Just one last chance to sign up for my annual Blogging Challenge where writers come together to contemplate a meaningful topic about the spiritual path. Contact me by November 30th if you would like to sign up. The challenge continues through December 31 2020 so there are many dates available! Build community during these unprecedented times and discover more about yourself and fellow writers!
What light bulb flashes have you received from the Quantum Field?
September is upon us and it has been almost six months since my State was on lock down and my job went remote. You all know how the rest went down. While it does not feel like a typical Fall season to me, it DOES feel right to introduce a new blogging challenge!
Litebeing Chronicles has held a yearly blogging challenge every year except 2019. For some reason, I was not inspired and I let it go. At this point inspiration has taken root and I am excited to propose this challenge to all my faithful readers and writers. We have had such a fun time with the various challenges and I know we can all use more fun in our lives.
So here’s the theme: How have you changed internally? Can you share some new thoughts, ideas, projects, attitudes that have sprung up as a result of your evolution? This challenge is about describing how you have integrated the lessons from this “unprecedented time” and how you have seen your unique transformation unfold.
Before writing this up, I drew a Four card spread for the Pisces Full Moon. The Judgment Card came up as the final card in the spread, which is a summary of the reading.
Goddess tarot deck by Kris Waldherr
Meaning : Time for a major and necessary change in life: often welcome, but frightening because of its magnitude. Confidence in this change.
Clearly this card validated that this is the Divine Time for this theme to be executed.
This will be a very low maintenance project. I do not want this to be a chore. Trust me on this!
Instructions:
1- Choose a date between now and 12-31-2020.
2-Write about your insights, ideas, and evolution.
3-Contact me with the date of your choice to post on your blog or site. Give me your name, the date and the link to your site. I will track the dates as I have done with past challenges.
4-On the date you have chosen, publish you post and link back to this page, mentioning Litebeing Chronicles Change Challenge. That’s it, simple right?
Odds and Ends:
Life will go on without a cute challenge badge, however if you want to create one, please contact me in the comments below, or here.
Please share with your friends and/or social network. I always welcome new people to the party.
You have 3 months to write, but please do not take three months to decide. I want this to be lowkey, but I also want to remind you that time is flying by at warped speed.
Please speak to me if you have any questions about the theme. This is not a challenge about the pandemic or masks vs no masks, etc. This IS a challenge about owning and expressing how this journey has transformed you inside and out.
To illustrate, I will give you an example from my life: As a psychic human, I figured out at some point that prediction times are irrelevant because thought and form occur outside of linear time. I understood this and I talk and write about it regularly. And yet, I now grasp this at an entirely new level. My awareness has expanded. Case in point, a few days ago I was re-reading part of my travel journal to Europe from 1991. There was a few pages left over from the trip and I used them to continue with my routine journal notes. I was interested in seeing what happened that year because I have not read this journal in decades. This tiny purple ( of course ) book was in a desk drawer, mostly forgotten. I quickly scanned the pages, looking for anything that might be significant in the present moment. I saw my reaction to a visit with a channel who I consulted with annually, either in a group or individually. She stated that the US government would fall apart. I wrote how I found this news scary. It is happening now, 29 years later! This revelation drove the point home that all timelines occur simultaneously and I am now truly “living this truth.”
I hope you are excited about participating in this blogging challenge. I have missed collaborating with all of you and am eager to hear about how you are growing and creating.
While composing this post, an old song from the Brady Bunch popped into my head, I enjoy the irony about showing a YouTube video about change set in the 1970s! If you listen to the lyrics you will see that they resonate with this new world of 2020.
As I sit here tonight typing these words, I am humbled by the nature of my blogging challenge. How do I know the extent of the changes I have experienced during 2020? I expect many more insights will be revealed in the weeks and months ahead. However on this day of Thanksgiving here in the US, I want to speak to the expansion and abundance residing within me. So here we go!
This is my entry for the Change Challenge, in which I challenged myself and other writers to take stock of their transformation in this year unlike any other. I needed to develop some structure for this piece, a way to organize my thoughts. I have become less organized as a result of this time without work and without many outside activities. I decided to start with describing the changes internally and externally, as one often reflects the other.
Sacred old oak outside of my terrace.
Outside :
My physicality had shifted in some ways. I have lost about 7-10 pounds. This was not intentional and yet, I have wanted to lose more weight for some time now. My hair is very long again and is in need of a serious trim. Often I see a much older woman in the mirror, due more to lack of vitality or mood than actual aging. Stress can leave its mark. This perception of aging is in flux: some moments I see a woman who is absolutely beaming. 2020 for me is a time of paradox and inconsistency.
I have often wondered what I would do with unlimited time, free from the confines of a full time job. My last job was so exhausting as I discovered that while I am a night owl, 1o or more hours per day at the office was not ideal. As is often the case, I find myself with either more money and less time, or less money and more time. But this year it has been more money ( for a few weeks), less money, and more time, but with constraints on freedom and social outlets.
I had initially thought I would give my home a thorough cleaning and throw out all the stuff I no longer want or need. Well, I learned quickly that I am not an iota more motivated to do either. I will at times dive into a small cleaning or sorting project, but this urge is haphazard and short-lived at best. The few changes I have made to clear up some clutter have served me well though.While I have done way less shopping in stores, I found a way to accumulate more books, newspapers, and magazines! This is not surprising though.
