Trudging Through The Revolution

Yesterday was my ,ahem, 60th birthday. Today Democracy was salvaged and Fascism averted. What will top these events tomorrow?

I am not prepared to post any new material yet, but want to reblog this post about my city, my country, and what it means to evolve as spirit in human form in this now moment. I pray for reset, unity, and reconciliation on this precious planet. Can we find a way to see light in every living creation? May separation be healed and the New Earth take hold.

litebeing chronicles

According to Webster’s dictionary, Revolution is the action by a celestial body of going round in an orbit or elliptical course,  completion of a course (as of years), a sudden, radical, or complete change, and a fundamental change in the way of thinking about or visualizing something a change of paradigm.

I like how all the different meanings coalesce and vibe off each other. Time and movement can inform change in action and in philosophy. The times we live in now show us how history impacts the present and how different perspectives inform the shifting of our future.

It is not an accident that a Lunar Eclipse is occurring this year on America’s birthday. While the entire planet is in major transition, so many look to the US for answers. The US or ” us ” is a hot mess right now, but has been for many decades…

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Guilt comes up

This post from Karin is so necessary and spoke to me at a profound level. I am reblogging this one because it ties together so many important themes: separation, residual feelings about separation, feeling the feelings which leads to dismantling collective density and more….

Spiritual Awakening

End of August and beginning of September 2013, around the time when I was treated by the spiritual healer, I hit the guilt layer full force.

According to A Course in Miracles which I had read a couple of years ago, there was first the thought of separation, and that created the thought of guilt. Which in turn created fear.  Which in turn created the universe which features the illusion of separateness of things in time and space. (That’s the root-cause analysis of the human condition in a nutshell according to ACIM and The Disappearance of the Universe by Gary Renard).

In Gary Renard’s book, it was explained that the underlying guilt is unconscious. When I read that, I thought, ‘Guilt? What guilt? I feel like the most innocent person on the planet. After all, I am always making sure that I keep my promises and that I don’t…

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Balti -More

Oh Baltimore,

How wonderful it is to know you always deliver, you always bring joy, excitement, love, and a sense of adventure. And then there’s the mystical essence you carry so well, with simplicity and confidence. Our reunion was a dream realized. It took a bit longer than my ego wanted, but it was really on Divine Time.

wikipedia.org public domain

Baltimore and I go wayyyy back. My maternal grandmother was born in Brooklyn but her parents moved to Baltimore. She eventually returned to New York to live with a relative and met my grandfather, but many from her family remained in Maryland. While I only recall one visit to my great aunt’s home in Pikesville, my mother spent alot of time in the Baltimore area. I have taken a few trips there with friends but one trip was very unusual. In my twenties, I met a man at a party. While I have no idea how this was possible ( pre-computers) I interpreted his chart for him and we kept in touch. He invited me to visit him in Baltimore for a few days. I agreed to stay with a man I only met once. It was a spectacular time. We rode everywhere on his motorcycle, which I found both terrifying and exhilarating. We went to many local haunts and had dinner one night with his mom. I had a magical time and that memory still has sparkles!

I did not know if I would attend the NCGR Astrology conference until just a few weeks before as I waiting to see if I would get a scholarship. I did get one and then learned my supervisor was leaving his job and with him went his offer to cover my work for vacation.  I was so excited to go to my first out – of – town Astrology conference. The last one I attended was in 2013. Eventually, all was settled and Labor Day weekend 2019 was here!

Highlights: 

Eating crabcakes three days in a row

Making new friends

Catching up with old friends

A lovely hotel with a stellar view of the Inner Harbor

Spending time back at the National Aquarium

Getting off one’s thought and time loop and allowing life to happen

Few plans and few expectations

The energy of the city, vibrant people, and glittering waves of good cheer

The event dovetailed with my Second Saturn Return. My first one was non-traditional in that nothing “expected ” happened. What did happen is I became a student of A Course in Miracles and my inner circle became inundated with other astrologers. I studied with a group and met many new people as a result. I attended my first astrology gathering at this time and some of those people are still in my life today. This second return echoed the first. While my astro community is wonderful in many ways, it is filled with spirits in form with various personalities and egos. While the conference had some conflicts and mishaps, the joy totally outweighed the negativity.

