Okay folks it is time! Kundalini time. This may be one of those posts I eventually move to private status. Let’s see if I have finally ” grown a pair ” and can be comfortable with this material. I will begin by saying that I sometimes imagine living in a below average episode of Black Mirror, except there is no tech in this K scenario. When I consider my spiritual awakening in this lifetime, I have done a good job accepting various changes that accompany growth, As I have shared all over this site, from an early age I have been attuned to the energies. Still it seems I am not always prepared for these new levels.
There may have been some foreshadowing with the K. I just was not certain. Please view this entry from 2014 where I describe reactions from a Soundbath.
Clearly from the post above it is clear I have had previous stirrings, but they did not remain. Recently I put together how my introduction to blogger pal Sarah occurred that very same day back in 2014 and why that mattered. This meeting no longer seems random and may have been a mini activation that led me to Sarah. Those who know Sarah know she is is magical, in many ways like my friend Emily. I also noticed that these two soul sisters share the same birthday, different year ! I also want to mention that I became involved with Reiki during the pandemic and once I received my attunement to Reiki level 2 there were some long term changes. I usually experience heat rising from my feet upward throughout my body. It typically does not last long and I see it as a sign that the energy is moving.
So maybe I was being partially prepared for this timeline. Yet I wonder how it was known I would reach this timeline. In any case I want to share my story. I need to express myself as honestly as possible. I remember thinking Ascension and Kundalini were these concepts that are just theoretical. Some people feel this way about lucid dreams, psychic abilities, etc. I now understand that Kundalini is very real and I am not part of a poorly written Black Mirror episode.
Eventually I will create a timeline for my new awakening. My posts are sometimes out of sequence because I let intuition dictate the order of my writing. Now I will document my understanding of my K timeline.
I have giving K some pet names: Special K, ( like the cereal), my constant companion, The Gift that Keeps on Giving ( which was previously part of my title on an old Ascension post) and My Parting Gift. I do acknowledge that this energy resides within all of us in dormant form. So no one can be a ” virgin “, if you will. I also previously shared my past experiences that were K adjacent. Even perimenopause to some degree has some shared qualities. Having said all that, this is a whole different level of emotional , mental, spiritual, somatic, and sexual movement. Words do not really suffice but I will do my best with the means of communication available to me.
For what seems like the hundredth time, I will begin by saying I met this person on Social Media who is an astrologer. I had no idea who he was and did not care. His birthday was on his profile and it is one day before mine so I read his posts and decided to friend him. He accepted the friend request. Later I followed his page. Nothing dramatic here. I was already somewhat aware of Evolutionary Astrology and it tracked for me. I took some online studies and attended a lecture or two , but not live. I eventually was lead to get a reading with him. I knew our birth charts were very similar at this point and I wondered how we would vibe. My main focus was could he help me with my health and pervasive lack of interest in life? With my Saturn transit I felt dead inside.
After the reading I attempted to process the material. I have already blogged on this but basically i was wondering what if I used to be very powerful and respected? What if I really made a big difference in my community? Who am I really? Why is this current life so boring now? Is he just pulling this reading out of his ass, basing it on his life ? Could be. Does he just want to impress me? Why does this stranger see so much in me that I do not see? I was on a high. Immediately i was buzzing. I felt it daily and shared this with others. I thought I was crushing on this person who I am not attracted to. I thought my ego was eating up all the flattery. Then I became somewhat manic. I could not sleep and my thoughts raced. This happened rather quickly. I was not sure if some of these issues were related to worries about having Cancer ( to be disclosed at a later date). I noticed that synchronicities were accelerating as well as increased pattern recognition. I was acting like a teenager, singing all the time, even outside in public. I attributed some of this to my supposed crush. There was some sexual arousal, but nothing unusual. It took me a few weeks to wonder if this was an merging awakening.
At this point i began watching some of Joel’s YouTube videos along with some from this astrologers. Apparently I am one of the few people who does not have my own channel. Joel described his Kundalini experience and I listened carefully. Around the same time I hear the astrologer also reference his K awakening. Their descriptions are almost identical. I start to connect the dots a bit more. Things begin to rev up at this point. My emotions become intense and I notice pain around my heart. Sometimes my heart is so open that I cannot contain it. I have always been emotional but not almost every day.
