Happy New Moon to all! This post will be slightly different as it will be containing no images or videos. It is journal style and will eventually transfer to Private status. However I am writing it to gain some clarity and hopefully some feedback from you my lovely readers. BTW don’t be shy with the comments. I relish honesty from my tribe. Spoiler alert : This is a lengthy read.
Backstory: Since I moved to the suburbs about three years ago I have felt like my life was getting very small. My health was worsening with frequent episodes and strange symptoms. More and more people were leaving my life for various reasons. I had not been able to make quality connections and all I really had was work. I have tried many ways to heal and brought in some new providers to assist. Yet the truth is that I feel quite isolated, unmotivated, disempowered, tired and sad.
I figured that when Saturn moved out of my first house into my second that some of this malaise would leave. That didn’t really manifest as I had hoped. After turning 65 a few months ago, I began t wonder if my life was winding down. I wasn’t sure if my best moments and experiences were either behind me or in a parallel timeline. I started to consider that perhaps I did my best.
Mr New : Around this time I decided to get an astrology reading. It was supposed to be a birthday present but it ended up taking place about six months later. I chose someone who I “met ” on Facebook. He is well known but not an icon. I liked his FB community and his approach. I had researched some of his videos and took an online course or two. He presented as very spiritual, smart and adventurous. What sealed the deal was that his birthday is very close to mine. He is a few years younger but his sun is just a few degrees away from mine. I wanted to work with someone with Scorpio energy. Years ago I was fortunate enough to get a reading with one of my heroes Buzz Myers who was also a Scorpio. He was brilliant and the reading was a cherry on the sundae. The sundae was meeting him in person.
While I clearly know my chart, I do like occasionally to get a “second opinion “. This is not unusual among astrologers. I asked this person ( We will call him Mr. New. ) for a specific focus to the reading. I wanted help understanding what if anything could be done to bring back my vitality and sparkle. I learned more about this person prior to the consult from watching interviews. He has a moon in Gemini, just like me! so this is a man with my Sun and Moon signature. After gathering just a bit more data, I was able to approximate his chart. This is not hard to do. I seem to have a knack for this data just coming into my field. While it is an approximation. I am certain that his moon degree is also very close to mine. This was a gift, for me to connect with someone who may have some commonality. Part of me felt some twinges of guilt for seeking his data but this is what astrologers do.
You are my Mirror : This brings me to Sex and the City. I love this show and first watched it back in 1998 when it first aired. My ” greatest love ” relationship had ended just a few years earlier when he moved to Atlanta. We will call him Mr. Destiny This fact is crucial because the Mr. Big character was so much like my guy. Looking back, this comparison may not be an endorsement! However the Carrie / Big dynamic served as a mirror for me. While I do not look like the character, I was a few years younger and also a creative type. I often dress in a bohemian, unconventional style, am told I am funny , and at that time had charisma and sparkle. Before I met my guy, I preferred light eyed guys with long hair, jeans, and t shirts with pockets. When I met my guy, he was wearing a suit. At 26, I was not attracted to men in suits. I surprised myself! Mr. Destiny was a bit older and seemed like a man, not a boy. Sometimes he acted more like a spoiled child. While he was not my type, I was so drawn to him. Like Mr Big, he was confident, well spoken, smart, and handsome. He was also creative, a charmer, and worldly. He was also well traveled and spiritual. I seemed to be leveling up. Yet I was out of my depths here. This was a relationship I was not prepared for.
I was often amazed by the synchronicity between the Carrie romance and my own. Even the couple’s age difference coalesced with ours. Big’s patterns were so familiar to me because Mr. Destiny displayed most of them. He was jealous when he saw me with other men or knew I was seeing other men. He pursued me more when I was less available. He was elusive and conflict averse. Yet he was a grown up who wore suits and was the most brilliant person I ever met. He also exuded power and confidence. For me , the mind matters in love. So well read, cultured, creative and imaginative he was. But our dynamic was often toxic and caused plenty of suffering. Power struggles often lead to pain. Again, like the show, Mr Destiny’s behavior sometimes triggered me to act out. I could be just as reckless and emotional. It was ridiculous yet inevitable, looking back.
