Green Butterfly/Symbols the Sequel

Happy Friday from couch central. I have been home for over three months and am finding life stranger and stranger. Today has been challenging. But Tuesday was magickal.

I have noticed old events repeating, which some may label as unpleasant. My car was damaged on the right side a few days ago by a hit and run. Different car, but this happened a few times already ( 2017, 2018). I have injured my toes, first on the right foot, and now on the left. I did a “bang-up job ” on the left pinky toe, all bruised and very painful. Yes, I have done this before, most notably back in 2018. I did it over and over for a few weeks back then.

The fun began this morning as my former manager contacts me to come in next week before my coworkers return to hand in company property and retrieve my stuff. He says he wants me to come in early due to social distancing. The real reason is he does not want me to speak to my colleagues, even though I was laid off and did nothing wrong. Today a neighbor called me ” the craziest neighbor” after I asked him not to walk next to me without a mask.  That stung, but I am not crazy, just conscious. Then I spotted 2 strangers walking around my car and parking lot suspiciously.  These events have sparked old wounds and triggered anger and fear. I feel attacked and I have also inadvertently hurt myself. It is eclipse season, with Merc retro and solstice upon us, but my 5th house of fun is highlighted, ha!

 

 

Well, there was some fun on Tuesday. I chose another symbol for Spirit to bring to me : a singing frog. He did not show up on Tuesday. On Wednesday I went to my FB feed and a friend ( who is a psychic) posted she was feeling froggy.  She then posted about frog symbolism.  One meaning of frog is finding opportunities during transition. Yes, that applies.

I commented on her post about my wish to see a singing frog. She then referred me to her profile picture and voila, my singing frog! I did not know about this animated character before. I did dig up this article about the urban meaning of a singing frog.

Here is the definition: A Singing Frog is the occurrence in which your attempt to show someone an ongoing symptom/ issue is squandered due to its coincidental absence. The post gives examples of signs that do not occur when you want to show someone else. It reminds me of why I sometimes write about my cosmic encounters, to document that what I observed really happened.

Which brings me to my little visitor. On Tuesday before the FB encounter, I was returning to my car with groceries feeling stressed. I noticed a tiny grasshopper on the trunk. I was excited and needed proof:

This photo was enlarged for detail, he or she was about 3/4 of an inch, if that. Later I returned to my car once home. I was doubtful but had to check to see if grasshopper( or cricket? ) had ridden home with me. He was still on the car, having traveled towards the passenger mirror. I did not have my phone on hand, but was fine just taking in the moment. I had a passing thought that my car is being protected, that all is well. The projection here is that I desire to be protected. My world does not feel safe and every time I cough, I worry I will get sick.

I realize I have been experiencing woo for decades, but I need to feel connected now more than ever. Over this 3 month period, I  experience loneliness, dread, and anger rising up. The manifestation of animal medicine or the appearance of images suggested as “an experiment” are needed for me to keep going. I need support to keep me from descending into a dark hole, can you see? We all must do what we can to reinforce the drive for self-preservation and to move closer to hope and the light.  May the light of universal love carry us when we cannot walk on our own.

HAPPY SOLSTICE TO ALL!

Morning All Day Long

Hello world, How are ya doing? I am stopping by with a shorter, more streamlined blog today. I  want to simply report where I am now in terms of living with a pandemic. I do not feel like creating an elaborate, clever, article. Not today. Today I am just gonna keep it barebones and real.

I have noticed how much time I spend in fear and how easily triggered I have become. At first, I thought it had to do with developing IBS and later Diverticulitis, but actually, it started way before then. When you come from a home that is unstable and dysfunctional, you learn how to fend for yourself and you become “on alert.” While I do not think I have PTSD, I do see my tendency to slide into anxiety as default mode connected with repeated trauma. Self-work and therapy(ies) have made a difference but new triggers are a challenge.

