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Saturn Direct

There are mountains in our way, but we climb a step every day.

Saturn stations direct on 8-25-17 at 8:08 AM EDT. I am already noticing a calmness and expectancy of progress. In my chart, this transit is occurring in the 10th house of reputation, calling, and public persona. Considering all the changes I am experiencing, I am hopeful that clarity and peace will prevail.

Many of my readers have been aware that I have been quite depressed for a few months. Those who are astrologically-minded will understand that transiting Saturn has been opposing my natal moon in the 4th house since Christmas 2016. During this same time period, transiting Pluto has been opposing my natal Mars in the 6th house.  The second direct hit of both these cosmic events just occurred within a few days of each other, (the beginning of this month). They are still strongly in effect and will remain until October 2017 and December 2017 respectively. The lunar and solar eclipses just amplified the intensity for me. The lunar eclipse was conjunct my ascendant and square my Sun. Monday’s solar eclipse was conjunct my chart ruler, Uranus in my 7th house, close to my descendant and opposing Chiron. All my wounds about identity and relationships came up for review big time.

Within just a few days my life has truly changed. Last Monday I received my Ancestry DNA results.  Last Tuesday I interviewed to be Clinical Director at a Substance Abuse IOP program. Last Wednesday I lost my job as a therapist at a Psych Rehab program.

The program lost 60% of its funding and my position was eliminated. While losing the job is not surprising, dealing with the aftermath is quite traumatic for me on many levels. I hope that this gift of time will re-energize my drive to blog more. I certainly hope this will happen as I have so much to share here with all of you.

While I do plan to write in-depth separate articles on my genealogy findings and the loss of my job, today is not that day. I still have more inner work to do, including more meditation, prayer, and journaling. I am excited that my oldest friend from junior high/ high school is visiting from Texas tomorrow. This unexpected surprise is a welcome one, fortunately!

What  I mentioned today is just the tip of the iceberg. So many people are leaving and entering my life. So many choices and options are on the table. So much grieving and forgiving is necessary before I can truly move forward with confidence and sure-footedness.   I am actively working on integrating all this seismic activity internally.

In the meantime, if you desire a reading, please check out my services page. Or if you want to donate funds for the blog, contact me here.

I have never suggested donations from readers, but I realize that now is the perfect time to do so. If you want to support my writing and creative flow, I am happy to receive your generosity with gratitude. Learning to receive is one of my lessons and during times of financial uncertainty it is especially relevant to my evolution. While I have truly struggled with this decision, I believe it is the right one for now. Thanks in advance for any contributions on my behalf.

Finally, I want to leave with you a song as you contemplate tomorrow’s Saturn station. Up Where We Belong is the Grammy and Oscar-winning song from the film An Officer and a Gentleman starring Richard Gere and Debra Winger. Both the song and the movie emphasize Saturnian themes of achievement, seizing the moment, and overcoming obstacles. They are also both personal favorites of mine and have been since seeing the film for the first time as a college senior.

 

 

What does Saturn mean in terms of your evolution?

 

images counrtesy of wikipedia.org, public domain
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Shine a Light on 1111

Happy 1111 everyone! Here is a re-blog on this auspicious date that is very on-point for the times we find ourselves living in. Please take a look at my challenge post and join in on the fun. You might even win a free astrology reading!

It is in play all throughout November.

Namaste, litebeing

litebeing chronicles

Monet wikiart.org public domain

Update: Yesterday ( 11/23) I took a trip to meet up with a friend that I have not seen in about 20 years. We were looking at art and I had to go to the bathroom. We were headed towards the restrooms when I noticed a room filled with beguiling paintings that we may have missed. So we made a quick detour and lo and behold, what did I find staring right in front of me? This masterpiece by Monet which is the image for my 1111 blog post!

Seeing Poplars, Four Trees in person for the first time was exciting and we both were taken with it. The meeting of the physical world with the cyberworld was intensely gratifying. Seems the Elevens are always waiting for me to discover them and remind me that all is well.

