Anticipatory Grief

While one may say this is the perfect time to solidify a meditation practice, I am not finding this true for me. I will use the Calm app or be still for 3o seconds when the Calm commercial comes on but I am not drawn to regular sit down meditation right now. I will find myself staring out the window, mesmerized by nature’s stirrings. While walking outside today I was gently focusing on the buds floating on the breeze’s carpet, making soft patterns in the air. Simply observing the mist dance from the essential oil infuser is also relaxing and meditative in its own way.

These simple observations awaken me to the natural flow of life, undisturbed ( or less disturbed) by human manipulation. Have you noticed how alive Spring has been this year? The birds seem more active, the trees more vibrant and the sky more dynamic. We are part of this cosmic dance, but usually are out of step with the rest of Gaia’s inhabitants.

Over the past few weeks I have thought about my former clients and what life has been like for them since the pandemic. To lose their therapist on top of everything else seems so unfair to me. But fairness is never a certainty. We can strive to be fair in our deeds and actions, but 3D life is not fair at all and may have been designed this way. I pray for my clients and hope they are getting all the support that they need.

I went back into therapy last year for a number of reasons, the primary one being that I was feeling sad at the end of 2018. It seemed prudent to get some support so I would not slide into a depression. While I took this step with ambivalence, I proceeded to find someone ( ” Angie ” ) local and affordable. I did not overthink this process and found someone rather quickly. She is an artist, lives closeby, and works in her home. She is older, very approachable and quite kind. Her home is an oasis, decorated the way I would if I took the time and care and had the resources. I felt safe there in this house with this person to be me, a therapist seeking therapy. I have not been in therapy for a very long time and was not sure how it would go. Ann’s style is very direct and expressive. She shares about her own life with deliberate intention. She chooses to show who she is and says it is becoming more mainstream to have less of a wall between client and clinician. Angie freely gives out articles and resources and is patient. She seemed to be a good choice for me. Imperfect, but certainly capable of holding space for my healing.

Last summer I went to her home for a session and no one was there. I called her after a few minutes went by and she told me she was in the hospital and would be there a few weeks. I was taken aback by this. Angie later divulged she developed leukemia and that treatment is complicated and lengthy. She offered me referrals if I wanted to see someone else. I decided to wait it out and she updated me on her progress. Eventually, we resumed our sessions and her health improved. I became very concerned about her health as she looked very tired and frail. It was a challenge for me to keep myself in the receiving role. Which is why I waited a while between visits. I told myself she would look healthier over time and this is my issue, not hers. When the pandemic happened, I knew I had to stay away and that I do not like zoom sessions. Ironic right, since I was providing telehealth to my clients. A couple of weeks ago after the layoff, I reached out because I needed to vent and get additional support. Imagine my horror when Angie emails me to say she is no longer practicing because she is dying. I wrote back to get clarity and Angie said the leukemia returned. I recall her telling me that if this happened she would not seek more treatment. I brushed her remark aside because the transplant was successful. Well, it was until it wasn’t.

I don’t know how to handle this. I have never gotten an email like this before and I feel abandoned. I do not want to find someone else. I want Angie to get better, yet I respect her choices. I just want the situation to be different. I will not know when she is dead and she could be already gone. I question the point of our brief time working together, that almost did not happen. I was not certain I wanted to open myself up again to a stranger. Was this loss more problematic than what brought me to her in the first place? I won’t know until much later when hindsight kicks in. It was suggested that I perform a ritual to help me mourn. Loss often has an aspect interruption within it. This relationship seems unfinished. And yet it is finished. Angie is true to herself and I appreciate that about her, along with her kindness, resilience from personal difficulties, and her honesty. I also admire how much she loved doing healing work. So many times she would share how lucky she is to be a therapist. Maybe because she chose it later in life and learned to appreciate her second career, or maybe because Angie just enjoyed helping others in this way. Her enthusiasm inspired me to try harder when I wasn’t excited about my work. The articles she gave me will remain part of my connection with her going forward.