Here are some highlights of today: Seeing my new unemployment balance online, but no deposit into my account. Being eligible for federal stimulus check but being told “status not available” on the new IRS payment portal. This is not a portal I want to float into! Getting a call from a life insurance company saying my benefits will be cut off but I could buy a new policy. Needing a mask and almost ordering one online ( until I discovered it was made in China.) My new health insurance provider emailed me to welcome me, in 2 weeks. Just 2 more weeks without health insurance. That thought was prominent for the past few days as I was severely ill and wondered what would happen if I needed emergency care. I am so grateful I feel better today. I have decided to stop figuring out what caused the symptoms. I know stress is at play and that is all I need to know.

I did feel more energized today and went out on a brief walk. I left my phone at home as I wanted to be more present. I saw many gorgeous springtime blooms and a few trees displaying that mellow light green hue that I adore.

Some readers know my love of birds and how a cardinal inspired a piece of poetry on Grace. On two occasions, April 10th and today, I have had cardinal visitations. While it is common for sparrows or robins to come by on my terrace, I cannot remember a cardinal coming over to visit me. If so, it would have been documented on my blog before now! Below are some quick shots from April 10th and then from this morning. Notice how cardinal energy is getting closer…

The first two shots were on the 10th  and the rest were taken this morning. Many say cardinal energy is a connection with those who have departed and I do feel this is true for me. I cannot say who is visiting, but I am also seeing deceased relatives more in realtime. This brings me comfort as I feel more isolated after losing my work. I would tell my clients repeatedly how unpredictable life is and it is key to learn how to adapt without using. Boy, I had no idea just how unpredictable it could be. I lived through 9/11 and this feels like a creepier prolonged version.

A very lovely thought crossed my mind as I took my walk today. The sky was almost shimmering and I heard so many birds singing. This seemed unusual in the late afternoon. I looked up and felt that familiar peace I often had while staying at Pendle Hill. I have felt this wave of innocence come over me a few times since the social distancing/self- quarantine began. This feeling led me to sing a song that I also equate with Pendle Hill and peace.

Listen and may you also ride the wave of spirit before the cosmic separation:

Clearing Away for a Faerie Future

Update 4-13-20: While I was looking for an old post to share about how I struggle with unemployment, I arrived at this gem.  While it really doesn’t address unemployment ( what’s up with that, WordPress search? ) it does a nice job detailing the business of loss, renewal, and faith. I am missing my faith plaque, an item still residing on the windowsill of my former office. Until I can retrieve the plaque, I will draw faith from my inner resources that are limitless. Please, let’s keep one another close in our hearts, where love knows no bounds….

Whew! We survived another Eclipse season. When I think back to where I was one year ago during the August eclipses, I am so grateful to be here now. Not to say that this summer has been a party, but hey, I have grown quite a bit since then. There really is no other choice. Many mornings I wake up with a heaviness of a sense of dread, wondering if I am picking up collective energies, or my own. Sometimes the clarity I seek alludes me. Yesterday was a very social day for me and it was very celebratory in a true Leonine manner. I had such a lovely time with friends, one of which is a Leo. Today had a darker vibe and a couple of hours ago I heard some horrific news about a woman who died way too young. She was not a patient, but someone I knew as a teen.  But I will not let it drag me down. I will absorb the information and then let it go.  It will be added to the clearing pile.

Let me elaborate: I have been dedicating myself to clearing away debris, literally and metaphorically. It has become almost an obsession for me, emerging from my higher self.  I recently hired a service to clear out an old tv and desktop from my place, which made room to organize more stuff. There comes a time when you will ultimately know what no longer suits you. This retrograde period has allowed me to release old memories from high school, courtesy of a high school reunion Facebook group. I find it interesting that while I am processing and discarding,  pleasant memories of people and places are coming back into consciousness. I must admit that the internet is a fine tool for refreshing the details, but then again, what IS the internet really? Energy like everything else in existence.

While synchs are a daily event, the truly mystical has eluded me for quite some time. But a subtle discovery brought magick back into focus:

It has been difficult the past few days to find parking near my door, so I have had to park further away. Why, I wondered, was this happening? Maybe so I could find this lovely feather today while walking to my car. I would not have seen it otherwise. I have not found a feather like this in about  2 years, so it grabbed my attention, and what you attend to expands. These types of experiences strengthen my faith that all is really well, even in the midst of stagnation and chaos.