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Guess what, it is 1111 time once more. For myself, every…

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Sleep Deprivation Induced Truths

Pearce_Solitude

I have become inspired by many writers who share themselves so generously, day by day, blog after blog, article after article, book after book. I want to dig deeper today and invite you to see more of the real me, in this moment.

I yearn to be seen and heard, without any mask or pretense. I will supply more of the back story of my existence. It is as necessary as my next breath.

I am sitting here typing on less than 2 hours sleep. The past few years I have struggled with sleep deprivation from time to time. This is due less to insomnia and more from persistent digestive issues. When I find it is easier to stay out of bed, I come to the computer and television to distract myself. It is easier to go back and forth to the bathroom from a sitting position. I have become more accustomed to the sleep deprivation knowing I eventually catch up on my sleep. I have made my peace with this.

But it has taken time. For about one year ( 2011-2012) I barely held my full-time job. I was out sick several days a week and kept employed due to FMLA. The mornings were the worst, and if I did not sleep, I would call out sick. There are many reasons my health deteriorated back then. But what matters is that I did the best I could to maintain some semblance of order in my disorderly life.

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I am in physical pain almost every day. This has been going on for over a year. There are occasional pain-free days, but they are rare. The pain fluctuates from mild to excruciating to anything in-between. I find it really difficult to talk about this. But it is not that hard to describe here.  At least not now. Plans are made, knowing full well, they may have to be cancelled at the last-minute. My expectations about how I spend my time are incredibly low. This may be a good thing, as expectations drag me down. And yet, I would like to be able to make commitments with a modicum of confidence.

I cope with the pain in a variety of ways, such as prayer, reading inspirational materials, watching spiritually themed videos, journaling, and positive self-talk. I let myself cry freely and without judgement. Many bloggers write about chronic and/or severe health struggles, and I find solace from reading these personal accounts.

Sometimes turmeric and ginger help. Sometimes I try something a bit stronger. It is interesting that I spent about an hour on the phone with a pharmacist about the dangers of prescribed opiates shortly before Prince died. It was as if I knew these pills could kill me. My doctor only prescribed a few pills with no refills. He handled this very responsibly. It is just that I have a tendency to relish not existing in this reality. I also have a history of self-medicating as a teen. Yet I have only taken 1 pill since leaving the hospital, just so you know. But I am grateful the bottle is close by.

I want to share how I felt on April 15th, my latest trip to the hospital. I had just gotten my first IV dose of an opiate painkiller while in the ER for my lower GI pain. This was the kind of debilitating torture that led me to call 911 for myself. I had never needed to do that before. I can still remember how free I felt once the stuff kicked in. I was devoid of worry, my muscles had relaxed, and my pain was virtually non-existent. I raised my voice and declared how great it was to be free! Funny thing is, the subsequent doses have less of an effect. ( Actually this is not funny at all, quite the contrary.)

 

I never know where I will be or how long I will be away from home. I pay my bills as quickly as possible, in case I am hospitalized without notice. I sometimes pack a bag to take with me to the doctor, on the off-chance I may need a change of clothes. I eat most meals wondering if I will be regretting my choice of foods. Why is it that the sauce I could eat all my life no longer agrees with me? Why does the sandwich I prepared last week make me double up in agony when I fix the same thing today? Sometimes the food does not make a difference. Truth is, no one seems to know much about my illness, triggers, or treatment.

I am just supposed to live like this.

Alphonse_Osbert_-_La_Solitude_du_Christ

Today is one of those times where I am struggling with fatigue and pain. I do not know if it will pass or increase in intensity. I never know. It has been so very isolating to keep my feelings locked away inside, only to discuss with a very select few. Many have welcomed a frank discussion about my health. I just don’t like to rehash it verbally. It is quite arduous and seems futile most of the time. But I do not like feeling so alone with my struggle. I want to move out of the false optimism and embrace this moment of despair. For it is real and honest and alive within me.

