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December 2014

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INFJ at the Holidays?

By reading another blog I was inspired to repost this essay on how to navigate the holiday season. Hoping this  will reach those who can benefit…..

I was ready to dive into an astrology article including Taylor Swift, but she will have to shake it off just a little bit longer. I am sensing a need to write about how to navigate the holiday season with fun and a lot less drama. I have wanted to write about INFJs and HSPs ( Highly Sensitive People) for a while, and this seems to be the perfect time.

wikiart public domain

 Where is the INFJ in this picture?

He or she is probably in the basement or store bathroom with their hands over their ears! The INFJ personality is very sensitive, intuitive, headstrong, and idealistic. This  archetype is also generally quite introverted, perfectionistic, and value-driven. I think the HSP personality is a derivative of the INF ( Introvert Intuitive Feeling) categories in the Myers Briggs system.

As a card-carrying member of both clubs, I can unequivocally say that this time of year can be difficult. While I am still carrying out my radical gratitude practice, I am also aware that taking practical steps towards improved self-care should not be brushed aside. Be grateful that you are swamped with party invitations, but don’t feel obligated to attend all of them.

Here are some helpful tips for INFJs and HSPs and the people who love them. Take them with copious grains of salt and discernment. You will know what works best for you.

1 – Goody – goody, my inner self replies. INFJs love lists, plans and calendars! We are not the most flexible people on the planet and can get stressed out with spontaneous or last-minute changes in plans. It is OK to decline an invitation or suggest a quiet get together after the holidays. Know your limits and respect them.

2 – If you are at a dinner or party with an INFJ or HSP and engage them in small talk or gossip, don’t be surprised if they tune you out or head for the nearest exit. We like to communicate, but we don’t do meaningless chat. Ask us about what we are reading or our favorite causes. Tell us about your hopes and dreams or your ideal travel destination. Don’t bore us with tales about The Housewives of Las Vegas or details on your brother’s latest get rich scheme.

3 – We get overstimulated quickly and crowds make us uneasy. I have learned to pick and choose my social activities wisely. If I find myself in a setting that is too loud or negative or just plain chaotic, I will seek out someone whose company I enjoy and strike up a conversation. If that isn’t possible, I will excuse myself and leave. I am not shy and can easily initiate conversations. INFJs and HSPs are not necessarily shy wallflowers. Where you fit on the continuum will determine how introverted and sensitive you are, and that is often subject to change. Introversion does not imply shyness anyway. It means that we are drained by people. We are energized by going within.  I love interacting with people in real-time, but I need to have some control over my environment and know my limitations.

4 – If you notice you are overindulging in food or alcohol, it may be a sign that you are stuffing your emotions. I have coped with over-stimulation in the past by drinking way too much and I don’t really like to drink! Listen to the messages that your feelings deliver to you instead, and don’t behave in ways that don’t serve you. There is a difference between enjoying holiday treats and self-medicating. If you do not know the difference, get some support so that you can learn what works for you. Ask yourself if it is really worth it to alter your brain chemistry just to be in a room with people.

5 – Sensitive types often react to stress in a variety of ways. We are prone to migraines, digestive issues, and allergies. Some fragrances and noises trigger these reactions. Do not take it personally if we cannot be around your perfume or cigarette smoke or accompany you to a rave at the local warehouse. It isn’t you , it is us. Sensitivity is such a tremendous gift, but it comes with a price.

6 – In this hyper-consumerism culture, the pressure is high to buy, buy, buy. INFJs love to please our loved ones with unique, person-specific gifts. We delight in these details and remember that you adored that one-of- a- kind brooch while window shopping last July. Again, it is important to be kind to yourself. It really is okay if you cannot afford to buy everything for everyone all of the time. We can be so hard on ourselves and that self-criticism can be projected onto others when it gets out of hand. Let yourself off your self-imposed hook. If money is tight or time is limited, use your creativity instead. Bake, sew, knit, draw, or  photograph personal tokens of holiday cheer. It really is the thought that counts at the end of the day. This is why I really prefer Thanksgiving!

7 – Last but not least, feed your soul. HSPs and INFJs really benefit from the following activities: walk in nature, meditate, pray, create art, visit places of beauty, do yoga, take frequent breaks from your routine to just BE, write, play an instrument, read…  The more you love yourself, the better prepared you are to be in the world, but not of the world.