Chris Noth and this Moon : My fascination with Big led me eventually to research the actor Chris Noth. I didn’t watch the TV franchise he was part of before Sex and the City. I learned he was a Scorpio sun with a Gemini Moon, just like me. This begged the question, was he a projection? I do not know the answer . I do know that my guy had a different chart, but was very Plutonian, Scorpion, and Mercurial. Big was funnier but they were equally quit- witted, charming, tall, dark, and very attractive. I recently viewed some current interviews with Chris Noth. He suffered a major downfall after several women accused him of sexual misconduct. I was very upset when I learned about this. It tarnished my opinion of him. Yet I have no idea what really happened. It is interesting though that the character he played included some of the actor’s personality and taste. Both loved cigars, dated models, and cheated on their wives. Noth does admit to this publicly. I am not judging, merely noting patterns.
I have emphasized Moon in Gemini people in my life quite consistently. Moon – moon contacts are quite beautiful. I have had several close girlfriends with moon in Gemini, one of the three also with a Scorpio sun. I also later mentored a woman with the Scorpio Sun Moon in Gemini combo and likened her to a younger version of me. I worked a few years with a young man with the same Sun Moon configuration and was excited to see how we would relate. It was sometimes entertaining and often contentious. His immaturity was ever-present along with his arrogance. We communicated in similar ways and had some things in common but it was not harmonious. His sun was closer to Sag which gave him more of a full moon signature.
And then there is James. James and I had plenty of synastry which I discovered not long after we first met. But the Moon in Gem conjunction on his Descendant was powerful. With my Venus Moon opposition landing on his Neptune / Moon opposition on his Ascendant / Descendant axis, we really vibed together. I did not know how it would work with us but it increased an ease; a strong familiarity.
The Moment of Truth : So let’s go back to my Astrology Reading. Again, to set the foundation : I am an Astrologer who has read many charts over several decades. Astrology is my greatest fascination, period. I have been read by a few friends who are astrologers and some ” famous – ish ” astrologers. In addition. when I was younger I was hooked on getting psychic readings and channelings. I still recall being told by a psychic that I was psychic and could be doing what she is doing. It turned out she was spot on, but I doubted her then. Sometimes I still see how my self doubt clouds my ability to see myself clearly. This self doubt eventually culminated in relying more on me and less on experts. Yet I felt strongly led to seek some guidance and help from another.
I was pleasantly surprised when after plenty of negotiation he offered me a meeting time I could work with. Not only was it a time that was convenient and astrologically sound, but it contained an amazing Venus to my Moon conjunction right on the MC. Interestingly enough, that aspect also was on his moon! He had to know this when he offers it up. Such a wonderful configuration! The actually reading lasted 2 hours online. What struck me initially was all the seeming telepathy. This did not feel like an astrology reading. He spoke little about the calculations, aspects, etc. He made pronouncements and gave recommendation for healing that were so much a part of my lived in experience. I have little of an online footprint and yet he knew some things that I rarely speak on. He touched on ideas and events that triggered memories form parts of my life that are pretty much locked away. I am a very private person for the most part and while I am quite verbal, I still protect my privacy. He denies being a therapist and yet he conducts himself like I do in my sessions. He shared theories and then proceeded to suggest recommendations for healing, self care, etc. It was a very practical approach and more geared in my mind for ongoing work rather than a one and done encounter. I was blown away but his ideas about a particular past life as an indigenous healer. He referenced a cross cultural identity and fear of being too visible due to being silenced by others. He went on and on about my gifts and my power. He was incredibly complimentary in fact. He said quite a few things that were in fact too personal to repeat. It seemed like he was in awe of me. The irony was that I in turn was in awe of him. He was so self assured and strong. He did not assume he was always accurate. He did ask questions to seek clarity. But he seemed so wise and confident. This reminded me a bit of James as his lifestyle is similar to his. He has lived and traveled all over the world and is continuously teaching at different locations. He also speaks several languages and is teaches yoga. The links between these 2 are crazy, particularly how both would casually mention something that mimicked how I do things or live my life , as if we were living our lives together.