One can say that living on Earth in a body always contains anticipatory grief to some degree. Our time here is finite and most of us do not get advance warning. It feels quite heavy to live with so many loose ends. But I will do the best that I can and writing is one form of therapy for me. Releasing my inner world this way is healing and comes naturally. I do not take this gift for granted. But there is more grieving to do.

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Musings ~ Tornado

Another day in Oz, another spirited reblog. More new stuff soon, I promise! Enjoy this 2014 offering about tornados.
love ya and welcome to all my new readers and new followers ❤

litebeing chronicles

I have been putting pressure on myself to write about the imminent eclipses and cardinal cross that will make this April unlike any other. I want to give my readers what they want and put my personal stamp on these celestial turning points. Yet I am too busy feeling the energies to actually put 2 coherent thoughts together!

So for now I am putting that aside to write about TODAY. How do I describe today?

wikimedia free domain

Yes, today is a tornado. I woke up after a restless night with major digestive issues ( nuff said). My body is still healing from surgery and Dexter is improving but not back to baseline yet. I had a meeting this morning in a part of the city we call The Great Northeast. I was exhausted and overwhelmed after the meeting and longed to get home. As I made my way around this part…

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Returning Home : Part II – Italian Cathedrals, Updated Edition

While I wish my Italy photos were digital, sadly my trip was pre-internet. Thinking of my beloved Italy, especially the Lombardy region ~ Milano, Bergamo, San Pellegrino, Lake Lugano, Pavia, Lake Garda, and the entire region, where I spent the majority of my time. Wonderful people, sumptuous beauty, and yummy food!

Namaste, Linda

litebeing chronicles

By Stefan Bauer, http://www.ferras.at (Own work) [CC-BY-SA-2.5 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.5)], via Wikimedia Commons

The Roman Forum

Update:  Please enjoy some new photos added for your viewing pleasure …..

Sometimes traveling somewhere distant can take you right ” home.” I was incredibly fortunate to spend a few magical weeks travelling throughout Italy. As an Italian American , spending some time in the land of my ancestors helped me appreciate some of the origins of my love of food, art, history, and la dolce vita.  I was transported to a realm Eckhart Tolle calls spaciousness while visiting cathedrals. Words can barely describe how I feel when I am in the presence of these breathtaking works of art so I will let the images speak to you. 

By Andreas Tille (Own work) [GFDL (http://www.gnu.org/copyleft/fdl.html) or CC-BY-SA-3.0-2.5-2.0-1.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0)], via Wikimedia Commons

St. Peter’s Basilica, Vatican City

Sistine_Chapel_ceiling_left public domain

Sistine Chapel Ceiling

800px-Creación_de_Adán_(Miguel_Ángel)

Michelangelo’s Creation

Michelangelo's Last Judgement public domain

Michelangelo’s Last Judgement

800px-St_Peter's_Square,_Vatican_City_-_April_2007  DAVID ILIFF. License: CC-BY-SA 3.0

Outside St. Peter’s Square , Vatican City

by Ricardo André Frantz (User:Tetraktys) wikimedia commons license 2,5

Basilica Di San Marco, Venice

Ricardo André Frantz (User:Tetraktys) license 2,5 wikimedia

 San Marco Ceiling

by Maria Schnitzmeier. wikimedia license http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/Commons:GNU_Free_Documentation_License_1.2

San Marco Mosaic

Pala_D'OroII public domain

San Marco Altar

by Jiuguang Wang http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/deed.en

Duomo, Milan

Duomo_In_S4 By Spens03 (Own work) [CC-BY-SA-3.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0)], via Wikimedia Commons

Duomo Altar

By メルビル (Own work) [<a href="http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0">CC-BY-SA-3.0</a>], <a href="http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File%3ADuomo_di_Milano%EF%BC%BF20130101-3.jpg">via Wikimedia Commons</a>

Inside…

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By Selbymay (Own work) [CC-BY-SA-3.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0)], via Wikimedia Commons

The Road to Resilience

This is a guest post I wrote for amberskyeforbes.wordpress.com back in 2013. I am hoping it may offer some support and resources during this time of extreme transformation. Will be back soon with fresh new material as writing is my medicine.

