Green Butterfly/Symbols the Sequel

Happy Friday from couch central. I have been home for over three months and am finding life stranger and stranger. Today has been challenging. But Tuesday was magickal.

I have noticed old events repeating, which some may label as unpleasant. My car was damaged on the right side a few days ago by a hit and run. Different car, but this happened a few times already ( 2017, 2018). I have injured my toes, first on the right foot, and now on the left. I did a “bang-up job ” on the left pinky toe, all bruised and very painful. Yes, I have done this before, most notably back in 2018. I did it over and over for a few weeks back then.

The fun began this morning as my former manager contacts me to come in next week before my coworkers return to hand in company property and retrieve my stuff. He says he wants me to come in early due to social distancing. The real reason is he does not want me to speak to my colleagues, even though I was laid off and did nothing wrong. Today a neighbor called me ” the craziest neighbor” after I asked him not to walk next to me without a mask.  That stung, but I am not crazy, just conscious. Then I spotted 2 strangers walking around my car and parking lot suspiciously.  These events have sparked old wounds and triggered anger and fear. I feel attacked and I have also inadvertently hurt myself. It is eclipse season, with Merc retro and solstice upon us, but my 5th house of fun is highlighted, ha!

 

 

Well, there was some fun on Tuesday. I chose another symbol for Spirit to bring to me : a singing frog. He did not show up on Tuesday. On Wednesday I went to my FB feed and a friend ( who is a psychic) posted she was feeling froggy.  She then posted about frog symbolism.  One meaning of frog is finding opportunities during transition. Yes, that applies.

I commented on her post about my wish to see a singing frog. She then referred me to her profile picture and voila, my singing frog! I did not know about this animated character before. I did dig up this article about the urban meaning of a singing frog.

Here is the definition: A Singing Frog is the occurrence in which your attempt to show someone an ongoing symptom/ issue is squandered due to its coincidental absence. The post gives examples of signs that do not occur when you want to show someone else. It reminds me of why I sometimes write about my cosmic encounters, to document that what I observed really happened.

Which brings me to my little visitor. On Tuesday before the FB encounter, I was returning to my car with groceries feeling stressed. I noticed a tiny grasshopper on the trunk. I was excited and needed proof:

This photo was enlarged for detail, he or she was about 3/4 of an inch, if that. Later I returned to my car once home. I was doubtful but had to check to see if grasshopper( or cricket? ) had ridden home with me. He was still on the car, having traveled towards the passenger mirror. I did not have my phone on hand, but was fine just taking in the moment. I had a passing thought that my car is being protected, that all is well. The projection here is that I desire to be protected. My world does not feel safe and every time I cough, I worry I will get sick.

I realize I have been experiencing woo for decades, but I need to feel connected now more than ever. Over this 3 month period, I  experience loneliness, dread, and anger rising up. The manifestation of animal medicine or the appearance of images suggested as “an experiment” are needed for me to keep going. I need support to keep me from descending into a dark hole, can you see? We all must do what we can to reinforce the drive for self-preservation and to move closer to hope and the light.  May the light of universal love carry us when we cannot walk on our own.

HAPPY SOLSTICE TO ALL!

By Syed Atif Nazir [GFDL (http://www.gnu.org/copyleft/fdl.html) or CC-BY-3.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0)], via Wikimedia Commons

Gemini Dream

I am happy to report that my mood and attitude have improved for the past few days. Meditating daily using headspace has made a difference. I have also participated in a global meditation yesterday as well, thanks to Alia. The accompanying video is uplifting with glorious music. Check out Alia’s blog for more details as this meditation is still happening.

Today’s eclipse is on 15 degrees Sagittarius, near my Venus in my 10th house. The Gemini / Sag polarity is about information, religiosity, ideas, philosophy, teaching, and communication, among other things. This Gem sun – Sag moon combo can produce a slick, fanatical salesman/woman type with lots of bluster and pretty words. Words do matter as well as how we use them. Venus in my 10th house points to the value of public life. At least that is one interpretation that speaks to my current situation. Doing as astro consult on Wednesday was wonderful as I was able to hear someone derive meaning from my words in real-time.  I have another lined up and invite you to join the party! These readings are free. Click here for the details.

Yesterday I began a volunteer job and it is very exciting. It happened very quickly and rather organically. More will be revealed in due time, but let’s just say that I thrive when I feel useful. I realize one’s worth is not defined by doing anything, but I like being part of the healing collective, the souls who find meaning in service. My face and hands are improving slowly and I have fewer aches and pains. My emotions are still raw and my patience is lacking, but I am noticing an improvement in my outlook. While I enjoy leisure and would never be called a workaholic, I have 2 planets in Capricorn and Venus in the 10th. Moreover, Saturn is the traditional ruler of my chart. For me, this manifests as loyalty, duty, and productivity, an antidote to my lazyish Pisces south node ( where I could escape into books, tv, and video games for days).