My car usually has a mask sitting above the dashboard and my scarf from last March is now on the back seat. I periodically collect food containers and bags from Dunkin or Starbucks, the difference now being that I let them pile up longer on the floor. I used to have an immaculate car, but I hardly drive anymore so who cares? The car has collected some minor scratches on the ride side from other cars and from my inability to navigate my crowded neighborhood street. As I have mentioned before, people have been flocking to my community on the weekends and park on both sides of my narrow winding street, making driving and parking a dangerous and slow process. In some ways I can see myself reflected in my car Azia, less utilized, more scratched up, but still able to get from point A to point B.
Inside:
Procrastination versus action: I had thought that my procrastination has receded over the years, but now I am not so sure. I waited until tonight to do this blog post, but I was home all day. I did not want to write it way ahead of time, because I wanted the Thanksgiving energy ( and transiting sun on my MC) to be in full effect. I did follow through on launching a job search in September, but have not been that motivated. I have done several interviews and so far none have felt right to me. My fear of more illness has impacted my drive to run errands or take walks or do much outside the home. It’s funny though that in the beginning of the Pandemic, I took a walk almost every night while I worked remotely from home. This was in pre-mask America, before the hospitalizations and deaths began to accelerate. I realize that your mileage may vary because governmental and geographic differences are noteworthy. I do need more exercise and wish to walk more often. I tend to enjoy walking in the cold weather and am hoping the “tourists” will disperse once the weather goes below freezing.
Rigidity versus adaptability: Many who know me well would call me stubborn, fixed, or rigid and they would be correct. As a therapist, astrologer, and writer, I am less so, because my creative process kicks in and takes on a life of its own. Outside of these domains, I tend to be a creature of habits and preferences. But I have shifted a bit more towards spontaneity and adaptability as this year has progressed. I have taken on projects without much planning or scheduling. Quite a few opportunities have “landed in my lap” without warning or much wiggle room for preparation. Yet my devotion to watching TV at a designated time has continued to take priority. While it may not seem “enlightened” to say, watching TV grounds me and soothes me, as it has since childhood. I am more careful about what I take in, but I find the regularity and predictability comforting now more than ever. This comfort zone has been disturbed often though by “news conferences” and power outages. It is quite odd how often my apartment complex loses power. But I digress.
Connection versus isolation: I am an introvert at heart, but have really been craving human contact the past few months. I have dreams of being hugged probably because I have not had a hug in many moons. While I live among many neighbors, I am not close with most of the recent crop. I talk with friends on the phone and do countless zooms for all types of activities. And social media of course ( but I am more careful with FB). I have recently become acquainted with audio books and find the narration enjoyable. It substitutes for connection. The most common in -person encounters I have are in the grocery store, drug store, or at drive thrus. These are usually not connections I look forward to. Yet, some are surprisingly pleasant. Admittedly the energy I bring to the transaction often determines at least a portion of the outcome.
Acknowledging fears and challenging their hold on me: This is a heavy topic for me. As I have written on previously, Jupiter Saturn and Pluto are dancing together in the 12th house of my natal chart. I have had Jupiter and Saturn visit here before, but it is a first for Pluto and all three together is very disturbing. The combination of expansion, fear, and renovation to my psyche has been quite torturous to endure. Memories of people and events long forgotten pop into my head as flashes from the void. My sensitivities have become more pronounced. often leading to more illness. For example, after learning about someone’s breast cancer diagnosis, my chest began to hurt a few weeks later. After reading about someone being hospitalized for diverticulitis, I end up back in the ER ( this past Sunday.) When I focus on someone, I quickly imagine their circumstances and carry some of their distress with me. While this is not uniquely a 2020 happening, the frequency and intensity has increased. Some of my darker impulses and thoughts have also returned, and I do not feel good about it. Yet, I eventually return to self compassion and self love, as I know that most of these darker tendencies have emerged due to stress and trauma from living in such an unstable time. I sometimes have a desire to check out and be done with this lifetime, but over and over again I make a reversal and commit to living out my time here. It is usually the kindness and generosity of others or a striking synchronicity that warms my heart and sparks some hope for a better “now moment.” Lorie Ladd’s videos have been a blessing. She is so encouraging and genuine and shines her light very brightly. Like I hope to do again myself soon.
New endeavors and values clarification: Around April or so, I was determine to make my mark and morph into a newer me with a unique career/business. This quickly fizzled out as my health deteriorated and I became enthralled in financial and bureaucratic difficulties. A few of these remain as of today. This does not mean I am entirely closed off to vocational reinvention, but there does not seem to be much spark or movement that I can track.
I have been very busy, especially since September. This season has been devoted to pursuits I have long wanted to explore. Some have been long held dreams on hold while others a bit more recent. I have been attuned to Reiki 1, completed an Art History class on Matisse, am currently studying Animist Psychology, and have taken some other online projects on self – development. Reiki is confusing to me in its subtle nature. It has not prevented health issues, which is disappointing, but it has begun to change me is incremental mysterious ways. I will say more about this in the future.