love, litebeing

Thank you Amber for having me as a guest blogger today. I want to share some thoughts I have about human resilience in the face of loss. Life is a series of continuous losses. After you take your first breath, you find your way on the path towards your final one. Our cells constantly regenerate. In fact, it is known that our bodies completely change every seven years. Typically people equate death with loss and sometimes use those terms interchangeably. Yet, loss is pervasive and incredibly universal. Here are some common losses to consider: loss of health, loss of youth, loss of innocence, loss of a relationship, loss of teeth, loss of weight, loss of physical strength, loss of vitality, loss of purpose, loss of  money.  Even if we live in the same home and work at the same building, our atmosphere is constantly changing. Quantum physics has proven that your favorite chair is really made up of energy particles that are not solid matter. Change, loss, regeneration, motion……. change, loss, regeneration, motion…… This theme is one of the few constants in the human experience.

So how do we cope when the human ego craves the status quo and desperately tries to hold on to what is familiar and safe? The first step is always the same ; acceptance. When one grieves a loss, it may take a while to come to acceptance, but once there, the path to resilience is within reach. Eckhart Tolle espouses that acceptance of what is will lead to inner peace. In his book The Power of Now , Tolle  says

Watch any plant or animal and let it teach you acceptance of what is, surrender to the Now.
Let it teach you Being.
Let it teach you integrity — which means to be one, to be yourself, to be real.
Let it teach you how to live and how to die, and how not to make living and dying into a problem.

The idea of non-resistance has been embraced readily in the East, but not as much in the Western world. However, the popularity of Tolle’s work , along with yoga, meditation, and mindfulness practices, has made this concept more palatable across the globe.

A receptive attitude towards life is also essential to the cultivation of resilience. To be receptive means to be open to new ideas and possibilities, even in the throes of pain and sadness.  It also includes the ability to look at situations in a new light and the awareness of a larger worldview. For example, deciding to move to a new city so that your partner can accept a new position may leave one feeling conflicted about giving up their current social connections and comfortable lifestyle. Yet, with a receptive attitude, one can see how this decision to support your partner may also bring them into alignment with a fulfilling new career path, nurturing like-minded friends, and awaken a dormant sense of adventure and vitality.

It is often much easier to make these behavioral changes in community. Community can mean biological family, family of creation, spiritual/ religious group, neighborhood circle, social media, or outside support system. For those who need additional support with the grieving process or making transitions, a support group or therapy group often can provide the community and treatment/support necessary to face the crisis in a healthy manner. I have worked many years as a therapist with people dealing with acute and chronic mental health challenges. The amount of loss and trauma many of these individuals carry is close to unimaginable. Often a history of abuse and/ or trauma is present in those with certain mental health issues, which can trigger substance abuse through self-medication. This choice can create more loss and trauma, along with the traumas inherent that many encounter in the mental health and criminal justice systems. The Mental Health Recovery Movement that is emerging in the US and Europe addresses these issues in a proactive , holistic, humane fashion. My work in a Recovery program gave me the opportunity to create and facilitate groups that embraces those values. I ran a Grief and Loss group that  gave the members the space to develop trust, improve communication, and begin the path to acceptance, forgiveness, and hope. We often examined ways to re-frame a situation in order to encourage attitudinal change and healing. We often discussed how we gained something positive in the wake of a loss. When a commercial began airing with the slogan ” What will you gain when you lose? “,  I began to wonder if the advertising firm was eavesdropping on our group!

I am not suggesting that resilience is inevitable, some people are genetically wired to be naturally more resilient than others. So perhaps there are those among us that experience less setbacks or regroup quicker from a significant loss. We all can make a huge impact upon our own destiny by increasing our awareness of when we need some form of treatment/ intervention in the face of depression, anxiety, extended grief, trauma, and difficult life transitions. Relief from suffering and recovery from loss is possible and there are many wonderful resources available. We all deserve the best possible life we can create for ourselves. Evidence of resilience is abundant both in nature and bustling cities, and everywhere in-between. Take a close look around you and you are bound to discover it in action.

