My Best Friend For Life

litebeing chronicles 2013

UPDATE 2018: It will be three years since Dexter passed on July 12th, 5 days from now. While I occasionally consider adopting again, I always find reasons to decline. My finances are unstable, or my health is unstable, or I want to travel, etc. The real truth is I am not ready yet. Like so many things, I won’t know until I know.

I spent some time around many cats while at a BBQ for the 4th of July. I clearly enjoyed their company and it appeared the feeling was mutual. For now, I will savor the time I have around felines however they find me. I continue to relish the love Dexter brought to me. He was a heart chakra activator extraordinaire.

Enjoy this post from 2015 ( below the 2016 update).

 

UPDATE 2016: July 12th will mark the one year anniversary of Dexter’s passing. Tomorrow will be more poignant for me because he passed on a Sunday. I am beginning to receive signs, some of which are rather bold, that is time to seriously explore adopting a new cat. While I will consider this guidance carefully, a part of me is still not quite ready. Dexter made me better, and I do not know if another soul can bring out the best that is left inside my soul.

Here is an old post written a week after Dex’s passing. It is heartfelt and chock full of excellent resources. Please send me some light tomorrow and show your loved ones how much they mean to you. It is everything.

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It has been incredibly challenging to simply survive this week. One week ago today, my beloved Dexter transitioned to another realm. So far this is a realm I cannot reach. I sincerely thank everyone here for their love and support. My longtime readers know that this year has not been an easy one. Your unwavering loyalty is priceless.

While writing is both my joy and my solace, words have not come easily to me lately. My pain is too great and my motivation too meager. Yet I do have a message to convey and I will attempt to do so to the best of my ability.

The week that Dexter died was a very busy one. While I know the word busy is relative, for me the increase in activity was substantial. Tuesday was the dentist, Wednesday and Thursday Caryn visited me, and Friday I took my car to the shop. Saturday, my last full day with Dexter was a blur, except for posting about master/students late at night. Sunday, of course, was my own private circle of hell. I wish I could remember more of my final day at home with Dexter, but I don’t. Unfortunately the details of last Sunday seem to be on a rotating loop inside my heart.

But I want to go back to earlier in the week to share some resources that have helped me and may help others who “stumble” upon my blog. Caryn and I have not been together in Philly since the 1990s. We did hang out last fall in NY after reconnecting on FB. I plan to blog about what brought me to NY, but that draft is not ready for completion. Caryn and I were so so busy: special Impressionist exhibition at the Philadelphia Museum of Art, movie night at an old lovely theater, 2 incredible meals ( one was Indian since we both adore it!) and a mini road trip to Longwood Gardens. Our 2 days were go go go and rather frenetic. The weather was horrible both days and my patience often wore thin. Yet grace did surround us in many ways: a deer crossing on a road where this “never” happens; a “random” encounter with a waiter that was filled with synchronicity, a gratis fruit platter that was a work of art in itself and discounts off our bill; and  the sheer joy of watching Caryn frolicking at Longwood for the very first time. The waterlilies  I am sharing were a highlight of this particular visit for me. They were not in bloom during my last two trips.

Photo897 (1)

Another source of peace was Matt Kahn. On Wednesday Caryn and I spoke about relationships and the nature of connections. That very evening I come home to notice a brand new video by Matt on soul mates and twin flames. In it he mentions, among many other things, that for some a soul mate may be their pet. This idea prompted me to refer to Dexter as my soul mate on my latest post. Matt refers to a soul mate as a balancing counterpart with little drama or intensity, but great love. While I do not agree with every point made, I find Matt’s take on the different type of soul connections to be fascinating and quite revelatory. This information is especially relevant in regards to next week’s Venus retrograde event.  I offer his video here:

 

Now I want to share some resources that have softened the loss by providing a rare understanding of my bond with my cats ( and most animals and inhabitants of the natural world) and some insight into the grieving process.

