for this piece, a way to organize my thoughts. I have become less organized as a result of this time without work and without many outside activities. I decided to start with describing the changes internally and externally, as one often reflects the other.

Sacred old oak outside of my terrace.

Outside :

My physicality had shifted in some ways. I have lost about 7-10 pounds. This was not intentional  and yet, I have wanted to lose more weight for some time now. My hair is very long again and is in need of a serious trim. Often I see a much older woman in the mirror, due more to lack of vitality or mood than actual aging.  Stress can leave its mark. This perception of aging is in flux: some moments I see a woman who is absolutely beaming. 2020 for me is a time of paradox and inconsistency.

I have often wondered what I would do with unlimited time, free from the confines of a full time job. My last job was so exhausting as I discovered that while I am a night owl, 1o or more hours per day at the office was not ideal. As is often the case, I find myself with either more money and less time, or less money and more time. But this year it has been more money ( for a few weeks), less money, and more time, but with constraints on freedom and social outlets.

I had initially thought I would give my home a thorough cleaning and throw out all the stuff I no longer want or need. Well, I learned quickly that I am not an iota more motivated to do either. I will at times dive into a small cleaning or sorting project, but this urge is haphazard and short-lived at best. The few changes I have made to clear up some clutter have served me well though.While I have done way less shopping in stores, I found a way to accumulate more books, newspapers, and magazines! This is not surprising though.

My car usually has a mask sitting above the dashboard and my scarf from last March is now on the back seat. I periodically collect food containers and bags from Dunkin or Starbucks, the difference now being that I let them pile up longer on the floor. I used to have an immaculate car, but I hardly drive anymore so who cares? The car has collected some minor scratches on the ride side from other cars and from my inability to navigate my crowded neighborhood street. As I have mentioned before, people have been flocking to my community on the weekends and park on both sides of my narrow winding street, making driving and parking a dangerous and slow process. In some ways I can see myself reflected in my car Azia, less utilized, more scratched up, but still able to get from point A to point B.

Inside:

Procrastination versus action: I had thought that my procrastination has receded over the years, but now I am not so sure. I waited until tonight to do this blog post, but I was home all day. I did not want to write it way ahead of time, because I wanted the Thanksgiving energy ( and transiting sun on my MC) to be in full effect. I did follow through on launching a job search in September, but have not been that motivated. I have done several interviews and so far none have felt right to me. My fear of more illness has impacted my drive to run errands or take walks or do much outside the home. It’s funny though that in the beginning of the Pandemic, I took a walk almost every night while I worked remotely from  home. This was in pre-mask America, before the hospitalizations and deaths began to accelerate. I realize that your mileage may vary because governmental and geographic differences are noteworthy. I do need more exercise and wish to walk more often. I tend to enjoy walking in the cold weather and am hoping the “tourists” will disperse once the weather goes below freezing.

Rigidity versus adaptability: Many who know me well would call me stubborn, fixed, or rigid and they would be correct. As a therapist, astrologer, and writer, I am less so, because my creative process kicks in and takes on a life of its own. Outside of these domains, I tend to be a creature of habits and preferences. But I have shifted a bit more towards spontaneity and adaptability as this year has progressed. I have taken on projects without much planning or scheduling. Quite a few opportunities have “landed in my lap” without warning or much wiggle room for preparation. Yet my devotion to watching TV at a designated time has continued to take priority. While it may not seem “enlightened” to say, watching TV grounds me and soothes me, as it has since childhood. I am more careful about what I take in, but I find the regularity and predictability comforting now more than ever. This comfort zone has been disturbed often though by “news conferences” and power outages. It is quite odd how often my apartment complex loses power. But I digress.

Connection versus isolation: I am an introvert at heart, but have really been craving human contact the past few months. I have dreams of being hugged probably because I have not had a hug in many moons. While I live among many neighbors, I am not close with most of the recent crop. I talk with friends on the phone and do countless zooms for all types of activities. And social media of course ( but I am more careful with FB). I have recently become acquainted with audio books and find the narration enjoyable. It substitutes for connection. The most common in -person encounters I have are in the grocery store, drug store,  or at drive thrus. These are usually not connections I look forward to. Yet, some are surprisingly pleasant. Admittedly the energy I bring to the transaction often determines at least a portion of the outcome.