Please let me know if I forgot anything. Fellow INFJs and HSPs, I know you are out there!


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This entry was posted in INFJ.

34 comments on “INFJ at the Holidays?

  1. Grandtrines says:

    Reblogged this on Lost Dudeist Astrology.


  2. Karin says:

    Thanks for sharing this list of helpful advice.I can relate (even though I am not exactly in the INFJ party).
    I have two invitations by very dear friends coming up, but I already wonder about how many people will be there and whether I will have to do meaningless small talk.

    About just not accepting invitations: Good point, in principle. But, personally, in the past, I have felt pushed by my inner voice / team of spirit guides to *not* decline any events. I guess this is just this phase of the journey. The phase of withdrawing and going within is over for me. I am not allowed to do that anymore, at least not at the cost of any social events. I am encouraged to be around people, even if my ego thinks “Meh, it’s gonna be boring, and I wll have to do small talk, and I would rather sit at home and read a book.”


    Liked by 1 person

    1. litebeing says:

      Hi Karin,
      I also detest small talk, but frankly, I can tolerate it better now that I’m blogging. My need for deep authentic conversation is met here. But overcrowded gatherings or boring, superficial people is not my thing.

      Still wish my team was up and running in a way I could access them, but perhaps what I have now is for the best. I would not want to be ordered around. Have had plenty of that in my life already. Have you ever asked why they are so harsh with you? It seems strange to me. I hope you find some purpose in the events you attend.

      hugs, Linda

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Karin says:

        Good to hear that your need for deep conversation is met here in the blogosphere.

        About being pushed around harshly by spirit guides:
        When I go within and ask, an image of a fast flowing river comes into my mind. And everyone who holds himself to the sides of the river is swept away. And every branch of a tree which sticks into the water breaks if it is not flexible like a willow branch .
        There is a smile by my guides and they say calmly that their treatment or guidance is not harsh. The problem is rather that I am full of resistance to the flow of the river/force of source.

        And, yes, there is something meaningful in the social events I had to attend, even if I don’t like to go there.


        Liked by 1 person

      2. litebeing says:

        Thanks for clarification with that example. I wonder why you are so resistant, but then again, I am forever curious. I wonder what am I resisting, as life had gotten very extreme for awhile there. But maybe it was needed and I choose to label it as extreme. I am looking at my judgments about success and accomplishments and how they limit me. My ego still wants that PhD and lots of status and acclaim. But what does ego know about inner peace? Maybe there’s a post in here somewhere. Love chattin’ with you. Have a great weekend.
        x0 Linda

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Karin says:

        You love asking questions, and I love your questions!
        You are right. I need to look at the reasons for my resistance.
        What comes up is
        Fear of judgment and ridicule. Fear of being vulnerable.

        Time constraints.

        Laziness. My default relaxation mode is reading, not writing.

        A feeling of ‘why me ?’ , ‘why bother?’. There are enough people out there who share similar stuff. Why do I need to add my voice?
        About your thoughts about achievements and status:
        The path is about trying, trying, trying to find happiness in these things of the outer world.
        The in it is about failing to find hapinness there , and eventually about a U-turn to find hapiness inside. And you are right, the ego does not know anything about inner peace.

        The extreme situation of the past months: This seems to be happening for many people. Overwhelm and crisis. It is as if everything which is not working is boiling up to the surface, magnified.

        I , too, love chatting with you.


        Liked by 1 person

  3. yogaleigh says:

    Great list. I can sure relate!


  4. Walking My Path: Mindful Wanderings in Nature says:

    Yup, yup, yup! I am INFP and HSP. Great tips. I really do dread the holidays. I like it when they are over. I prefer giving gifts spontaneously. I hate shopping. I am so uncomfortable with so many aspects of the holidays. It is so hard to be in a place where there are unsaid energies shooting around and I get hit with them. I just go outside if it’s possible. Get grounded. Thanks for bringing this up. I need to remember to surround myself with Light these days. I like the idea of the holidays, just not the crowds, over stimulation, etc. There is a lot of pressure in my husband’s family. My own family(cousins) is pretty chill. I rarely get to see them, though. Anyway, I really hope yours are good. I do like Thanksgiving
    Hope you can sail through without any more migraines!

    I think the INFJ in the picture is either alone or with a friend on the park bench or on the roof of that big building. Or not in the picture at all. Haha.