They are both courtesy of  Caryn and Karin, “the Carings” in my life. Caryn provided me with this link that really spoke to me. I am very picky about these grief expert offerings, perhaps because I provide these services in my work, or because I am quite discerning. In any case, this article was profoundly insightful. For those who may not understand the connection between human and animal, please take a look and your impressions may shift.

http://www.anaflora.com/grieving/beloved/beloved.html

I especially like both these passages:

The love of an animal permits us to unfold, to open up, drop our defenses and to be naked, not only physically but psychologically and spiritually as well. With an animal we let ourselves be seen instead of hiding behind our personalities, our cultures, our jobs, our clothing or our makeup. They know us as no one else does, in our private joys, angry rages, deepest despair, in sickness and in health. All the while their calm steady presence companions us with an unwavering love like few others on this earth. Our animal companions see through us to the very soul of our soul, encouraging the unfolding of a sacred trust. If there is such a thing as a soul mate, then surely this is it.

Many people have never been blessed with, or felt for themselves, the true love of an animal. They are incapable of understanding that your love for an animal may surpass your love for the humans that are the closest to you. It is a different bond, in a way, more profound; something only the heart understands. What I have learned over the years, as a student of grief and a student of many spiritual traditions, is that no guru, guide, master or friend no matter how enlightened can comfort the heart that believes it has lost what it holds most dear. Whether grieving ourselves, or consoling a grieving friend, often the most useful thing we can do is to simply tell our story. For in the story of our own journey through the gates of grief, or in bearing witness to the grief of another, we can at least legitimize the experience and make it “Sacred.”

Karin turned me on to this excellent video with medium Danielle MacKinnon that was posted just a few days ago. While I do hold some skepticism regarding animal communicators, Danielle is someone who naturally conveys authenticity and warmth. Please check it out if you are called to explore this topic further. What really struck me most was the question posed near the end of the interview.:

 Animals choose to pass at a particular time.  Ask yourself : What was it about this time that has meaning for you?

Here is the link for the video: https://wingingwithwhitehawk.wordpress.com/2015/07/16/pets-in-the-afterlife/

Finally I want to share some closing thoughts. It is so ironic that I have been so successful as a grief counselor. So very many clients over the years suffered unimaginable trauma and loss. I seem to be rather effective at facilitating healing for those in pain and was quite driven to focus on this area of therapy. Personally though, I suck at loss and death. I do not judge how I grieve, so please do not misconstrue my meaning. I just do not like to let go. I do not detach easily, especially if the bond was deep. Losing my first cat brought me to the brink of depression from which I doubted I would ever recover. Yet I did recover and I will recover from this loss. But this journey has just begun…

Let me conclude with a song that helps express the enormity of my love for Dexter. When I call him my best friend and soul mate, I am not exaggerating. It does not mean I do not love or have not loved other human beings deeply.

Dexter

It’s just different.


For a tribute to Dexter circa 2013ish, please visit OM’s site here.

By Lidija296 (Own work) [CC BY-SA 4.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0)], via Wikimedia Commons

Happy 4th litebeing chronicles! ~ Fourever Yours

abundance.jpg welcome to my blog

Happy 4th birthday litebeing chronicles! Hundreds of posts, over 750 followers and counting and a glorious community that has been my lifeline, all began with the desire to speak my truth and a courageous intention to let everything fall into place as it may. And here we are!

I already published my new year’s blog, so today’s entry will be brief. I reviewed my very first post and realize that my goals are the same. My initial intention was – and still is, to share the “little things” that are not really little after-all, and let them speak, to give them a voice.

Here’s an example from yesterday :

I am facilitating a new group for younger, more recently diagnosed clients and it is just the three of us. I asked the others to share happy memories and some of their talents and gifts. The participants are hesitant to share as this is a new project and trust has to be developed. It turns out that one person was a comedy writer and the other a poet; one dreamed of being an actor and the other dreamed of being an actress. The three of us are writers in various stages of creative process across our lifespans. One participant spoke of  a mini breakthrough that occurred recently. He described it as ” a glimmer of light”.  I grinned to myself . We have something here.

A glimmer of lite. That’s all that is required to awaken. A flash of insight, a familiar melody, an unexpected encounter, a telling dream… This is why I write and why I continue to share, regardless of obstacles that continue to cross my path. That glimmer is sacred. It welcomes each and every one of us back to consciousness, to helps us find our way back home.