My Matisse class was a revelation. The instructor was so nurturing and passionate in a way that I need at this time. She taught me to see art differently and in turn , to see all of life with new eyes. Matisse was enchanted by the light and I did not know of this before taking the course. My trip to the Barnes was the respite I needed from this bland housebound existence I have come to know. I will write more about this also in future posts.
My current Animist Psychology course is so dense and overwhelming. Daniel Foor is Plutonian , yet communicates like a Virgo. Precision with intensity. At times his energy is too much for me to absorb. The material covers a lot of topics, from shamanism, to clinical practice, to cultural and environmental abuse, to ancestral wounding, and so much more. It feels to me like I have covered this all before, but in another way and perhaps in a different timeline. It was not a random occurrence that I found and signed up for this course. I was strongly drawn to it and consider it to be among some of the projects I have meant to take on for years. Many of the subjects are both familiar and unknown to me in some undefined fashion. I was happy to learn that another blogger is taking the class and that I get to meet with hundreds of students on the live calls from all over the planet. Some are healers, others are seeking healing, and many like myself, encompass both paths. What I can report to be uplifting is my heightened reverence for the non – human life forms and the land that I inhabit. I felt such a bold aliveness on my walk today from all the plant life, sky, and ground that surrounded me. The sun was uncharacteristically warm and light danced everywhere. I featured photos today that reveal the light’s marvel and power.
One of the most obvious ways I have changed is that my values have been refined and brought more into focus. Love, communion, vitality, beauty, authentic truth, silence, curiosity, knowledge, kindness, and purpose. I strive to take more opportunities that offer me a chance to live any of these values. When I follow through and embody these values, I feel more alive and in the flow.
Revised attitudes: This has gotten to be quite a lengthy essay but it is winding down. I will conclude by saying that I am listening more to my own inner voice and other guidance like a young child obeys her mother. When I am hungry I eat, when tired I sleep, when sad, the tears flow, when lonely I either process the feelings or seek connection. I do not have the luxury anymore to ignore these calls. My body is more susceptible to dis-ease, often compounded by fears and the perceived lack of safety. I choose to honor my humanness rather than pretend it is should take second place to some other goal. I am more “on the edge” in many ways, but also wiser and self-protective. This is yet another paradox of 2020 that I attempt to reconcile. I am grateful that my moods do not linger that long and that I have more books and projects than I could complete in the remainder of this lifetime.
While I do believe all this 12th house activity has exacerbated my reactions to living during such an unpredictable and revolutionary year, I have learned to accept that this is not an accident. I have read recently that embodied ascension is about loving all of life in all its forms, including one’s shadow along with one’s light. Yes, this idea is not new, and yes, I have written about this concept on this blog on more than one occasion, and yet I am interpreting it in a new way now. I am here and it is no mistake. My losses and my gains, my triumphs and my errors, my disappointments and my opportunities, none have more or less worth in the long run.
Please enjoy Tania’s contribution to My Change Challenge. Such a great way to kick off the festivities! Tania is a brave, sensitive creative faerie goddess who has a heart bursting with authentic loving energy. There is still time to join the fun, just add a comment to Challenge post of fill out the contact form on my blog.
Namaste dear Tania ❤
I chose this photo of me for this post, as I feel it reflects the essence of growth and change 2020 has been for me – a bunny leap into a role I was born for.
Today’s post is inspired by my sweet friend Linda of Litebeing Chronicles. I embraced the invitation to share my story of evolution during what is sure to be a year we will not forget, as part of Litebeing’s Change Challenge. While each of our journeys within 2020’s historical web will vary greatly, that is exactly why I feel that sharing how we’ve navigated an unprecedented time period can be valuable, as we continue to expand our perspectives.
I think it will also be interesting to look back on this year and so by sitting down to write this, it invites deeper reflection and acknowledgment of what feels like light years of growth…
UPDATE: Hi all! This announcement was originally posted back in September and the response has not been what I had envisioned. A few folks signed up and a few more agreed to participate but have not given me dates yet. We will go on with those already onboard, but I am asking for more bloggers to join in! These challenges have been so full of energy in the past, and I think we need more community now, not less!
Please sign up by the end of November and come to me with any questions! Thanks to those who have made this journey expansive and luminous! ❤
What light bulb flashes have you received from the Quantum Field?
September is upon us and it has been almost six months since my State was on lock down and my job went remote. You all know how the rest went down. While it does not feel like a typical Fall season to me, it DOES feel right to introduce a new blogging challenge!
Litebeing Chronicles has held a yearly blogging challenge every year except 2019. For some reason, I was not inspired and I let it go. At this point inspiration has taken root and I am excited to propose this challenge to all my faithful readers and writers. We have had such a fun time with the various challenges and I know we can all use more fun in our lives.
So here’s the theme: How have you changed internally? Can you share some new thoughts, ideas, projects, attitudes that have sprung up as a result of your evolution? This challenge is about describing how you have integrated the lessons from this “unprecedented time” and how you have seen your unique transformation unfold.
Before writing this up, I drew a Four card spread for the Pisces Full Moon. The Judgment Card came up as the final card in the spread, which is a summary of the reading.
Goddess tarot deck by Kris Waldherr
Meaning : Time for a major and necessary change in life: often welcome, but frightening because of its magnitude. Confidence in this change.