One conversation was particularly otherworldly: I was attending a lecture and someone in the audience said he had Pluto on the Ascendant. I ran into him the next evening, as if in a lucid dream I thought : Let’s walk up to him and see hat happens. So I did and very soon after two others came over. I did not know them but we had much in common. I began discussing the Presidential candidates and my fondness for Marianne Williamson. This is a topic I did not discuss in astrological gatherings. It turns out one of the people worked on her campaign!  I was told about this theory that Marianne was the reincarnation of Abigail Adams. My mind was blown! We discussed the Course in Miracles and the times to come. I mentioned my timidness around a famous astrologer and how much I enjoyed his 2020 lecture. He came to join our tiny group as he was friends with one of the people I just met. It turns out the famous astrologer knows Marianne very well. Other synchs starting happening in rapid succession. I was feeling such awe.

I will keep the rest of that conversation private but suffice it to say that much magick was evident in mysterious happenings in Charm City. I discovered that my Saturn in Capricorn in the 11th house opposing Mars ( conflict, men, action) and trining Pluto ( influence, rebirth, disintegration) brought my 11th house matters ( astrology, friends, hopes, wishes, dreams. clubs, groups) to light. It was so freeing to be away from home in a city that is so vibrant and friendly. I realize that it is the blending of my energies with this location, as not everyone shares my experience. Baltimore is ordinary in many ways but shimmers for those who notice.

Looking back almost one year later, I am so glad I made this trip happen. Money was tight and getting time off was difficult, but my soul needed to immerse itself with my soul group and roam around untethered. Some of the predictions made at the conference about 2020 did come to pass, but not in the way I expected. And I can live with that as I would not change a thing. Ripples continue and mysteries abound…

crabcake image credit ~ wikipedia.org, public domain

Litebeing’s Energy Update

What if it is really all okay ” underneath it all “, whether we enjoy, judge, understand, integrate, or resist the experience?  About 30 years ago, a young man I was very smitten with, took me to one of his favorite bars. It was an awkward evening and my time with him proved to manifest plenty of awkward moments ahead. In any case, I found him to be wise and confident and took him waaay too seriously. But he said something in the bar in Upper Darby that still rings true now ( and oddly enough,  I still remember it!) He simply told me, “life is here to experience. ” That sentence seemed a bit radical to me then, but not unpalatable or easily rejectable. We did not use words phrases like 3rd density or clear our fields but we were part of a  group of friends who studied The Course and other spiritual teachings. I was down with his concept as long as I liked the experience. It is not designed that way.

I did not plan to write about that meeting in the bar. A lot more was said that evening, but that’s not fit for blogging! This story is included because I am working on relying more on my gut and intuition, using my intellect more as “backup. ”

This is my energy update and the forecast is stormy and humid with a chance of magick.

On previous layoffs, I have struggled with how to best spend my time. Often I was required to apply to jobs weekly as a condition to receive unemployment. This go-round there is no job search requirement. I look inside myself daily to determine what is meaningful, fun, and perhaps healing and/or geared towards awakening? I realize that this timeline we are in is so unusual and I want to use it well or have Source use me well. I hit a recent snag right after the Mercury station when my former manager asked me to come back to the office and hand in my keys and laptop. I became acutely aware of how much resentment I have accumulated towards him. This stems mostly from my disappointment that he was not the person I imagined him to be. This pattern often shows up when I compose a narrative around someone I hardly know and it turns out to be incorrect.  I wanted him to be the creative, thoughtful, reflective person that I saw initially. He ended up treating me poorly and displayed anger, deceptive maneuvers, and condescension. I see my disappointment causing a strong aversion to meeting with him again. I do realize that my actions have also colored his interactions with me, but it still stings. I am considering writing a letter to him as a way to release my emotional baggage. This is a therapy technique I have used often in my work so I figure it can assist me in letting go of the past and accepting him and each moment as it is.

Almost 4 months into lockdown, my body has been suffering for most of it. Today I can report the “cold ” is improving, my toe hurts less, my skin inflammations are almost gone and my GI tract is rebounding from whatever happened yesterday. I wonder if I welcome illness to avoid responsibility or simply become unwell as my body works to rid itself of all the low frequency thought and experiences I take in? The answer could be neither or both, I do not know.

In any case, I am pleased to say this quarantine has not been just one extended sick day. I have noticed more lightness and laughter and have become more grateful for what I have and the people that I love.