The Scorpio Factor But there’s more… BTW this post is soooo long but I need to complete it because I want to vent. I really need to get it all out of my head and onto ” paper “. The way he saw me was undeniable and unsettlingly palpable. The synchronicities were truly mystical. Quickly it was obvious to me that the energy between us was transcendent. I was blown away and this left me feeling exposed. I had no understanding how he was so capable of operating on a soul level. Then I began to think about Birthday boy, the man I met at work after the love of my life left for Georgia. Birthday boy was older but shares my birthday and has a Sun/Moon conjunction on my Sun. I was aware of Mr New’s birthday before our meeting but with friends and lovers I go in with no info. It still is so bizarre to accept that we of similar energies just find each other, no matter how long the road to reunion takes. Birthday Boy was not a therapist either but could just sit with me and transmit so much fire. I felt intoxicated after most of our interactions, even when not in person. So many times he would come up to see me and he would not be able to leave. He would stand up to ;eave and then sit back down. We were both unable to move. It is very difficult to describe but I felt so known and loved and seen and a bit scared. This is how I felt during this reading. One big difference is that the astrologer Mr. New just had a chart. I told him very little about myself. He doesn’t live near me or work with me. We loosely know some of the same people but he is not friends with anyone who knows me well. He did not own being a professional psychic and is not advertised as such. My only conclusion is that our energies merged. My sense is that I was not the only one who left the reading upended. I don’t care how talented one is as an astrologer. This info came through him. It is always back to Spirit in my experience.
Later that day he emailed me with an article he thought I may like on soul evolution. About a month later I emailed him a few follow up questions . After I rewatched the reading video I became high again. The energies lit me up! Weeks later I remain more energized. I don’t understand this logically. I wanted him to know what I was experiencing but was reluctant to give too much away. Yet I wanted him to know about the impact. It was so rare for me to feel this way to not acknowledge it. But what do I write? I really struggled here but eventually came up with a a couple sentences to let him know that I was blown away and that he was able to do something close to impossible.
He emailed me back just a few hours later! Did not see that coming. This is not typical for professional astrologers to reply so quickly to a client’s email. He answered my questions and gave me a link to a video of his for the Gemini New Moon, you know the one that is conjunct both of our natal moon placements. Oh the irony!
Be Careful What You Wish For : The conclusion to this story is painful but growth oriented. I will explain why in a minute. I told him in the reading that I am on his FB group. He would not know that on his own because I do not use my last name on social media. That same evening his FB page shows up on my feed. I see my words on his post. He says how wonderful it is to learn that the results of his work are meaningful and how useful astrology can be. BTW wonderful seems to be one of his favorite words. He uses it over and over on his posts. At the bottom of the post he shares an image of the night sky with my quotes on it and my initials. I felt exposed but also exhilarated at the same time. I wanted him to care. I wanted him to react to what I said. Then I got what I hoped for but not at all like I expected! I am still pissed off at him for being so careless and disrespecting my boundaries. How could he not know I would see this? He wanted me to see this. I am convinced. This dynamic with us and also with me and Birthday boy remind me of the comic strip Spy vs. Spy. Great animation of 2 spies trying to outmanueuver each other.
But here lies a lesson: I used my power and influence to appeal to his ego. I was hoping it would result in him sharing his feelings with me. The problem with my actions is that I tried to manipulate him and it backfired. Sometimes we get what we want and it can be overwhelming. With Plutonian men I have felt this before.
At come point I need to communicate my disapproval of his actions and to ask him to take down the post. He talks about ethics all the time and how his content has been ripped off. He also talks about astrologers misusing there power with clients. So he clearly knows better. Just like Carrie in Sex and the City, she accepted Big’s behavior and paid for it dearly. She accommodated his game playing by excusing or rationalizing it. I know better. Playing with fire is sexy and fun and exciting but can really hurt. This was such a strange situation. I feel guilty for feeling my feelings and yet he kept counseling me to own my power and work on bringing myself back to life. Well I guess it has begun to work.
An extra lesson: I may need to pay closer attention to how I show up in my work. How does my power impact my clients? Am I being as responsible as possible? Do I appreciate the responsibility that power brings in healing others? It is not that I take this lightly. Rather I doubt I can fully understand how I appear to the other. This lesson is so humbling. Fortunately I have never crossed any line with therapy or astrology clients. Occasionally I feel vibes with a therapy client but I respect my role and ethical obligations. The lesson for me here is more about my influence. Also as a very Plutonian person. I know I can be a lot. I do sometimes wonder how my energy did impact past love interests. This topic truly humbles me. I must admit I am still learning about power at this late stage of my life journey. I was not aware that it was needed. It is truly sad to see yet another man as human and flawed. I guess if we are that similar, why should I be surprised? We are all flawed anyway, sad but true.
I promised no videos but will share 2 posts ( in honor of Gemini Duality ). The first is an oldie featuring myself and two of my Moon in Gemini bloggettes. The second is also a relic and contains my poem about Scorpio . Thanks for sticking with me for this long tale. Don’t forget to comment. Thanks!
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