Clearly this card validated that this is the Divine Time for this theme to be executed.
This will be a very low maintenance project. I do not want this to be a chore. Trust me on this!
Instructions:
1- Choose a date between now and 12-31-2020.
2-Write about your insights, ideas, and evolution.
3-Contact me with the date of your choice to post on your blog or site. Give me your name, the date and the link to your site. I will track the dates as I have done with past challenges.
4-On the date you have chosen, publish you post and link back to this page, mentioning Litebeing Chronicles Change Challenge. That’s it, simple right?
Odds and Ends:
Life will go on without a cute challenge badge, however if you want to create one, please contact me in the comments below, or here.
Please share with your friends and/or social network. I always welcome new people to the party.
You have 3 months to write, but please do not take three months to decide. I want this to be lowkey, but I also want to remind you that time is flying by at warped speed.
Please speak to me if you have any questions about the theme. This is not a challenge about the pandemic or masks vs no masks, etc. This IS a challenge about owning and expressing how this journey has transformed you inside and out.
To illustrate, I will give you an example from my life: As a psychic human, I figured out at some point that prediction times are irrelevant because thought and form occur outside of linear time. I understood this and I talk and write about it regularly. And yet, I now grasp this at an entirely new level. My awareness has expanded. Case in point, a few days ago I was re-reading part of my travel journal to Europe from 1991. There was a few pages left over from the trip and I used them to continue with my routine journal notes. I was interested in seeing what happened that year because I have not read this journal in decades. This tiny purple ( of course ) book was in a desk drawer, mostly forgotten. I quickly scanned the pages, looking for anything that might be significant in the present moment. I saw my reaction to a visit with a channel who I consulted with annually, either in a group or individually. She stated that the US government would fall apart. I wrote how I found this news scary. It is happening now, 29 years later! This revelation drove the point home that all timelines occur simultaneously and I am now truly “living this truth.”
I hope you are excited about participating in this blogging challenge. I have missed collaborating with all of you and am eager to hear about how you are growing and creating.
While composing this post, an old song from the Brady Bunch popped into my head, I enjoy the irony about showing a YouTube video about change set in the 1970s! If you listen to the lyrics you will see that they resonate with this new world of 2020.
UPDATE 9/28/20 : I have come to realize that both the image and unsettling experience described below were brought to me by my team and other higher dimensional beings, not at all random or simply intuition( image) or sabotage ( wood chopping). The image is about healing and power through art and stillness. The disruption event was an example of how I get in my own way and/or find ways to not commit to a new way of being. I choose to believe that life is conspiring in my favor and no-thing is deliberately working to impede my progress. Yeah, it took a few days but I see it now.
Can something be both beautiful and destructive?
Yes it is so. The spotted lanternfly, a lovely ( but easily camouflaged ) insect was spotted by me on Wednesday ( photo above) and in my car yesterday. I also saw it a week or so ago and thought it was a butterfly. I did some research and learned this fly is on the watchlist for extensive tree damage. I am living apparently in the “quarantine zone.” I did take it out of my car. It is so pretty, but a menace to Gaia.
Little is clear to me now. I will explain.
I excitedly took an online channeling class today with Lorie Ladd. My wifi was fine and I was nervous but ready to learn more about how to channel energies consciously. I believe I have been doing it for years, unconsciously. About a minute or so into the first guided practice meditation , I hear what sounds like drilling. It gets louder and louder. I try to ignore it but cannot do so. I look outside and see some guy sawing wood near my backyard. Why he decides to do this on a Saturday night is beyond me. My neighbors for the most part have been really annoying lately. There seems to be a callous disregard for the boundaries of other people, as I have written about previously. I had to stop the Zoom call and I felt a lot of anger and resentment. Why would this noise occur right in the middle of the class when we are starting the actual channeling? My laptop does not have a working battery so it would have taken time to find a place to plug in the cord and reboot. I figured I would just try again when I get the video replay. I have let go of the anger because I do not want to be a victim. Maybe there is a great reason why my process was interrupted. The past week has been exhausting and annoying in part to Saturn and Mars, which I may address another time.
On a more pleasant note, earlier in the class an image came to me quite strongly. While Lorie was discussing art and clairvoyance, I saw a painting in my head. It was gorgeous , featuring potent crystals and lavender. I could not , not think about it. It occurred to me it might be on my blog but then I connected it with Sue Dreamwalker. I could not find it anywhere on her blog. I finally checked my media library, taking in the spectacular array of images and found her painting. Why was this artwork created 7 years ago renting space in my head? I do not know. From time to time I will get a flash of a painting or photo and become obsessed with its origins. Lorie discussed the power of channeled art and it really made me reflect on my love of this medium. Sue’s painting was part of my first blogging challenge back in 2013. Maybe it popped into my brain to invite you all again to join my current challenge. Please check it out here. I am eager to get it up and running soon but need a few more writers to sign up.
I am still trying to get grounded after a very frustrating day. I do not think I meant to sabotage my progress with channeling higher dimensions and owning up to my multidimensional nature. I guess I will need to cultivate more patience and enjoy the rest of the weekend. Thanks Sue for your lovely art and your enduring friendship!