Thank you to readers both old and new. Please say hello and let me know you are here! It is wonderful to notice such an increase in new readers. Yet so few take the time to like or comment. I know our lives are busy, but if my words move you in any way, please let me know.

Here I have copied my very first blog, written on 1-11-13 for all of you to read. For many this will be an initial glimpse of my ” mission statement”. Since this is the fourth year and 4 signifies a foundation, I believe this article provides the grounding that led me to this point. 

Thanks again for all the love and support along the way. 

Fourever yours, litebeing

Hello world and welcome to my first blog. I have decided that since we survived the Mayan Apocalypse that I would chronicle my Divine encounters for 2013. The purpose of this project is to chronicle my ordinary experiences that are colored with that ” something extra”, the inexplicable sparkle that hints of the Source.

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I recently have begun to link my identity with litebeing because it accurately describes my current state of being. I have been on a spiritual quest most of my adult life and thought I had this journey thing nearly figured out. I have had some mind-blowing experiences with groups and individually, have been able to really tap into my intuition, and have been able to use these gifts in serving others as a therapist, social worker, and astrologer. Yet, I have recently become more awakened and as a result of this process discovered that I have only begun to glimpse the true nature of life on this planet. So I downgraded myself from a lightbeing to a litebeing.

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Joy of Life by Josephine Wall

I intend to blog weekly about my adventures living as a spiritual being having a human experience. However, the frequency will depend on how much there is to share. My goal is to share my stories so others will be able to take a closer look into their own ordinary encounters in a more conscious way. I plan to do so with humor, candor, and authenticity.  Above all, I aim to inspire.

Come along with me on this journey , share comments, and  let me know how its going for you.

Happy 2013!!!!

header image credit ~ By Lidija296 (Own work) [CC BY-SA 4.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0)], via Wikimedia Commons 

A Simple Tale

Brief update: Happy to report my laptop is back home after a harrowing four days at Best Buy’s Geek Squad. All sorts of confusion and ridiculousness ensued and I am hoping at least some of it can be attributed to the Uranus station yesterday. I like Windows 10 and it is simpler in design than Window’s 8. I cannot get Cortana to talk to me, but maybe she isn’t one of my guides 🙂

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Two days ago I had a quick tale to tell. Now I have a simple tale about miracles and perspective. I am sharing this not only to inspire you , but to remind myself that all is well, somehow…

 

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I had the notion that the deadline to install Windows 10 for free on my laptop was fast approaching. I am not certain  I want the upgrade because of the privacy issues associated with the new operating system. Still, I wanted to learn more about it. My laptop may be incompatible with Windows 10 because of its age. So I did some research and was left more baffled than before. I decided to call the Geek Squad that is affiliated with the store where I purchased my PC. I was connected to a man with a strong southern drawl. His name was …… DEXTER.

Dexter was not able to answer my questions to my satisfaction and the remote viewing process disabled my security software. This freaked me out so I was leery of continuing further. However, I asked him if his name was Dexter and he answered in the affirmative. I wanted to be certain I had heard him correctly.

In my 55 years of living on Earth, I believe this is the first time I spoke to a human named Dexter. The fact that this happened 4 days after the anniversary of his passing was not lost on me. I sense that this urgent need to learn about the windows upgrade was communicated to me. I cannot be certain of this, but I was considering checking out cats tomorrow at the animal shelter. I do not know if this is a sign I should proceed, or more likely confirmation of my intense focus on my Dexter.

After this encounter, I watched the film Miracles From Heaven. It is about a young girl who undergoes a transformation that tests the faith of her family. I like Jennifer Garner and am attracted to these types of stories. I was quickly drawn into the story because the protagonist has a mysterious digestive disorder requiring numerous tests and hospital visits. If I had known this beforehand, I may have not watched the film. Her stomach becomes quite bloated and she is in constant excruciating pain. She endures an endoscopy and meets with several GI specialists. This was hitting too close to home.

Then the song Collide begins to play and my heart bursts wide open. That song is my jam. This song links me to my mystical encounter that happened eleven years ago on July 21st 2005. Today is July 16th, hmmmm.

