Brief Update 5-12-15 : A huge thanks to all who have responded to my plea. Blessings to all of you. I am deeply moved by the outpouring of kindness both on the blog and by email. I am still very much in the thick of it, but want all my readers to know I have read each and every response. The further I delve into my predicament, the more I see that I must hand it over to Source. I must find a way to change my fear and pain into peace and serenity. While most of my struggles may seem random, one conflict is beginning to look quite insidious and dark. I hope I can find the strength to face whatever outcome(s) materializes.
Please keep the love, healing energies, and prayers, etc, coming. I am so very grateful to belong to this beloved community that really represents the best definition of a “global family.” Much love, Linda
I am asking all of my readers to send me love and healing in whatever form(s) you choose. After employment woes, difficulty at my home, and a serious health crisis, another series of unexpected financial surprises has arrived at my door. I received 3 upsetting notices in the mail within less than 1 week. I will keep the details private as they matter only to me. What is critical is that they have sent me further down a black hole into the void.
I have been struggling with finances for years, and was beginning to see some relief once I made the decision to take my pension. But now a series of 3 events has me scrambling to breathe.
I could say this is just more of transiting Uranus in my 2nd house of finances, but Uranus is soon applying to trine natal Venus. Perhaps it is transiting Chiron squaring natal Venus, but I am not certain.
The old story I tell myself is screaming in my ear ” You are unworthy of happiness and you deserve to suffer!” or ” This is payback for everything you have done wrong to others and your enemies are celebrating!” I know this is so Scorpio , yet this is my truth at this moment. There are many moments just like this one, when I just don’t see the point in being here. It seems like I have accomplished all I ever will and that I have loved all who I will ever love, and that I am just killing time and space. I want to see this differently, but I don’t. Peace eludes me, and it is not for lack of trying. My plight seems inevitable.
I need some help, NOW.
Thank goodness I have Dexter to keep me here, along with the hope that I do not see my life clearly. This is not a Neptune mess as I am in a Neptune trine cycle. I just came out of a yucky Neptune square to my MH/IC that was full of deceit, lies, and general disillusionment. I thought I had weathered the storm, especially after Saturn left Scorpio at the end of 2014. But life keeps getting grimmer and grimmer and I feel little hope that I can fix my situation. I feel so tired.
Mostly everything I have tried to do to fulfill my heart and soul’s calling this year has either failed or fizzled out. I do still have my writing, but worry it is not as effective as it once was. I feel directionless and hopeless. I am overriding my ego and letting you see me in my vulnerable state. I want to be seen and express my sorrow and despair with integrity and purity.
Both my new radical gratitude practice and my new philosophy” Life is Conspiring in my Favor” are simply not working. I want them to work. I want to believe that I do matter and that I can transcend the wounds of my past, along with the sad stories I created to understand the wounds. I know better on many levels, but I still feel so powerless and defeated. Meditation, prayer, asking for assistance from my guides, etc has not made any impact.
So I am asking for assistance. Thank you all for reading my words, viewing my images, and believing in my ability to spread the light, even when I have my doubts.
If you prefer to email rather than comment, please contact me at firstname.lastname@example.org