Welcome and thank you to new readers, followers and likers of my FB page. The time has come to express more on the blessings revealed in this time of “reset”!
Please read this post below and join this challenge. I feel now is the time to gather the tribe and broadcast your truth aloud. While I am not big on promotion, I want those called to join this group to know this forum is available. If this resonates, don’t hesitate 🙂 Share your inner knowing and have fun doing it!
What light bulb flashes have you received from the Quantum Field?
September is upon us and it has been almost six months since my State was on lock down and my job went remote. You all know how the rest went down. While it does not feel like a typical Fall season to me, it DOES feel right to introduce a new blogging challenge!
Litebeing Chronicles has held a yearly blogging challenge every year except 2019. For some reason, I was not inspired and I let it go. At this point inspiration has taken root and I am excited to propose this challenge to all my faithful readers and writers. We have had such a fun time with the various challenges and I know we can all use more fun in our lives.
So here’s the theme: How have you changed internally? Can you share some new thoughts, ideas, projects…
What light bulb flashes have you received from the Quantum Field?
September is upon us and it has been almost six months since my State was on lock down and my job went remote. You all know how the rest went down. While it does not feel like a typical Fall season to me, it DOES feel right to introduce a new blogging challenge!
Litebeing Chronicles has held a yearly blogging challenge every year except 2019. For some reason, I was not inspired and I let it go. At this point inspiration has taken root and I am excited to propose this challenge to all my faithful readers and writers. We have had such a fun time with the various challenges and I know we can all use more fun in our lives.
So here’s the theme: How have you changed internally? Can you share some new thoughts, ideas, projects, attitudes that have sprung up as a result of your evolution? This challenge is about describing how you have integrated the lessons from this “unprecedented time” and how you have seen your unique transformation unfold.
Before writing this up, I drew a Four card spread for the Pisces Full Moon. The Judgment Card came up as the final card in the spread, which is a summary of the reading.
Goddess tarot deck by Kris Waldherr
Meaning : Time for a major and necessary change in life: often welcome, but frightening because of its magnitude. Confidence in this change.
Clearly this card validated that this is the Divine Time for this theme to be executed.
This will be a very low maintenance project. I do not want this to be a chore. Trust me on this!
Instructions:
1- Choose a date between now and 12-31-2020.
2-Write about your insights, ideas, and evolution.
3-Contact me with the date of your choice to post on your blog or site. Give me your name, the date and the link to your site. I will track the dates as I have done with past challenges.
4-On the date you have chosen, publish you post and link back to this page, mentioning Litebeing Chronicles Change Challenge. That’s it, simple right?
Odds and Ends:
Life will go on without a cute challenge badge, however if you want to create one, please contact me in the comments below, or here.
Please share with your friends and/or social network. I always welcome new people to the party.
You have 3 months to write, but please do not take three months to decide. I want this to be lowkey, but I also want to remind you that time is flying by at warped speed.
Please speak to me if you have any questions about the theme. This is not a challenge about the pandemic or masks vs no masks, etc. This IS a challenge about owning and expressing how this journey has transformed you inside and out.
To illustrate, I will give you an example from my life: As a psychic human, I figured out at some point that prediction times are irrelevant because thought and form occur outside of linear time. I understood this and I talk and write about it regularly. And yet, I now grasp this at an entirely new level. My awareness has expanded. Case in point, a few days ago I was re-reading part of my travel journal to Europe from 1991. There was a few pages left over from the trip and I used them to continue with my routine journal notes. I was interested in seeing what happened that year because I have not read this journal in decades. This tiny purple ( of course ) book was in a desk drawer, mostly forgotten. I quickly scanned the pages, looking for anything that might be significant in the present moment. I saw my reaction to a visit with a channel who I consulted with annually, either in a group or individually. She stated that the US government would fall apart. I wrote how I found this news scary. It is happening now, 29 years later! This revelation drove the point home that all timelines occur simultaneously and I am now truly “living this truth.”
I hope you are excited about participating in this blogging challenge. I have missed collaborating with all of you and am eager to hear about how you are growing and creating.
While composing this post, an old song from the Brady Bunch popped into my head, I enjoy the irony about showing a YouTube video about change set in the 1970s! If you listen to the lyrics you will see that they resonate with this new world of 2020.
My inspiration for the Time Machine Challenge started on a crisp and brilliant afternoon in September. If you are new to my blog or would like to catch up on your reading, please visit here to find the entire roster of spectacular challenge blogs. Reminiscing about my first September in Philly and the man who represented that era took me back to a state of excitement and joy. I was amazed how my instantaneous flash of insight was later validated when I visited a website where that former boyfriend currently works. According to Michael Lutin, this time period before the New Scorpio Moon accentuates preoccupation and/or random encounters with past lovers or folks who trigger memories of former flames.
A few connections from Leigh and Laura gently guided me on a path of forgiveness and acceptance of the past. Leigh’s post on the ho’oponopono prayer got me thinking of all the guilt and regret that still remains within me. An unexpected email from a stranger set in motion a fresh attempt to reframe any past relationships. I am speaking of the ones that seemed to stick with me, defying all my efforts to sever lingering cords. That stranger who contacted me is now a friend who readers know as Laura.