Sometimes clearing is metaphorical or occurs on a parallel plane. I am a computer game enthusiast. I really like building cities so I am attracted to games that focus on this angle.  Elvenar is a Facebook game that has a mystical feel. There are several worlds to play in and the builder can focus on human or non-human realms. When I reached a certain level I was close to the fairy realm. I was prompted to sell most of what I had built over the years to clear the way for a new type of fairy technology. I found myself resisting this process. I did not want to undo all this work and leave my city practically bare.

Then it hit me, this is where I am headed on my ascension journey. I must be able to sit with emptiness and continue dismantling what doesn’t fit into my life anymore. I told myself ” Linda, listen to the fairy prompt and sell your stuff!”. My city has miniature humans and a few fairies now walking among my city streets. The city is in flux and has plenty of room to breathe.  This is where I need to be.

Isn’t it ironic that on the morning that the game suggested I convert to a fairy avatar that this huge beetle showed up to greet me? I saw the beetle at the exact moment that I was trying out the new avatar.  Beetle medicine is about transformation after-all. You all may wonder how much time I am devoting to computer games, but unemployment has its perks (Or not).

The image above is a faith plaque I purchased last December. I participated in a Secret Santa at work and someone mentioned buying small gifts in anticipation of the Secret Santa event. I was at Cracker Barrel and saw the plaques. I liked them so much that I bought one for my coworker and one for myself. I figured it would be a nice addition to my office. I look at it daily to remind me that faith has a place in my spiritual practice. I don’t hold the philosophy that some otherworldly being will save me, but rather that my time here is on purpose and that guidance is a certainty.

The video below is a song written by Jon Bon Jovi for Stevie Nicks. It is quite on point regarding living with what appears and embracing the mystery. I dedicate this song and this post to all who have left this planet too soon. While it seems to me that the number of souls taking the nearest exit is increasing exponentially, that does not diminish the value they hold or the love they still engender. test

Staycation is in Session

free domain

I needed a staycation and I landed one – four days off in a row. That might not seem like a long time to you, and it isn’t, but I am grateful and it ain’t over yet!

I chose a time with Mercury stationing, Daylight Savings Time ( in the US ) and the full moon in Virgo. This was not really intentional, more a matter of practicality. My work schedule is changing and I will have to work at least a few hours Monday through Friday. So I wanted to celebrate my love affair with having Mondays off one last time by adding last Friday to the mix. The weather was great most of the time and I really made the most of this staycay.

Friday I enter Spring in  Paris, via a crepefest at Paris Bistro. The service was crappy ( rather than crepey) , but the ambiance is wonderful and my entree was great. Doesn’t this Coq Au Vin crepe look scrumptious?

I have adored crepes since I discovered The Magic Pan back as a youth. I still recall the salad with mandarin oranges and almonds and the crepe with chicken and broccoli. This place made me feel sophisticated and worldly, as any 9th house child would desire.

This fancy French lunch set the stage for a long weekend filled with both inner and outer exploration. So what’s next?

Behold the splendor of South Street’s Magic Garden. This truly magical place is mystically linked with my Sunday exploration. The mystical mystery continues …

As is often the case, I find excellent tv shows, movies, books, etc without any known effort. I search or scroll or stroll somewhere and land on hidden gems. Such was the case with Dispatches from Elsewhere, a limited series starring Jason Seigel and Sally Field. It is about ordinary lost souls finding themselves involved in a mysterious game that has serious implications. When I heard that the executive producer also was involved with Wayward Pines, I was very excited. Then I learned it was filmed exclusively in Philly, showcasing our outdoor art scene, I was hooked. Watching the show so far has my thinking more about the deep state versus ascension. It also created a longing to spend some time in Olde City. I had already decided I wanted to visit a museum, but I did not realize it would be The Museum of the American Revolution.  Getting a free admission pass sealed the deal.

