Here and There

I wonder if I am alone in feeling like time is slipping away and I have yet to unpack March. I do not really think I am the only one out there with this issue, but I am still highly sentimental and tend to take my time letting go.

Back in the winter, I decided to leave a scarf in my car in case I would feel cold while driving. We have reached close to 90 degrees recently and that scarf is still waiting in the passenger seat. The question is, is it waiting for me to bring it inside or waiting for winter to return? Let’s face it, in the blink of an eye, the summer will be over.  To quote Game of Thrones ” Winter is Coming! “ In many regards, winter never left. My work laptop idly sits on the dining room table, unused since April. I have no clue when my office will reopen and I will return to clean out my office space and hand in the keys and laptop. Perhaps once this happens I will be totally separated from my former employer. I wish I could have worn that scarf at least once. I also wish I could have my personal items back and be rid of the laptop, a reminder of another company with financial problems, using layoffs as a way to survive.

And yet, my intuition tells me that everything ought to remain as is, for now. I cannot say why ; I just feel it. I continue to learn how to be more okay with “what is”, especially when it causes discomfort or sadness. There is peace to be discovered in the alignment with NOW. I am not being all New Agey, I really do believe this. While little me is usually pissed off or impatient, higher self is totally down with taking life as it comes on its own terms.

Spring green has been replaced with summer green and that will have to be enough. I am excited to show you photos taken over the past few days ( including today). I had thought I had already shot some roses, but none made the cut. Hydrangea bloom about once every 2 years and 2020 is the year, woohoo!

As you take in the imagery, make some time to focus on the opalescence of the hydrangea,  the play of light and color contrast. If not now, when right?

Transparently Yours

I could have written this today. May you find peace in this moment.

litebeing chronicles

Life requires courage, only the bold can continue to breathe in and breathe out. Existence on planet Earth, not for the faint of heart. Walking the path is the hero’s journey only. Cowards need not apply here. Fear is never far away, only a nuanced, inkling separates the being from the trap of despair.

Nature has its own secrets, only for the properly initiated. The rest of us counts the seconds, minutes, hours, between the first squeal and the final gasp. Linear time is a game that is tempting at first glance. And yet, the only way out is to quit playing.

The ocean is no joke. Either you learn to ride the waves or the waves ride you. Power is the ability to influence and Gaia’s a powerful mistress. Obey the silent cry within, never stray far from your truth, your core. Otherwise you may find your essence scattered…

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Pattern Literacy: A Guide to Nature’s Archetypes

Another glorious post from Dana. I am more and more observant of nature and her patterns. This post takes you on a visual and historical journey. Enjoy!

The Druid's Garden

The unfolding of the bramble ferns in the spring always feels, to me, like the unfolding of worlds. The tightly packed fronds, formed at the end of last season and dormant all winter, slowly emerge, uncurling so slowly that you can’t see it happen, but if you come back later in the day, you can see clear progress.  I like to meditate with these ferns, as they connect me to the deeper energies of the cosmos.  The unfolding of the fern frond, there in my backyard, is the same pattern as the Milky Way galaxy in which we all reside.  It is in this sacred pattern that I can see the connection to all things and connect with nature deeply.

Sacred Spiral in the Spring Ferns

This post is a follow-up to a great conversation about wildcrafting one’s own druidry that members of the Ancient Order of Druids in America…

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By Syed Atif Nazir [GFDL (http://www.gnu.org/copyleft/fdl.html) or CC-BY-3.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0)], via Wikimedia Commons

Gemini Dream

I am happy to report that my mood and attitude have improved for the past few days. Meditating daily using headspace has made a difference. I have also participated in a global meditation yesterday as well, thanks to Alia. The accompanying video is uplifting with glorious music. Check out Alia’s blog for more details as this meditation is still happening.

