I hope everyone received radiance from the New Scorpio Moon. Tomorrow is November 11th, aka the 11 11 Portal. For me it marks the opposition of 5 11. It will be six months since I met Maurice. Definitely one of the weirdest times in this entire incarnation and that is saying a lot considering what I have lived through.
Tomorrow is being marketed as a time to set intentions for new beginnings. I wonder if doing so before the Mercury and Venus stations will hamper the ability to manifest. Maybe the practice of manifestation by setting intentions is worthwhile just for the practice. We sahllsee.
I recommend you read this post first before reading the rest of this one. It will help set the stage for what I write now.
I am ready to share a little more about this journey. It takes time and experience to create some emotional infrastructure for an awakening that is rarely discussed or communicated accurately. Today’s post is just a short introduction. When I have more time and energy I plan to create a timeline of my account and a more substantial essay.
The purpose of today’s declaration is in service of me moving on. I am beyond tired of feeling so stuck and frustrated. I recognize I may not have the full story or a technically accurate one. Yet I have nothing to lose and perhaps something to gain by sharing here.
It seems likely that I am on a Twin Flame Journey. The reading I received Saturday ( described in the earlier post above) has verified my suspicions. The language was different and the details man require discernment, but the incredibly long journey of two humans coming together over and over with an ” ancient” agreement to spark the other’s awakening seems to scream Twin Flame. I can not make this up. For the record this exercise in insanity was never on my Bingo Card. I heard the term probably in the 1980s and thought it was a spiritual version of Santa Claus or The Tooth Fairy. It was way too cheesy for me to accept. I do not totally accept it actually. However I need to get with the program so I can move one. I did not seek out this info, it found me. Searching for answers regarding Kundalini led me here. the thought that some guy I met once could activate me so powerfully ( and seemingly for the rest of my life ) is beyond absurd. I have accepted the K now. It has become more tolerable. My insomnia is minimal. How did I go several months with so little sleep? Perhaps I am more awakened, I feel like a light is on inside my being that was previously turned off. I feel physically different, even when it appears dormant. The dreams, telepathy, and intense sexual rushes have calmed down. They do resurface at least weekly but not to the original levels. Emotional acuity remains but less erratic. The synchs still appear, but I had them before. I do not know if I am less blocked than before. I do see a more alive version of myself when I look in the mirror, Happier no, but more engaged.
It is tough to be happy with a broken heart. A heart that was more intact without Maurice. I am unclear why I needed an awakening at age 65. For what purpose? My life is not over yet but there are less years in front of me. This could have been useful in my thirties when I hit a rough patch with Lyme Disease , more health issues, and Herman moving far away. I could have made some great strides then. why now? To what end? I am already spiritually awake. Many of the TW crowd speak about their first awakening seeing repeating numbers, psychic abilities, etc I am happy for them if they are happy but I have all that. For me this is more reminiscent of meeting some hot guy in a bar, having a one night stand, using birth control and ending up pregnant. You tell the guy you are pregnant and they ghost you. You end of raising the child alone. I have not endured this scenario but K is forever. I did not ask him to activate me. I do not think he meant to do it either. But he sure wasn’t receptive to my request for communication.
How do you forget an event like this? I recall being told years ago that Herman and I were old loved who played many roles over lifetimes. I eventually accepted it as true as our relationship developed. Our love was strong and mutual shared. The details made sense after learning more of our story. I did not share it with him but sensed he knew we had a soul connection. That was good enough for me.
Maurice is not interested in me or anything I have to day. Unfriending me was spiteful. I was not chasing him. I have had no direct contact with him and also disconnected most ties to him, He did the rest. It seems so unbalanced that I cannot talk to him about this journey. I know that there is separation on the journey but if he is my forever companion , how can he not remember me? I find it ironic that my Twin is someone who teaches about soul relationships as part of his career and discusses Twin Flames on a YouTube video. Is he really clueless about us? The reader says he knows of our ties but he many not know the entire story. I feel more isolated than I did before.
My plan for now is to move one somehow. He is not coming back. He is in a romantic relationship and was before we met. I know that in itself is not unusual but I do not think he is interested in me at all. This makes no sense given our astrological linkages but it is what it is. I would have expected that we would have been long distance friends because of the compatibility. I did not assume he was into me romantically because he does not seem to share my sexual orientation. But the topic was never discussed so I am in the dark.
So we will end here. Initially I wanted to introduce my amazing person to the world. I do not feel that way at this point. There is little to celebrate.
What the heck, let’s end with a video. Here are two songs I latched onto when I realized I was drawn to this mystery man. They both are songs from my past with a new glow. I miss feeling excited and joyful. Now I will settle for acceptance.