Acknowledging fears and challenging their hold on me: This is a heavy topic for me. As I have written on previously, Jupiter Saturn and Pluto are dancing together in the 12th house of my natal chart. I have had Jupiter and Saturn visit here before, but it is a first for Pluto and all three together is very disturbing. The combination of expansion, fear, and renovation to my psyche has been quite torturous to endure. Memories of people and events long forgotten pop into my head as flashes from the void. My sensitivities have become more pronounced. often leading to more illness. For example, after learning about someone’s breast cancer diagnosis, my chest began to hurt a few weeks later. After reading about someone being hospitalized for diverticulitis, I end up back in the ER ( this past Sunday.)  When I focus on someone, I quickly imagine their circumstances and  carry some of their distress with me. While this is not uniquely a 2020 happening, the frequency and intensity has increased. Some of my darker impulses and thoughts have also returned, and I do not feel good about it. Yet, I eventually return to self compassion and self love, as I know that most of these darker tendencies have emerged due to stress and trauma from living in such an unstable time. I  sometimes have a desire to check out and be done with this lifetime, but over and over again I make a reversal and commit to living out my time here. It is usually the kindness and generosity of others or a striking synchronicity that warms my heart and sparks some hope for a better “now moment.” Lorie Ladd’s videos have been a blessing. She is so encouraging and genuine and shines her light very brightly. Like I hope to do again myself soon.

New endeavors and values clarification: Around April or so, I was determine to make my mark and morph into a newer me with a unique career/business. This quickly fizzled out as my health deteriorated and I became enthralled in financial and bureaucratic difficulties. A few of these remain as of today. This does not mean I am entirely closed off to vocational reinvention, but there does not seem to be much spark or movement that I can track.

I have been very busy, especially since September. This season has been devoted to pursuits I have long wanted to explore. Some have been long held dreams on hold while others a bit more recent. I have been attuned to Reiki 1, completed an Art History class on Matisse, am currently studying Animist Psychology, and have taken some other online projects on self – development. Reiki is confusing to me in its subtle nature. It has not prevented health issues, which is disappointing, but it has begun to change me is incremental mysterious ways.  I will say more about this in the future.

My Matisse class was a revelation. The instructor was so nurturing and passionate in a way that I need at this time. She taught me to see art differently and in turn , to see all of life with new eyes. Matisse was enchanted by the light and I did not know of this before taking the course. My trip to the Barnes was the respite I needed from this bland housebound existence I have come to know. I will write more about this also in future posts.

My current Animist Psychology course is so dense and overwhelming. Daniel Foor is Plutonian , yet communicates like a Virgo. Precision with intensity. At times his energy is too much for me to absorb. The material covers a lot of topics, from shamanism, to clinical practice, to cultural and environmental abuse, to ancestral wounding, and so much more.  It feels to me like I have covered this all before, but in another way and perhaps in a different timeline. It was not a random occurrence that I found and signed up for this course. I was strongly drawn to it and consider it to be among some of the projects I have meant to take on for years. Many of the subjects are both familiar and unknown to me in some undefined fashion. I was happy to learn that another blogger is taking the class and that I get to meet with hundreds of students on the live calls from all over the planet. Some are healers, others are seeking healing, and many like myself, encompass both paths. What I can report to be uplifting is my heightened reverence for the non – human life forms and the land that I inhabit.  I felt such a bold aliveness on my walk today from all the plant life, sky, and ground that surrounded me. The sun was uncharacteristically warm and light danced everywhere. I featured photos today that reveal the light’s marvel and power.

One of the most obvious ways I have changed is that my values have been refined and brought more into focus. Love, communion, vitality, beauty, authentic truth, silence, curiosity, knowledge, kindness, and purpose. I strive to take more opportunities that offer me a chance to live any of these values. When I follow through and embody these values, I feel more alive and in the flow.

