I cannot find my voice. No, I do not mean this metaphorically. I have developed laryngitis. For someone who spends most of their time talking, this is significant. It effects my day-to-day communication and livelihood. When I was in graduate school earning my counseling degree, I excitedly exclaimed to my peers several times ” I cannot believe I am going to get paid just to talk to people!” Such a Moon in Gemini statement, that’s for sure. And so very cool!
This current bout of laryngitis is due to the tail end ( I hope) of a rather insidious and dreadful cold, sinus infection , allergy “thingy” I acquired a couple of weeks back. I have only experienced this phenomenon a few times in my life. I vividly remember one instance when I was scheduled to interview for a somewhat prestigious internship placement. I had a meeting with the director of a highly regarded inpatient psychiatric trauma unit. I really wanted this internship and was very torn about cancelling the interview. Once I realized I really had no choice, I rescheduled. I felt embarrassed and was worried I would lose this opportunity. Yet there was a thread of inevitability about my predicament. I surrendered to this thread and it worked out fine. I was granted the internship and it was an incredible learning experience.
The symbolic power of an experience such as this is rarely lost on me. Clearly there are words I need to say, thoughts that require expression, sounds that need articulation. What are they now? I am typically so outspoken and verbose beyond belief, yet something is being restricted and muted. I plan to spend some time looking into this matter. When Saturn is making a major transit, restrictions and limitations are the new normal. This year has really been so much more arduous than 2013, with Saturn over my Sun Neptune Mercury. I continue to make peace with what is , rather than go to battle armed with frustration and angst. I will be quiet, much to Dexter’s dismay. He ‘s grown so accustomed to my voice! I will listen more and go for the spaciousness, Eckhart Tolle style.
While I do feel uncomfortable, ridiculously mucus-filled and seconds away from my next hacking cough, teachable moments abound.
I cannot talk with you, but in the meantime ……
Where is your thread of inevitability?
image courtesy of wikimedia.org public domain