Departure of My Twin

7/2/26 Update : First of all, I am editing all the typos. I feel a bit embarrassed but I was so upset when I wrote this post. Secondly, I was able to recall a dream about Rick that next morning. I slept very poorly but must have got a few hours of rest. My dream was not a visitation but it did include him. There is no clear message in it that I could decipher but the fact that I was successful that very night tells me that I am making some cosmic connections. I am going to keep asking for signs. It is all I can do at this point. 

I am really glad I made dinner and finished work before going on Facebook tonight. What I am about to write is new to me. I feel inconsolable at this point. Sadly I often find out news on FB that  I rather not know.

Yet hear we go:  I recently have been thinking about most of my ex lovers. I have been reading their charts, looking at synastry, feeling into patterns, etc. One man in particular has been a focus. I only loved 4 men in my life. I mean that I  loved them deeply. One of the four was Rick. I have blogged about him a few times but never mentioned his name. It has been bothering me lately that since I moved to my new home that I cannot find certain mementos , notes, etc from some of my past loves. I really wanted to find something from Rick.   I concluded that I must have thrown all these reminders away. I told myself if they are in my apartment that they would show up. So far no luck.

Rick and I shared the same birthday and he was seven years older. I know other people with my birthday but this was different. He became part of my family. He became a part of me. This Scorpio / Scorpio connection is insane when the conditions are just right.

The momentum of our relationship started around Ocotber of year, although we met in in the beginning of 2001. It was fate that brought us together. I needed a partner for a work thing and our bosses basically insisted that I bring him along even though I requested someone else. I was not looking for anyone new and initially I did not feel anything. He did not seem to want to work and take direction from me.   However it almost seemed like his gusto for me became infectious around the time my progressed Ascendant moved into Taurus. All the Scorpios came out of the woodwork. Three were coworkers born on my birthday. It was so bizarre but my 7th house was activated.

Rick was a ball of fire, so was full of life. He was so curious! More curious than me if that is possible.  He was so excited whenever he saw me by chance. Everyone at work knew about us before we did. I transferred into his work group at that time. Our boss would make comments in meetings about us. ” Here are the lovebirds! ” We did not make our connection public but i guess it was obvious. In the beginning would make up excuses just to visit me. At my first staff meeting my boss introduced me to the team. Rick stands up and starts applauding. Then others followed suit. I was so embarrassed at the time. Then he asked me to do his chart for him. That exercise became very loaded once I saw his chart and how similar we were. I had not met a man before that so much like me.  There was so much drama intermingled with the love. I will not go into that here. I do recall discussing him with a friend at work that know me well. She told me without hesitation that I loved him and the familiarity was love. He strongly reminded me of the one who got away.  I did not think I would ever feel anything close to that again. Rick was so intense. I feel like we were mirrors for each other. We brought out the best and worst in each other. We were not always as kind or honest as we could have been. I see now that this was caused by fear.

This morning one of my clients confided to me she was looking up past loves on FB. I must admit that gave me the idea since I was thinking about them anyway. Whenever I meet someone that sparks me I review the old ” receipts “. Most of them remind me of each other with the exception of James. Being with a man who is so similar to you can be intoxicating and scary. I remember going to an Astrology lecture and bringing his chart. The lecture was on composite charts, where you combine 2 people to see the relationship dynamics. The instructor told me that we couldn’t last because it was too intense. We had too much energy for it to be managed successfully over time.   Our composite had Venus conjunct either the south node or north node, depending on the methodology. This aspect indicates a past life love. I also have that same signature with James but it was a non romantic bond.

Another odd occurrence is that Rick has a common last name and there is a perron I follow on YouTube with the same name. I feel like when I watch his videos and laugh at his jokes that I am still connected with my Rick. Within the past few days I checked on the 4 men. I had a lovely interchange with James, which was a pleasant surprise.  I looked at the profile of my first love just to be sure he was alive and he is alive. I could DM him if I wanted. We are cool like that. Then I checked out the profile of the love of my life ( so far ). I thought he might be dead as he is older and has health issues.  He seems to be still walking the Earth. His smile seared right through my soul. Then I thought, should I see if Rick is still on FB?  Years ago I noticed he hardly posted. I found his profile and read a few posts to him from others. One woman wrote RIP. I was shocked. He seemed so healthy and was not that old. I went online and found his obituary. It  really was true. He died just four days before our birthday. So unbeknownst to me, last year I did spend my birthday without him. I always imagined he thought of me each year on our day. Now I am all alone without my twin.

Tell everyone you love them. I never told him directly. I regret that now. Somehow I thought we would meet again. It made sense. That is what I told myself.  I can take nothing for granted. If we  are soul family, perhaps I will see him in the astral. I have often dreamt of these 4 loves over the course of many years. I am going to request a visitation. I pray that I am lucky enough to have one and recall it. I hope he knows I forgive him and that he was a blessing in my life. It has become crystal clear. Why must suffering precede clarity?

Here are a few videos of songs that I associate with him. While I have not always been kind in prior blog posts about him, I have corrected that now. He truly mirrored for me my inner beauty and light. Thank you Rick and RIP. Enjoy the music!