So glad I hesitated in interpreting my healing art. Frankly, I did not feel ready to take this on. But today I am ready and eager to share some insights. You can read about what prompted this process here.
Initially my process was to start in the middle and work my way out, mandala style. The dark red inner circle did represent the highly inflamed colon region. Upon closer inspection a few days ago, I came away with a fresh perspective. The red circle is the top of my head and I am wrapped with quilts/snakes all around my physical body. I am both attempting at breaking free to reach the tranquil natural beauty in the upper right hand corner, while also keeping warm and cozy within my partial cocoon.
With Dexter gone, the months have been lonely. As the fall came and went, some cold temperatures began to reach my corner of the planet. Huddled in my bathrobe, I feel safe and cozy. Bathrobes, flannel sheets, patchwork quilts, warm lattes and tea; they provide a vehicle towards a state of self-soothing. Self-soothing is a psychological term which basically describes a person’s desire to re-parent themselves and form a healthy attachment. When someone encounters some type of setback, they often appear to regress. Regression is really a matter of perspective though. I need to keep myself safe and warm during a time of uncertainty and change.
And yet, there is a part of me that longs to break free and maintain a sense of vitality and exuberance. I shared my birthday intention to be playful and lively on my time machine challenge post. You can read more about that here. I do not have to act my chronological age. I do not have to decide that ” I had my chance.” I better understand the old saying that youth is wasted on the young. For myself, that means that a healthy young body could be better utilized by a seasoned, wise, spirit.
So am I being strangled by a snake or nurtured by a quilt blanket? Am I whirling around wearing a protective garment or am I fighting my way out of a suffocating barrier to peace and joy? Or is it some type of compromise between security and freedom? I am not clear on this yet.
It is exciting to have been given a brand new vision of my drawing. I feel blessed to have been given this chance to see my healing art in a new light. These struggles I have captured here are not new. The push-pull between freedom and security dramatically plays itself out in my natal chart. Mars in Cancer in the 6th house is in a tight inconjunct aspect to Venus in Sagittarius in the 1oth house. An inconjunct is best explained as 2 people standing apart from one another. As they come closer to meet, they pass by each other and fail to connect. While I love my freedom and untethered lifestyle, I also desire safety, nurturing, and somewhere to settle down. There lies the rub.
Feel free to offer your interpretations and insights, but do not attempt to put me in a box. After a few days in the hospital, I do not have the stomach for it now ( pun intended)! I am very interested in learning if my analysis resonates for others and am open to hearing additional ideas that may further my healing and evolution.
image credits ~ all images except the first drawing courtesy of wikipedia.org, public domain