    Be well Linda,

    Liked by 1 person

  5. litebeing says:

    Reblogged this on litebeing chronicles and commented:

    Apparently we are in full swing holidaze season. It is not quite Thanksgiving yet and I am already on my second migraine. If you know what I am talking about, you may also be a HSP or INFJ. Read along for some tips on how to thrive during the upcoming festivities.


  6. Great read! Thank you, litebeing.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Well said Linda. Have a merry and peaceful (maybe more peaceful than merry) Christmas! Bev INFP


    1. litebeing says:

      Thank Bev and the same to you! Most of my list would also apply to you. As a former? INFP, the one difference I have noticed is that the P personality is more flexible, less uptight, and may as a result, have less severe reactions.

      peace always, Linda

      Liked by 1 person

  8. paulaprober says:

    Hey Linda. Nice list. I’m both HSP and INFJ. I think all rainforest-minded folks are HSP for sure and possibly many are INFJ or INFP.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. litebeing says:

      Hi Paula,
      Glad you approve 🙂 I would agree with you. Maybe throw in a few INTPS and INTJs for good measure!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. paulaprober says:

        Oh yes, I’m sure. I just don’t know the other types as well.


  9. ptero9 says:

    INTJ here Linda. I’m not familiar with the other typology. Is there an online test somewhere?


    1. litebeing says:

      here you go:
      I also included some resources at the end of my post. Let me know if you pass the test!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. ptero9 says:

        I score 11, a little shy of the 14 to officially make me HSP. Maybe I’m an SSP. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      2. litebeing says:

        If you read my list and kept nodding your head, you are HSP. The INTJ seems to suit you I think. But you do feel intensely sometimes 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  10. TamrahJo says:

    I completely relate to and said an inner “YES!” for each point made – so, the million dollar question is, am I just an HSP? Or did I, somewhere along the line, shed my outer ENFP persona? LOL – Take the Myers Briggs about every 5 years – – after first being labeled an “ENFP” at a work in-service at age 22 – – More and more, the ‘results’ still say “ENFP” – but the ones that show scales indicate I’m close to the border and can go either way – My story on this? “Thank goodness! I’m learning balance” – LOL
    Wonderful post and thanks for not boring me with meaningless chit-chat! LOL

    Liked by 1 person

    1. litebeing says:

      I have taken the formal test twice and I moved from P to J ( was I ever truly a P, hehe with all my control issues? ) and the Introvert extrovert, and judging perception scales are about borderline for me this last time.

      I think I was more balanced with thinking feeling when I took it as a student ( college? dk) I think I am more HSP since i discovered the book and took the test, but anyway it is validating to have some context for all this quirkiness that is me ( and perhaps you?) My Scorpio nature also detests small talk so it is all good.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. TamrahJo says:

        Well, ya know, you so generously did my chart for me, so, until I grow to the point of ‘you can’t read the chart of a saint’ you know all my quirks, anyways – – ! 🙂 and knowing, you still chose to connect – so I never worry about my need to avoid chit-chat and talk bluntly about other things will be misunderstood – – thanks for that gift! 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  11. I am with you all the way on the remedies Linda.. and avoid crowds like the plague LOL.. This year I went into town but had a little world with those ‘Upstairs’ and said Look.. this is what I require and I only want to spend 2 hours in town at the most. 🙂 Low and behold.. I just trusted, and followed my nose even to shops I would not normally go into. And Hey Presto!.. I got all my Christmas shopping finished in a record hour and a half.. Ok.. I had a few other things bought and made previously. 🙂 But it really was the best Stress Free Christmas Shop Ever.. So Thank you Universe.. 🙂
    And thank you Linda.. for all that advice…
    Wishing you a stress Free Weekend also..
    Love Sue x

    Liked by 2 people

    1. litebeing says:

      Glad Sue to hear your intentions were met and you are now ready to party! Received your real-time card and letter today, very beautiful and festive!. Big hugs and thanks for your friendship.

      love xoxo,

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Just caught up with this post reply.. apologies, But an email should be awaiting you.. 🙂 xxx

        Liked by 1 person

      2. litebeing says:

        got it and read it 🙂

        xoxoxo Linda

        Liked by 1 person

  12. mike says:

    the really introverted ones like myself don’t have a lot of friends, but the few we have understand.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. litebeing says:

      Then they are good ones 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  13. Pure INFP/HSP here, year round Linda. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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