Pluto Square Venus, The Second Shift

Apparently WordPress eliminated my ability to type using the Classic Editor which is really the last obstacle I need to navigate right now.

This image that I just completed is from an Adult Coloring Book. It felt grounding to use crayons and express myself with color. Grounding is something I desperately need since it is especially elusive these days. Here is another piece that I created freeform.

Art Reflections This piece was started sometime late May, early June. I was inspired to follow up on some of the suggestions from my Astrology Consult in those days of innocence. I imagine this as a mysterious sea creature. I finally completed it a couple weeks ago . Time eludes me these days, however I am pleased to report that my sleep is beginning to return.

Dream Insights In fact last night I experienced the return of a once familiar dream prompt. The only wrinkle though is that he failed to prompt me into lucidity. ” Sam ” frequently showed up in past dreams and awakened me to my state of being. Last night I had what I would describe as an ordinary dream sequence full of timelines and objects morphing and transforming back and forth. Sam was recognizable to me but I stayed in the story. It was not a dream that I relished analyzing. I was interested primarily in Sam’s return and why his role has changed. And yet, maybe he is still my dream prompt and I failed to awaken. I really don’t know. Not much in my life makes sense in the way it used to do. Work is still work, but is it? Sleep is familiar, but yet a place where I seek visits from Rick or some other dead Spirit or alive character who will spark something in my soul.

Main Course Let’s now bring this essay into the theme that the title describes. Currently the moon in Aquarius was conjunct Pluto at 3 degrees Aquarius and then moved off the degree. At the same time Pluto was approaching a square to Venus Retrograde in Scorpio at 3 degrees Aquarius for the second hit. Meanwhile Mars at 12 degrees Leo is opposing Pluto and squaring the moon. This configuration is called a T Square but it is not exact because Pluto is slow moving and will not be at 12 degrees for quite awhile. However this energy is beyond intense. I decided to not do much today. No emails, minimal texts ( just a response to a client) and no phone calls. I could be called Trigger – Happy Linda lately so I decided to lay rather low. I did run a few necessary errands and almost hit a snag. I encountered a grocery worker who was irritated. I picked up that she was eager for a conflict. I was a bit tempted but slowed my roll. I had decided to be on my best behavior and I succeeded. Any satisfaction gained from verbally vomiting was not worth it. I do know better but must admit that this Spiritual awakening is not bringing me peace. It is bringing anxiety, erratic moods and behavior, flashes of ideas and insights, and incredible synchs. Peace and grounding are sorely needed though. Over five months in and I really am tired.

It does appear that the Kundalini is less intense. It has not retreated but I think the highest highs are over for now. The crown was not activated as far as I can tell. The third, eye, throat, heart, solar plexus, sacral, and root are definitely in the mix. However I am most aware still of the sacral, heart and third eye. Less primal crying thank goodness, less sexual surges but still enough to remind me that my body is not my own. It seems sometimes as if someone or something cast a spell on me and wants me to be in sexual union with them. Yes, this is ridiculous but for most of my life I was had the upper hand here. Regarding the third eye, I am pleased that my abilities are expanding but slowing slightly. My initial awakening at age 17 is when the third eye was truly taking flight. I do not even have words for it. I do not think I could ever go through that level of intensity again.

I do miss the early days before I knew what was happening. I still recall a sunny weekend. I was leaving my car in a parking lot walking to Trader Joes. I was singing the song No One by Alicia Keys at the top of my lungs and I was in bliss. I was happy to rediscover Trader Joes but not that happy! I was surprised to be singing but it felt right. I miss those moments. I thought I was just crushing on a dude. No biggie.

Here we are about to fully enter Scorpio season and I am not a happy camper. I appreciate the newfound inner vitality but the bloom has left the rose. My newfound skills have discovered more darkness in myself and in others. It does not feel elevated. My insights into myself are helpful but do not inspire optimism. I realize I have so much left to clean up. I see how unhealed I still am and it hurts. I have been relentlessly devoted to healing myself since I learned of Rick’s death. It has been non – stop. I do feel somewhat accomplished but it is quite heavy to realize that I am still quite stuck at my age. How can I be both wise and slow? Seems like a paradox for sure. This Pluto Venus mess ( even with just Venus in Scorpio retro on its own) is really doing a number on my psyche and my heart. I finally outed myself with natal Pluto square Venus. it is not like anyone is asking and I was in denial. It has more to do with the story i told myself. The story was that yes, I have Pluto conjunct North Node in the 7th house but my Pluto is too far away by orb to count as a square to my Venus in Sagittarius. Considering my tendencies, I will declare that while the orb is a bit too far away to ” count ” , some astrologers would say it counts. It really depends on one’s interpretation. I see more and more of myself in the chart of JLo who has this aspect very strongly. I will address this more in a future post but for now it is obvious to me that there are parallels.

I was sort of hoping an ex would re -appear and there is time left. Yet, isn’t Rick enough? I performed the revisiting the exes tour back in the summer and that sure was a task. so what do I want? I want to feel love. I want to feel seen. I want not to hurt so much.

There lies the rub. I should be absolutely fine on my own. I was fine until May. Sometimes I truly want to go back to the end of 2025. But I cannot do that. I have to accept my fate. I need to see that my chart offers my potentials and my assignments. Romance was meant to be messy, obsessive, and beautiful. Not easy, simple, and harmonious. Not without plenty of work, patience, and spiritual evolution.