I Applied to 200 Jobs and All I Got Was This Moderate-Severe Depression

Hey litebeings, I wondered onto Discover and landed on this insightful moving essay by the ubertalented ( not the taxi service uber) Athena. While this reblog might be off brand for litebeing chronicles, I was so drawn to it as someone who has endured so much suffering via unemployment and the job searches from Hell. Although I am certainly not a Millenial, Athena’s desire to be her authentic self and not be homeless while waiting tugs at my heartstrings. My desire is for some of my readers to reblog her post and help her get closer to finding the career that is waiting for her somewhere. ❤

Bertha Mason's Attic

“And when everything else is gone, you can be rich in loss.”

– Rebecca Solnit, A Field Guide to Getting Lost

About Me, Your Friendly Neighborhood Millennial:

I was your garden-variety smart kid, shuffled through GATE programs of every type from kindergarten onward. In sixth grade, I left the classroom in the afternoons to study Latin roots with our school’s principal for the spelling bee circuit. As you can probably imagine, I was bullied a lot (Apparently, no one likes a first-grader who says “in addition to” instead of “and.”). I went to a competitive high school near Silicon Valley, where– with my AP courses– I had a 4.0 cumulative GPA, but was not in the top 10% of my class.

After getting summarily rejected from the Ivies, I went to a small university in Oregon, where I worked harder than I thought possible to graduate a year early with…

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Follow the Winding Brook

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This is a draft from November 2014 that had not made it to press. It was almost complete, save a few sentences I added a few minutes ago. In light of where I find myself currently, this piece is quite significant. More will be revealed soon. Have a great Memorial Day weekend!

I chose this painting entitled Winding Brook to illustrate that life can be lived like an open road with many twists and turns. What is truly magical is that the name Winding Brook itself is significant in a deeply personal way. Two of the loves of my life ( unbeknownst to one another) resided at the Winding Brook cul-de-sac many years ago. I worked there when I first moved to Philadelphia. Nice housing development, even better metaphor. I knew it should appear here for my post-birthday offering.

I can honestly say that I am gaining more clarity regarding my future, especially in regards to life purpose. The past few days in particular have brought me insights that are leading me out of what seems at times to be a perpetual fog. Born with Sun conjunct Neptune, this tends to be my default position. The fog can be incredibly mysterious and envelope you in its magnificence but I don’t like to drive in it!

With just a few weeks more before I must decide to either pull a rabbit out of a hat ( irony intended) or take my retirement money early, the heat has been on. I take full responsibility for my financial predicament. Years upon years of choices have led me to where I am today. I understand my relationship with money much better now than ever and I am totally fine with it.

Like Prince says:

Money don’t matter to night (no, don’t matter)
It sure didn’t matter yesterday (yesterday)
Just when you think you’ve got more than enough
That’s when it all up and flies away (flies away, flies away)
That’s when you find out that you’re better off
Makin’ sure your soul’s alright (make certain that your soul’s alright)
‘Cause money didn’t matter yesterday,
It sure don’t matter to night

 

This song has been bouncing in my head the last few days and I agree with its premise. I want to make sure my soul’s alright. I just had another birthday and I find this occasion to be a fine time to engage in some honest reflection about the state of my soul. While Prince rarely allows his videos to remain online, this Scorpio Gemini hybrid sure can make a statement with his lyrics. Today the Sun is in Scorpio with the moon in Gemini and it mimics my natal positions almost exactly. I feel so much like me today and hope my message is indicative of  the intense whimsy that resides at my core.

Money is not my primary objective, but freedom to move freely and unencumbered in pursuit of my highest expression IS. I have tried the past couple years to tell myself it is alright to have a small life, in order to appease myself and become comfortable with accepting my reality instead of fighting it. Learn to live within limits and make do with your circumstances. This concept is spoken like a reluctant realist who has just come off a brutal Saturn cycle. I also have had a progressed chart loaded with  many Capricorn planets, a Cap MH and a Taurus ascendant for quite a few years now.

There lies the rub. I now can clearly see that teaching and speaking my truth have a lot to do with my ” next steps” on the highway of life. I thought this new break in the action was a chance to regroup, especially when the research interview easily dropped into my lap. Although the research position did not materialize, it helped solidify what matters to me. Work has typically been the bane of my existence. I do not fit into highly conforming systems. Being an outsider resulted in plenty of stress, wreaking havoc with my health and peace of mind. Most of my jobs were a not so great fit, but had aspects to them that I really enjoyed. I want to hold onto the positive aspects of being a “helper”. At the same time, I cherish inner peace. The nourishment it offers is unlike anything else.

How will I find balance between purpose and peace?

Stay tuned..

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Caffeine and Collisions: Thoughts are Things

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We interrupt this current cycle of chaotic, melancholic, existential angst to bring you a new segment of the Collision series. Yesterday’s adventure gives me hope that a new dawn is arriving, or at least within sight.

Backstory: I’m a very visual person , so imagery sticks with me. On many occasions I will go by a building that has a catchy name or logo. Certain words evoke peace, positivity, love, etc. In fact I once applied for a position at a group practice simply because I liked the name of the company. Hint: It is a name of something found in nature. When I told people I was attracted to the name, they looked at me with that ” she must be crazy” look. Turns out my intuition was on point. I worked there happily for many years.