Resources:

http://www.imhcn.org/

http://www.mentalhealthamerica.net/

http://www.mentalhealthrecovery.com/

http://ncmhr.org/

https://netforum.avectra.com/eWeb/DynamicPage.aspx?Site=USPRA&WebCode=about

http://raysofhope.blogs.com/my_weblog/2011/04/resources-list-for-grief-loss-trauma-and-transitions.html

http://www.amazon.com/Power-Now-Guide-Spiritual-Enlightenment/dp/1577311523

http://www.amazon.com/Counting-Our-Losses-Reflecting-Bereavement/dp/0415875293

http://www.amazon.com/Mans-Search-Meaning-Viktor-Frankl/dp/080701429X

http://www.amazon.com/Resilience-Things-Bounce-Back-ebook/dp/B006NZ7HQQ/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1370381672&sr=1-1&keywords=resilience

http://www.amazon.com/Resilience-ebook/dp/B009GEY7WI/ref=pd_sim_b_5

header image by Selbymay (Own work) http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0)], via Wikimedia Commons

Better Things

Before composing this post I took a shower, needing to wash off all the negativity residue.

I began to ponder what I actually believe about the planet today :

” I tend to be paranoid as a Scorpio but used to be skeptical of conspiracy theories and the theorists themselves. Yet, look at the world especially since 9/11. Hey, what about before I was born like the Holocaust and all the World Wars and so on. We really have not evolved much, or is it all simulated?”

Then my thoughts drifted here :

” Matt Kahn spoke so brilliantly about why some people don’t hear their guides. I remember a workshop I took where I set aside shower time as a safe space for Spirit to be with me so be quiet and listen. ”

Then this line from a song kept repeating in my head. I could hear part of the melody but only made out one line – Here’s wishing you the bluest sky. ” I asked myself to remember this line so I could Google it later, hoping it was a message.

Here’s the song that came to me:

I ‘m crying as a write these words, amazed by the blessings of my guidance and so strongly in need of joyful music. I don’t know how these songs pop in my head, but I know the quantum field is involved. Matt Kahn in his latest video Facing Uncertainty made some points that seemed both personal and universal. His take on what thoughts are and how bad thinking does not create one’s reality was revelatory. He described undesireable manifestation as aligning with a negative narrative, rather than thinking negative thoughts alone. He also spoke about why some people don’t hear their guidance team and what it may mean. Watch the video to get the complete picture. What I will reveal here is that he strongly encourages people on the awakening path to not expect guides to rescue them from unpleasant circumstances and events, but rather be with them while they live their experiences that are meant for them to live through.

I am just another soul trying to live my purpose and shine some light. I don’t know nearly as much as I thought I did and probably more than I realize at certain moments. However, I want to align myself with the narrative that all is really well, even in the face of seemingly Armageddon-like global catastrophes.

I’ll leave you with these final few words ~ Accept your life and what it brings. I hope tomorrow you’ll find better things.

By Kelvin Kay, en:user:kkmd [GFDL (www.gnu.org/copyleft/fdl.html) or CC-BY-SA-3.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/)], via Wikimedia Commons

2014 Wrap-up Challenge: Present Your Gifts

I hope to share some new material with you all soon, but in the meantime, I came across this holiday post that I hope you will enjoy.

Happy Cappy everyone 😀

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By JD Hancock from Austin, TX, United States (Merry Christmas 2010) [CC BY 2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0)], via Wikimedia Commons

Since I decided I would take whichever day was left for my blogging challenge, I kinda suspected I would get Christmas Day. Yet I figured I would wait and write my post on the day I was “given.” It is indeed Christmas Day and I am relishing the quiet while I type. This post is my present to all of you.  So in that spirit please read on…

First I want to let you in on a little secret. When I devised this challenge and created the theme, I was hoping that focusing on gratitude would lift my spirits. I was imagining that those who were called to participate would connect to form an energetic web of light that exuded grace, miracles, and blessings. As per usual, this challenge has proved to be miraculous in scope with surprises at every twist and turn. And it isn’t even finished yet!

When…

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Transcending Hearts~ WE can make a difference!

