Hello lovely readers,
Mother’s Day is so loaded for me, as a therapist and as a human. I have not mothered any children but I have shepherded countless souls through healing. I also am a former mom to two felines, Jasmine and Dexter.
I have spent over half of my life working in human services. starting with subbing in a residential school , then working as a residential counselor for mental health clients, to providing case management, teaching parenting classes and later supervision at a government child welfare department, to working as healer ( astrologer, social worker, therapist) in a variety of settings. In practically every role, the weight of parenting has been instrumental. Almost everyone I speak with professionally ( and often personally ) on a regular basis is eager to talk about their mother. It doesn’t matter the age, race, socioeconomic, group, sexual orientation or gender identity; this topic is the great equalizer.
I talk with folks who want to get pregnant, can no longer get pregnant, are ambivalent mothers, or don’t want to be mothers. I worry I would have been a not so great mom, but I did okay with the cats. I am grateful to know many people who are really attentive mothers. My sister and my cousins have been quite intentional. Many friends, who I believe I know better in ways that matter, have proven to be such caring devoted mamas. I am proud to know them. Parenting is the toughest gig there is. Many are dreadfully unqualified. Others never got the chance. Still others do not want to invite new souls to this planet now. I can’t say that I blame them. People who are serious individuals wonder about the future. Ironically, these folks might make decent parents because they care about the welfare of others, not just themselves.
I could wax poetic about my own storied history but not today. I have written about my family many times over. What I will say is that I come from at least two generations of women who loved to read, my mom and her mom. I grew up with books as the backdrop< My father also read voraciously and worked as a manager of two book companies. Big surprise that early on I considered being a writer! This brings me to content about parenting and loss. Molly Jong Fast is a witty journalist and author. In recent years her presence on all media has become ubiquitous. She wrote a piece in today’s Times about her complicated relationship with her famous mother Erica Jong. I clearly recall seeing the paper book copy of Fear of Flying in my parents’ social circle by the pool in Florida when I was a child. I had no idea what the book was about but sensed it was not meant for kids. Her article on their dynamic was heartbreaking and rang oh so true.
Those that lose parents early have issues that rarely completely resolve. i have had the pleasure to view a few episodes of journalist Kara Swisher’s docuseries on longevity on CNN. She describes what it was like to lose her father early in life in the pilot episode. She makes the point that those who grieve a parent early are determined to love really big lives. I think this helped me understand why my dad was so resilient despite so many health challenges. He lived a long life in part because losing his dad so early manifested in him the desire to remain here. As many a metaphysician will tell you, it is all about the contrast. Losing a primary caregiver emotionally or completely through unexpected death is beyond tragic. I work with a few clients who do their best to stay in the present and not play out past programming built on trauma. It is not simple at all.
Many celebrities publicly discuss how the loss has impacted him. Some examples are Prince Harry. Madonna, Rosie O ‘ Donnell, Anderson Cooper, and recently Chris Noth. Some others include Jane Fonda. Marilyn Monroe, and JFK Jr. For all the talent or success and fame, these individuals have had their share of suffering. We all need to be loved.
Some artists use their suffering to fan their creative spark. Bono, aka Paul Hewson born today May 1oth is a prime example. He is an extraordinary songwriter who is also blessed with a soulful presence and haunting voice. Enjoy this video that emphasizes his longing, magnetism and mystery. Happy Birthday Bono and Happy Mother’s Day to those wh0 do their best and those who keep trying to heal and move on.
Paintings courtesy of wikiart.org, public domain
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