Today is a celebration of life and death, a rebirth type of cycle. The leaves are in full fall display as I made my rounds. I planned to drive to Longwood to honor Rick and Emily, but my leg and hip hurts so I chose to retreat once more. Seems Spirit does not want me to travel there. At this point it has been about a years since my last visit.
I have been sad most of the day but not overwhelmingly so. The Kundalini still remains but in a less intense form. I can almost recall life without it. Almost but not entirely at almost the 6 month mark. I decided to be open but not obsessive about signs from Rick. There may be others who need his attention more. I did receive a wink today which I believe was from him.
There is only one song that I know with the name Rick in it. I associate many songs with him and our time together but I did not share this with him. The song I know is Rikki Don’t Lose That Number by Steely Dan. I knew it since high school I believe. In any case I was in the dispensary today, a place I visit infrequently. They had music on in the main area. I start hearing that song and think how strange since it is such an old song. Then it occurs to me that Rick wants me to know that he sees where I am. I think it was a nod of approval honestly. Such an unusual way to come through! Actually it does track for Rick so why am I so surprised? I was not focusing on him and not expecting anything. Maybe that is the point.
I have not shared before but a few months back I developed this habit of watching love tarot readings on YouTube. Some are divided per Zodiac sign and others are multiple readings per video divided up into specific groups. As my psychic abilities exploded I find great resonance with this activity. On the surface it seems very unlikely that anyone would get info this way. Yet energy is energy, yes. Sometimes the details about my person were eerily specific. I have heard readers identify him as an entrepreneur, animal lover, multiple vowels in his first name, major fire energy, being from South Africa, English not being his first language, and someone who travels regularly for work. Sometimes these readings can be addictive but they are free and helping me up level my tarot knowledge. Tonight I decided to see if I could access Rick. I realize that totally contradicts my intention but I have not done this before. I do think it worked because of what the cards said and what the reader said about the person being soul family where we are no longer in direct contact but have always been on the astral. She said the person may have passed but was not committal about it. He was no longer angry at me and that he never wanted it to end but that I pushed him. That is partially true. I was tired of waiting for him to take it further so I forced the issue. He was not happy about this tactic. None of this matters now. It was cool to consider that I can tap into ” random ” collective readings online. I am not totally sure I am not just taking whatever info I like and making it fit, I wonder if others watch these videos. I can do my own readings with mixed results. If I practiced more like I used to I would be more successful of course.
I took a nap earlier today and had an interesting dream. I needed to complete a task online and went to this office area to plug in a device. there was this couple there and another woman who was selecting a desk for me. she was rearranging things. I saw a carrier with two infants. They were noisy and I thought they were disruptive. I asked what to do If I was distracted and told it would be fine and to reach out if not. The young couple seemed in love. I was not sure why they were in the office or with their babies. This was what I call a regular dream with no lucidity. I think that Rick and I were the babies. Afterall we were born on the same day and I call him my twin! I bet we planned our birthdays together. I wonder if we also planned when we would leave. Part of me worries I may exit today but not that strongly. We were not born on the same year and he lived longer than I. Also actual twins do not typically die on the same die. I read that people with new Kundalini often have thoughts of impending death. i found that oddly reassuring considering how bizarre my life has been since the activation.
Every day is a day of rebirth. I have two friends with birthdays today. I know of 2 people who died today. One was Donna Godchaux of the Grateful Dead. She was older than Rick but still a surprise to me. I call this an 8th house day because of the emphasis on rebirth and the occult. Plus this time period is associated with Samhain and The Day of the Dead.
Tomorrow is a big day with the midterms and my attention will move to that. The reader went on and on about the power of eternal love. It moved me. I do not think my love for Rick would have this capacity to expand and endure. For years I was so angry at him and did not feel love. I wish I could have moved quicker. Maybe I will be able to do so the next time. We shall see. No expectations. just gratitude that I have this Spirit as part of my tribe. Sometimes I put folks in the tribe but never know if that is wishful thinking. Anyone know if there is a numerical limit? I know there are other people named Rick out there who share my birthday. Maybe they can keep me company as I move through my day alone. I truly wish that I will have a love partner before that next birthday. You read it here first.
