Sunrise through the mist…the way may be uncertain but the sun will rise again
In Permaculture Design, one of the most challenging principles to enact is “The problem is the solution.” It seems simple on paper: you have a serious problem before you, perhaps seemingly insurmountable or overwhelming. Instead of reacting negatively to the problem, you look for how the problem presents unique opportunities. You resee your practices, hone them, make changes, and adapt to the problem so that that adaptation becomes a strength. In other words, you make lemonade from lemons–but more than that, you may actually improve your approach by having to consider new options to overcome obstacles. A simple example: I have a wet, muddy spot in my yard due to the downspout on my house. Rather than see this as a problem, I turn it into a lush rain garden, which is not only beautiful but…
Today’s piece will have a little something for everyone: astrology, gracious tidbits, and cautious optimism.
Most folks have heard by now of the Great Jupiter / Saturn Conjunction in Aquarius on the Winter Solstice, December 21st ( in the Northern Hemisphere). It may be a big deal or just a blip, depending on your point of view and how much the energy resonates with you. I am choosing to focus instead on Jupiter in Capricorn as he prepares to enter Water Bearer territory on December 19th. Saturn will beat him there by 2 days, arriving in Aquarius on December 17th. All in all this coming week is a energetic doozy with tomorrow’s total Solar Eclipse in Sagittarius. As if there isn’t enough drama to go around?
I am focusing on Jupiter because he has been on my mind for months. With all the emphasis on 2020’s Saturn Pluto conjunction, it seems like Jupiter is relegated into the background. I have both Saturn ( trine Pluto, opposing Mars, and sextile my three Scorpio planets) and Jupiter( trine Uranus and Pluto ) natally in Capricorn. I have certainly found my Jupiter placement to be more elusive, more opaque in its expression. With these two planets conjunct, it is likely that Saturn wins, especially since he is so at home in Capricorn and he is Saturn ~ the planet formerly known as Malefic.
Jupiter is the fun, bright, exuberant one, spraying joy and optimism all over like a bottle of cheap champagne. I have not usually experienced Jupiter this way, but I do appreciate my somewhat paradoxical placement all the same. I take great comfort in the words contained in the excellent book Jupiter Signs by Madalyn Aslan. Her book is both precisely detailed and whimsically covered with stars! While Saturn dominates the Astrology book scene, Jupiter is overlooked in comparison. I intend to blend my interpretation with Aslan’s to give you a nuanced look at how Expansion in the sign of Contraction can even be possible.
I have Venus in Sagittarius in the 1oth house, ruled by Saturn. I also have a Sagittarius Midheaven, ruled by Jupiter in Capricorn. Since Saturn is in Capricorn in my chart, that makes Saturn the final depositor. This means that Venus, Jupiter, Saturn, and my Midheaven are reduced and end with Saturn. So one could say I know quite a bit about Saturn and Capricorn. It also flows in my family of origin. My dad had Saturn in Capricorn opposing Pluto. My sister’s Saturn squares Mars and sits right smack on my Ascendant. My mom’s Saturn squares her moon and sits on my natal Chiron. You get the picture right?
I have noticed that Jupiter in Capricorn leads to an affinity for what is old, such as antiques, relics, archeology, artifacts, the study of history and the art of preservation. I definitely adore antique jewelry, ancient architecture , preserving old objects and retooling old rituals or practices. My passion for genealogy I would categorize as a Cancerian Saturnian hybrid. I have dated many men with either Cap Rising, Cap Sun, or Mars in Capricorn. This was never by design. However, I prefer maturity in my relationships and do not equate maturity with age. My eldest niece has a triple conjunction stellium ( Sun Moon Venus) in Capricorn and she is a very seasoned 18 year old, I kid you not!