The song was used to illustrate a strong connection between this ordinary, traditional church-going  family and the power of Source. I was quite tickled by this because Collide was written as a romantic love song. I intuited it to be about a higher love and it appears that the producers did so as well.

I will not give the story away because this film is relatively new. What I will say is that interwoven into the main storyline are several subtle miracles in action. I noticed a few of them immediately, but later on they are highlighted to convey the significance of faith.

I came away from today feeling mixed emotions. I am experiencing the extreme sadness and anguish that often accompanies pain, suffering, and powerlessness. At the same time, I am also warmed by the electric vitality of bold synchronicities that cannot be explained away.

I still am undecided about getting Windows 10 and adopting a new cat. But I feel less disconnected and more enchanted. Jennifer Garner’s character quotes Einstein at a pivotal point in the plot:

There are two ways to live: you can live as if nothing is a miracle; you can live as if everything is a miracle.

Which way do you choose?

 

image credits ~ wikipedia.org, public domain

My Best Friend For Life

July 12th will mark the one year anniversary of Dexter’s passing. Tomorrow will be more poignant for me because he passed on a Sunday. I am beginning to receive signs, some of which are rather bold, that is time to seriously explore adopting a new cat. While I will consider this guidance carefully, a part of me is still not quite ready. Dexter made me better, and I do not know if another soul can bring out the best that is left inside my soul.

Here is an old post written a week after Dex’s passing. It is heartfelt and chock full of excellent resources. Please send me some light tomorrow and show your loved ones how much they mean to you. It is everything.

Photo896

It has been incredibly challenging to simply survive this week. One week ago today, my beloved Dexter transitioned to another realm. So far this is a realm I cannot reach. I sincerely thank everyone here for their love and support. My longtime readers know that this year has not been an easy one. Your unwavering loyalty is priceless.

While writing is both my joy and my solace, words have not come easily to me lately. My pain is too great and my motivation too meager. Yet I do have a message to convey and I will attempt to do so to the best of my ability.

The week that Dexter died was a very busy one. While I know the word busy is relative, for me the increase in activity was substantial. Tuesday was the dentist, Wednesday and Thursday Caryn visited me, and Friday I took my car to the shop. Saturday, my last full day with Dexter was a blur, except for posting about master/students late at night. Sunday, of course, was my own private circle of hell. I wish I could remember more of my final day at home with Dexter, but I don’t. Unfortunately the details of last Sunday seem to be on a rotating loop inside my heart.

But I want to go back to earlier in the week to share some resources that have helped me and may help others who “stumble” upon my blog. Caryn and I have not been together in Philly since the 1990s. We did hang out last fall in NY after reconnecting on FB. I plan to blog about what brought me to NY, but that draft is not ready for completion. Caryn and I were so so busy: special Impressionist exhibition at the Philadelphia Museum of Art, movie night at an old lovely theater, 2 incredible meals ( one was Indian since we both adore it!) and a mini road trip to Longwood Gardens. Our 2 days were go go go and rather frenetic. The weather was horrible both days and my patience often wore thin. Yet grace did surround us in many ways: a deer crossing on a road where this “never” happens; a “random” encounter with a waiter that was filled with synchronicity, a gratis fruit platter that was a work of art in itself and discounts off our bill; and  the sheer joy of watching Caryn frolicking at Longwood for the very first time. The waterlilies  I am sharing were a highlight of this particular visit for me. They were not in bloom during my last two trips.

Photo897 (1)

Another source of peace was Matt Kahn. On Wednesday Caryn and I spoke about relationships and the nature of connections. That very evening I come home to notice a brand new video by Matt on soul mates and twin flames. In it he mentions, among many other things, that for some a soul mate may be their pet. This idea prompted me to refer to Dexter as my soul mate on my latest post. Matt refers to a soul mate as a balancing counterpart with little drama or intensity, but great love. While I do not agree with every point made, I find Matt’s take on the different type of soul connections to be fascinating and quite revelatory. This information is especially relevant in regards to next week’s Venus retrograde event.  I offer his video here:

 

Now I want to share some resources that have softened the loss by providing a rare understanding of my bond with my cats ( and most animals and inhabitants of the natural world) and some insight into the grieving process.