Before we get ahead of ourselves, I want to mention that a lovely Indian lunch was had at Karma. Yes, the place is called Karma. I was going to get the buffet, but I arrived near the end of lunchtime and I was feeling Corona Virus weary so I ate off the menu. I had an interesting Chicken Xacuti dish, flavored with coconut milk and tamarind, tempered with a refreshing Mango lassi.

Little did I know that Karma played a role in my museum visit, ha! While I enjoyed the films and exhibits greatly, the highlight was all the synchs between the Revolutionary War and today. Parallel timelines perhaps? Thomas Paine was very enamored with the number 45. That has me thinking about the current US President,  45. Then while I was learning more about the role of Abigail Adams, I remembered a fascinating conversation I had last summer about the link between her and Marianne Williamson. 

Marianne led me back to Bernie Sanders and his revolution. The main theme of the Museum is ” What is a revolution and is the world still having one? ” This is a greatly profound theme for a museum. Bernie and Marianne go way back and I will admit I am in awe of both of them. Some other important findings were one origin of the word cabal, the realization that the war could not have ended successfully without Native Americans ( and the French). I walked away invigorated by the early Spring weather and the understanding that my adopted hometown is truly magical.

This image above of the interlocking circles of the 13 colonies was prominent throughout the museum. It made a great impression on me as I consider the spiritual overtones of the Founding Fathers ( and Mothers). Yes, they were imperfect but prescient.

Speaking of imperfect, I also binge-watched the new Hulu Documentary Hillary. I find the Clintons fascinating and really loved this new feature. It covers a lot of ground and showed Hillary unmasked, or at least partially vulnerable. I see plenty of her in my personality and attitude, except for the phoniness and ability to stay married to her serial womanizing husband. I appreciated it when she gave an honest assessment of herself. I also am blunt and outspoken and passionate ( and a Scorpio woman ). I know how my communication style can be divisive in the workplace. See the film and decide for yourself.

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I gotta go so I can watch the latest Dispatches episode, but I leave you with a photo taken recently in my backyard. Yup, Spring is approaching, but the living ain’t easy! Yes, that is from the song Summertime, but you get the idea. While I don’t want my Staycation to end, it was marvelous. Travel, food, history, spiritual truths, synchronicity and political intrigue work really well together.

It will have to do until the weekend comes.

 

header and Paris images ~ free domain via Pexels

Litebeing’s Guide to the Movies

Hey, it’s Oscar time here in the States and what a wonderful day it is for all things cinematic. With Neptune in Pisces trine the Scorpio moon, supported by Saturn, Pluto and the nodes, this year’s festivities should be spectacular, even without a host! Do I have a favorite pick for best film? I did enjoy A Star is Born and am a long time Bradley Cooper fan, but I have not seen the other films. Most of them intrigue me, especially Roma, Black Panther, Bohemian Rhapsody and The Favourite. Honestly, all of the contenders look good! Please share any of your fav films, spiritual genre or otherwise.

litebeing chronicles

https://commons.wikimedia.org Alabama Theatre

While I am still busy preparing my Awakening post for Barbara’s challenge, I figured this old chestnut will tide my readers over for now. I hope to have it published by Sunday evening, but you never know..

So here is an oldie but goodie that will provide you with some excellent entertainment choices. Until we meet again, have a grace-filled weekend.

In honor of the Oscars on Sunday, I had to showcase some of my favorite spiritually themed films. This weekend’s Sun in Pisces, Moon in Scorpio energies are excellent for combining fantasy with passion. It is a great combo for just about any activity, in my opinion. Some of my choices are more obscure, and therefore less well-known. A few are controversial (big surprise!) , while others are more mainstream crowd pleasers.

Here’s an alphabetical list with my brief critiques below, enjoy!

Bee Season  (2005)

This movie stars Richard…

View original post 1,227 more words

Art is My Medicine ~ The Embrace Edition

Whether it is literal or symbolic, today’s art selection is about the embrace. Embracing romance, sensuality, bonding, divine love, all will apply. Rather than posting some snarkfest or relay bitter musings on love life of my past, I prefer to heal the heart with some exquisite paintings by a variety of artists. HEART = ART = LOVE so heart is my medicine!  Happy Valentine’s Day!  ❤ ❤ ❤

Do enjoy!

wikiart.org pub domain

What do you Embrace?