Today’s eclipse is on 15 degrees Sagittarius, near my Venus in my 10th house. The Gemini / Sag polarity is about information, religiosity, ideas, philosophy, teaching, and communication, among other things. This Gem sun – Sag moon combo can produce a slick, fanatical salesman/woman type with lots of bluster and pretty words. Words do matter as well as how we use them. Venus in my 10th house points to the value of public life. At least that is one interpretation that speaks to my current situation. Doing as astro consult on Wednesday was wonderful as I was able to hear someone derive meaning from my words in real-time.  I have another lined up and invite you to join the party! These readings are free. Click here for the details.

Yesterday I began a volunteer job and it is very exciting. It happened very quickly and rather organically. More will be revealed in due time, but let’s just say that I thrive when I feel useful. I realize one’s worth is not defined by doing anything, but I like being part of the healing collective, the souls who find meaning in service. My face and hands are improving slowly and I have fewer aches and pains. My emotions are still raw and my patience is lacking, but I am noticing an improvement in my outlook. While I enjoy leisure and would never be called a workaholic, I have 2 planets in Capricorn and Venus in the 10th. Moreover, Saturn is the traditional ruler of my chart. For me, this manifests as loyalty, duty, and productivity, an antidote to my lazyish Pisces south node ( where I could escape into books, tv, and video games for days).

My dreams have been odd, but I attribute to my delicate nervous system adapting to a chaotic new “normal. ” I will not predict how this Strawberry Moon lunar eclipse ( the 1st of 3) will fare, but it does coincide with Trump’s luminaries. Please consider a free reading with me for a look at your near future and/or adding a testimonial for a past reading for my Testimonial page. I am revamping it so it will be more user friendly when I step up my Astrology practice. Dream well and communicate with love.

images by Josephine Wall

Fight Injustice Without Hate

I really truly thought I knew myself better. I expected to weather this isolation period rather well. I am an introvert at heart, that loves lingering in books, with solitude and the old oak tree as a backdrop. I figured once the shock of my layoff wore off and my benefits were established, I would discover some joy within and thrive with all this newfound free time. Well, I was mistaken. The perpetual conflicts I encounter with others continue in my pursuit to receive the benefits I worked hard to acquire. I pay taxes and I have worked very hard over my lifetime, often in psychologically toxic workplaces. My last employer should change its name to Clusterfuck. Yup, I just wrote that sentence. Anyone still wonder why my blog is anonymous?

My health is now showing the delayed result of my anger and pain. I have skin eruptions on my face and hands. It is painful and feels like extreme sunburn. Anger often is a response to hurt. Yes, I do feel hurt. Along with grief, rage, sadness and some hatred. It is unclear anymore which is mine and which is of the collective. As an empath, it is a challenge for me to discern with accuracy. Let’s say some of this stuff is mine to own. I will give you a recent example. Many errors were made by my last employer regarding retirement and health insurance benefits. None of these errors benefited me. I have put in hours upon hours working to unravel the mess that was made in order to clean it up permanently. I had to change insurance providers and was due a refund. Finally, I was told a check was on its way to me. The amount was much smaller than what was owed to me. Apparently they subtracted some funds that were a “writeoff ” for unpaid premiums. This is the thing: I had a zero balance and owed nothing. The insurance company gave me the timeframe of several years ago and I was employed at that time. They say the employer owes them money so it was deducted from my refund. I lost my composure and blew up. And then I gave up.

Around this time George Floyd was assaulted by police and is allegedly dead and my city is now “on curfew”. First of all, I do not know if this murder happened and/or the riots are staged. What I do know is the world is broken and I am out of answers. I have started limiting my social media and tv news consumption. I have asked for dreamless sleep, but have been denied this request. I have to admit I have some hatred in my heart. I have to admit that my past trauma of being a victim of violence has come up again. Many have said that old stuff is coming back for integration during these times of “awakening”. I thought I had done enough self-examination to last 50 lifetimes. My life force seems to be weakening.