They are both courtesy of  Caryn and Karin, “the Carings” in my life. Caryn provided me with this link that really spoke to me. I am very picky about these grief expert offerings, perhaps because I provide these services in my work, or because I am quite discerning. In any case, this article was profoundly insightful. For those who may not understand the connection between human and animal, please take a look and your impressions may shift.

http://www.anaflora.com/grieving/beloved/beloved.html

I especially like both these passages:

The love of an animal permits us to unfold, to open up, drop our defenses and to be naked, not only physically but psychologically and spiritually as well. With an animal we let ourselves be seen instead of hiding behind our personalities, our cultures, our jobs, our clothing or our makeup. They know us as no one else does, in our private joys, angry rages, deepest despair, in sickness and in health. All the while their calm steady presence companions us with an unwavering love like few others on this earth. Our animal companions see through us to the very soul of our soul, encouraging the unfolding of a sacred trust. If there is such a thing as a soul mate, then surely this is it.

Many people have never been blessed with, or felt for themselves, the true love of an animal. They are incapable of understanding that your love for an animal may surpass your love for the humans that are the closest to you. It is a different bond, in a way, more profound; something only the heart understands. What I have learned over the years, as a student of grief and a student of many spiritual traditions, is that no guru, guide, master or friend no matter how enlightened can comfort the heart that believes it has lost what it holds most dear. Whether grieving ourselves, or consoling a grieving friend, often the most useful thing we can do is to simply tell our story. For in the story of our own journey through the gates of grief, or in bearing witness to the grief of another, we can at least legitimize the experience and make it “Sacred.”

Karin turned me on to this excellent video with medium Danielle MacKinnon that was posted just a few days ago. While I do hold some skepticism regarding animal communicators, Danielle is someone who naturally conveys authenticity and warmth. Please check it out if you are called to explore this topic further. What really struck me most was the question posed near the end of the interview.:

 Animals choose to pass at a particular time.  Ask yourself : What was it about this time that has meaning for you?

Here is the link for the video: https://wingingwithwhitehawk.wordpress.com/2015/07/16/pets-in-the-afterlife/

Finally I want to share some closing thoughts. It is so ironic that I have been so successful as a grief counselor. So very many clients over the years suffered unimaginable trauma and loss. I seem to be rather effective at facilitating healing for those in pain and was quite driven to focus on this area of therapy. Personally though, I suck at loss and death. I do not judge how I grieve, so please do not misconstrue my meaning. I just do not like to let go. I do not detach easily, especially if the bond was deep. Losing my first cat brought me to the brink of depression from which I doubted I would ever recover. Yet I did recover and I will recover from this loss. But this journey has just begun…

Let me conclude with a song that helps express the enormity of my love for Dexter. When I call him my best friend and soul mate, I am not exaggerating. It does not mean I do not love or have not loved other human beings deeply.

Dexter

It’s just different.


For a tribute to Dexter circa 2013ish, please visit OM’s site here.

Aries New Moon ~ Same Old Song, But with a Different Twist

wikipedia public domain

I was sort of psyched to write about this powerfully liberating Aries new moon, but could not get it together. I was too busy having a diverticulitis attack. Fortunately I caught it early and it appears that I am slowly on the mend.  So grateful I could ride this out at home. How I survived without major pain meds is a mystery. But why it happened almost exactly 1 year after my initial attack is less of one.

My initiation into Colonodyssey was April 6, 2015, following a full moon eclipse that highlighted the Uranus Pluto square. April 7, 2016 was a new moon, also showcasing Pluto and Uranus. I wrote all about it here, a post I recently re-blogged to foreshadow my next Colonodyssey installment. Perhaps it was really foreshadowing this next health setback. Who knows anymore?

There is some irony that on both dates I wanted to write about these significant astrological events, but could not push through my resistance. Looking back, it is clear that I knew there was going to be more to the story.

If I did write about this recent new moon, mention of it being the unofficial start of 2016 would be paramount. With Uranus conjunct the new moon, I would have indicated bold, exciting, fresh beginnings. I don’t know about you, but for me nothing feels new. Not yet anyway. Yesterday it snowed in April and I am left wondering if time has stood still or if I can’t trace time ( Changes by David Bowie  reference). I feel like I am stuck in quicksand. By the way, Quicksand is another Bowie song. Couldn’t help myself.

