Life is always in flux. While some forms are fading, others are blooming. The trick is to recognize which direction you are moving in and when to let go.
It is humbling to be nearing my fourth year of blogging and to be able to compose some thoughts about the year ahead and the year I lived through. The more I slow down, the easier it is for me to notice that existence has no clear demarcations. Astrologers love cycles and make mention of the significant planetary movements via stations, transits, and progressions. And yet, because of our cosmic fluency, we are perhaps more likely than most to acknowledge the fragility and malleability of time. Time and music marry well together and led me to use Closing Time in this post title.
To understand where I am today, it is necessary to return to April 2016. At the New Aries moon conjunct Uranus on April 7th, I began to quietly look for jobs while feeling ill. In fact I saw my doctor that very day. I was being treated for a possible diverticulitis attack on an outpatient basis, thank goodness. One by one calls for interviews slowly began streaming in. You know, when it rains it pours. This was right before the Mars retrograde at 9 degrees Sag on 4-17-16. The day before my first job interview ( April 14th) I felt ill. I went to the doctor that morning with chest pains. This has happened before. I was cleared and happy to report my gut was much improved. About an hour later I felt waves of nausea and what seemed to be a knife going through my reproductive organs. No fun at all.
I had a decision to make, a huge one. Do I continue to live walking on eggshells or do I start living again? I did something so unlike me: I got ready for my interview and drove over while in excruciating pain. I told myself I would power through this. I knew I was close to two hospitals and that whatever will happen, will happen. It was as if I reached the point of no return. I will live in this body or I will leave this body. I was through living on the sidelines. So I completed the interview and was amazed at my accomplishment. I felt worse as evening came and called myself an ambulance. I spent the night in the ER and was released on April 15th. The tests found nothing wrong with me whatsoever. Yet my symptoms continued. I was given opioids and anti-nausea meds and told to see my gynecologist to rule out fibroid issues. I was obsessed with not taking too many opioid pills. I think I was tuning into the Prince situation as he was hospitalized around the same time as me and died from an opioid overdose. A few hours later a call came in for another interview. Two days later as Mars stationed retrograde ( close to my MC), I had a defining dream. It ushered in a sense of renewal regarding many aspects of my daily life. I blogged on it here as part of my challenge post.
The interview call I received on April 15th turned into my current job. I still have this poster on my office wall. When I saw the poster, I became tearful. It was both so unexpected and so necessary. It is interesting that Mars, the ruler of Aries triggered my job search and eventually landing this position and also triggered my announcement of my transfer which begins on Monday. To some degree, the New Cap moon square Uranus direct in Aries signaled the new year cycle. Uranus is always change and Aries is the first sign on the zodiac. I was offered the transfer the day before the new moon and we made it official the next morning December 29th. The energy shifted for me that morning and I sensed more peace. While I am sad to see my friend move on, her decision to leave led to an opportunity for me to take her position. I will still have the same role, but with new clients and some new staff. With two of the new colleagues I have already built an easy, pleasant rapport. I also get to move my office to a more spacious and private location. I am hopeful it will be a more harmonious move on all fronts.
I have some great news regarding my health. After working with Wendy the herbalist/nutritionist for about 6 months, we reran some blood tests to track my progress. My primary doctor was stunned to report that my sugar levels dramatically decreased and this was without any medications! He said the change was significant and had to be attributed to lifestyle change. All my liver function blood tests were normal too. I still have to work on the LDL cholesterol, but it is very significant that I went from diabetic range to borderline normal range on the A1C. I typically don’t like to go into such details here, but I want to suggest that if I can make this work that others can do the same. I am taking probiotics, drinking a special herb combination in tea form, decreasing refined carbs, and adding more bitter greens and whole grains, among other things. While I will stress there is more to do and that I have regained a few pounds, it is so cool to see that I am capable of effecting change.
So the promise of April with a dream of accomplishment and improved health led me to now. While I still have a void inside that is palpable ( Saturn transiting natal Venus return), my life has really changed since 2016. I have a new job, a new car, and better functioning pancreas and liver ( I am speculating based on the labs). I believe that the action of going to that job interview sick as a dog was a way of transcending the material 3D plane and operating as if I was pure spirit. We still have no idea what caused those symptoms, but it may have been associated with the antibiotics I was taking at the time. Or not.
I am so grateful to be working after about 18 months of unemployment and find it ironic that I keep seeing my former supervisor and supervisees at the last few mental health trainings. It appears to be more of this intermingling of the past, present, and future that I frequently write about on these pages. Time is fleeting and infinite, slow and rapid, stagnant and effervescent. We humans feel the impulse to label and celebrate time as a matter of ritual.
So here’s to a sparkling 1-7-17 to all, with Mercury stationing direct tomorrow ( 1-8-17) and 1-11-17 following close behind.