Winter Review ~ Who is Taking the Wheel?

This is the third and final installment of my Winter Review Series, an attempt to claim and integrate the timeline from September 2017 through March 2018. Now is as good a time as any to put this all to bed. We are approaching a full Pisces Moon, Mars is going direct in a few days, and the Sun has entered Virgo. It feels to me like we are shimmying up to Indian Summer, with the cooler mornings and the influx of golden leaves leaving their homes and touching the ground. So my goal is to take one last look at this unusually intense time in my life. I truly want to make room for whatever is meant to enliven my next “season.”

Road to Know-where: There was one consistent thread sewn into this timeline, road rage on steroids. Whether I was driving on small one -way streets or major roadways, during rush hour or lunch time, on weekdays or holidays, most of the drivers were gunning for each other. Rarely did I not drive by an accident that just took place or a near miss ( often my vehicle). Occasionally I would see an accident in progress, not fun at all. Initially it seemed like I was imagining this pattern, so I discussed it with others. Many people told me that they were noticing the same phenomenon. I had to psychically protect myself and this made me uncomfortable. But I had to stay on red alert and be a defensive driver. There seemed to be a major war happening, but I never got the memo.

 Snowday, NO – WAY! : An alternate description of this timeline could be ” The Winter of My Discontent.” The snow was relentless and I was ill prepared. After so many years of mild winters, this past one was excruciating. Often my drive home would be several hours. Since a portion of my commute was through wooded areas, fallen trees were a problem. I often would find myself in front of a tree blocking the road with no detour sign in sight. I did not know the area well and was not familiar with alternate routes. My commute reminded me of one of those nightmares where you want to scream but no words come out, or someone is chasing you and you are immobilized. Or you are simply lost while driving and each turn takes you further away from your intended destination.  When was the snow going to stop? Finally, some relief arrived around the beginning of April. The weather only started to improve after I was laid off. In fact, the raging drivers also began to mellow about two months ago. If I was paranoid I might consider that my job was causing climate change and vicious assassins  to populate the freeways.

Every day is a winding road: The commute was horrific and so burdensome on multiple levels. Yet, I did manage to survive. A positive transit of Saturn trining my natal Pluto ( still in effect) afforded me the ability to withstand pressure that would usually bring me to my knees. I became more flexible as a commuter, albeit one who does not use a GPS. I learned to become more aware of my immediate environment and recognize, yet again, that I am here as a human with flaws and limitations. This meant that I decided to love myself more and praise myself for my ability to adapt. This was in the midst of regular rumors that the rehab was going to be sold or was going to fold (see I can rhyme). I knew in my heart that some of the tension in the office was due to upheaval and uncertainty. I minimized it for a while because I was told by management that things were fine ( until they weren’t). Eventually I realized that the toxicity was really harmful to me and my patients. I even considered resigning. A draft resignation letter was conceived in my head, plus I  began organizing my office in the event that I needed to pack up quickly. I suppose I picked up intuitively on the layoffs before they happened. This did not in any way protect me from the pain or disappointment. It did help me see how much investment I still place in identifying as a healer. It also was another reminder that I still harbor some resentment about moving so much as a child, feeling rootless and often worthless or expendable. After all these years, still more work to do with my shadow!

Spirit ( or Grasshopper) take the wheel: Guess who just came by to greet me? I was about to take a break from writing and went to draw the blinds. This is the second time I ever recall seeing a grasshopper here at night. The other time he/she moved along before I could snap a shot.  This is no accident or coincidence.

The sighting arrived just in time for me to say hey, it is alright. While I do feel traumatized by losing two jobs due to downsizing in less than one year, I am not alone. And make no  mistake, I do not use the word trauma loosely. This has been a tough year. I lost the mental health job about one year ago and was called about the rehab job in September 2017, just shy of a year ago. I still get twinges of pain or access memories in unexpected ways. I get an email from a former coworker or hear a song that reminds me of my patients. Sometimes I have a dream that I am still at work. Other times reading about the opioid crisis will trigger something deep within. And let’s not forget about the endless recitation about being laid off that I am required to do every time I am on an interview for a new gig. ” So why aren’t you working now? ” ” Tell me about your last job – why did you leave? ” ” What happened over at @$^&#^? I hear they are not doing well anymore, what a shame.”  I saw a former coworker from the rehab at my last interview and it was awkward. Where do I fit in?  It is easy to wonder if I will ever be employed again.

This job search is exhausting.

 

I cannot continue to fool myself any longer that I am driving this vehicle all by myself. This is where surrender comes in.  Even when I  practically drown in the silence of the void, I am neither abandoned or forgotten. Grasshopper ( or Allah , Jesus, Buddha, Goddess, etc) is in charge. Little self never was and never will be, not in this human form. I really don’t understand why this Winter time period was fraught with so much drama and so many unusual obstacles. All I wanted to do was help people in pain get themselves together. I wanted to serve and have myself placed in a position where I could contribute to addressing the addiction epidemic.  This never was about ego for me. I wanted to be used by Spirit where I could best be of use. I still feel that way.  Yet, I do comprehend that it is not necessary to know why. That does not lessen the sting or dry the many tears. But it still remains the truth.