What seems somewhat new is the steady influx of Spirit movement. I had 2 dreams within the span of a few days that warned me about my health, which I chose to discount ( yet again.) One dream included the 911 sequence and the other one referenced pipes needing repair ( I am equating pipes with intestines). I am learning the hard way that minimizing these signals, regardless of dream residue interference, is foolish business.

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Another development is the onslaught of strange phone calls I have received  the week following my medium session. According to my caller ID,  I was flooded with unknown callers  from all over the country – all strangers to me, a few days before the reading and the entire week after.  Some days the phone would ring constantly, leaving some hangups on my voicemail. I do not know any of the phone numbers nor am I connected with most of their locations. Last night the calls have seemed to cease. Thank goodness! Seems like Spirit was testing to see if I was paying attention. Sylvia Browne says that the deceased often will make the phone ring in order to communicate. She could be right.

I have had to put any plans on hold once more, and focus clearly on the here and now. This is not fun, but necessary when your world is rocked in a not-very-good way. This is so Uranus Pluto, yet rather old school by this point. When I visited a new GI specialist last Friday, his parting words were ” call us if you have another attack so we can postpone your colonoscopy.” He repeated himself, making his message more pronounced.  I wondered if he was able to predict this outcome, or was it a self-fulfilling prophecy? Truth be told, I have been down this road before; the road where you can drive yourself crazy with half-baked theory and conjecture. I could attempt to explain why I relapsed, but what purpose would be served?

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This is the thing: I do not want to be a victim anymore. I finished watching the latest Matt Kahn video ~ Claim your power, which was about taking the high road in life, aka the Golden Rule. It is a worthwhile lecture, so consider taking a look. He goes on to describe four ego behaviors that can derail you: entitlement, righteousness, neediness, and victimhood. When he got to victimhood, the buzzer went off in my head. He defines it as a belief that everything is conspiring against you. Sound familiar anyone? I had not thought about victimhood this way before, but it fits. I have been valiantly attempting to flip the script to the opposite premise, that the universe is conspiring in my favor. Making an about-face has been haunting me for a good while. It is a real struggle, but worth pursuing anyway. I know it is a better way to live.

But it ain’t easy.

So how has this new moon been treating you?

Is it invigorating and exciting?

Or same old, same old?

Or is it more like the same old song, but with a twist?

radio image via wikipedia.org, public domain

My Awakening Experience and Moving On: It is always about love

Ten years ago today was the culmination of a remarkably intense and joyful awakening experience for me. While James and I first met in 2004, it was not until the following year that everything aligned in Divine Order. It is interesting that Pendle Hill has contacted me this week to write about my time at their retreat center. It is also interesting that today’s astrological transits are very powerful for me. Today marks both my Mars return and transiting Jupiter conjunct my chart ruler ( Uranus.) Both events indicate a burst of energy and exciting beginnings. With all I have endured recently, I am certainly ready for new adventures and breakthroughs that propel me forward with joy and fulfillment.

So I am re-blogging my awakening story in celebration of my ability to be open, embrace change, and boldly share my truth. So much has changed over these past ten years, but my appreciation of Source’s movement in my life has remained a constant. Underneath the sorrow and pain, all is well.

litebeing chronicles

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Please play this while reading :  Collide

The dawn is breaking

A light shining through

You’re barely waking

And I’m tangled up in you

Yeah

Fitting words from the song Collide by Howie Day for an experience that really defies the limits of human communication. This looks like the beginning of a romantic love story. Looks though, can be deceiving! On January 30th, Uranus the Awakener  ( modern ruler of Aquarius) is in full force. Today also marks the Chinese New Year, the Year of the Wood Horse. I chose today on this rare Black Moon, the Aquarius New Moon ( a few degrees behind my Ascendant) that also features Mercury conjunct Neptune to post my offering for my participation inBarbara’s January Challenge on Awakening. Thank you Barbara for giving me a nudge to look back at this time in order to gain some perspective and share with others.

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