So I have driven by a sign for a holistic counseling center numerous times on my way to work out or shop. We will call it The Love Center for the purposes of this blog. I will also use fictitious names for the people named in this story. The names will be set in quotes.  I often imagined what type of healing took place there and what the building looked like inside. A key word is included in the name and this word evokes many powerful, positive associations in my consciousness. Words and numbers are symbols and symbols are significant and often overlooked. The address and telephone number of a business or a residence will tell you many things about the energies of that location or its inhabitants. I am often amazed at how so many people I know have similar phone numbers to my own and I am not referring to the area code.  I share some experiences with symbols here. I often wondered if I would like to be a part of this center. I never pursued it  any further, because of the distance between the center and my home. It seemed too long of a commute and I also knew nothing at all about the business other than the name.

Meetups and more: I started a spiritual meetup in January and the process has been interesting to say the least. For some reason my inbox has been inundated with emails about other new meetup groups. There seems to be a meetup explosion happening lately, or I am getting more notifications because I am an organizer, on none of the above.  In any event, one new meetup got my attention. It happened to be sponsored by the holistic center I described above. So I went to the page and joined the group. While perusing the page, I discovered the address has changed. The center relocated to a location in my immediate area. It is in an office complex that I frequent right near my gym and supermarket. It is in my ‘hood! So I visit their website to learn more about them and notice the new address. It is 1811,which reduces to 911, which reduces to 11. I ponder attending some of their meetup events and perhaps applying to work there. My internet browser apparently has changed its format because I notice that pages I save are adhered to the task bar right below the search bar. The Love Center’s page is now within my sight every time I use my laptop so it is frequently prominent in my thoughts.

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Astrology, Soundbaths, and a surprise: I had a client scheduled on Sunday for an astrology session. While my practice is currently small, I am so in the flow when I give readings. I was going to type the word working, but it is not work. Maybe the preparation can be a bit tedious, but the interactions with the clients are joyous. Each one is different and I feel so grateful that I get to share this knowledge with others. Being alert during sessions is essential and caffeine is typically my friend when I need to be at my best. We planned to meet at a local Starbucks. I could have chosen the location closest to my home, but for several reasons I chose this particular location. I made my choice based on a few factors: There is a parking lot, there are tables outside in case we cannot find one available indoors, and I have gone there for several metaphysical gatherings in the past. I initially worried about finding any available seating, but reminded myself that anytime I went there with others, we always found a table. I also prayed that a free table would appear upon my arrival.

I arrived a few minutes early and a table by the window cleared right as I opened the door. “Perfect” I thought as I waited for the people to gather their belongings and leave. I conducted the reading and it went well. I was reminded once again how in my element I am when I have a chance to  love live  my purpose. I could tell that my client was gaining unique insights into this life and that the reading opened up new possibilities and choices for him going forward. I had waited to go to the bathroom until the session was complete and I noticed that we had gone over the standard appointment time. I have a habit for talking and talking…    Who knew?? Yeah, right!

Kidding aside, we both said goodbye and headed to the bathroom. I left my coat at the table. When I went back to retrieve my coat, I saw a woman sitting at the adjacent table. She was smiling at me and I recognized her immediately. We have not seen each other in a couple years. I said hello and we began to chat. I know her from attending sound baths for several years. I described my latest soundbath “opening” here. I told ” Kathy” that she should have attended the last one because it was so powerful for me. I told here it was in a different venue. She said that it was held at ” Joan’s” office. I asked her ” Who is Joan?  ” “Joan is in private practice now, but I used to work with her.” ” Where do you work?” ” I teach classes at the Love Center.” ” You mean the Love Center that has meetups?” ” Yes, we just moved to our new location.”  I tell her that I joined the meetup and asked her about her specialty. We discussed the new site and the culture of the practice. I told her that I was considering applying to join the practice and she was very helpful and encouraging. As we said goodbye, I smiled and said ” There are no accidents!”

Thought are things: If I have learned anything this past month, it is to never never NEVER underestimate the power of thought mixed with emotion. I had not seen “Kathy” in years since the Sound healer relocated to Santa Fe. I had no idea where she worked. I did not recognize anyone I knew when I read the center’s website. There seems to be a strong pull for me towards this practice. I do not know if I will put in an application, but that’s not central to this collision tale. What does matter is I was happy sitting at Starbucks, drinking my chai latte with coconut milk ( yum) and interacting with my client about his natal chart. It also matters that I chose this particular location and  that we ran over the allotted time. Otherwise it is rather unlikely I would have ran into ” Kathy.”

You have no idea how relieved I am that I could shift my thoughts towards the light once more. It wasn’t that I was depressed, but I was quite fearful and in a weakened state. The negativity had been spiraling out of control and seemed to be dominating my experience of day-to-day life. The darkness and the ego do have their value. I am a non-duality enthusiast so I do not attempt to eradicate the dark or my ego. But over the past month my focus on fear was leading me out of the flow and into a perpetually frightening state. It was not constant, but its influence was draining me and coloring my perspective.

This recent encounter has empowered me to keep faithful to self-care. As an empath, I am highly sensitive and attract more and more of whatever I give emotion and charge to. Thank you to Sarah, Karin, Theanne, Michael, Sue, Jamie, Dewin, and all of the wonderful readers who have lent encouragement and love. A final thank you to Starbucks for adding coconut milk to their menu. Somehow the coconut milk transports me to a familiar happy place beyond time and space.

Where all is well.

To catch up on the entire Collision series collection and other featured mystical goodies, click here!

If you would like to schedule a session or learn more about the services I offer, please visit this page.
 

image credits: wikipedia.org, public domain