Jupiter placed in Saturn’s sign does not bode well with get rich quick schemes or short cuts to success. The road to achievement is a long one with heavy investments in patience, dedication, and mastery. Aslan says that Capricorn Jupiters are unlucky with anything that comes too easily to them and to refrain from power plays. I know from experience that being heavily educated and scoring well in Civil Service exams did not lead to career bliss. My long journey to get the LCSW is more in line with the Saturnian way. While working at the City did provide me with decent compensation and benefits, my rewards did not come easy. It was my decision to go for that second Masters degree and put in the work that mattered. I did not think I needed any more education or student loans to get a promotion that ultimately made me miserable. But the educational experience was life changing in so many ways and it led me to licensure and the field of Social Work. The harder I tried to control my professional trajectory, the more pushback I received. The occasional good fortune I tend to acquire is usually based on timing ( Chronos) or someone noticing my hard work and commitment to excellence. One could equate this with the ” overnight success ” celebrity who has been acting in bit roles or playing at small clubs for many years.
Jupiter entered the Sign of Capricorn on December 2nd 2019 and will leave on December 19th 2020. That is approximately one year’s sojourn. If you reflect back on this span of time, you will see how Jupiter brought some good favor. Look to be practical patient, dedicated, steady and resilient. Appreciate the simple things and hold reverence for what has come before you. Invest in the classic and the reliable over the trendy and untested. Think long term and big picture. Aslam also says wear and surround yourself with dark green and gray. I have worn some dark green to important business functions and it builds confidence. Work on grounding and communing with Gaia. Select some sacred crystals or semiprecious gems. Remember that precious diamonds originate from plenty of pressure applied to carbon. The glimmer and sparkle required lots of preparation.
We are all diamonds in waiting.
While they might not be flashy or superior in any way, I have learned to be grateful for my Capricorn planets and my MC and Venus being deposited by Saturn. Jupiter and Saturn reside in my 11th house and Saturn rules my 12th house, My career began in government and required consultation with the legal department and the courts. Social Work, grief work and group therapy began to define the next phase of my “conventional” career. Later addictions work came into play. These pursuits are reflected in Capricorn, Jupiter and both the 11th and 12th houses. BTW Astrology is also ruled by the 11th house!
Look to where you have Capricorn or your natal Saturn to see how this Jupiter placement has influenced you. Also check out your own Saturn placement and aspects to gain more understanding.
Side notes: I want to update you on a few new developments in my world. Here they are in no particular order:
Almost cut my hair and then went for it: My hair has become quite unruly and straggly over these months. I had wanted to get my hair cut but was reluctant to go to a salon. On a few occasions I flirted with the idea of taking the scissors and giving my locks a trim. But I relented, remembering my experiment at age 17, right before my high school graduation. I do not know why I made that decision looking back, but it certainly fits in with adolescent rebellion. It is something my much younger self would do on impulse. Eventually I decided to take a risk and just trim off about one inch. I did not anticipate my efforts would leave the ends uneven. The final result is that my hair now lands at my shoulders. About six inches were taken off and I feel great. It really looks good and so much healthier. I think I needed to remove some of 2020 from my being. My soul needed to shed what it no longer needed.
Feeling festive : I am pleasantly happy to report that I am diggin the holidaze. I was ecstatic to see a dusting of snow a few days ago, which caught me a bit off guard. The poinsettia was chosen and holds court on the dining room table. I am relishing the Christmas Specials and festive lights. Who am I now? I would surmise that these holiday staples signaling the end of 2020 is part of the appeal. The sense of reliability of the seasonal shift along with familiar entertainment and festivals has been a welcome distraction.
Real live interviews and ER visits: I had an in person job interview last week and have not been in any type of office ( except a medical one) since March. The office itself is lovely and the people I met seemed excited for my arrival. One of the therapists sat down with me for a few minutes to learn about me and discuss her job. Everyone was like ” You must be Linda!” It felt great to be so welcomed. The interviewer was very kind and complementary. She shared a lot of info about herself and the organization. It was one of the easiest interviews I have had in recent memory ( except for wearing a mask for close to two hours while constantly engaged in conversation).
