Now that we are clearly into Summer in Eastern USA, with a wild heat wave in effect, I have decided to unpack my Winter. I am using Winter loosely, referring to late September through late March. With Mars and most of the other planets retrograde, I want to work with these energies and take a look deeper within.
I have been considering for weeks how exactly to approach writing about this topic. So many outside events triggered so much inner activity and I am still processing it. I decided to just follow my heart and take it step by step.
Feeling the fear: This is difficult to write about. And yet, this story has been waiting patiently to be heard and my readers deserve an explanation. If I had a nickel for every time I asked myself ” What would I do if my deepest fears were realized? “, I would have plenty of nickels! An event took place in September that rocked me to my core and was really a Godsend in disguise. Do any of you remember that I tool the blog private for a few weeks? Yes, I shut it all down and then simply declared I ‘m back.
Well now I will tell you what happened: I went on a second interview at the drug rehab facility and I was excited but nervous. I wanted this job, but lacked confidence that I was qualified. The woman who would be my immediate supervisor let me know that she googled me and read my blog. I thought ” How can this be? My name is not attached to it. ” I was so shocked that it took me some time to compose myself. Scorpios like doing the hunting, not being the prey! She wanted to know if I was planning on using Astrology as part of my therapy. Another person in the room said she would not want to see Astrology contained in the treatment plans.
WTF? How stupid are these people and why are they asking these ridiculous questions? , I asked myself.
What felt like an eternity later, I explained that Astrology has many merits and includes a means to explore personality, but that I am a Licensed professional and do not force my views on anyone. I revealed that if a client asked me about astrology that I would discuss it, but it does not drive my practice.
Clearly my answers were fine, because I was hired, but I was dumbfounded. I wrestled with putting my name on this blog and decided against it because my profession can be very conventional. I felt violated that this stranger was reading my blog and had access to so much personal information. Later I figured out how she landed here and I corrected the issue. Bottom line, sometimes what seems like the worst thing possible may just end up being incredibly awkward. I could never have predicted that she would ask me about astrology and was blindsided. I thought my hiring prospects were finished and I was wrong. Let me be clear, I am not ashamed of anything I write and most of my blogs are public. It is just that most people who visit litebeing chronicles are about the path. They are not looking for red flags. Anyway, I stopped writing for a while because I felt exposed, but eventually figured that my self-expression is way too important to be held hostage. You may wonder, what is the blessing? After some deliberation, I realized that I did survive it and the confrontation led to a positive outcome. I also realized that I judge myself more harshly than anyone else, and it was high time I let that go.
Have you ever felt concerned about who might read your musings?
How did you handle it?
You’re on my mind like a song on the Radio: Many wild and woolly happenings occurred during my time working at the Rehab. My life seemed like I was living a dream while awake. Some events were enjoyable and others were unpleasant. Today I will share an in-between experience. Most readers know by now that the car radio serves as an oracle. So I tend to pay attention when patterns emerge while driving in my car. Three songs kept repeating and repeating and repeating. All three are old and there was no logical explanation. They are not affiliated with the death of an artist, a sports franchise or a major holiday. I still hear them often now, expect maybe not with the same extreme frequency.
A few weeks into the job, the first song showed up. Cindy Lauper’s Girls Just Wanna Have Fun is a pop classic at this point. I liked it when it came out and it usually lifts my mood. While it is not unusual to hear it on the radio once or twice a month, I was hearing it several times a week. Sometimes I heard it every day. I mentioned it to my coworkers and they found it odd. I was even considering keeping a log just for my records.
Then a few weeks later the other two songs began to serenade me. They are very similar and also from the 1980s. They are associated with films and became rather popular for a few years. The frequency of the airplay was starting to get to me. On one occasion, one of the tunes was playing on 2 of my programmed stations at the same time. It was quite out of control. The songs are If You Leave and Don’t You Forget About Me. They both are sung with yearning and sadness. They were referring to romance , but could also reflect the fear of feeling rejected or unimportant.
I was getting the impression that these songs were more than synchroncities, but rather premonitions. Perhaps I was given a heads up about the layoffs and my concerns about my patients after they left treatment. Clearly I was not having enough fun in my life, as it revolved around work, a brutal commute, and lots of bodywork appointments. But then again, there could be more to this , still left undiscovered. I strongly sense there is more to it, because the songs continue to play regularly.
Are there certain tunes you hear repeatedly on the radio ( playlists don’t apply.) ?
What meanings do they reveal to you?