So I set out on an adventure to forgive all my past romantic entanglements, beginning with the first and moving towards present time. I would recite ho’oponono before falling asleep and visualize myself back in time with these former flames. It was often unpleasant as long forgotten details resurfaced. I was also looking to explore with fresh eyes the circumstances in which my ex from college would re-enter my life. I am seeking clues as to what his presence symbolizes for me now. I expected this process would eventually lead to healing. Truth be told, this exercise has been met with much resistance. However, I still am pursuing this path, hoping it is a “path with heart.”
But it is a path unfinished and did not reveal a story for the challenge. Around the same time ( late September) I followed up by contacting the director of the group practice where my ex works to inquire about employment. I did so because my ex works at their other location and my friend spoke so highly of the director. This contact led me to the discovery that I cannot get re-credentialed at my level of licensure. Perhaps this was a blessing in disguise because if I was hired and unable to work, the fallout would have been more upsetting and more time would have been wasted.
So I put off writing a post and hoped for the best. After reading Fiona’s challenge offering, I remembered an unfinished draft from July. Oddly enough, it addresses the challenge beautifully. Why am I surprised to discover that yet again Spirit has other plans?
So without further adieu I bring you my nonlinear, unplanned, but totally cool trip back in time:
See that girl, barefootin’ along,
Whistlin’ and singin’, she’s a carryin’ on.
There’s laughing in her eyes, dancing in her feet,
She’s a neon-light diamond and she can live on the street.
Hey hey, hey, come right away
Come and join the party every day.
Well everybody’s dancin’ in a ring around the sun
Nobody’s finished, we ain’t even begun.
So take off your shoes, child, and take off your hat.
Try on your wings and find our where it’s at. *
Was it 2015 or 1978 or perhaps 1967 ? You decide:
July 4, 2015:
I had just received some long over -due money. I noticed that the Grateful Dead were live streaming their Chicago Fare Thee Well 50 year anniversary reunion concerts on On Demand. The fees were pricey but I had extra money. I deserved to splurge on something fun and purely entertaining. I had not seen any assembly of the Dead in decades and I was not going to be teleported to Chicago, sans an airplane ticket and place to stay. The concerts were to be held over 3 nights. This could be my last chance to see them perform, ever. Which night do I choose?
I could not justify viewing all 3 shows. I finally decided that July 4th would be the one. My reasoning was they would be settled in after the 1st show and since I associate the Dead with parties, why not celebrate America’s birthday in style? This decision was an arduous process. As an INFJ, I like to ponder and deliberate, often to a fault. In this case, I am glad I took my time.
Earlier that day I spotted a HUGE beetle like creature on my bedroom door. It seemed almost alien-like. I was terrified but managed to flush it down the toilet. Dexter was oblivious to this terrifying menace, but it certainly got a reaction out of me. I looked up beetle online to see what I could find here.
This image is a rather close approximation. While I found the various interpretations fascinating, the following paragraph holds true till the present:
Perhaps the most profound lesson the beetle shares with us is the lesson of transformation and adaptation. Beetles engage in metamorphosis for development and growth. From egg to adult, they are a marvel of transformation illustrated in a short lifetime. They go through these revolutionary transformations with aplomb, very nonchalantly and matter-of-factly. Beetles embrace the flow of life and all its transitions without question. They surrender to change.
Looking back, I realize that this was my final complete weekend with Dexter. I was blissfully unaware that he would be leaving me so soon. Yet I did surrender to change and enter into a phase of transformation. The beetle sighting was fortuitous as it signals a new way of being on the planet. I would venture a guess that Dexter is more adaptive than I have been, given his loving demeanor in spite of multiple placements and tricky health issues. We have so much to gain from the natural world.
Post beetle episode, I am ready for the concert. There was so much to take in and integrate. Never in my wildest dreams would I have imagined watching a live concert on TV in this fashion. The word surreal is not superfluous in this instance. The telecast was filmed so you were truly in the moment, without commercials and artificial editing. I cannot exactly describe it, but it was quite close to being there in Chicago.
It turns out I almost lived in Chicago. My parents traveled their often as it was where my dad’s company’s main headquarters were located. It is also where they purchased my very first astrology book. I still have it and it was published in the 1960s. I also made a wonderful friend from Chicago who I met in Miami. We both stayed at the same hotel for 2 years over Xmas holidays. We became pen pals and I never forgotten her. Plus I have some online blogger buddies from Chicago so the city keeps appearing in my life. I recently found out that we almost moved there when I was young. My mother revealed that my dad was offered a big promotion at the main headquarters. I was shocked to hear that he turned it down, given we moved around so often. So here I am focusing in on elusive and mysterious Chicago. Here’s yet another example of the road not traveled.
The music itself was very moving. The pace was slow and many of the songs were folksy and bluegrass style. The evening progressed like a heartfelt lullaby. Yet at certain points the mood shifted and the pace quickened. I had not been feeling well and was functioning on little energy. But I was propelled to get off my couch and dance. One song in particular set me in motion like a dervish. The Golden Road to Unlimited Devotion was playing. I could have been hallucinating , but I was lucid and sober. As Dexter watched, I began to swirl. This is MY song and I have never heard it performed live. I felt as if another force was propelling me into seamless, graceful, dizzying, flight. How did I get so energized? What was the source of all this power inside of me? I was floating on air, whizzing in circles, free of obstructions or constraints. I was on fire!