About three weeks ago my GI travails landed me in the ER. It has been over 2 years since I have had to go there and I was shooting for 3 years ( or never again.) The surprises were many ~ Apparently I look exactly like Ingrid the technician, Covid protocol was not like it is portrayed in the media, and my CT scan was normal. I was thrilled to be sent home rather quickly but confused as to why I was experiencing so much pain. But the biggest surprise was the two patients who were in the room next to mine. At first I saw a man and perhaps his family. But a few hours later the scene had shifted. Not one but two nearly – newborn infants were being cared for by the nurses. At first I thought my mind was fooling me because babies are not delivered in the ER, but I was not hallucinating or on any pain meds. These bundles of joy must have been ER patients, just like me. Eventually it occured to me that this twin reveal was a sign. A sign of renewal and rebirth. A reset in the best way. It is often amazing at how the Universe will devise a way to get my attention.
Winding down: I want to also acknowledge that we are in the throes of Hanukkah, the festival of lights. There is just so much activity all concentrated on this year. It seems like the energies are busier than ever before. Speaking of holidays and energies, this season is an awesome time to purchase Astrology readings. Astrological consultations make wonderful gifts for those you love or to give to yourself to get a read on 2021. Just a reminder that all of my services are still available by making a donation. Learn more about my services here.
I hope you enjoyed my haphazardly constructed pu – pu platter post, offering tasty appetizers to munch on as the sun goes down. Wishing everyone a safe and miraculous season, from tomorrow’s eclipse through the Solstice and onward through New Year’s Day. Let’s all count our blessings throughout the whirlwind of activity. I am grateful my health has improved, all my loved ones are healthy or on the mend, and that I have all the basic necessities in this moment.
All images ( except the poinsettia) courtesy of wikipedia.org and pexels.com, public domain
As I sit here tonight typing these words, I am humbled by the nature of my blogging challenge. How do I know the extent of the changes I have experienced during 2020? I expect many more insights will be revealed in the weeks and months ahead. However on this day of Thanksgiving here in the US, I want to speak to the expansion and abundance residing within me. So here we go!
This is my entry for the Change Challenge, in which I challenged myself and other writers to take stock of their transformation in this year unlike any other. I needed to develop some structure for this piece, a way to organize my thoughts. I have become less organized as a result of this time without work and without many outside activities. I decided to start with describing the changes internally and externally, as one often reflects the other.
My physicality had shifted in some ways. I have lost about 7-10 pounds. This was not intentional and yet, I have wanted to lose more weight for some time now. My hair is very long again and is in need of a serious trim. Often I see a much older woman in the mirror, due more to lack of vitality or mood than actual aging. Stress can leave its mark. This perception of aging is in flux: some moments I see a woman who is absolutely beaming. 2020 for me is a time of paradox and inconsistency.
I have often wondered what I would do with unlimited time, free from the confines of a full time job. My last job was so exhausting as I discovered that while I am a night owl, 1o or more hours per day at the office was not ideal. As is often the case, I find myself with either more money and less time, or less money and more time. But this year it has been more money ( for a few weeks), less money, and more time, but with constraints on freedom and social outlets.
I had initially thought I would give my home a thorough cleaning and throw out all the stuff I no longer want or need. Well, I learned quickly that I am not an iota more motivated to do either. I will at times dive into a small cleaning or sorting project, but this urge is haphazard and short-lived at best. The few changes I have made to clear up some clutter have served me well though.While I have done way less shopping in stores, I found a way to accumulate more books, newspapers, and magazines! This is not surprising though.