Revised attitudes: This has gotten to be quite a lengthy essay but it is winding down. I will conclude by saying that I am listening more to my own inner voice and other guidance like a young child obeys her mother. When I am hungry I eat, when tired I sleep, when sad, the tears flow, when lonely I either process the feelings or seek connection. I do not have the luxury anymore to ignore these calls. My body is more susceptible to dis-ease, often compounded by fears and the perceived lack of safety. I choose to honor my humanness rather than pretend it is should take second place to some other goal. I am more “on the edge” in many ways, but also wiser and self-protective. This is yet another paradox of 2020 that I attempt to reconcile. I am grateful that my moods do not linger that long and that I have more books and projects than I could complete in the remainder of this lifetime.

While I do believe all this 12th house activity has exacerbated my reactions to living during such an unpredictable and revolutionary year, I have learned to accept that this is not an accident. I have read recently that embodied ascension is about loving all of life in all its forms, including one’s shadow along with one’s light. Yes, this idea is not new, and yes, I have written about this concept on this blog on more than one occasion, and yet I am interpreting it in a new way now. I am here and it is no mistake. My losses and my gains, my triumphs and my errors, my disappointments and my opportunities, none have more or less worth in the long run.

The light still remains….

 

Birthday – Interrupted

Happy Birthday to Me, lol!  It has been one week and honestly I don’t appear any different. While I can feel into the familiar Scorpio energy, most days are not very different from one another from where I sit. Not what I expected for such a milestone, 60 years of the sun returning to its exact zodiac placement at birth. My mom called and left a voicemail telling me my horoscope is great for this year. She reads the daily scopes in the paper. I think she forgets I am an astrologer, but I did go check it out online to see what it said ( above). It does look good and my Capricorn niece gave me the best gift, a phone call from college. To have this connection with her and to know she truly loves me, moved me to tears. My nieces are my heart and I work hard to keep the bond intact.

Here is the horoscope for Scorpios for 11/6/20, even more promising!

Is this for me or the presumed President Elect or all Pluto babies? I know I could use a boost in a new direction. I asked myself how could I enjoy the day, given the limitations? I settled on taking a leisurely ride down a favorite route and enjoying a nice takeout meal, complete with a decadent cake. My first choice would have been a group dinner at Zahav, a fabulous spot. My second choice was a pizza and champagne, but my tummy cannot handle either right now. So since I often lean towards Asian cuisine for takeout celebrations, I chose dim sum and salmon pictured below.

Crab and shrimp shumai dumplings
Brandy hoisin glazed scottish salmon
Chocolate chip cheesecake

The day contained some synchs, including songs and memories from the 1980s. I thought about my college years, triggered in part by my niece’s phone call but also by the songs that played on the radio.  A previous Pluto Saturn transit was on my mind. Michael Lutin talks about planetary stations like Mercury going direct, as portals to other timelines when a similar astro event occurred.  Mercury at 27 Libra aligns with the Pluto Saturn conjunction that occurred on November 7 1982 at 27 degrees Libra, right after my birthday! Of course the connect also aligns with the current Jupiter Saturn Pluto conjunction, squaring the 27 Libra degree. When I realized now that I lived that then, I was amazed. I did not own an ephemeris yet and this was pre-internet. The activity took place in my 8th house and while the break up with my boyfriend was crushing, my senior year in college rocked! The economy sucked, but I was only focused on finding a job, which I did with ease. It was nothing like 2020, but what is like 2020? I was worried back in January when I saw that my niece’s birthday was the day after the conjunction, and the action was conjunct her sun, unlike my 1982 experience, where my sun was shielded from the major players. It looks like she has handled it well, maybe due in part to her natal Pluto Saturn opposition. She is such a strong mature young woman, shaped in part by such powerful planetary placements.

So I took an aimless drive on a reliably lovely path, something I have not done in months. It took some adjustment to get into the groove and enjoy the ride! Two construction detours tested my reserve, but I found my way back safely, taking in the farmland and riveting fall colors.