I am also grateful that hydrangea grow outside my bedroom every other year. There is some regularly scheduled beauty in my world. Lovely hydrangea, there is a reason I choose you as my gravatar image.

Synchronicity Central ~ Friday I was getting breakfast at Dunkin and going there reminds me of life pre -COVID. On the way, I noticed a small green grasshopper/ cricket accompanying me on the passenger mirror! He looked just like the one from a couple weeks ago. I turn up the radio and enjoy cruising with this supercool companion! Later in the ride he migrates across the windshield. I did not have a chance to take a photo but he was similar to the cutie I found at the grocery store. While at the drive-through, I  have a worry about catching Covid after the cashier is not wearing a mask and become anxious. After I leave Dunkin I  turn the radio back on.  An instrumental tune entitled Immunity begins playing!  I am thinking ” wow, instant messaging, guide-style, yes!

Many talk about how it is more likely that our physical bodies move back and forth between 3D and 5D. I cannot speak for anyone else, but my ability to tap into Source has increased significantly during social distancing. Telepathy is more frequent and easily confirmed.  The higher vibes usually occur when my mind is quiet and observant. Regular meditation via Headspace is one habit I intend to keep!

The bloom shown above is smiling. You will smile too if you read the announcements below. Please take a peek to get the latest scoop. Let me know how your energy is flowing?

Announcements: 

Save yourself ~ If you are writing online, remember to save your work regularly. WordPress lately has this tendency to highlight and delete all my text. It happened again today while posting here and I did not save my work. I prayed for a solution and somehow autosave must have been operating, despite no indication of it under the Revisions section of the Editor.

Pay it Forward Deadline ~  I am enjoying reading for you and am glad to have a few more “in cue”. If you are still on the fence about getting a reading, decide by July 1, 2020.  Please contact me here to book your free reading. Join the fun! Please contact me also if you want to write a Testimonial about a past or recent reading. The Testimonial page is getting a needed overhaul, waiting for new reviews. Thanks in advance for all the love and support!

Retro works ~ My intention during this Mercury retro season is to publish some posts “vacationing” in the drafts bin. I have been procrastinating writing anything complex and/or lengthy, waiting for my ideas to marinate. I see some of my material to be “timely” so I hope you can support me by encouraging me ( either actively or energetically) to bring this material out in the open.

Namaste dear ones

We were looking for your Blog

Happy Samhain season litebeings! It is not really on Halloween, more mid-Scorpio, so you have missed nothing yet. I plan to post today as more of a journal-style entry, experimenting with a new technique. Re-working one’s writing style is très Mercury Retrograde you know?

So here goes nothing:

11-2-19

I have come to the conclusion, as of today, that all points of view are true, that no one is ever wrong, regardless of intelligence, morality, logic, or dishonest leanings. It is pointless to argue with anyone if the goal is to change someone’s opinion. Motivational Interviewing is a therapy technique used to connect with people who have sought ( or were mandated to seek) therapy. The idea is to allow the client to be where they are, be supportive, assess where they are in terms of readiness for change, and point out any discrepancies between their goal and their choices. This strategy acknowledges it is futile to try to force someone’s hand.

This idea triggered my mind to retrieve a quote I like ” If someone wants to leave your life, let them. ” It goes something like that. Basically, it implies that we are better off without those people at this time. They no longer belong in your life.  Reminds me of the three levels of teaching in Manual for Teachers in A Course in Miracles. Time spent together is unimportant, since time is a construct. What is important is what one gains from the teaching/learning potential during the course of the encounter.

What’s my point? We all exist in a separate plane of being, our own dimension/frequency that is rarely static. We are all one, but not in physical form. So each individual expression of energy has its own universe ( one – song). I do believe that there can be an overlap between 2 people or more, but not for extended intervals. These overlaps are fleeting more often than not. So if someone doesn’t “get me” and my efforts to connect are rejected and/or thwarted, it is best to just surrender. I cannot seem to attract many kind, decent authority figures into my orbit, at least not for a good stretch of time. I keep attracting cold, passive-aggressive, manipulative types who control something I need, like a paycheck or my LSCW. I feel beyond exhausted. I know my childhood was fraught with toxicity, but I also thought I had done more than my share of inner work and clearing the crap out of ” my field. ”

It feels like most people have no idea who I am or what I want or hope to accomplish. Today I had an image of my life being over while still breathing – meaning that it is possible to have exhausted one’s life force. I equate this with a product that has expired. You can still use it, but its quality has diminished because it is no longer in its prime or at its peak expression of vitality. Could my life force be compared to moldy cheese?

