This is a draft from November 2014 that had not made it to press. It was almost complete, save a few sentences I added a few minutes ago. In light of where I find myself currently, this piece is quite significant. More will be revealed soon. Have a great Memorial Day weekend!
I chose this painting entitled Winding Brook to illustrate that life can be lived like an open road with many twists and turns. What is truly magical is that the name Winding Brook itself is significant in a deeply personal way. Two of the loves of my life ( unbeknownst to one another) resided at the Winding Brook cul-de-sac many years ago. I worked there when I first moved to Philadelphia. Nice housing development, even better metaphor. I knew it should appear here for my post-birthday offering.
I can honestly say that I am gaining more clarity regarding my future, especially in regards to life purpose. The past few days in particular have brought me insights that are leading me out of what seems at times to be a perpetual fog. Born with Sun conjunct Neptune, this tends to be my default position. The fog can be incredibly mysterious and envelope you in its magnificence but I don’t like to drive in it!
With just a few weeks more before I must decide to either pull a rabbit out of a hat ( irony intended) or take my retirement money early, the heat has been on. I take full responsibility for my financial predicament. Years upon years of choices have led me to where I am today. I understand my relationship with money much better now than ever and I am totally fine with it.
Like Prince says:
Money don’t matter to night (no, don’t matter)
It sure didn’t matter yesterday (yesterday)
Just when you think you’ve got more than enough
That’s when it all up and flies away (flies away, flies away)
That’s when you find out that you’re better off
Makin’ sure your soul’s alright (make certain that your soul’s alright)
‘Cause money didn’t matter yesterday,
It sure don’t matter to night
This song has been bouncing in my head the last few days and I agree with its premise. I want to make sure my soul’s alright. I just had another birthday and I find this occasion to be a fine time to engage in some honest reflection about the state of my soul. While Prince rarely allows his videos to remain online, this Scorpio Gemini hybrid sure can make a statement with his lyrics. Today the Sun is in Scorpio with the moon in Gemini and it mimics my natal positions almost exactly. I feel so much like me today and hope my message is indicative of the intense whimsy that resides at my core.
Money is not my primary objective, but freedom to move freely and unencumbered in pursuit of my highest expression IS. I have tried the past couple years to tell myself it is alright to have a small life, in order to appease myself and become comfortable with accepting my reality instead of fighting it. Learn to live within limits and make do with your circumstances. This concept is spoken like a reluctant realist who has just come off a brutal Saturn cycle. I also have had a progressed chart loaded with many Capricorn planets, a Cap MH and a Taurus ascendant for quite a few years now.
There lies the rub. I now can clearly see that teaching and speaking my truth have a lot to do with my ” next steps” on the highway of life. I thought this new break in the action was a chance to regroup, especially when the research interview easily dropped into my lap. Although the research position did not materialize, it helped solidify what matters to me. Work has typically been the bane of my existence. I do not fit into highly conforming systems. Being an outsider resulted in plenty of stress, wreaking havoc with my health and peace of mind. Most of my jobs were a not so great fit, but had aspects to them that I really enjoyed. I want to hold onto the positive aspects of being a “helper”. At the same time, I cherish inner peace. The nourishment it offers is unlike anything else.
How will I find balance between purpose and peace?
image credit ~ wikiart.org, public domain