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October 2020

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A few minutes ago the title for this post came to me and it is perfect. Honestly, I have no one or no – thing to blame for my misfortune, but sometimes it is fun to regress a little and place the blame somewhere.  Today’s New Libra Moon has really turned out to be a bummer for me and I did not have any expectations. I do have hope that tonight may turn out to be lovely. But I want to write about how I am feeling right now. It seems like my latest round of job leads has been disappointing and misleading.  Just a week and a half or so ago I was feeling quite jubilant, in the flow and excited about two interviews. Then in the midst of this timeline another job that sounded even better emerged and the employer expressed interest in me. I even dreamed about telling someone about it last night, meaning it had remained with me in the astral.

All three jobs did require that I stuff myself in a box in terms of clinical approach. But they had remote work flexibility and decent pay and were happy to take someone without the LCSW. The two screening interviews I had last week were awkward and felt forced. One already wrote a rejection email. I am waiting to hear back from the other. The most interesting twist is about the third job, which has excellent pay, is very close to home and offers benefits and fulltime hours.

I was asked to answer a question about projecting myself three years into the future and I enjoyed that challenge. The other day I was informed I was going through to the next phase of the selection process. I was  asked to perform an online assessment to see if I would be a good fit. In the past I have had to do this once or twice with poor results. This time I was given the name of the instrument so I looked it up. I was curious how this test would influence their decision so I paid to take the test first myself and learn about how it works. I could not find a free test and considered it to be an investment. It was definitely interesting and echoed a little of my Myers Briggs profile. Today I was ready to take the test for the prospective employer and the code did not work. This seemed off but I attributed it to Mercury retrograde. I emailed the practice to tell them about the glitch so I could take the assessment. Half an hour later I get an email from an admin thanking me for my interest and telling me they hired someone else. What happened??

My mind went down a rabbit hole. I thought that maybe they knew I took the test already and that perhaps disqualified me. Or they accessed my results and decided not to move forward. Or it was a miscommunication.  Eventually the practice owner responded and said that the hiring process moved faster than expected and that she will keep my resume on file as they expect another vacancy in the winter. I do not know if I believe what I was told, but I need to let it go. I will be kind to myself and let my feelings move through me. While musing on this, I remembered something my Reiki teacher said recently about the second attunement she did for me. She received a message that my need to control situations usually makes them worse and that I must find a way to be in the flow. I really tried to control this assessment situation. I did not like being judged this way and wanted to “crack the code”. The irony here is that my test results revealed that I do a lot of research and preparation when I face a difficult problem.

So here you go.

In the midst of this dreary day I drove to the post office to mail my ballot. It was anticlimactic. I usually like to wait in line to vote and find this ritual energizing. But it is more convenient to go the mail – in route. I am not excited about this election, just three days before my 60th birthday ( a discussion for another day). I am not a Biden fan. I remember him from the Anita Hill fiasco during the Clarence Thomas Supreme Court hearings back in the nineties. I found him to be sexist and it bothered me. If I could choose, it would be Marianne Williamson or Bernie Sanders. I prefer authenticly messy people over ambiguous phony people. But I certainly don’t want to live in a reboot of Nazi Germany. I read that Trump’s first wife said he would often read Hitler’s speeches over and over. I could go on about the Con Man/ Mob Boss in Chief, but I am out of wine and do not want to worsen my mood.

This Libra New Moon is very challenging as it squares Mars and opposes Jupiter Saturn and Pluto. So it behooves me to watch my words a bit online and off. And yet, as I ponder my job search and this latest theme of trying to please others by showing up as the prototype they prefer, I really resent not being simply me! I do not have a “brand” and shy away from writers who are inauthentic in order to always stay on brand. This is not for me. I revere honesty and want to write from a place of vulnerability.

I may never get a chance to find out if I was right for that job that required an assessment, but I really would like to work somewhere with people who are more like me. Where are they? Who are they? I don’t know. Libra energy is harsh for me because it occupies my solar 12th house and natal 8th house. These houses are messy and often contain hidden emotional baggage. I have no planets in Libra. I know some wonderful Libra folk like my advisor ( hey CL!)  and my niece but many Libra’s I have encountered have caused me much harm or frustration. It is what it is. We all have our strengths and our weak spots.