Later I researched the show online to read about the setlist. I came upon this article that blew my mind wide open. Here is what was written about the Golden Road performance:
Next up was “The Golden Road (To Unlimited Devotion),” a song Jerry Garcia wrote about the Haight hippie scene that The Grateful Dead only played a handful of times in 1967. Bruce Hornsby and Trey Anastasio fronted the group on the obscurity.
My favorite ( among favorites such as Eyes of the World, Sugar Magnolia, Truckin’, Scarlet Begonias, US Blues, and Box of Rain, to name a few) is basically a favorite of the few. It was last performed in 1967. I had not even heard of the band until 1977 and had not attended my first show until 1978. It is probably a statistical anomaly that this song was performed on the exact night I decided to watch the show. This is not just a song to me. It is an anthem. I was this chick in the song in high school and college. Or at least I imagined myself to be like her. She was free and blissful and at peace. Perhaps I longed to get out of my own way so I could be her.
I actually transformed into her a few months earlier. Here is an excerpt of my May 26th post on dream number 3 of an incredibly active sojourn of slumber.
May 26, 2015 ( circa 1978?)
And now for something completely different:
3 – Went back in time to the 1970s. Lots of teens around, big crowd. I run into a friend.We will call him “Sam.” He used to be my dream prompt. Seeing him meant I was dreaming. He has not appeared in years though. There was to be a 1970s party. I was excited about this. My friend “Sam” said I would like to dance with you , big smile. I was so excited and I typically don’t like to dance. Lots of love between me and Sam, unlike real life where we were longtime yet intermittent, platonic friends. I knew him from when I first moved to NJ in the middle of 6th grade through the summer after HS grad when our families vacationed at the same hotel down the shore. At the party, there was such a joyous atmosphere. The room was dark and the music was psychedelic. Sam and I hit the dance floor and did our thing. We were both young but I danced with the confidence of a more mature person. In high school I would have not felt as eager to express myself this freely.
When I turned around I saw a young Bob Weir singing Grateful Dead music. It was a big surprise. I have dreamed of Bob and Jerry( Garcia) many times before over the years. Sometimes while dreaming I talk with them. In this dream I did not know Bob, nor did I interact with him. I was so excited and remembered Sam was there at my first Grateful Dead concert in 1978. The same day he and his band performed a concert at the high school. A group of us began to chant the date of that concert 5-13-78. ( later I checked and that was the actual date of the concert. How did I remember that?) It was wild. I said to him “You were in a band!” I think he was the lead singer. My friends who attended the concert with me were at this party or at the very least I mentioned them to Sam. Some of Sam’s friends were also there. Sam and I were becoming a couple and were very happy. I felt loved and adored.
What was so interesting was the Bob Weir became the face of the Dead once Jerry Garcia passed away. He was my favorite anyway so I would always focus on Bobby. I was also stunned to realize the prophetic nature of this dream. I was seeing Bob Weir perform and dancing as if no one was watching. I was imbuing my current knowingness into the past. What a wild ride of past and future morphing together in Dreamtime. You could say that for a few short minutes I was livin’ the dream.
I said Fare Thee Well to Dexter one week later. I also learned that the farewell concerts were not the last. A newly formed group called Dead and Company featuring Bob Weir, John Mayer ( another Libra with loads of Scorpio) , Mickey Hart, and others have begun touring recently so the music apparently never stops in some form.
Update: Apparently Dead and Company were performing in Philadelphia last night ( 11-5-15) while I was completing this post. The synchronicity continues…
We never know how much or how little is happening at any given time. I did not know that my current physical body possessed that much energy. I certainly never expected to hear the Golden Road performed live and in real-time in my living room. Life is a mystery that keeps surprising me, just when I think I’ve got it all figured out.
But I have figured out one important lesson. I want to play! Perhaps having the experience of both spontaneity, exuberance, and confidence will assist me in replicating this behavior going forward. My birthday is approaching as I type and I have set my intention to be that girl from the Golden Road. Being free and playful and in motion is the way.
The time machine kept me quite busy, transporting me to and from Philly to Chicago and to 1967 ( around the year I began studying astrology), 1978, 2015 and beyond. My consciousness flowed from waking state to frenzied ecstasy to Dreamtime. My challenge was not what I intended upon its inception in September. Yet I took the steps necessary to get me to this point. Now I am ready to try on my wings.
Thanks to all for another spectacular blogging challenge. They keep getting better because WE keep getting better.
image credits: beetle by J. Coelho [CC BY 2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0)], via Wikimedia Commons dervishes images, wikipedia.org, public domain
header image, wikipedia.org, public domain
It took me only a few decades to figure out why my plants rarely or ever reflower. Following a friend’s advice to unwrap this kalanchoe and put something underneath the pot proved miraculous. See all the lovely orange blossoms and fresh green shoots? I have had this plant since November and it continues to thrive. My only excuse is no planets in Taurus, sadly. All life forms require both freedom and containment. We must be “unwrapped ” to grow and supported to contain the “overflow”.
Think about it.