 

images courtesy of wikiart.org, public domain

Clearing Away for a Faerie Future

Whew! We survived another Eclipse season. When I think back to where I was one year ago during the August eclipses, I am so grateful to be here now. Not to say that this summer has been a party, but hey, I have grown quite a bit since then. There really is no other choice. Many mornings I wake up with a heaviness of a sense of dread, wondering if I am picking up collective energies, or my own. Sometimes the clarity I seek alludes me. Yesterday was a very social day for me and it was very celebratory in a true Leonine manner. I had such a lovely time with friends, one of which is a Leo. Today had a darker vibe and  a couple of hours ago I heard some horrific news about a woman who died way too young. She was not a patient, but someone I knew as a teen.  But I will not let it drag me down. I will absorb the information and then let it go.  It will be added to the clearing pile.

Let me elaborate: I have been dedicating myself to clearing away debris, literally and metaphorically. It has become almost an obsession for me, emerging from my higher self.  I recently hired a service to clear out an old tv and desktop from my place, which made room to organize more stuff. There comes a time when you will ultimately know what no longer suits you. This retrograde period has allowed me to release old memories from high school, courtesy of a high school reunion Facebook group. I find it interesting that while I am processing and discarding,  pleasant memories of people and places are coming back into consciousness. I must admit that the internet is a fine tool for refreshing the details, but then again, what IS the internet really? Energy like everything else in existence.

While synchs are a daily event, the truly mystical has eluded me for quite some time. But a subtle discovery brought magick back into focus:

It has been difficult the past few days to find parking near my door, so I have had to park further away. Why, I wondered, was this happening? Maybe so I could find this lovely feather today while walking to my car. I would not have seen it otherwise. I have not found a feather like this in about  2 years , so it grabbed my attention, and what you attend to expands. These type of experiences strengthen my faith that all is really well, even in the midst of stagnation and chaos.

Sometimes clearing is metaphorical or occurs on a parallel plane. I am a computer game enthusiast. I really like building cities so I am attracted to games that focus on this angle.  Elvenar  is a Facebook game that has a mystical feel. There are several worlds to play in and the builder can focus on human or non-human realms. When I reached a certain level I was close to the fairy realm. I was prompted to sell most of what I had built over years to clear the way for a new type of fairy technology. I found myself resisting this process. I did not want to undo all this work and leave my city practically bare.

Then it hit me, this is where I am headed on my ascension journey. I must be able to sit with emptiness and continue dismantling what doesn’t fit into my life anymore. I told myself ” Linda, listen to the fairy prompt and sell your stuff!”. My city has miniature humans and a few fairies now walking among my city streets. The city is in flux and has plenty of room to breathe.  This is where I need to be.

Isn’t it ironic that on the morning that the game suggested I convert to a fairy avatar that this huge beetle showed up to greet me? I saw the beetle at the exact moment that I was trying out the new avatar.  Beetle medicine is about transformation after-all. You all may wonder how much time I am devoting to computer games, but unemployment has its perks (Or not).

My header image is a faith plaque I purchased last December. I participated in a Secret Santa at work and someone mentioned buying small gifts in anticipation of the Secret Santa event. I was at Cracker Barrel and saw the plaques. I liked them so much that I bought one for my coworker and one for myself. I figured it would be a nice addition to my office. I look at it daily to remind me that faith has a place in my spiritual practice. I don’t hold the philosophy that some otherworldly being will save me, but rather that my time here is on purpose and that guidance is a certainty.

The video below is a song written by Jon Bon Jovi for Stevie Nicks. It is quite on point regarding living with what appears and embracing the mystery. I dedicate this song and this post to all who have left this planet too soon. While it seems to me that the number of souls taking the nearest exit is increasing exponentially, that does not diminish the value they hold or the love they still engender.

 

 

A Dream Sampler ~ My Winter Solstice Tribute

Just before Mercury stations direct tomorrow, I am going “retro” by posting a popular dream post that coincided with Winter Solstice 2013.