So I watch nature and work on preserving Spring Green. Then an advertisement for Quaker zoom worship at Pendle Hill caught my eye. Pendle Hill, one of my power places where I met James and found mystic openings at every corner? Yes, that’s the one. They are offering anyone the chance to join the staff in daily meeting for worship at the Barn via Zoom. I have not prayed this way in many many years and have not been to Pendle Hill in quite some time. Although much of the energy of this place had dissipated for me, I was curious about this opportunity. I joined the worship group this Saturday morning. There were many tech difficulties and it looked like there would be no service, but the team prevailed. Over 100 people from all over the planet prayed together in silence. In Quaker worship, words are spoken only when someone is moved by Spirit. An African American woman was moved to speak. She wondered how she could fight injustice without feeling hate. I instantly knew her words were meant for me. I listened and reflected and remained silent. A few others spoke and at the end the Pendle Hill staff facilitated sharing of blessings and challenges and prayers for others. Then everyone says “good morning” via Zoom. I felt a lightness and some inner peace that lasted a few hours. When I went outside my home and sensed the sounds and wonder of Pendle Hill’s campus. It is hard to explain how this works but it is as if the energy of the campus is transported to my neighboring surroundings.

I was able to climb out of my temporary placement in the abyss after attending this service. I needed to know that others are struggling with injustice and not always doing it “correctly”. I realize that my personal struggles are not race related but have more to do with financial insecurity, loss of dignity, loss of respect, and loss of power. It is easier not to fight, but is it proper? I do not think so. These days I still find myself trapped in quicksand, where the seemingly easiest tasks take forever to complete, or devolve into battles of will. Eclipse season is upon us and I do not have any answers, but I was able to display some Spring Green imagery and can seek shelter in morning prayer , at least one time.

images courtesy of wikipedia and wikiart public domain and litebeing chronicles © 2020

Pete and Me

Gemini

Update: Warning, this is a spoiler alert about Westworld. In Season 2 Westworld enters the life extension business. How’s that for another synchronicity?

Happy New Gemini Moon everyone! Before the moon moves into Cancer, I want to get this post out about consciousness, a very mercurial subject. I stumbled upon an article about Pete Buttigieg and decided to take a look. The article contains an interview with Mayor Pete about how he is spending his time nowadays. I was astonished to discover we have the same viewing habits! When asked about what he is watching , this is his reply: ” We got pretty deep into “Westworld.” I know I’m like five years late on that. We’re starting to get into this show “Upload.” I am also just starting Westworld and just completed Upload and am completely obsessed with both of these shows. While Pete and I have little in common outwardly, I am wondering why he is drawn to these shows. This synch came on the heels of my watching the Season 1 finale of Westworld which I cannot stop thinking about. Yes, it is THAT GOOD.

I will try not to spoil anything here, but I have to share the basic premise of Season 1, and maybe the entire series. Westworld is about an adult theme park featuring AI set in  19th Century Western United States. It is a place where guests can come and explore all their fantasies without any consequences. Over time it becomes clear that the AI “hosts” are retaining some of their memories of being exploited and abused by the guests. When they are ” killed” they are brought back online and awaken from an allegedly dreamless sleep. However,  many of the characters begin to evolve based on retaining memories and developing intuition and wisdom. They become sentient beings, likely to evolve past the humans who created them. Once they awaken, they cannot revert back to who they were before and life has permanently changed. This is similar in some ways to Upload, which is where a young man who dies in a car accident and whose girlfriend signs him up for life extension. Life extension is a process whereby a technician uploads one’s consciousness onto an avatar so humans can still be “alive “. In Upload we see what happens to the main character and his “angel” while he roams around a for-profit luxury virtual afterlife. Upload is a dramedy yet also about moral evolution and awakening within a virtual reality.