One day I would also like to put my name on this blog and all of my content. The main reason I don’t disclose my  full name is because I am afraid prospective employers wouldn’t be receptive to my story. The irony is that I cannot seem to find a job to save my life.

Now I wonder if finding one would save my life.

 

Comments are closed for this entry. I would like you to contact me here if you have any comments or questions. Please keep me in your prayers. Perhaps this unfiltered confession will be balm for my soul. Thank you for listening.

 

image credits ~ wikipedia.org, public domain

Great Mystery New Moon

So tonight is the second Aquarius new moon and a Black Moon at that! We go right to Sun and Moon in Pisces within hours of the lunation. Then tomorrow is the transition from the Chinese Year of the Horse to Year of the Sheep.

Whoa, I am exhausted just thinking about all these sweeping ex-changes! So much at once in the midst of the final looming Pluto Uranus square in March.

So I meditated and pulled a card for me and you.

 

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This is such a great card for me ( and you). I have really been feeling lost, confused and excited all at once. There are so many  powerful transits affecting my chart as well as that of the collective. This new moon is conjunct my Chiron and opposite my chart ruler (Uranus). So let’s just say that I cannot feel any beginnings or endings. It is all one endless whoosh..

So as I am unable to discern what lies ahead ( or in front of me) today, I will allow myself to ride and glide along the oceanic waves. I will not resist, I will allow. Uranus and Neptune are hosting this party and they insist that we respect their power and intensity. In order to avoid electrocution, one must alter their vibration. There is no other alternative.

To honor Chiron ( who is currently in Pisces) is to allow wounds to surface and be healed. He is not for the faint of heart. Facing whatever appears is essential now.  Mystery does not want us to use limited the human mind and precious energy in a quest for the unfathomable. This fruitless search is a mere distraction from true purpose.

Now my purpose may take a different route than yours, but ultimately we are traveling together.

To be love in this world

 

Which brings me to Stevie Wonder, of course. While watching the Grammy Tribute Concert, I was struck by the poignant lyrics of As. This may have been written as a personal love song, but I see Spirit’s handiwork all over it. It addresses mystery, Divine purpose, and the law of Attraction. There are so many layers of meaning here. Interesting too is the choice of album cover for Songs in the key of Life. Such a lovely spiral  happens to graces the cover.

When I had a great awakening in 2005, I began hearing some old songs differently. Words and melodies would leap out to me in ways that underscored subtle truths. This was one of the songs that I heard in ” another key.”

Here are some of the lyrics that woke me up and opened my heart even wider:

Until the day is night and night becomes the day—ALWAYS
Until the trees and seas just up and fly away—ALWAYS
Until the day that 8x8x8 is 4—ALWAYS
Until the day that is the day that are no more
Did you know that you’re loved by somebody?
Until the day the earth starts turning right to left—ALWAYS
Until the earth just for the sun denies itself
I’ll be loving you forever
Until dear Mother Nature says her work is through—ALWAYS
Until the day that you are me and I am you—AL~~~~~~WA~~
~~~~~AA~~~~~~~AA~~~~
Until the rainbow burns the stars out in the sky~~~~~AA~~~~
~~~~AA~~~~~~~AA~~~~~~~~~AA~~~~~~~YS~~ALWAYS

We all know sometimes lifes hates and troubles
Can make you wish you were born in another time and space
But you can bet you life times that and twice its double
That God knew exactly where he wanted you to be placed
so make sure when you say you’re in it but not of it
You’re not helping to make this earth a place sometimes called Hell
Change your words into truths and then change that truth into love
And maybe our children’s grandchildren
And their great-great grandchildren will tell
I’ll be loving you

 

What do you hear? 

 

 

visit http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/steviewonder/as.html for full lyrics.