Around the time I learned of Rick’s and Emily’s death I became very sad. However the level of purging seemed out of balance. I was devastated after losing Dexter but I recovered. I am not trying to draw a comparison but I can tell that some of this emotion is emanating from some other part of me. If I was not a therapist I would not know what to do, but I am equipped to ride the emotional waves
These next elements are the most dysregulating for me: Like I said, initially I was attracted to this man. For the record he is NOT my type. Lately I find him to be quite annoying. Not that this is necessarily a disqualifier. It seems like my body is attracted but my mind is not. I am missing Rick but my body is on a totally different timeline. What initially I thought was temporary arousal turned into this force that is bigger than me. I am less comfortable with all the body rushes and how they do not relate to actual stimuli. It can be like the body is responding to something I am unaware of. Not to mention the scope and intensity. I have no true frame of reference. It is like describing an opiate high to someone who in unfamiliar. It is a euphoria that defies description. I notice it more at night. This has been going on for over four months now, even throughout the grieving and Cancer scare. It can inhibit sleep and become quite addictive. Sometimes I think it is gone and then I start to miss it. But it never strays very far. Even while I am having a diverticulitis episode it persists , which I currently have. My attachment to is is not healthy. I want it to leave and then I freak out if I think is has dissipated. WTF!
But it gets even weirder and more disconcerting: Lately there is a newer element. I cannot prove it but I cannot prove most of what I experience. There are these feelings of healing and love that are not brought on by Reiki. Could it be Rick? Perhaps but I am not betting on it. Below I describe an experience I had one month ago on August 17th.
Feeling severe GI pain. The K returns and I feel the heat and urges. The contrast is odd but fascinating. I enjoy sensations by just lying still. Then I notice extreme warmth around the GI area. someone or something is healing me. It feels both internal and external. I am feeling pure love along with the sexual feelings. then I listen to music and 1st song on Pandora is ” I love You ” by Climax Blues Band. Total bliss
This was beautiful but very scary. I think it is part of the Kundalini but have I mentioned that I did not facilitate this upgrade? Who or what is healing me? Is it my immune system, archangels. chakra openings, or all of the above? Perhaps someone activated this in me? I am not a yogi nor do I practice intense meditation. I have not received Shaktipat at an ashram in India. I did not get activated by Joel in 2004 through 2006. Even more recently one night I laid in bed trying to fall asleep and it felt like I was being loved and comforted. Then I went to sleep and had a very unusual dream. I cannot quantify this healing, love, energy that seems to not be somatic. I find it scary because it is not a common K symptom. I realize that Rick in Spirit seems to be all about contacting me, but not so much lately. Even so, he was not a spiritually advanced human. I sometimes attract the guys who find me exotic and mysterious. Yes I like that but it is not like having a spiritual equivalent. I have been in those more balanced relationships but Rick was not in that arena. It does not mean he has more abilities now but I just doubt it is him. This aspect is of my K journey is among the most unsettling. I can handle the emotional purging and mood swings, I can handle the profound empathy and sadness. I can also handle feeling love for another or profound appreciation of pink clouds or a soft breeze. Who or what is reaching out in such an intimate way? There are no answers to why I was activated and who or what is reaching out to me. I have theories but I will leave it at that.
Great sex and emotional intimacy with a partner is amazing and part of life. I have been blessed to have known this type of energy with romantic connections. This K is not in my control and very intrusive . It reminds me of the song Love Potion Number 9. As if someone actually put a spell on me. I know that is ridiculous, but so is my life these days.
One last symptom that is not very sexy: Breaking glasses all over your living room. These past few weeks I have had 2 incidents where I spilled glasses filled with iced tea all over the floor, couch, table, and laptop. The first time it was an actual glass and the last time it was plastic. I am not the most graceful person and highly Uranian, but I was hyped up with electricity and made quite a mess. I do not usually do this though, but did back in 2014 after that particular Sound bath. This Uranus transit is in play now but it was out of orb when my symptoms began. BTW I can promise you that Kundalini is not a feature of this Uranus transit. I do not see it in any of my Astrology books and it certainly was not mentioned during my recent Astro Consult.
I could go on but this is plenty. I will end on a lighter note because I sitll have hope that this will settle somehow. I can find some ways to use this force to promote my ascension eventually. I am less manic and no longer buzzin or crushin like in the early stages. Thanks for being here with me. It is so great to be able to share my experiences here since 2013. When life was more about cosmic collisions that were magical but ephemeral. It seems that this gift is not eternal and not returnable.
Now for some videos!
Herman did look like Marvin Gaye and was incredible passionate, but sorry dude, you are no match for the Special K !
I am surprised I still remember this song. I guess I rather laugh than cry. No one needs to put a spell on me. If you are worthy, this is NOT necessary. Scorpios are often paranoid but I will assume that whatever I am experiencing is for my highest good.
litebeing chronicles 