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litebeing

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ALG181541 Canonical clock with the heads of four prophets, completed 1443 (fresco) by Uccello, Paolo (1397-1475) fresco 470x470 Duomo, Florence, Italy Alinari Italian, out of copyright

This recent Mercury retrograde season has exacerbated inner boredom, frustration, and inaction. I did not expect this transit to impact me directly, but I am mistaken.

Case in point, my living room lamp blew out, again. This is the second time it involved breaking the light bulb, leaving the filament stuck inside the base. I could not safely fix this so I threw out the lamp. For as long as I have lived in this home, the wiring to this table lamp has been off. I wonder if the strange lights flickering is both a faulty connection and a way for the dead to contact me. At this point I would conclude it is a twofer.

Anyway, I drove out to the local shopping center to replace the lamp ( re always rules in retro season, remember?) At a quiet time of day, the traffic was ridiculous with much road work and some detours. It took me some time to figure out how to get into the shopping center. I remained calm and centered, that is, until I realized that the store has gone out of business. No other store in the complex was gone, just the one that sells lamps. I took care of my car and grabbed some lunch to prepare me for this shopping trip beforehand, all for nothing. Such a wasted trip over the course of a few hours. I am surprised how  mild my reaction was, actually.  I now can see that is because I have been walking in sludge for months now.

The next day I ventured out to a different location to buy a lamp. This is the location where my former office is located. I realize I have not worked there in over a year, but there is still some attachment. I had lunch at the same Panera, but it no longer sells bottled water or swiss cheese. Eating outside was both liberating and strange as the wind was blowing. I revisited the Whole Foods I once knew well and got lost while walking around.  This excursion felt surreal to me, blending with past with the ever-present now. The home accessories store had very few lamps so I walked out without one. I did buy some other necessities, but the lack of light in my home is a problem. It leaves a void. A symbolic void, lack of light.

While my dream life is moving somewhere, my waking life feels so empty and wasteful. I keep encountering more losses and disappointments, all the while forging new connections with clients. It seems as if I was put here to just watch tv, buy food, do laundry, and work. I am grateful for work, but where is the joy? It seems I lack the “juice” to move this journey forward or even to accomplish seemingly simple tasks. This is not depression, it is something else.

Per usual, a great song title flashed in into my awareness while writing this post. The song’s theme is about lost love, but the lyrics can apply to one’s journey. I pray that I can find my way through. The monotony can be overwhelming at times.

photos courtesy of wikipedia.org, public domain

6 comments on “Wasted Time

  1. Oh my, how annoying. I hope the new moon today will take us out of the sludge. I also have not been enjoying this particular retrograde very much. Is it because it started with Mercury squaring Pluto, I wonder. I hope the light comes back – also for your flat. On a positive side, I got a new dishwasher today :)) It is symbolic to me because the old one, before it completely broke down, did nit even wash properly.
    I loved that Florence cathedral clock with the prophets you inserted at the beginning of the post. Seems very appropriate. When I visited the Cathedral I did not see it there.

    All the best and a Happy New Moon
    Monika

    Liked by 1 person

    1. litebeing says:

      Thanks for your support Monika,
      I hold hope that as more planets station forward, some momentum will return to my life. You have a good eye, as usual, for recognizing art and other historical/spiritual objects.

      Happy New Moon to you as well! 🙂
      Linda

      Liked by 1 person

  2. TamrahJo says:

    Hugs – I have noticed myself getting caught up in little things that aren’t of ‘mind blowing leaps’ style things for quite some time – and, more and more ‘urges/nudges/calls to this, that or the other…and yet….maybe rather than thinking about this time as sludge, depression, etc., doing chores, etc., perhaps, JUST perhaps, it’s a sinking into the mundane – the wasted time – the trivialialities – all while, on some front or another, your mind and soul are formulating the ‘next’ plan, the ‘resting up for when it bursts into full light, brilliance, inspired – “Go! Go! Go!” activity?

    If nothing else? When it hits? your laundry caught up, your pantry stocked, your car serviced, because who knows? You may just dive into the new and not have time to mess around with such things – ??

    That’s the ‘story’ I tell myself when the things in my life seem to land just like you indicated in your post – – LOL

    “Okay, apparently I’m resting, stocking up, ‘nesting’ to be READY for IT! (whatever IT turns out to be or when/where/how it shows up” ). LOL

    Hugs – and well – maybe it isn’t true for you – but when restlessness, impatience, sinking into mundane, instead of ‘doing/creating new?”, dare I say the label of ‘depression’ hits me?

    I keep an eye on it, but on the other hand? I just tell myself the above story – true or not true – works for me – may work for you – OR not….LOL. Yours to try on, see if you like it or say, “nope, not the right fit, but thanks for the hug…” – – LOL

    Signed – Been there, done that – have turned that pathway into a two lane paved road, by this time, might as well enjoy the trip……LOL

    Liked by 1 person

    1. litebeing says:

      Hi Tamrah Jo,

      I like this story that you tell yourself, especially if it helps. I honestly have been effected by this pandemic at a deeper level and noticed this many months ago. I can see that it has adversely affected me and take whatever steps I can to do self care daily. Life is not always exciting, interesting, or entertaining, and the mundane is necessary. Yet I realize I will never get the wasted time back.

      hugs to you,

      Linda

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Karin says:

    Thanks for sharing. I am sorry to hear about the sludge you are walking through. I hope you will get the lamp replaced at some time.

    I just noticed that below this post WordPress brings up related posts from you and one of these related posts is called “The Light Remains”
    https://litebeing.com/2020/11/26/the-light-remains/.
    Whatever that may mean – I thought that this title was probably more than a coincidence appearing after this post where you talk about a lack of light and thought I’d share that here in the comment.

    Hugs,
    Karin

    Liked by 1 person

    1. litebeing says:

      Hi Karin,

      Still feeling the sludge with a slight uptick in forward movement. I am aware that there is an algorithm used to generate “related posts” so I am not surprised that came up. And yet, this blog is all about the light and that I highlighted lack of light in this blog post. So I also agree that when I saw The Light Remains featured below, I took it as a response from Source that no, there is not a lack of light, the light remains!

      Thanks for pointing it out, you are on the money here!

      hugs,
      Linda

      Liked by 1 person

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