My car usually has a mask sitting above the dashboard and my scarf from last March is now on the back seat. I periodically collect food containers and bags from Dunkin or Starbucks, the difference now being that I let them pile up longer on the floor. I used to have an immaculate car, but I hardly drive anymore so who cares? The car has collected some minor scratches on the ride side from other cars and from my inability to navigate my crowded neighborhood street. As I have mentioned before, people have been flocking to my community on the weekends and park on both sides of my narrow winding street, making driving and parking a dangerous and slow process. In some ways I can see myself reflected in my car Azia, less utilized, more scratched up, but still able to get from point A to point B.
Procrastination versus action: I had thought that my procrastination has receded over the years, but now I am not so sure. I waited until tonight to do this blog post, but I was home all day. I did not want to write it way ahead of time, because I wanted the Thanksgiving energy ( and transiting sun on my MC) to be in full effect. I did follow through on launching a job search in September, but have not been that motivated. I have done several interviews and so far none have felt right to me. My fear of more illness has impacted my drive to run errands or take walks or do much outside the home. It’s funny though that in the beginning of the Pandemic, I took a walk almost every night while I worked remotely from home. This was in pre-mask America, before the hospitalizations and deaths began to accelerate. I realize that your mileage may vary because governmental and geographic differences are noteworthy. I do need more exercise and wish to walk more often. I tend to enjoy walking in the cold weather and am hoping the “tourists” will disperse once the weather goes below freezing.
Rigidity versus adaptability: Many who know me well would call me stubborn, fixed, or rigid and they would be correct. As a therapist, astrologer, and writer, I am less so, because my creative process kicks in and takes on a life of its own. Outside of these domains, I tend to be a creature of habits and preferences. But I have shifted a bit more towards spontaneity and adaptability as this year has progressed. I have taken on projects without much planning or scheduling. Quite a few opportunities have “landed in my lap” without warning or much wiggle room for preparation. Yet my devotion to watching TV at a designated time has continued to take priority. While it may not seem “enlightened” to say, watching TV grounds me and soothes me, as it has since childhood. I am more careful about what I take in, but I find the regularity and predictability comforting now more than ever. This comfort zone has been disturbed often though by “news conferences” and power outages. It is quite odd how often my apartment complex loses power. But I digress.
Connection versus isolation: I am an introvert at heart, but have really been craving human contact the past few months. I have dreams of being hugged probably because I have not had a hug in many moons. While I live among many neighbors, I am not close with most of the recent crop. I talk with friends on the phone and do countless zooms for all types of activities. And social media of course ( but I am more careful with FB). I have recently become acquainted with audio books and find the narration enjoyable. It substitutes for connection. The most common in -person encounters I have are in the grocery store, drug store, or at drive thrus. These are usually not connections I look forward to. Yet, some are surprisingly pleasant. Admittedly the energy I bring to the transaction often determines at least a portion of the outcome.
Acknowledging fears and challenging their hold on me: This is a heavy topic for me. As I have written on previously, Jupiter Saturn and Pluto are dancing together in the 12th house of my natal chart. I have had Jupiter and Saturn visit here before, but it is a first for Pluto and all three together is very disturbing. The combination of expansion, fear, and renovation to my psyche has been quite torturous to endure. Memories of people and events long forgotten pop into my head as flashes from the void. My sensitivities have become more pronounced. often leading to more illness. For example, after learning about someone’s breast cancer diagnosis, my chest began to hurt a few weeks later. After reading about someone being hospitalized for diverticulitis, I end up back in the ER ( this past Sunday.) When I focus on someone, I quickly imagine their circumstances and carry some of their distress with me. While this is not uniquely a 2020 happening, the frequency and intensity has increased. Some of my darker impulses and thoughts have also returned, and I do not feel good about it. Yet, I eventually return to self compassion and self love, as I know that most of these darker tendencies have emerged due to stress and trauma from living in such an unstable time. I sometimes have a desire to check out and be done with this lifetime, but over and over again I make a reversal and commit to living out my time here. It is usually the kindness and generosity of others or a striking synchronicity that warms my heart and sparks some hope for a better “now moment.” Lorie Ladd’s videos have been a blessing. She is so encouraging and genuine and shines her light very brightly. Like I hope to do again myself soon.