Perhaps this is why I was initially excited when a coworker greeted me yesterday with these words ” We were looking for your blog today. ”

What?

I told a friendly coworker that I am an astrologer after we discovered our birthdays are 4 days apart ( different year). She shares an office with a colleague who I find challenging. Anyway, I asked them both how their week went and if it was as bizarre as mine has been.  Then  I mentioned the frustrations of Mercury Retrograde. They had no idea what I meant.  Said challenging person’s face lit up though when I mentioned astrology and was excited when I said I am an astrologer. She asked if I have a business and I said that I advertise on my blog.  She wondered if I could do some astro type activities for her program if her boss agrees.

I wasn’t sure about this. After all, people in 2019 still are judgy about all the woo. So even while hearing the word blog uttered in the office was lovely, I told her that my blog is anonymous and I am not sure I feel ready to share myself that deeply at work. No one really pushed the issue, but for a moment I thought that maybe I am still alive, not sure though. Figured I better blog again and see what happens next.

PS: Move your clocks back one hour tonight if you live in the US.

 

Fill Your Heart

David Bowie was truly an example of alchemy in action, a shape-shifter prophet who was unpredictable and impossible to contain. I am so happy to have been exposed to his music early in life. Spirit led me to share a beautiful piece of music that is as relevant today as when it was written. A more extensive post on his influence will appear in the near future.

wikipedia.org, public domain

While I was re-visiting some of my Bowie music, I came across the Fill Your Heart  track from Hunky Dory. The lyrics remind me so much of Matt Kahn’s teachings as well as those from A Course in Miracles. This album was released in 1971. His ideas pre-date both ACIM channeled material as well as Matt’s Love Revolution. I see great symmetry among these sources and such uncharacteristic joy in Bowie’s voice.  I was “ called ” to offer this song while in the shower. The shower never fails me!

“Fill Your Heart”

Fill your heart with love today
Don’t play the game of time
Things that happened in the past
Only happened in your Mind
Only in your Mind-Forget your Mind
And you’ll be free-yea’
The writing’s on the wall
Free-yea’. And you can know it all
If you choose. Just remember
Lovers never lose
‘Cause they are Free of thoughts unpure [sic]
And of thoughts unkind
Gentleness clears the soul
Love cleans the mind
And makes it Free.

 

Happiness is happening
The dragons have been bled
Gentleness is everywhere
Fear’s just in your Head
Only in your Head
Fear is in your Head
Only in your Head
So Forget your Head
And you’ll be free
The writing’s on the wall
Free-yea’. And you can know it all
If you choose. Just remember
Lovers never lose
‘Cause they are free of thoughts unpure
And of thoughts unkind
Gentleness clears the soul
Love cleans the mind
And makes it Free!!Free-yea’. Yeah-yeah-yeah, yeah-yeah-yeah [repeat]

 

While not everyone was a fan or even familiar with Bowie’s music, to many of us he was a visionary, otherworldly being who helped usher in a new way of self-expression.
 
image credits: wikipedia.org, public domain

Kindness Collisions Abound

the-night-of-peace-1815

I once associated collisions with car accidents, but no more. Collisions are the cosmic meetings shrouded in mystery and orchestrated by Divine appointment. This blog is loaded with everyday tales of extraordinary magic. The more I share, the better I feel inside. Storytelling is my gift to the world.

This time of year is considered to be a time of frequent miracles. But if you frequent mainstream media lately, you will find assorted horrors and hate- based dreck. Way too many stories are told not to inspire, but to agitate or incite fear. I have had enough, how about you? But there is hope. I promise you, there is hope. I invite you to watch CBS evening news, especially the last five minutes of each broadcast. If you have more time, explore the magical CBS Sunday Morning show, where they bring extraordinary stories that are unlikely to be found in memes or on YouTube. The producers are visionaries in their ability to discover and research unusual topics that are often obscure and luminous. There are typically some celebrity interviews, but I relish the unexpected tales that feed my curiosity and satisfy my soul. There is a series called On the road with Steve Hartman. He took over for the legendary Charles Kuralt. This is a series of good news that is miraculous in nature. I have to share with you Friday’s feature. It is about an ordinary man’s calling to be of service. It is both extraordinary and simple, which makes it even more spectacular.