I focused on what I enjoy, beauty, connection, nature, good food, and music, along with guidance from the Divine. Yet, it really was not much different from the day before. The day after was different because the Presidential election was called. But I am not going there today. The point is that I thought 60 would be a big deal and it wasn’t. The 1982 birthday was different because it was the first time I did not celebrate with my family. My boyfriend took me to his childhood home up in Rosetto PA, to meet his family and to also celebrate his grandmother’s birthday. It was so cool to be up in the mountains and I felt embraced by his people. You never know what any moment brings. Last year’s birthday I was ill and vomited because I took too much of a medication by mistake and spent the day I took off from work at home. But I made up for it when I was ready. Life for me now is mostly about letting more situations go and finding a decent plan B, with plenty of gratitude. Here are some recent additions that bring me joy; a book all about the Barnes, containing photos of the entire collection and my new foliage plant :

foliage plant

Today is another day, freshly enveloped in Jupiter Pluto conjunction at 22 degrees Capricorn, on the precipice of the Mars station at 15 degrees Aries. Perhaps this Mars station will provide a portal for you. I expect much drama around the world, so let’s see what develops. What I am noticing personally is conflict arising from unlikely sources, so I am laying low and minding my Ps and Qs. It is funny how these ancient sayings enter into my consciousness, but that is how writing works for me.

The unrainy days have been gorgeous and I am upping my photo game, acutely aware that the recent rain has emptied many of the trees of their autumn hued leaves. I relish the warm clouds, gentle winds, vibrant skies and sumptuous visual delights of November. I was incarnated once in 1960, right after a very intense presidential election, on a warm Sunday afternoon. So here I am and here we are, breathing on the same planet, but maybe living in different dimensions. Let’s enjoy our perspective and make the most of our time here.

Another Fall in Philadelphia ~ The Sequel

I was hankering to provide more recent fall foliage photos and Monday’s trip home from the Barnes supplied my muse. The first shot below is ironically of the Phila Museum of Art. Not sure why but I did not take one of the Barnes. I have driven this route so many times when I worked downtown in Center City Philadelphia but this trip was quite special to me. I will let the photos do the talking….

The pictures below were taken later in the week with the final shot a rare glimpse of the moon. Happy Friday to all!

Peace Arises, Naturally

It has been about 2 months since I took pictures while walking outside. I was a bit surprised to learn it has been this long. But as I have stated often, my neighborhood has been less inviting as strangers have hijacked it to get to the park. I am a HSP ( highly sensitive person) with a crabby, cranky, moody Mars in Cancer who rather avoid conflict than swim in murky waters. But the weather has been cooler and I know I need to move this body more so I took a walk yesterday, bringing my phone with me. I want you to know I have not been totally locked in for 6 months. While I was most cautious in the beginning, I go for a drive about 2-3 times a week and also leave my home to do laundry and take out the trash. I prefer fall weather and am setting a goal to move around more.

I have been making small changes recently that I know are good for my well being. I have begun letting go of small battles I have been waging , all about money. I have concluded that the amount of money or even the principle behind the issue are not as important as my peace of mind. I keep reminding myself I do not have to think about these issues again. I have invested way too much energy in matters that do not truly matter. I suspect there are more of these remaining if I choose to delve deeper. Lorie Ladd and others have said that Gaia is already firmly in 5D frequency. Lorie suggested by going outside one can feel into the peace. So I went out yesterday ( and briefly today) to do a little energetic detective work. Here are some more shots from yesterday’s walk. Please note that my focus is primarily color and use of light.

I cannot honestly say what 5D feels like, but I sensed an expansion and peace that was very comforting and loving. I have had numerous transcendent experiences such as OOB, lucid dreams, etc, but cannot distinguish between the differing frequencies. All I know is that being out in nature or simply gazing at nature is lighter than not doing so.

Please consider joining me and others in my current blogging challenge so we can all be together in this ever -shifting wave of new discoveries and re-membrance of our divinity.

What’s happening in your reality?

Purple Power

As I stated in my tag on yesterday’s post, red and blue = purple. Purple is the blend of two primary colors and vibrates at a very high level. It is also my favorite color and has been for a very long time. Today I celebrate purple with a sampling of images courtesy of Pexels, a WordPress perk for bloggers.

Let’s  enjoy the moment and raise our frequencies together.

pexels

Here and There

I wonder if I am alone in feeling like time is slipping away and I have yet to unpack March. I do not really think I am the only one out there with this issue, but I am still highly sentimental and tend to take my time letting go.