Wishing all a glorious Solstice, a productive Saturn in Capricorn transit, and a blessed holiday season.

litebeing chronicles

Some readers have been interested in my dream groups, and more specifically the content of my dreams. I have been hesitant to blog about my dreams because I do not like being analyzed. As a psychotherapist, I am sensitive to those who tend to pathologize or judge the inner experiences of others. When I assist another in dream analysis, I take special care to empower the dreamer and avoid labeling or limiting the multitude of layers potentially contained within each dream.

winter_dreaming

Having said that, I see that my desire to inspire and advocate for dream work overrides my worries over being labeled or pigeonholed. So I have assembled a dream sampler for you today! This sampler is an assortment of various dream types. All of them have been quite meaningful because they have provided me with guidance or insight into the larger workings of Source as well as my individual…

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Goddess Sighting

Feeling the love or feeling the pinch?

I have been sitting on this post for some time now, waiting for an indication that I have received and integrated the significance of this Venus retrograde cycle. And yet I want to post before the cycle ends. So in the spirit of Libran compromise, I am writing midway into Venus’s backward motion through the signs of Aries and Pisces.

Here are the important dates:

Venus stationed retrograde on March 4th at 14 degrees Aries

Venus formed a conjunction with the Sun on March 25th

Venus re-enters Pisces on April 2nd

Venus stations direct on April 15th ( my mom’s birthday) at 26 degrees Pisces

Venus, the goddess of love, otherwise known as Aphrodite, is the ruler of both Libra and Taurus, so look to your 2nd and 7th houses in your natal chart, along with your Libra and Taurus placements ( in addition to your Venus placement), to get a sense of your Venus potential. For this cycle, look to where you have Aries and Pisces to track how Venus will affect your life at this time.

This go round has Venus re-activating my 2nd house of finances and values, with a brief re-appearance back in my 1st house of self.  Unexpected expenses have become overwhelming and clients are presenting with self-esteem issues, reflecting back to me my past inability to love myself before another.

all recent venus images wikipedia.org public domain

In my lifetime, this transit has been very powerful for my love life on two separate occasions. I went through a very fated and painful love affair in 1989 ( in my 12th house) that taught me much about being careful about what you wish for, because you might get it! I chose a charming, dangerously handsome Leo man and was more interested in “getting him” than learning about who really was behind the facade. Then in 2004 I met James when Venus was retrograding in my 4th house, conjoining my moon. This was about a mystical soul re-union. These transits are much more potent when significant angles and planets are involved. You will not be affected by all Venus retrogrades, nor will you even notice some of them. That’s how it goes.

While my expectations for this Venus cycle are low, the month beforehand was quite spectacular and unusual.

I typically do a short card reading ( tarot or other type of cards) with every lunation and significant astro-event.  For the Aquarius New Moon ( in 12th house) on 1-28-17 I used the Goddess Tarot and pulled the following cards:

 Recent past: King of Cups

 Present: Venus

 Near future: King of Staves

What is interesting is that I rarely get the Venus card when I read for myself. I found this to be noteworthy.  Since it was in my 12th house, I wondered if this may manifest as a connection with an old love. That did not happen, but what did occur was so much more exciting!

I awaken on the morning of 2-4-17 from an unusual dream. While sitting alone by a body of water I notice a tall woman with dark hair. She is quite striking and resembles a super – heroine.  She comes closer and I become frightened. She begins to attack me. Upon awakening, I notice her sitting on my bed. She is leaning over me and takes off her clothes. This makes me quite uncomfortable. Then she says ” I have a message for you. ” I ask her to tell me the message. I do not remember her answering me. Then I really wake up and wonder what just happened?

I meet that day with my Spiritual Director who is riveted by my experience. She tells me that the female I encountered was Venus and that the goddess of the air and sea typically appears naked! I was astounded to consider that I had a goddess sighting. This explains why I meet her by the water and why she took off her clothing.  She is convinced that I received a visitation and that Venus’s emergence could in fact be the message. This certainly gave me pause.

Certain songs came into my consciousness during this period. I used some of them with my clients to emphasize self-love. I have played many of them over and over to really embrace their essence and absorb the positive energy.