So much of my favorite entertainment, both old and new, revolves around this theme – Groundhog Day, The Good Place, Vanilla Sky, and Black Mirror’s San Junipero episode, just to name a few. In all these shows and movies, the main character(s) are altered somehow while asleep or unconscious. Eventually they discover the key to enlightenment. The repetition of this theme is not random, at least I do not see it that way. Westworld in particular emphasizes how humans and AI operate within loops and rely on their “stories” to define identity. It is suggested that awakening requires that we abandon the narratives and make the best choices we can, knowing that there is still some programming interfering with absolute free will. This had me considering the notion of the inmates running the asylum, as the actual “asylum personnel” are interested only in conformity, control, and monetization of the enslaved. Naturally I landed on the familiar Matrix notion that we live in a simulation and need to free ourselves.

All life is sentient or at least has the potential to become sentient. Isn’t it interesting how much entertainment “programming ” focuses on rebooting aka reincarnation? I welcome your thoughts on this in the comments below. While Westworld has too much violence ( like The Sopranos, Game of Thrones, and other HBO darlings) and Upload can be a bit campy, they are excellent opportunities to see evolution in action. As someone who often remembers dreams and can occasionally go lucid, I hope I can forge ahead with my own ascension, pandemic or not.

Related posts :

https://litebeing.com/2020/03/09/staycation-is-in-session/

https://litebeing.com/2019/12/02/undone/

https://litebeing.com/2018/06/23/to-be-or-not-to-be-simulated-existence/

https://litebeing.com/2020/02/09/litebeings-guide-to-the-movies-5/

PS – take a closer look at the trees in these photos and you will see more than meets the eye.

Anticipatory Grief

While one may say this is the perfect time to solidify a meditation practice, I am not finding this true for me. I will use the Calm app or be still for 3o seconds when the Calm commercial comes on but I am not drawn to regular sit down meditation right now. I will find myself staring out the window, mesmerized by nature’s stirrings. While walking outside today I was gently focusing on the buds floating on the breeze’s carpet, making soft patterns in the air. Simply observing the mist dance from the essential oil infuser is also relaxing and meditative in its own way.

These simple observations awaken me to the natural flow of life, undisturbed ( or less disturbed) by human manipulation. Have you noticed how alive Spring has been this year? The birds seem more active, the trees more vibrant and the sky more dynamic. We are part of this cosmic dance, but usually are out of step with the rest of Gaia’s inhabitants.

Over the past few weeks I have thought about my former clients and what life has been like for them since the pandemic. To lose their therapist on top of everything else seems so unfair to me. But fairness is never a certainty. We can strive to be fair in our deeds and actions, but 3D life is not fair at all and may have been designed this way. I pray for my clients and hope they are getting all the support that they need.

I went back into therapy last year for a number of reasons, the primary one being that I was feeling sad at the end of 2018. It seemed prudent to get some support so I would not slide into a depression. While I took this step with ambivalence, I proceeded to find someone ( ” Angie ” ) local and affordable. I did not overthink this process and found someone rather quickly. She is an artist, lives closeby, and works in her home. She is older, very approachable and quite kind. Her home is an oasis, decorated the way I would if I took the time and care and had the resources. I felt safe there in this house with this person to be me, a therapist seeking therapy. I have not been in therapy for a very long time and was not sure how it would go. Ann’s style is very direct and expressive. She shares about her own life with deliberate intention. She chooses to show who she is and says it is becoming more mainstream to have less of a wall between client and clinician. Angie freely gives out articles and resources and is patient. She seemed to be a good choice for me. Imperfect, but certainly capable of holding space for my healing.

Last summer I went to her home for a session and no one was there. I called her after a few minutes went by and she told me she was in the hospital and would be there a few weeks. I was taken aback by this. Angie later divulged she developed leukemia and that treatment is complicated and lengthy. She offered me referrals if I wanted to see someone else. I decided to wait it out and she updated me on her progress. Eventually, we resumed our sessions and her health improved. I became very concerned about her health as she looked very tired and frail. It was a challenge for me to keep myself in the receiving role. Which is why I waited a while between visits. I told myself she would look healthier over time and this is my issue, not hers. When the pandemic happened, I knew I had to stay away and that I do not like zoom sessions. Ironic right, since I was providing telehealth to my clients. A couple of weeks ago after the layoff, I reached out because I needed to vent and get additional support. Imagine my horror when Angie emails me to say she is no longer practicing because she is dying. I wrote back to get clarity and Angie said the leukemia returned. I recall her telling me that if this happened she would not seek more treatment. I brushed her remark aside because the transplant was successful. Well, it was until it wasn’t.