You can find the story here:

A young man has a calling and transformation is at hand.He follows this nudge that grows over time. Lives are changed and love becomes a verb. This process sows the seeds for planetary evolution, sometimes referred to as ascension. I want to believe we are heading there. Maybe we are already there and the material indications are yet to be revealed to the masses. I don’t know.

wikiart.org, public domain

What I do know is that I am called often to show the way, using the resources afforded me at any given time. An abundance of tears often triggers my awareness that something amazing is occurring. I have been crying often this week. This is one of the ways the Divine contacts me.

The next day I went out in my neighborhood filled with the expectation of the possibilities often linked with the Solstice season. The checkout clerk was a young woman with a smile plastered on her face. She was kind, warm, and was very engaged with me and the often routine tasks of her job. I was lifted by our exchanges. Her uniform lacked a name tag so I asked her name. She said ” Christian.” Perhaps an hour later I introduced myself to a new neighbor. She was also warm and exuberant and extended her hand to me. ” My name’s Christina, ” she said as we shook hands. Hmmm, I thought, while 2 Christians does not a pattern make, something is in the works!

illustration-to-milton-s-on-the-morning-of-christ-s-nativity-1809-1

This palpable sense of good cheer led me to research images of the nativity, particularly peaking my interest in the Star of Bethlehem. This article by wikipedia is a worthy read, particularly the sections regarding prophecy and the astronomy / astrology findings.  Jupiter conjunctions with Saturn and Regulus caught my attention. So did these stirring images that decorate this article. Out of all consciousness there is a spark awaiting the instantaneous emission of light. This lightness of being does not have to be reserved for special occasions. The great spiritual teachings did not ask for us to live in darkness for the majority of our days. Christ consciousness is about love. Love is light and they both are inherent in consciousness. This is not white washing New Age gibberish onto a troubled world. It is about removing the obstacles to love’s presence, the promise of A Course in Miracles.

Where do we begin??

 

References:

http://www.cbsnews.com/news/on-the-road-one-mans-long-journey-to-help-a-stranger-walk-again/

http://www.cbsnews.com/sunday-morning/

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Star_of_Bethlehem

 

I wonder if the joy and awe I feel upon hearing this rendition by Whitney Houston is measurable to the miracle of light appearing out of darkness. It happens today in the Northern Hemisphere.  Wishing you a brilliant Solstice where kindness, wonder, and love prevail at every pass, in each breath.

 

image credits, wikipedia.org, public domain
wikimedia.org public domain

Full Moon and Leo Bonanza ~ R U Wide Awake or Having a Teenage Dream?

wikipedia.org, public domain

In just a little while the Capricorn Full Moon will be upon us. Happy July to everyone. Can anyone tell me where the first half of 2015 went? What a rollercoaster ride it has been!

This morning Venus cozy-ed up to Jupiter at 21 degrees Leo. Saturn is demanding caution with a square at 29 degrees Scorpio.  Uranus is trining the lovebirds at 20 Aries and Mercury is sextiling them at 19 Gemini. So many planets are pairing up today. With the full moon we have Sun conjunct Mars in wide opposition to Pluto. Pluto is conjunct the Moon.

We have such a full plate with most of the solar system in play. Sun, Moon, Mercury, Venus, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn and Pluto are getting busy today. So much to absorb and so little time. Do we focus on Blazing Sun in Cancer or Controlling Moon in Capricorn? Mars and Pluto are 2 sides of the same coin and Cancer/ Capricorn are mommy and daddy with plenty of edge. With my 7th house all lit up with Leo magic, I am going to discuss the nature of enlightened relationships.

I am led to use A Course in Miracles today to illustrate how 3D world limitations can impact how we love and who we love. Here is an excerpt from The Manual for Teachers, page 6 & 7:

What Are the Levels of Teaching?

The teachers of God have no set teaching level. Each teaching-learning situation involves a different relationship at the beginning, although the ultimate goal is always the same; to make of the relationship a holy relationship, in which both can look upon the Son of God as sinless. There is no one from whom a teacher of God cannot learn, so there is no one whom he cannot teach. However, from a practical point of view he cannot meet everyone, nor can everyone find him. Therefore, the plan includes very specific contacts to be made for each teacher of God. There are no accidents in salvation. Those who are to meet will meet, because together they have the potential for a holy relationship. They are ready for each other.