New endeavors and values clarification: Around April or so, I was determine to make my mark and morph into a newer me with a unique career/business. This quickly fizzled out as my health deteriorated and I became enthralled in financial and bureaucratic difficulties. A few of these remain as of today. This does not mean I am entirely closed off to vocational reinvention, but there does not seem to be much spark or movement that I can track.
I have been very busy, especially since September. This season has been devoted to pursuits I have long wanted to explore. Some have been long held dreams on hold while others a bit more recent. I have been attuned to Reiki 1, completed an Art History class on Matisse, am currently studying Animist Psychology, and have taken some other online projects on self – development. Reiki is confusing to me in its subtle nature. It has not prevented health issues, which is disappointing, but it has begun to change me is incremental mysterious ways. I will say more about this in the future.
My Matisse class was a revelation. The instructor was so nurturing and passionate in a way that I need at this time. She taught me to see art differently and in turn , to see all of life with new eyes. Matisse was enchanted by the light and I did not know of this before taking the course. My trip to the Barnes was the respite I needed from this bland housebound existence I have come to know. I will write more about this also in future posts.
My current Animist Psychology course is so dense and overwhelming. Daniel Foor is Plutonian , yet communicates like a Virgo. Precision with intensity. At times his energy is too much for me to absorb. The material covers a lot of topics, from shamanism, to clinical practice, to cultural and environmental abuse, to ancestral wounding, and so much more. It feels to me like I have covered this all before, but in another way and perhaps in a different timeline. It was not a random occurrence that I found and signed up for this course. I was strongly drawn to it and consider it to be among some of the projects I have meant to take on for years. Many of the subjects are both familiar and unknown to me in some undefined fashion. I was happy to learn that another blogger is taking the class and that I get to meet with hundreds of students on the live calls from all over the planet. Some are healers, others are seeking healing, and many like myself, encompass both paths. What I can report to be uplifting is my heightened reverence for the non – human life forms and the land that I inhabit. I felt such a bold aliveness on my walk today from all the plant life, sky, and ground that surrounded me. The sun was uncharacteristically warm and light danced everywhere. I featured photos today that reveal the light’s marvel and power.
One of the most obvious ways I have changed is that my values have been refined and brought more into focus. Love, communion, vitality, beauty, authentic truth, silence, curiosity, knowledge, kindness, and purpose. I strive to take more opportunities that offer me a chance to live any of these values. When I follow through and embody these values, I feel more alive and in the flow.
Revised attitudes: This has gotten to be quite a lengthy essay but it is winding down. I will conclude by saying that I am listening more to my own inner voice and other guidance like a young child obeys her mother. When I am hungry I eat, when tired I sleep, when sad, the tears flow, when lonely I either process the feelings or seek connection. I do not have the luxury anymore to ignore these calls. My body is more susceptible to dis-ease, often compounded by fears and the perceived lack of safety. I choose to honor my humanness rather than pretend it is should take second place to some other goal. I am more “on the edge” in many ways, but also wiser and self-protective. This is yet another paradox of 2020 that I attempt to reconcile. I am grateful that my moods do not linger that long and that I have more books and projects than I could complete in the remainder of this lifetime.
While I do believe all this 12th house activity has exacerbated my reactions to living during such an unpredictable and revolutionary year, I have learned to accept that this is not an accident. I have read recently that embodied ascension is about loving all of life in all its forms, including one’s shadow along with one’s light. Yes, this idea is not new, and yes, I have written about this concept on this blog on more than one occasion, and yet I am interpreting it in a new way now. I am here and it is no mistake. My losses and my gains, my triumphs and my errors, my disappointments and my opportunities, none have more or less worth in the long run.