I don’t know how to handle this. I have never gotten an email like this before and I feel abandoned. I do not want to find someone else. I want Angie to get better, yet I respect her choices. I just want the situation to be different. I will not know when she is dead and she could be already gone. I question the point of our brief time working together, that almost did not happen. I was not certain I wanted to open myself up again to a stranger. Was this loss more problematic than what brought me to her in the first place? I won’t know until much later when hindsight kicks in. It was suggested that I perform a ritual to help me mourn. Loss often has an aspect interruption within it. This relationship seems unfinished. And yet it is finished. Angie is true to herself and I appreciate that about her, along with her kindness, resilience from personal difficulties, and her honesty. I also admire how much she loved doing healing work. So many times she would share how lucky she is to be a therapist. Maybe because she chose it later in life and learned to appreciate her second career, or maybe because Angie just enjoyed helping others in this way. Her enthusiasm inspired me to try harder when I wasn’t excited about my work. The articles she gave me will remain part of my connection with her going forward.

One can say that living on Earth in a body always contains anticipatory grief to some degree. Our time here is finite and most of us do not get advance warning. It feels quite heavy to live with so many loose ends. But I will do the best that I can and writing is one form of therapy for me. Releasing my inner world this way is healing and comes naturally. I do not take this gift for granted. But there is more grieving to do.

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Pay It Forward 2020

Hey readers, followers and bloggers/blogettes,

Happy Friday! The weather is summery, the birds are chirping, and I am deciding to focus on the positive. I have plenty to be grateful for. I am happy to report my local Chinese place has reopened for takeout and they got all my special requests right, the staff was very friendly and the food was scrumptious! I have some leftovers and will savor them later.

I have said in previous posts that my life has become more bird forward. A recent change is that some birds are now hankering to come into my home. A few will fly right up to the sliding glass door and appear to knock on it. While I was not able to get footage for those occasions, I was able to get some more photos of a sparrow perhaps? hanging out on the terrace.

 

Another interesting cosmic wrinkle is the increasing frequency of word synchs. I will watch tv and the actor will say a word and it will show up on my FB feed. Or I will be typing a phrase and it will be repeated on YouTube. Sometimes the person speaking will repeat the word or phrase over and over to help it register in my awareness ( thank you!). Please reply in the comments if you also experience this phenomenon. I am not sure what to make of it, other than to notice that it occurs more often now than months before.

I have been thinking about how can I be useful while sidelined from work. What do I bring to the table that is unique and can benefit others at this time? How can I be of service? Well, the answer arrived and I am ready to share it with you now.

Starting immediately, I am offering free astro or intuitive readings by phone or video to anyone who reads this blog. It does not matter if I read for you before or if you just arrived here today “by accident”. All you have to do is contact me here and we will schedule a time. The scope of these readings will be how to be your best at this time. It does not have to be about the pandemic, but rather how can I assist you in seeing what may be hidden from view. If you choose an astro consult, I will need your birthdate, exact birth time ( if possible) and place of birth. No strings attached!

It would be cool though if you would pay forward some act of kindness or service to someone else. Not required, but certainly a great idea.

Let’s end this bizarre week with love and light and harmony and inclusion. I will do my best. Wanna join me?

namaste, litebeing

 

disclaimer –   In Line with Current US Legislation, I am obliged to make you aware of the fact that intuitive readings and astrological readings are completely for entertainment purposes only and that no liability will be accepted by myself for any course of action that you may take from the reading nor for any consequences arising from such action. My purpose is to help you find the right path to achieving your goals and finding your answers.  