I could end this trilogy with Carrie Underwood’s tune Jesus Take the Wheel, but this Sheryl Crow classic seems more on point. Take a listen and you’ll understand why.

It is time now to say good night to the agony and ecstasy of Bensalem PA ; from the beginning ~ my senior year of college when I first noticed an intriguing rehab to the end, which I believe is NOW.  I won’t forget all the people or experiences over the course of decades  that made me smile or let my heart sing. But in order to move on, I have to say goodbye. It is likely that more lessons will be revealed, as this is typically the case. But living in the past has never accomplished what I hoped it would. Spying Grasshopper tonight has taught me well. There is so much more to receive when my mind and heart are open and willing to let love in.

road images courtesy of pexels.com, public domain

A Dream Sampler ~ My Winter Solstice Tribute

Just before Mercury stations direct tomorrow, I am going “retro” by posting a popular dream post that coincided with Winter Solstice 2013.

Wishing all a glorious Solstice, a productive Saturn in Capricorn transit, and a blessed holiday season.

litebeing chronicles

Some readers have been interested in my dream groups, and more specifically the content of my dreams. I have been hesitant to blog about my dreams because I do not like being analyzed. As a psychotherapist, I am sensitive to those who tend to pathologize or judge the inner experiences of others. When I assist another in dream analysis, I take special care to empower the dreamer and avoid labeling or limiting the multitude of layers potentially contained within each dream.

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Having said that, I see that my desire to inspire and advocate for dream work overrides my worries over being labeled or pigeonholed. So I have assembled a dream sampler for you today! This sampler is an assortment of various dream types. All of them have been quite meaningful because they have provided me with guidance or insight into the larger workings of Source as well as my individual…

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Hiya

Just a quick hiya! to everyone out there. I have been so busy lately with my new job and adjusting to my  longer commute and all that entails. However, I have a few posts patiently waiting in draft form, all for your reading pleasure.

In the meantime, a few thoughts: Did you know the Samhain, the cross-quarter holiday from which ( or witch) Halloween descended is meant to be celebrated at 15 degrees Scorpio? This means it really is the most liminal between November 6 – 7. Since my birthday is November 6, I find this somewhat ironic. This is because I am not really a fan of Halloween. As a kid, I enjoyed getting candy and going to Halloween parties, but trick or treating freaked me out a bit. I am not fond of masks and scary, bloody costumes or decorations. However, I recently visited a buddy of mine who creates an over-the-top Halloween  display and it was incredible. Visiting with all of his cats was also a highlight.  So you may ask yourself, what kind of Scorpio am I then?  Well, that is a good question..

The suggestion that the veil is thinnest at mid-Scorpio makes perfect sense to me as the middle of a sign is where it is most powerful. I am fascinated with medium-ship and most occult practices, as many of you know, but not into blood, gore, spiders, bats, et al.  I am writing about this now to let readers know there is still time to make connections with guides, loved ones, and any other spirits that dwell in other dimensions. We are still only a few degrees out of prime range, so if you want to do some inner journeying, go for it. I am not certain exactly why October 31st was chosen, but it may have to do with calendar system changes. I also read there could be a Pleiadian reference, which is very cool in my book. If you know the reason behind this date change, do tell!

It is winter here in Philadelphia, weatherwise, and I actually enjoyed putting on my winter jacket today for the first time this season. But then I thought about the gloves. I think I will seek out new gloves, or the very least, come to terms with the fact that I identified so strongly with an article of clothing that was not in my possession for very long. I am not certain at this point.

Before I go, allow me to give a shameless plug for my Sense-sational Challenge, which is in full swing.  There still are slots available so if you are on the fence, please get off of it and sign up.

Plus, you get to display this groovy badge on your site. What more could you ask for?

Until the next time, go ahead and embrace the unseen and mysterious a bit longer before we move ahead to full tilt Turkeypolooza mode here in the States.

With Jupiter in Scorpio, we can go deeper into mystery and find more of what appears to be missing. It could be the resurfacing of joyful memories, a hidden talent, messages from the ethers, or a missing glove!

wikipedia.org public domain

2017: Every New Beginning Comes From Some Other Beginning’s End

Here is a post that describes the spirit of renewal and moving forward. It definitely speaks to the promise of Easter and highlights my journey of April 2016, so it hits all the “retro” notes!

Wishing you a Happy Easter and Joyous Spring Season!

 

 

header image courtesy of wikipedia.org, public domain

litebeing chronicles

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Life is always in flux. While some forms are fading, others are blooming. The trick is to recognize which direction you are moving in and when to let go.

It is humbling to be nearing my fourth year of blogging and to be able to compose some thoughts about the year ahead and the year I lived through. The more I slow down, the easier it is for me to notice that existence has no clear demarcations. Astrologers love cycles and make mention of the significant planetary movements via stations, transits, and progressions. And yet, because of our cosmic fluency, we are perhaps more likely than most to acknowledge the fragility and malleability of time. Time and music marry well together and led me to use Closing Time in this post title.