Please take a listen:

Video

Venus

I’m Every Woman

 

This final song really drives home the theme of this transit for me. Self-love is more than just respect and dignity towards one’s personality and body. It is about alignment and expression of the Divine that dwells within. If you listen very closely to the lyrics, the true meaning of this popular anthem will be revealed.

The Greatest Love of All

Please tell me about your Venus transit.

How has she appeared to you?

 

image credits ~ wikipedia.org, public domain

Glove Story

I have been spending the past few weeks honing my creative therapy skills by helping my clients dive into their emotional landscapes via music, visual arts, and writing.  This is not particularly new. I have used these modalities many times in my work as a therapist. But as a therapist who is now an active writer, this endeavor has taken some new turns.

The more I delve into my clients’ lives, the more I question my own. The mirroring that I observe is both miraculous and ordinary. If you visit here often, you know that the miraculous and ordinary usually represent the same experience for me. For example, I have a new client who I was told can be difficult to connect with. I have not seen her through that lens. We engaged in some small talk initially, which led to her revelation about art. She repeatedly said that she is not good at art, but she loves viewing it and learning about it. ”  I don’t know why I love art, I just do!” We have connected so easily because of our shared love of art. I quickly noticed that I say the same thing to others: that I am not good at art, but am a huge fan of the craft. I realize that repeating that statement undermines my delight in making art and enjoying my process. Note to Self: Halt the judgement.

I use these creative modalities in order to help others access their emotional worlds and enhance their communication skills. This emphasis on self-expression has led me to analyze further my own unique process. What is driving me? Why do I need to write? Am I incomplete in some way until I release my essence on the written page? Reading Michael’s excellent offering yesterday inspired me further to conjure up a little something for you today. The Universe never fails in complementing my inner musings with outer evidence.

So let me share a small Glove Story with you:

I used to lose my wallet repeatedly or have it stolen. This happened in both dreamtime and while awake. I figured this had to do with a weak identity. When my wallet stopped being stolen or lost, I decided the identity misgivings were resolved. I also have lost many keys in both realms, tying this into mastery and autonomy. This association works for me. Earrings also go missing, leaving me with several solo earrings in my jewelry box. This seems less symbolic and more aerodynamic. Earrings fall off or get caught on things and slip away to earringland.

But then there’s the gloves….

steve-madden-colorblock-boyfriend-touch-gloves

I bought these oh-so-sweet gloves a few months ago. They dazzle with so many of my favorite colors, purple, gray, maroon, etc. They work so well with my plum jacket and black shawl. They are soft and warm and cozy. I have lost one glove at least three times since I first wore them. And every time I was able to retrace my steps and find the stray – until now. Tuesday night I discovered that one of the gloves was not in my jacket pocket. I was at a diner and began to search half of the entire diner, then my car, my office the next day ….  Nada.

Then I begin combing the office parking lot and the cafeteria where I ate on Tuesday. I also scaled the campus between said parking lot and cafeteria by car and foot. I discovered other sole ( soul)  gloves, but not mine. I even went back to the bathroom stall in aforementioned cafeteria. I later returned to the diner on Wednesday, again asking the same questions and receiving the same answers. Today I went back yet again to the lost and found. I even searched online to see if I could buy a new pair. They are all sold out. I called the store where I bought it and contacted the manufacturer. I also prayed for guidance.

I want my glove back. I do not know why I am so obsessed. I have other gloves that are nice. But they are not enough somehow. I told myself in a few weeks it will be much warmer ( heck it’s spring-like now!) and I will not need to wear gloves. I realize this is a frivolous, high-class problem. But something deeper lurks. Something is stirring within that leaves me sad and unsettled.

Maybe it would be different if I had made peace with my father before he died, or if I could have caught Dexter’s heart problem before it took his life, or if I remained in one neighborhood and school for my entire childhood, or if I was taught that I was always enough simply because IAM. But I wasn’t taught and it is not different.

This Glove Story has no ending. In fact, it has only begun to brew, like a fresh teabag covered in tepid water.