Blog rebirthing : I am making some post-New Taurus Moon changes that will also hopefully complement today’s Pluto in Capricorn retrograde cycle. I deleted a blog that I never used, that contained my last name in the domain. This simple act has freed me up to create anew. I am considering starting an additional blog to showcase my writing in a new way. I am not ending this blog but feel the need to “unwrap” more of my creativity.
Seeking Testimonials : You may have noticed that I removed the Testimonial Page a while back. It needs an upgrade. I am asking that you help me with this. If you have had a reading with me in the past and found it helpful, will you write a testimonial for me? Simply write it up and send it to me via the contact page. Thanks in advance for helping me upgrade my blog and help grow my services.
More in store: I have been considering starting a blogging challenge. I typically do one in November but lacked the incentive to do so in 2019. While I have not decided on the topic, I invite all readers to partake in Barbara’s challenge. She is asking us to envision ( click here to join ) a Magical New Earth. All the offerings will be part of a free e-book to share with the collective. How wonderful is this? I know I will be joining in!
I have some other surprises for readers in the near future so stay tuned. Pluto retrograding in Capricorn will mean a reworking of old material ( reconstruction) as he backtracks about 2 degrees before stationing direct on October 4th at 22 degrees Capricorn. This will set off the incredibly potent conjunction that we experienced on 1/12/20. I cannot predict how this plays out, but I do know that this is an excellent time to make lemonade out of lemons. Go within, discard, recycle, or upgrade flimsy projects or objects, eliminate what is not useful ( in relationship with others and self), and grieve deeply as needed.
Blue skies ahead: My ability to attune myself with nature is growing and I am so excited to witness nature’s response to less human consumption. The pictures of jellyfish in Venice’s clearer canals is just one example of how resilient our planet truly can be. I know that more loss is ahead, but I also know that rebirth has already begun.
My long time bloggette buddy Julie nominated me a while back for the 3, 2, 1 Me Challenge.
The directions are as follows:
Please write a post about Ponder, and including two quotes on the subject, and nominate three other bloggers to blog about a word of your choosing.
I took a very long time to approach this challenge, which is not really my style. Yet I hesitated because I did not initially connect with the word ponder in terms of this assignment. Since it did not ” speak to me “, I filed it away, knowing I would return to it when the time was right. That time is now.
So what was my issue with the word ponder? My immediate reaction was that I used to ponder way too much and that my addiction to introspection was a trap. At some point I considered my intellect to be one of my superpowers. I relied on it way too heavily, to the point of minimizing other ” pursuits” like imagination and emotional expression. I was afraid of the power of sloppy vulnerability and felt safer in the mental realms of rational ideas, logic, and analysis.
Eventually I came to the realization that messy, loose states of being were a gateway to living more authentically and not a sign of weakness. Fragility can have a sweet delicate quality that evokes awe. This is part of the spiritual path, plain and simple.
I chose the following quotes that include ponder within them. Let’s examine the first one:
A season of suffering is a small assignment when compared to the reward. Rather than begrudge your problem, explore it. Ponder it. And most of all, use it. Use it to the glory of God. Max Lucado
This quote by Max Lucado is more poignant in this moment because I am enthralled in a season of suffering. So much loss, rejection, frustration, sadness, longing, and despair reside within me now. Call it Mars/Chiron conjunction in Pisces angst or garden variety melancholy. I am not certain that more pondering is in order for me personally, but I do agree that using my darkness for good is on point. This quote directs one to live out loud in the moment, not to judge oneself for feeling less than “acceptable.” Regarding the reward, I find these types of gifts are usually uncovered further down the road, in a small town called Retrospect. Are you familiar with Retrospect? It has a few strip malls, a gas station, a dive bar, and one decent diner. I recommend the fries with gravy.
The other quote I chose gives different directives on how to ponder:
It is possibly not very helpful to our inner life to ponder a great deal on how the external world is reflected in our soul. By doing so, we do not get beyond a shadowy picture of the world of mental images in ourselves. Rudolf Steiner
This quote by Rudolf Steiner reminds me of a recent lesson by Matt Kahn. Matt often warns his students about associating the outer world with one’s state of consciousness. If we encounter someone who treats us poorly, refrain from reaching the conclusion that we must also be treating others this way. He teaches that mirroring in this way is unhealthy and not a relevant spiritual practice. It appears that Steiner is in agreement here, cautioning against using what is outside of us as a barometer for one’s spiritual health. I am unclear on what he does suggest as an alternative, but I find his statement helpful and worthy of consideration.
The challenge requests that I choose a new word for 3 other bloggers to use in their posts. The word I have chosen is fragile. I am using my guidance to choose the participants, so here we go: Michael,Tania , and Ka .
If you are reading this and are feeling inspired, please feel free to take up the challenge. Just follow the instructions and link back to this post. Challenges can make the world go around and blog challenges do so in a fun way 🙂
LAST CALL: As an aside, have you read the 2 new December entries in my Divine Mission Possible Challenge? If not, you can check them out here. There is still time to write a post if you have not already done so.
The challenge ends with this year, on 12-31-18 so time IS of the essence.
![By J. Coelho [CC BY 2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0)], via Wikimedia Commons](https://lindalitebeing.files.wordpress.com/2015/07/dixussphaerocephalus.png)