Readings must not be submitted for Medical or Legal Advice as I am not an attorney or a doctor.  Please seek the correct licensed Professional for medical or legal advice. Do not base any actions in your life solely on the information given to you by a reader.  Please Be Aware:  You Are Responsible For Your Own Choices And Decisions That Arise From Any Reading You May Have. 

Do Nothing Now

wikipedia public domain

Remember when I posted back in January about moving forward with new pursuits? Now is the time to be still. I doubt this will be a change for most of us during this time of social distancing and global stay – at – home orders. Even for those who are back out in the “real world” ( or essential workers/heroes who never stayed home and kept us safe and secure), the stars require us to slow down and look inward. Three planets are stationing retrograde this week: first Saturn, then Venus, and finally, Jupiter. Many ask what will this planetary retro – dance look like? It is not something that can be easily answered. Some people will feel these energies and some will not notice anything. Three planets slowing down within days of each other is rare, but with all the chaos we find ourselves in, it is unlikely that most people will see any immediate changes. It has less to do with sensitivity and more to do with one’s astrological chart.

wikimedia public domain

For example, I have both Saturn and Jupiter currently moving through the 12th house in my natal chart and it is unlikely I will notice anything. Transiting Venus is conjoining my natal moon right now in the 4th house and I do expect that the Venus retrograde cycle will bring me experiences that are connected with women, nurturing, home, family or familiar people, and increased psychic activity. I will have to wait and see what transpires. Many times I have little awareness of planetary stations, especially while the cycle is active. Other times I do feel something immediately and powerfully at that.

Bottom line, I would suggest we all slow down, hold off on any major life decisions, and use this time to review, research, regroup,  reflect, reinvent,  revise, reinvigorate, relax, recapture, release, and recreate. Personally, I have often longed for a few weeks off to relax and regroup. But I never imagined that getting my wish would look like this! I expected that after a couple weeks post-layoff I would be busy with creative projects and new ventures. I was off track here because I have felt unwell for most of this at – home time. It has been two months since I called out sick on March 11th and have not been back at the office since. While working remotely I was exhausted per usual and did not really appreciate the benefits of staying home. Lately, I continue to be busy putting out financial and bureaucratic fires. I had been telling myself that my energy will perk up and I will start to make use of the quarantine once all the financial benefit glitches are straightened out. Recently it occurred to me that this type of thinking is similar to saying ” I will be happy once I move to a new home, or get a promotion, or lose 10 pounds, etc. ” I rather live life in a way that I won’t be bogged down by the necessary but tedious tasks that seem heavier now than before. Can you relate to this faulty thinking pattern? Let me know in the comments section.

wikimedia public domain

In the US, being busy equates with being happy. I was raised that way and many Americans do identify themselves with what they do, not who they are or who they are becoming. There is still some residue within me that resists the notion that everyone is created perfectly and need not take any action in order to be worthy of love. It is clear that I will have another chance to embrace the truth that all sentient beings are made of love with no further enhancements needed via acquisition or competition. We can choose to take action but are totally fine as we are. Let’s definitely settle down at this time and choose love.

A Whole New World?

As I ponder what to write for Barbara’s blogging challenging for a Magical New Earth, this song entered my awareness. Enjoy this post and contemplate what kind of world you want to co-create.

blessings, litebeing

litebeing chronicles

By Anne Dirkse (www.annedirkse.com) (Own work) [CC BY-SA 4.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0)], via Wikimedia Commons

Many have prophesied that one-third of our planet would be aligned with fifth dimensional consciousness by September 28, 2015. This is called the 1st wave of ascension.  I do not know if I feel any different. My experience of time and space has been altered for quite some time. According to Matt Kahn and others, this is not an intellectual exercise. It is all about the heart.

One way that I perceive insights is by noticing or attracting novel tidbits from pop culture. The internet is typically the medium that transmits these nuggets towards my awareness. Music and movies are two of my go-tos and this gem via Facebook got my attention. The film Aladdin is going to be released in digital format soon. To celebrate this new edition, the original singers from the film reunited on Good Morning America to sing A Whole New World. I am including the…

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