Morning All Day Long

Hello world, How are ya doing? I am stopping by with a shorter, more streamlined blog today. I  want to simply report where I am now in terms of living with a pandemic. I do not feel like creating an elaborate, clever, article. Not today. Today I am just gonna keep it barebones and real.

I have noticed how much time I spend in fear and how easily triggered I have become. At first, I thought it had to do with developing IBS and later Diverticulitis, but actually, it started way before then. When you come from a home that is unstable and dysfunctional, you learn how to fend for yourself and you become “on alert.” While I do not think I have PTSD, I do see my tendency to slide into anxiety as default mode connected with repeated trauma. Self-work and therapy(ies) have made a difference but new triggers are a challenge.

Here are some highlights of today: Seeing my new unemployment balance online, but no deposit into my account. Being eligible for federal stimulus check but being told “status not available” on the new IRS payment portal. This is not a portal I want to float into! Getting a call from a life insurance company saying my benefits will be cut off but I could buy a new policy. Needing a mask and almost ordering one online ( until I discovered it was made in China.) My new health insurance provider emailed me to welcome me, in 2 weeks. Just 2 more weeks without health insurance. That thought was prominent for the past few days as I was severely ill and wondered what would happen if I needed emergency care. I am so grateful I feel better today. I have decided to stop figuring out what caused the symptoms. I know stress is at play and that is all I need to know.

I did feel more energized today and went out on a brief walk. I left my phone at home as I wanted to be more present. I saw many gorgeous springtime blooms and a few trees displaying that mellow light green hue that I adore.

Some readers know my love of birds and how a cardinal inspired a piece of poetry on Grace. On two occasions, April 10th and today, I have had cardinal visitations. While it is common for sparrows or robins to come by on my terrace, I cannot remember a cardinal coming over to visit me. If so, it would have been documented on my blog before now! Below are some quick shots from April 10th and then from this morning. Notice how cardinal energy is getting closer…

The first two shots were on the 10th  and the rest were taken this morning. Many say cardinal energy is a connection with those who have departed and I do feel this is true for me. I cannot say who is visiting, but I am also seeing deceased relatives more in realtime. This brings me comfort as I feel more isolated after losing my work. I would tell my clients repeatedly how unpredictable life is and it is key to learn how to adapt without using. Boy, I had no idea just how unpredictable it could be. I lived through 9/11 and this feels like a creepier prolonged version.

A very lovely thought crossed my mind as I took my walk today. The sky was almost shimmering and I heard so many birds singing. This seemed unusual in the late afternoon. I looked up and felt that familiar peace I often had while staying at Pendle Hill. I have felt this wave of innocence come over me a few times since the social distancing/self- quarantine began. This feeling led me to sing a song that I also equate with Pendle Hill and peace.

Listen and may you also ride the wave of spirit before the cosmic separation:

15 thoughts on “Morning All Day Long

  1. What a wonderful day, a mixture of everything… yet angling at paradise you are allowing yourself to come in and feel… after so long embracing all your aspects that have been coming back in vengeance to join you in the next great adventure of humankind… just in case you choose to experience a new sort of oneness, leaving separation finally behind. So linda I’m wondering if you’re ready to share with us your vision of new you and new life in my writing challenge now?💃🏻🙏

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Hi Barbara,
      Some of your comments are not showing up in my reader, but I discovered them on my dashboard thankfully. The timing is Divine because I intended to contact you to say I am in to participate in your challenge. Since the start, your writing challenges have been overwhelming for me, and yet I have gone forward anyway, always glad I did. I had thought that I wasn’t prepared or ready, I guess that was fear.
      I do not have a date in mind or will you supply one? Let me know.

      Not only am I participating. I will promote your challenge in my next post. I love this idea.

      blessings, Linda

      Liked by 1 person

      1. So lovely to read your words dear Linda… yes can you see me jumping up and down in my imagination! Ok, just send me everything by email as soon as it’s ready… I’m trusting everyone to write in divine timing… I’ll probably need a day to prepare each post… but I’m raring to go❤️AND a big Thankyou for promoting it🥰💃🏼

        Liked by 2 people

  2. i love that even amidst the challenges and ebbs and flows you’ve felt, that you’ve experienced that “wave of innocence” at times, as you shared. i feel like when things get the toughest, there’s also this return of innocence, as you put it, that emerges at the edge of it all. like we strip away everything and emerge anew. love to you! ❤

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thanks Tania for your kind words of hope. I know many are suffering, but the last few years have been really challenging for me and now this “crisis. ” I hope to serve with my writing and am grateful for what IS working in my life. ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I had a visit by a Cardinal two days ago. A tiny baby fell out of a tree at my feet and then jumped/flew away. He was so tiny yet so strong! Mama and daddy Cardinals were there as well.

    I’ve noticed I tend to get angry easily these days. Having to really pull myself back and ground more. 🙄 I also get anxious when I have to go somewhere. I hate that feeling!

    Here’s hoping this all clears out sooner rather than later.

    Dayna

    Liked by 2 people

    1. That is cool to see the cardinal family. I get more angry and anxious too. I have noticed your anger on FB recently and relieved to see you are aware of it. This crisis has made some relationships more strained and we need more harmony, not less! ❤

      Liked by 2 people

      1. Yeah sorry about that. I am mostly frustrated and it is causing me to lose sleep. 😞 I’m glad you didn’t take it personally as it wasn’t intended that way. These are stressful times that require compassion for self and others. Thank you for being who you are. 💕

        Liked by 2 people

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