Back in the winter, I decided to leave a scarf in my car in case I would feel cold while driving. We have reached close to 90 degrees recently and that scarf is still waiting in the passenger seat. The question is, is it waiting for me to bring it inside or waiting for winter to return? Let’s face it, in the blink of an eye, the summer will be over.  To quote Game of Thrones ” Winter is Coming! “ In many regards, winter never left. My work laptop idly sits on the dining room table, unused since April. I have no clue when my office will reopen and I will return to clean out my office space and hand in the keys and laptop. Perhaps once this happens I will be totally separated from my former employer. I wish I could have worn that scarf at least once. I also wish I could have my personal items back and be rid of the laptop, a reminder of another company with financial problems, using layoffs as a way to survive.

And yet, my intuition tells me that everything ought to remain as is, for now. I cannot say why ; I just feel it. I continue to learn how to be more okay with “what is”, especially when it causes discomfort or sadness. There is peace to be discovered in the alignment with NOW. I am not being all New Agey, I really do believe this. While little me is usually pissed off or impatient, higher self is totally down with taking life as it comes on its own terms.

Spring green has been replaced with summer green and that will have to be enough. I am excited to show you photos taken over the past few days ( including today). I had thought I had already shot some roses, but none made the cut. Hydrangea bloom about once every 2 years and 2020 is the year, woohoo!

As you take in the imagery, make some time to focus on the opalescence of the hydrangea,  the play of light and color contrast. If not now, when right?

Let There Be Songs To Fill The Air

“Ripple by Robert Hunter”

If my words did glow with the gold of sunshine
And my tunes were played on the harp unstrung,
Would you hear my voice come through the music?
Would you hold it near as it were your own?

It’s a hand-me-down, the thoughts are broken,
Perhaps they’re better left unsung.
I don’t know, don’t really care
Let there be songs to fill the air.

Ripple in still water,
When there is no pebble tossed,
Nor wind to blow.

Reach out your hand if your cup be empty,
If your cup is full may it be again,
Let it be known there is a fountain,
That was not made by the hands of men.

There is a road, no simple highway,
Between the dawn and the dark of night,
And if you go no one may follow,
That path is for your steps alone.

Ripple in still water,
When there is no pebble tossed,
Nor wind to blow.

You, who choose to lead, must follow
But if you fall you fall alone.
If you should stand then who’s to guide you?
If I knew the way I would take you home.

La dee da da da,
La da da da da,
Da da da, da da, da da da da da
La da da da,
La da da, da da,
La da da da,
La da, da da.

I needed to get something out before we officially head into October because my heart wants to write. So many ideas, so little time or energy, has been my mantra of late. I know I am not alone in this, wishing I could devote more of my life to my creative pursuits. But I digress..

I am going to share with you an article written about the late great Robert Hunter, who passed away on Monday. He was a primary songwriter for the Grateful Dead. I am a champion of the writers and his words have accompanied me through so much darkness and pain, all the while instilling wisdom, delight, and hope. He was as much a part of The Dead as Jerry or Bobby, less known but a dominant force all the same.

This beautifully crafted piece by NPR talks about Hunter’s deep fondness for Jerry, his penchant for Americana style music, and the themes of mysticism, freedom, and mortality in ways that I simply cannot do. You see, the Dead are too close to me for me to analyze, they are inside me and have been since I was seventeen. So check out the link and learn about a legend:

https://www.npr.org/2019/09/25/763933353/robert-hunters-words-helped-bring-life-to-the-grateful-dead?utm_medium=social&utm_term=nprnews&utm_source=facebook.com&utm_campaign=npr&fbclid=IwAR3-GDwMQzQq7YUhv1pPdaSzjwuf3UcbrE5Y7npgd8DKT3nj7dsGBk_3utE

Have you noticed the transient aquatic header images I featured recently?  I spent 4 fabulous, funfilled days in Baltimore over Labor Day weekend. I am saving the details for a future post, but please enjoy some pics I took in the Inner Harbor and the National Aquarium now.

Let me say now, however, that my time in Charm City was a “long, strange trip.” Speaking of enigmatic phraseology, let me close this piece with a video of a Hunter song that features a line that litebeing chronicles is based on.

Listen and enjoy this trippy song that sheds light on “lite. ”

 

Catching Up

Greetings litebeings! It has been a good stretch since I posted anything, especially anything new. I have been working on balancing my life, and practicing self-care to increase my inner resilience. I am also working on  a guest post that is rather intense. I hope everyone out there is enjoying the change of season. It is an exceptionally rainy May in my neck of the woods.