3rd reblog in a row, yup! I like to find “random” posts as oracles and this post really resonates powerfully in 2020. Welcome to my new followers! I am grateful that you are part of the litebeing community. Please say hello and introduce yourself in the comments section. Thanks for being here. I will be back with fresh writing when inspiration meets energy and initiative. 🙂
No one can predict the future now. No one can make long- range plans. The best we can hope for, to quote Robert Bridges, is ” the masterful administration of the unforeseen.” Ride the whirlwind. That’s the most we can do.
Arthur C. Clarke
This sage advice is found on page 150 of Walking on Alligators – A Book of Meditations for Writers by Susan Shaughnessy. I was led to open a random page from this book today and post it here. I have been thinking deeply about my writing process of late. I have wondered why some pieces come so easily to me , while others are so arduous and heavy. I have also noticed how grateful I am when opportunities appear to take my writing and this blog in new directions. For example, when TMA was looking on Facebook for bloggers to review the Music Issue, I had no idea I…
Last night I dreamt of James and he referenced Pendle Hill. Right on cue, I received an email today from Pendle Hill announcing its 90th anniversary on September 24th. I am reposting this blog to celebrate this transformative space I love so dearly. Please check out their website https://pendlehill.org/ and perhaps attend an online lecture or class , buy a pamphlet, or worship with the community via Zoom.
Last Sunday August 10th I felt drawn to have a “Returning Home” experience so I drove to Pendle Hill. I definitely needed to PAUSE and regroup and what better place than here!
I had a sumptuous meal of Thai fish and eggplant coconut curry. I can still taste the sweet and spicy sauce as I recall the meal. The picture above is a close approximation.The food here is grown, purchased and prepared with intention, care, and love. The energy was frenetic, most likely due to the approaching Super-Moon Full Moon. I was frazzled by the loud interactions around me and took a seat alone. No one joined me and that has never happened to me before. I told myself perhaps it was what I needed. Behind me I overheard a conversation about Woodstock. Then someone began discussing the film A Walk on the Moon. I was led to…
I’m going back to school, virtually that is! A few days ago I received an email from the extraordinary Barnes Foundation about online art courses. The Barnes is a magical art collection originally showcased in a suburban mansion in Merion Pa. I have been a frequent visitor and fan of this unconventional art connoisseur whose vision was clearly ahead of his time.
Typically I delete these types of promotional emails because of the location or cost. But I noticed that the subject heading said ” You can take a Barnes course for free. ” This got my attention.
Most of my readers know how much I fancy art, especially painting. I have really missed visiting art museums during the pandemic and have been viewing some artwork online. What you probably don’t know is that I have wanted to take Art History classes for many years. I did not have the time or inclination to do so while in school. I flirted with taking painting classes to improve my skills but did not make it a priority. Yet the dream to immerse myself in art history and art appreciation has been building steadily into a bucket list – like obsession. I figured I could pursue this once I retired and would just enjoy art whenever I could. I had a lovely time in Santa Fe, New Mexico attending a conference called Creativity and Madness that focused on the mental health challenges of well known musicians and visual artists. It was a great event and allotted me plenty of continuing education credits for my license. I also had many adventures and transformative experiences. New Mexico is certainly the Land of Enchantment!
In any case, I went to the Barnes website yesterday and browsed the course offerings. Scholarships were available. While I usually find these type of applications daunting, I decided to apply. I chose to write from the heart about my love of art and my dream to enrich my art education. I selected a class about Henri Matisse because I adore many of the French impressionists and expressionists. Also, Matisse employs pointillism in some of his paintings. This seemed like a longshot but I figured I had nothing to lose and it would also be a way to practice manifesting. Writing from my heart and showing my love for art was key. No pretense, just authenticity. This opportunity certainly seemed out of the blue, just as my introduction to the Creativity and Madness programs that arrived in my snail mail box one day back in the late 1990s. I recall being transfixed by the postcards that arrived in the mail describing unusual lectures taking place in exotic settings all over the planet. I had a strong knowingness that this was meant for me and I could not ignore the invitations that kept arriving. The Barnes e-mail felt similar but not as strong. I could see myself taking the class because I have pictured myself taking art history classes often, knowing I would simply love it.