Controlling outcomes is one of my weaknesses and Scorpios love to control. Tomorrow is a new day and fortunately my moods tend to change quickly of late. Writing about my darkness is a cathartic relief. So now to bring some light I  will leave you with the song that inspired today’s title :

rain photos by , public domain

12 comments on “Blame it on the Rain

  1. Dalo 2013 says:

    Well written, and I could feel the tensions with your interview and job search process. Hopefully the opening will open up soon and they will hire you – meanwhile, take care.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. litebeing says:

      Thanks Randall for your kind words. I hope you are well. It has been tough and the 2nd job of the three also sent a rejection email. My take now is that these positions were not right for me.

      take good care 🙂


  2. Karin says:

    Thank you for sharing. I am sorry to hear that there were more rejections and disappointments. I understand that this must be very frustrating. I hope that you and your dream job will find each other eventually.
    I can relate to the tension because of having to squeeze oneself into a box to conform and make money vs wanting to just be oneself.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. litebeing says:

      Yes, my intuition must have been off because I felt like I was getting one of these jobs,like I was in a new timeline. I detest having to force myself to conform to someone I am clearly not in order to earn a paycheck. I am hoping to manifest a situation that matches my true self.


      Liked by 1 person

  3. i love that you share your feelings vulnerably and agree that writing is so cathartic. i feel like things will clarify more soon and that the unfolding could simply be about timing and alignment. a fun side note: the song you shared from milli vanilli reminded me that years back i met fabrice “fab” morvan while living in north hollywood, ca and we were friends for a while. he is a very sweet, fun, and genuine soul. lots of love and thank you for the memory.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. litebeing says:

      Thanks Tania for spreading some light my way. Yesterday was unnerving and quite rough. The Fab connection is cool!

      “i feel like things will clarify more soon and that the unfolding could simply be about timing and alignment. ” Did you get this message intuitively? Can you expand on what you meant? My intuition told me I was on this wave of actually getting my new job and it appears as of now that my nudges were off. So glad you get the essence of my writing. I strive for authenticity while still keeping some details private for me and others in my life. blessings, Linda ❤

      Liked by 1 person

      1. you’re welcome. i get that you are manifesting more and more of what you intend. sometimes things just come in steps to show us this. you also have been going through some big changes lately (you did also have a reiki attunement, which can create huge vibrational shifts to recalibrate to). so it could be a timing thing, as it could open up as things integrate more. or, maybe that you are shifting so much that you opened a different path that’s more aligned that is coming. i think your nudges are leading you to the highest opportunity and that each step is opening you more to this with all that you’re receiving through the process. anyway, just my thoughts. love and warm hugs ❤

        Liked by 1 person

      2. litebeing says:

        Thanks for going more in depth Tania. I have found myself quite confused by this turn of events. It is strange to get 3 employers asking for interviews within a few days with all 3 ending right at the screening process. I was wondering if your comment was intuited or from the more mental level, In any case, what you say gives me pause to view it from a new angle. I am finding the reiki attunement to cause many physical symptoms that I did not anticipate so it does not feel like a benefit yet. But time is needed to practice and let the energy detoxify what is needed in the body.

        hugs to you ❤

        Liked by 1 person

    2. litebeing says:

      hi again, i would like to invite you to join our blogging challenge this year, which is in effect now through end of 2020 and the theme is change. I can send the link if you like or see post pinned to top of my blog. I welcome your insights and presence Tania. ❤

      Liked by 1 person

      1. thank you so much for the invite linda. i found the link…it sounds fun. my only concern is i’m not sure when i could so committing to a particular date right now is a challenge. can i see how my schedule looks after the next couple of weeks? i am going away this saturday for a week and prepping to leave. i may have time in late november for this or first half of december. i’ll put a note in my calendar to get back to you after i return. does that sound okay? i so appreciate you thinking of me for this ❤

        Liked by 1 person

      2. litebeing says:

        absolutely, that is fine with me. Enjoy your trip ❤

        Liked by 1 person

      3. yay! thank you!! i’ll be in touch ❤

        Liked by 1 person

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