Speaking of woods, here are a few photos from my latest trip to Longwood Gardens:


I have been re-vitalizing my meditation practice with a different type of breathing and adding chanting back to the mix. I recently learned that an extended exhale and the act of chanting help relax the vagus nerve, which plays a role in heart rate and digestion. I am also enjoying select lectures from the Hay House Summit, which is happening right now. I enjoyed an interview with Esther Hicks and a video featuring Caroline Myss. Check it out and discover an array of material on all things metaphysical.

Finally, I want to extend a Happy Mother’s Day to all who love and nurture others. Ceres the grain goddess is also a very maternal figure and while I do not have children, my prominent Ceres makes me an Earth Mother of sorts, particularly to those of the feline persuasion. Let’s honor those who extend affection, protection, and care to those in need to foster their development and well -being.

Even when I am away, my thoughts and energy are always with my readers, followers, fellow writers and all that connect with me at litebeing chronicles.

Namaste, litebeing

 

Finally!

Finally

Spring has come to my corner of Gaia,

After such a looooong sabbatical,

Blessing me with the manifestation of nature’s promise,

Glorious rapture of energy birthed into form

The wait was excruciating since last Spring,

When my cellphone photos were frozen in time,

Unwilling to allow me to share the blooms with you,

Until now a year later courtesy of Samsung and ATT

Just like magic, my health is re-bounding well,

After 2 months of physical hell

Rashes, viruses, and colon woes no more,

Freedom from bondage in this moment is pure

Do you see Beauty wherever you move?

Are your eyes opened or stuck in a sad groove?

Breathe gently with me and hear your heartbeat

Accept the sour and savor the sweet

My words don’t always rhyme

And life happens in its own time

Regardless of ego’s plans

Or outbursts and rants

You do what you can

And accept what you can’t

( until perhaps at some future timeline, you CAN)

I did not label this post as poetry, but I eked out some phrases in semi-rhythmic beats to convey my pleasure with seemingly forward movement. Winter 2019 was a spell of  “eternal stagnation, endless lifelessness and boundless misery “.

I spent just a few minutes outside today walking around my ‘hood snapping everything Springy in the midst of ferocious traffic and frenetic activity that seems odd for a Sunday afternoon. The weather was phenomenal and it felt great to bask in the beauty of this ephemeral season.

Grace is in the house!

Two Cool announcements:

 1 Please consider guest blogging for the Seeker’s Dungeon site headed by Sreejit. The topic is From Darkness to Light, one of my fav themes, and the vibe is wonderful over at Sreejit’s place. Check out the link https://theseekersdungeon.com/2019/04/05/spread-the-word-guest-bloggers-wanted/ and join the party for some deep soul-stirring stories and inspirational bonding with like-minded creative spirits.

2 While you are grooving to this Aries energy and planning your guest post, why not hop over tomorrow to the free Ancestral Healing summit over at The Shift Network? There are many great healers and teachers involved in this online event , such as Heather Dane , Sandra Ingerman and Gregg Braden. I am certainly intrigued about this topic and look forward to some awesome programming. Visit https://ancestralhealingsummit.com/ for the details.

Spring Awakening Part II ~ Embrace Nature’s Splendor

Happy Mercury Retro in Pisces, Pisces New Moon and Uranus entering Taurus (the sequel). This reblog is about spring and here we are on the cusp of spring almost 1 year later!
Reblogs are de riguer during retro cycles so here is one to tide you over until I produce some new posts! This is a huge week so take some deep breaths and enjoy the ride!

litebeing chronicles

Not everyone is made aware of the beginning of a new cycle or season. Although Uranus is my ruling planet, I do not always notice a personal shift when it enters a new sign. This time I did observe a small but important event that announced this major transit. When Uranus first entered Aries, I bought a new cellphone and it had a camera. I used it to take pictures for this blog ( see photo above). A few weeks ago this old phone started buzzing when I turned it on. Sometimes it did not turn on at all. So after seven years I replaced my trusty blue not-so smart phone ( see photo below).

With many reservations, I opted for a smart phone. While I do not want to be a slave to conformity, I relished the notion of a higher quality camera.  I still keep the phone off…

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