I love nature and have no words in response to the Amazon fires. But I do have this reblog from Sue Dreamwalker containing lovely poetry and ways to help address this urgent problem, one of many facing us all.

love, litebeing

Dreamwalker's Sanctuary

Lily~Fish Pond in the Garden

Feeling the rhythm as I sit on the swing

Allowing thoughts to drift, to see what they bring

Cloud watching the sky as butterflies’ flit

Pondering the beauty as in creation I sit

~~

The Fish in their world swim beneath lily flowers

While frogs sunbathe too, no concept of hours

Each Petal, perfected in meticulous precision

As I sit and swing, enjoying this transition

~~

We create in our hearts, with our thoughts and minds

For each it is different, our manifesting finds

For that which we think, the energy creates

So be mindful of thought, for it opens many gates

~~

My heart it is peaceful, my mind it is still

We are ALL powerful, all subject to Will

Know we are Sovereign much more than we know

Don’t give away your power to the fear-based cabal

~~

The time now is here…

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Catching Up

Greetings litebeings! It has been a good stretch since I posted anything, especially anything new. I have been working on balancing my life, and practicing self-care to increase my inner resilience. I am also working on  a guest post that is rather intense. I hope everyone out there is enjoying the change of season. It is an exceptionally rainy May in my neck of the woods.

Speaking of woods, here are a few photos from my latest trip to Longwood Gardens:


I have been re-vitalizing my meditation practice with a different type of breathing and adding chanting back to the mix. I recently learned that an extended exhale and the act of chanting help relax the vagus nerve, which plays a role in heart rate and digestion. I am also enjoying select lectures from the Hay House Summit, which is happening right now. I enjoyed an interview with Esther Hicks and a video featuring Caroline Myss. Check it out and discover an array of material on all things metaphysical.

Finally, I want to extend a Happy Mother’s Day to all who love and nurture others. Ceres the grain goddess is also a very maternal figure and while I do not have children, my prominent Ceres makes me an Earth Mother of sorts, particularly to those of the feline persuasion. Let’s honor those who extend affection, protection, and care to those in need to foster their development and well -being.

Even when I am away, my thoughts and energy are always with my readers, followers, fellow writers and all that connect with me at litebeing chronicles.

Namaste, litebeing

 

How Am I Doing? ~ Mercury Direct Neptune Retro Wayward Pines Edition

I stumbled upon this post while searching my archives for Neptunian material. With Chiron at the tail end of Pisces and  Mercury conjunct Neptune in Pisces this is truly a time for profound healing and kissing the familiar goodbye. Cry, dream, create, sleep, pray,  play music, imagine with abandon, meditate, make love, let go and let God.

blessings, litebeing

litebeing chronicles

Photo607I could be grocery shopping right now. But I am here with AC blazing on a Friday afternoon. We are having a heat wave and this new development took me by surprise. Everyone has been talking about the intense Mercury Neptune energy. Honestly for me it is like a regular day at the office ( when I actually went to an office.) Translation: I have Neptune Sun Mercury conjunct in Scorpio ( a stellium) so my mind naturally rides the waves of hyper-imagination, empathy, fantasy, and susceptibility to deception or illusion.

Having said that, I still am taking life slowly and simply for a few more days, focusing more on the inner journey and escapism entertainment. I am really enjoying this new Fox show Wayward Pines. I will not give away the plot twist but will say how wonderful it is to see Matt Dillon back on-screen and…

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INFJ at the Holidays?

Now in the thick of the holiday season, I am acutely aware that for many souls, this time of year is very difficult. Let’s look out for one another and also practice self-care. love to all ❤

litebeing chronicles

Happy Mercury Direct everyone! It may take a few days to notice a decrease in mechanical , electronic and communication glitches. Hard to believe 2018 is coming to an end, when I can hardly catch my breath. I have re-posted this “Holiday Classic” from the archives, hoping it will be useful to those who are in need of self-care at this time. 

Enjoy this re-tread and feel free to comment.

I was ready to dive into an astrology article including Taylor Swift, but she will have to shake it off just a little bit longer. I am sensing a need to write about how to navigate the holiday season with fun and a lot less drama. I have wanted to write about INFJs and HSPs ( Highly Sensitive People) for a while, and this seems to be the perfect time.

wikiart public domain

 Where is the INFJ in this picture?

He or she is probably…

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