The simplest level of teaching appears to be quite superficial. It consists of what seem to be very casual encounters; a “chance” meeting of two apparent strangers in an elevator, a child who is not looking where he is going running into an adult “by chance,” two students “happening” to walk home together. These are not chance encounters. Each of them has the potential for becoming a teaching-learning situation.

Each teaching-learning situation is maximal in the sense that each person involved will learn the most that he can from the other person at that time. In this sense, and in this sense only, we can speak of levels of teaching. Using the term in this way, the second level of teaching is a more sustained relationship, in which, for a time, two people enter into a fairly intense teaching-learning situation and then appear to separate. As with the first level, these meetings are not accidental, nor is what appears to be the end of the relationship a real end. Again, each has learned the most he can at the time. Yet all who meet will someday meet again, for it is the destiny of all relationships to become holy. God is not mistaken in His Son.

The third level of teaching occurs in relationships which, once they are formed, are lifelong. These are teaching-learning situations in which each person is given a chosen learning partner who presents him with unlimited opportunities for learning. These relationships are generally few, because their existence implies that those involved have reached a stage simultaneously in which the teaching-learning balance is actually perfect. This does not mean that they necessarily recognize this; in fact, they generally do not. They may even be quite hostile to each other for some time, and perhaps for life. Yet should they decide to learn it, the perfect lesson is before them and can be learned. And if they decide to learn that lesson, they become the saviors of the teachers who falter and may even seem to fail. No teacher of God can fail to find the Help he needs.

When I began to study The Course back in 1988, I took great comfort in this lesson. My primary love relationship was complicated and I wanted to be okay with the length of time we would have together. I wanted to surrender to the miracle of two seemingly individual souls meeting, connecting, and then appearing to separate when their mission was complete.  Looking at today’s planetary events, I cannot help but think about the impact one’s parents or caretakers have on romantic entanglements. When does one’s slippery abusive father fail to impede one’s appreciation for the truly decent male partner?When does memories of smothering mommy no longer culminate in disabling asthma and the inability to commit? What is required to see ourselves as whole and innocent, so we can project that innocence to all the others we encounter as we move through space and time?

When I meet a new person, am I really seeing them clearly? How much sludge must be cleaned and is clearing a job that never ends? My buddy Matt Kahn has said that clearing is over and I certainly hope so. I often wonder who I am relating to and who is watching me in the figurative rear view mirror?

Jupiter Venus Mercury, and Uranus certainly make life exciting and new, and yet… I decided to work this transit and but some lottery tickets today. My 5th house is lit up so I figured some random gambling is in order. I see so many numerical sequences all the time so why not put them to some use?  Frankly I am proud that I took a small risk on abundance and adventure.  It is not much of an investment, though, when you can easily afford the potential loss. With love, the stakes are so much higher. While I have spent so much time and effort letting go of those relationships that were 2nd level teachings, it seems like the process has lasted a lifetime. This is where Saturn’s handiwork is most palpable. With so many of my past partners reappearing years later for a command performance, I have to wonder if time even factors into these connections. Perhaps the answer lies outside of space and time.

My inner teenager is activated in the beginning of any attraction. She is idealistic, hopeful, glowing, and beaming with possibility. No one told me she would live inside me all of my life. The more awakened aspect of me can often create distractions or manipulates the intentions I put out for manifestation. In other words, my spiritual wisdom can sometimes be used to distance myself from the yearnings of my heart. This is often unconscious, but lately not so much.

I have been crying with abandon lately, and it is healing. I do not understand why, but I just go with it.  I believe my heart chakra is opening up even more than I thought possible. It is exciting and scary, but isn’t that par for the course?

Or should I say “Course” ?

Fellow Scorpio Katy Perry does a fine job expressing the joy of eternal youth ( Leo) and the hardened “enlightened” approach ( Capricorn) .

What archetype is most alive in your consciousness now? This is a perfect time to find the answer. Look to all natal planets placements between 19 and 29 degrees, with particular attention to the signs Cancer, Leo, and Capricorn.

teenage dream

wide awake

lovebirds image: wikipedia.org, public domain

Help Me See My Situation Differently, I Humbly Ask All of You

Brief Update 5-12-15 : A huge thanks to all who have responded to my plea. Blessings to all of you. I am deeply moved by the outpouring of kindness both on the blog and by email. I am still very much in the thick of it, but want all my readers to know I have read each and every response. The further I delve into my predicament, the more I see that I must hand it over to Source. I must find a way to change my fear and pain into peace and serenity. While most of my struggles may seem random, one conflict is beginning to look quite insidious and dark. I hope I can find the strength to face whatever outcome(s) materializes.