To understand where I am today, it is necessary to return to April 2016. At the New…

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April Update

Hello litebeings!

I am strongly led to get something out to you today. My computer is acting oddly, so if I am silent for a while, most likely I am in need of a new laptop.

Emotionally I am fried right now. Life is moving slow and fast concurrently. This defies understanding, so I will not even try. You probably can feel it yourself.

What I will do is briefly share how I am doing:

I lost a few pounds by eating less carbs.

I scheduled a colonoscopy. So what if it took 5 years to do so?

I am researching alternative healers and plan to use tax refund to pay for it. Let’s hope the person I choose is within my price range. Thanks to those who offered me assistance with this process.

I am walking almost daily whether I want to or not. It is about building momentum and a routine. This season with its glory has enticed me to go outside and be with the magic of nature. This Spring is dazzling and buzzing with activity.

I have resumed my meditation practice, courtesy of the Deepak Chopra series.

Here are some images I captured walking around my neighborhood in no particular order:

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spring

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It seems that when I do focus on 3D signs, they usually appear, especially those of the numerical variety.

I hope you all enjoyed this spring stroll and April update. I will write more once I am better grounded and my computer cooperates.

Namaste

Chutes and Ladders

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Life can be a study in contrasts. Take fall, for example. Bright vibrant colors with cooling temperatures and increasing darkness. Do you prefer the bright or the dull?

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I’ll take bright, thank you very much. The foods of this season also compliment the natural hues. Think cranberry and pumpkin and acorn squash ; burgundy, rust, and gold.

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The world of duality is ever present when one seeks perfection. I am a perfection fan, with North Node and Pluto in Virgo. With so much Virgo energy this season, the perfection vibe is palpable ( especially with Jupiter in Virgo square Neptune in Pisces.)

I grew up playing board games. I really enjoyed Candyland, Go to the Head of the Class and Chutes and Ladders. While Candyland was all about fantasy, the others were about upward mobility and pursuit of excellence. In grade school, we had the SRA independent reading program in one of my classes. We would read at our own pace and advance from one color coded level to the next. I do not recall anything about what I read, but I can tell you about the 2 girls who were the best readers. They were one level above me and I aspired to catch up to them.

My life lately reminds me more of Chutes and Ladders though. I experience great insights and movements of energy. Then later on, more losses occur and I find myself also losing my patience and peace of mind, not to mention my temper! This game reminds me of Saturn as it really is about fate. Your journey depends not on mastery, but on chance. Where you land is where you land, period. After that, how do you react to where you have landed?

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While viewing Burnt, the latest Bradley Cooper flick, this point was driven home. While comparing Cooper’s and  Jude Law’s film connections with Sienna Miller ( all 3 actors are Caps , and the male leads Cooper and Law are Caps with Neptune conjunct Sag Rising and about the same age and height.), I also considered how the lead character’s obsession with perfection was his Achille’s heel. Without giving away the ending, I will say that teamwork and consistency triumphed over control and isolated ambition.

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If I can stop competing and appreciate the value of collaboration, the ups and downs will feel less personal and more communal. There is no class to peer over or mountain to scale. If only I can finally see with clarity that ” Winning” is only for the Donald Trump and Charlie Sheen caricatures of pop culture.

The film was meh, but the new recliner seats were sweet. I do like Neptune rising guys and wonder if Bradley Cooper will be the new Jude Law. For me, Jude Law was the new Brad Pitt. Brad Pitt was the new Richard Gere. Richard Gere was the new Warren Beatty. There will always been someone newer, younger, shinier, and smarter. But there will never be another you. or me.

Ever.

Oh, one more thing… If you live in the US, turn back the clocks one hour at 2AM Sunday for Standard Time ( and more dullness/darkness) .

And if you like candy and/or costumes, Happy Halloween!

wikipedia.org pub domain

Time is Fleeting

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Happy Full Moon everyone!

Emotion and beauty are palpable as we head further into Scorpio season. The leaves are shimmering in shades of rust, burgundy, and gold and the wind is emboldened by chilly temperatures and colorful moods.

Halloween is almost here and Rocky Horror flashbacks make me smile. Time IS fleeting, especially if you want to join my Time Machine Blogging Challenge. Have you read the recent posts by Michael, Mary, Laura, Kellie, Glorialana and Fiona? They are truly stellar so check them out. Each is as original and dazzling as an Autumn day.

I am adding a few more dates for anyone who is still deciding. I have been working on my own post and this process has been painstakingly slow for me. So I am giving myself a hard deadline. I chose my birthday November 6th for publication in hopes of creating the finished product while I am still the same age!

Please refer to the challenge post for the updated schedule. You can comment here to add yourself to the fine list of writers.  I have to say the material we assembled together is incredible. Speaking of incredible, this will be my 400th published blog.

Where does the time go?

We may live in a universe without limits, but when it comes to this opportunity, time is slipping away…

header image credit: wikipedia.org, public domain