My dreams have been odd, but I attribute to my delicate nervous system adapting to a chaotic new “normal. ” I will not predict how this Strawberry Moon lunar eclipse ( the 1st of 3) will fare, but it does coincide with Trump’s luminaries. Please consider a free reading with me for a look at your near future and/or adding a testimonial for a past reading for my Testimonial page. I am revamping it so it will be more user friendly when I step up my Astrology practice. Dream well and communicate with love.

images by Josephine Wall

Fight Injustice Without Hate

I really truly thought I knew myself better. I expected to weather this isolation period rather well. I am an introvert at heart, that loves lingering in books, with solitude and the old oak tree as a backdrop. I figured once the shock of my layoff wore off and my benefits were established, I would discover some joy within and thrive with all this newfound free time. Well, I was mistaken. The perpetual conflicts I encounter with others continue in my pursuit to receive the benefits I worked hard to acquire. I pay taxes and I have worked very hard over my lifetime, often in psychologically toxic workplaces. My last employer should change its name to Clusterfuck. Yup, I just wrote that sentence. Anyone still wonder why my blog is anonymous?

My health is now showing the delayed result of my anger and pain. I have skin eruptions on my face and hands. It is painful and feels like extreme sunburn. Anger often is a response to hurt. Yes, I do feel hurt. Along with grief, rage, sadness and some hatred. It is unclear anymore which is mine and which is of the collective. As an empath, it is a challenge for me to discern with accuracy. Let’s say some of this stuff is mine to own. I will give you a recent example. Many errors were made by my last employer regarding retirement and health insurance benefits. None of these errors benefited me. I have put in hours upon hours working to unravel the mess that was made in order to clean it up permanently. I had to change insurance providers and was due a refund. Finally, I was told a check was on its way to me. The amount was much smaller than what was owed to me. Apparently they subtracted some funds that were a “writeoff ” for unpaid premiums. This is the thing: I had a zero balance and owed nothing. The insurance company gave me the timeframe of several years ago and I was employed at that time. They say the employer owes them money so it was deducted from my refund. I lost my composure and blew up. And then I gave up.

Around this time George Floyd was assaulted by police and is allegedly dead and my city is now “on curfew”. First of all, I do not know if this murder happened and/or the riots are staged. What I do know is the world is broken and I am out of answers. I have started limiting my social media and tv news consumption. I have asked for dreamless sleep, but have been denied this request. I have to admit I have some hatred in my heart. I have to admit that my past trauma of being a victim of violence has come up again. Many have said that old stuff is coming back for integration during these times of “awakening”. I thought I had done enough self-examination to last 50 lifetimes. My life force seems to be weakening.

So I watch nature and work on preserving Spring Green. Then an advertisement for Quaker zoom worship at Pendle Hill caught my eye. Pendle Hill, one of my power places where I met James and found mystic openings at every corner? Yes, that’s the one. They are offering anyone the chance to join the staff in daily meeting for worship at the Barn via Zoom. I have not prayed this way in many many years and have not been to Pendle Hill in quite some time. Although much of the energy of this place had dissipated for me, I was curious about this opportunity. I joined the worship group this Saturday morning. There were many tech difficulties and it looked like there would be no service, but the team prevailed. Over 100 people from all over the planet prayed together in silence. In Quaker worship, words are spoken only when someone is moved by Spirit. An African American woman was moved to speak. She wondered how she could fight injustice without feeling hate. I instantly knew her words were meant for me. I listened and reflected and remained silent. A few others spoke and at the end the Pendle Hill staff facilitated sharing of blessings and challenges and prayers for others. Then everyone says “good morning” via Zoom. I felt a lightness and some inner peace that lasted a few hours. When I went outside my home and sensed the sounds and wonder of Pendle Hill’s campus. It is hard to explain how this works but it is as if the energy of the campus is transported to my neighboring surroundings.

I was able to climb out of my temporary placement in the abyss after attending this service. I needed to know that others are struggling with injustice and not always doing it “correctly”. I realize that my personal struggles are not race related but have more to do with financial insecurity, loss of dignity, loss of respect, and loss of power. It is easier not to fight, but is it proper? I do not think so. These days I still find myself trapped in quicksand, where the seemingly easiest tasks take forever to complete, or devolve into battles of will. Eclipse season is upon us and I do not have any answers, but I was able to display some Spring Green imagery and can seek shelter in morning prayer , at least one time.

images courtesy of wikipedia and wikiart public domain and litebeing chronicles © 2020