Please keep the love, healing energies, and prayers, etc, coming. I am so very grateful to belong to this beloved community that really represents the best definition of  a “global family.”  Much love, Linda

I am asking all of my readers to send me love and healing in whatever form(s) you choose. After employment woes, difficulty at my home, and a serious health crisis, another series of unexpected financial surprises has arrived at my door. I received 3 upsetting notices in the mail within less than 1 week. I will keep the details private as they matter only to me. What is critical is that they have sent me further down a black hole into the void.

I have been struggling with finances for years, and was beginning to see some relief once I made the decision to take my pension. But now a series of 3 events has me scrambling to breathe.

I could say this is just more of transiting Uranus in my 2nd house of finances, but Uranus is soon applying to trine natal Venus. Perhaps it is transiting Chiron squaring natal Venus, but I am not certain.

The old story I tell myself is screaming in my ear ” You are unworthy of happiness and you deserve to suffer!” or ” This is payback for everything you have done wrong to others and your enemies are celebrating!” I know this is so Scorpio , yet this is my truth at this moment. There are many moments just like this one, when I just don’t see the point in being here. It seems like I have accomplished all I ever will and that I have loved all who I will ever love, and that I am just killing time and space. I want to see this differently, but I don’t. Peace eludes me, and it is not for lack of trying. My plight seems inevitable.

I need some help, NOW.

Thank goodness I have Dexter to keep me here, along with the hope that I do not see my life clearly. This is not a Neptune mess as I am in a Neptune trine cycle. I just came out of a yucky Neptune square to my MH/IC that was full of deceit, lies, and general disillusionment. I thought I had weathered the storm, especially after Saturn left Scorpio at the end of 2014. But life keeps getting grimmer and grimmer and I feel little hope that I can fix my situation. I feel so tired.

Mostly everything I have tried to do to fulfill my heart and soul’s calling this year has either failed or fizzled out. I do still have my writing, but worry it is not as effective as it once was. I feel directionless and hopeless. I am overriding my ego and letting you see me in my vulnerable state. I want to be seen and express my sorrow and despair with integrity and purity.

Both my new radical gratitude practice and my new philosophy” Life is Conspiring in my Favor” are simply not working. I want them to work. I want to believe that I do matter and that I can transcend the wounds of my past, along with the sad stories I created to understand the wounds.  I know better on many levels, but I still feel so powerless and defeated. Meditation, prayer, asking for assistance from my guides, etc has not made any impact.

So I am asking for assistance. Thank you all for reading my words, viewing my images, and believing in my ability to spread the light, even when I have my doubts.

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If you prefer to email rather than comment, please contact me at lalitebeing@aol.com

By Anne Dirkse (www.annedirkse.com) (Own work) [CC BY-SA 4.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0)], via Wikimedia Commons

How Am I Doing? Part 2

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I would suggest you read this series in order, so start here.

When I was relatively new to this spiritual odyssey, I had an important insight. I realized that once you are on the train, you cannot stop it. Once you pursue what is beyond the 5 senses ( 3D world), it is on. At the time, I was fine with it. I was exhilarated by the ride and had plenty of support. You cannot go back to not knowing.

Fast forward to now: There are many moments when I wish I could see the chair as just a chair, the window as the window, the floor as solid. Years of studying A Course in Miracles helped me exit the world of duality and separation. I have no regrets about The Course. I love what I have learned and the timing of my introduction was perfect. I just am at a place where it gets to be too much. I would not say that ignorance is bliss, but I would say that with knowledge comes responsibility.

Having gifts or abilities does not eliminate loss, sadness, confusion, or fear. If anything, my sensitivity can often heighten my emotional experiences. Love is stronger than fear and it is close to impossible to be in love and fearful simultaneously. Yet love does not eliminate all the pain and suffering on the planet ( within and without).

I offer another song from the same time period as the last couple posts. Another haunting melody with powerful lyrics and a message that is up for interpretation. Let the music take you wherever you want to go…