Today I received notice that I was given a full scholarship! The woman who wrote me is named Alia and I knew that was a great synch, reminding me of my blogette pal Alia! This “happy accident” was not lost on me.
I am so excited about this class and wanted to share my glee with of all you by sharing some Matisse paintings:
I have been using Dr. Joe Dispenza’s techniques to recalibrate my brain and emphasize choosing my thoughts, pairing them with gratitude and joy while imagining my situation in the “future” had already happened. I am especially interested in having an excellent job well suited for me to “find me” and break the cycle of toxic workspaces I have been experiencing. I am encouraged by how easily this art class found me. I will keep you posted on “future” developments.
all images courtesy of both wikipedia.com and wikiart.org, public domain
Tonight the song Better Things came on at the episode of a very intense tv show I was watching. It reminded me of this post and I began to tear up. Looking at where we we have travelled between the date of this post, March 13th and now, I can see that I had no idea how long or emotional this life interruption would be. But I still hope we can all realize a reality built on Better Things.
Before composing this post I took a shower, needing to wash off all the negativity residue.
I began to ponder what I actually believe about the planet today :
” I tend to be paranoid as a Scorpio but used to be skeptical of conspiracy theories and the theorists themselves. Yet, look at the world especially since 9/11. Hey, what about before I was born like the Holocaust and all the World Wars and so on. We really have not evolved much, or is it all simulated?”
Then my thoughts drifted here :
” Matt Kahn spoke so brilliantly about why some people don’t hear their guides. I remember a workshop I took where I set aside shower time as a safe space for Spirit to be with me so be quiet and listen. ”
Then this line from a song kept repeating in my head. I could hear part…
I really truly thought I knew myself better. I expected to weather this isolation period rather well. I am an introvert at heart, that loves lingering in books, with solitude and the old oak tree as a backdrop. I figured once the shock of my layoff wore off and my benefits were established, I would discover some joy within and thrive with all this newfound free time. Well, I was mistaken. The perpetual conflicts I encounter with others continue in my pursuit to receive the benefits I worked hard to acquire. I pay taxes and I have worked very hard over my lifetime, often in psychologically toxic workplaces. My last employer should change its name to Clusterfuck. Yup, I just wrote that sentence. Anyone still wonder why my blog is anonymous?
My health is now showing the delayed result of my anger and pain. I have skin eruptions on my face and hands. It is painful and feels like extreme sunburn. Anger often is a response to hurt. Yes, I do feel hurt. Along with grief, rage, sadness and some hatred. It is unclear anymore which is mine and which is of the collective. As an empath, it is a challenge for me to discern with accuracy. Let’s say some of this stuff is mine to own. I will give you a recent example. Many errors were made by my last employer regarding retirement and health insurance benefits. None of these errors benefited me. I have put in hours upon hours working to unravel the mess that was made in order to clean it up permanently. I had to change insurance providers and was due a refund. Finally, I was told a check was on its way to me. The amount was much smaller than what was owed to me. Apparently they subtracted some funds that were a “writeoff ” for unpaid premiums. This is the thing: I had a zero balance and owed nothing. The insurance company gave me the timeframe of several years ago and I was employed at that time. They say the employer owes them money so it was deducted from my refund. I lost my composure and blew up. And then I gave up.
Around this time George Floyd was assaulted by police and is allegedly dead and my city is now “on curfew”. First of all, I do not know if this murder happened and/or the riots are staged. What I do know is the world is broken and I am out of answers. I have started limiting my social media and tv news consumption. I have asked for dreamless sleep, but have been denied this request. I have to admit I have some hatred in my heart. I have to admit that my past trauma of being a victim of violence has come up again. Many have said that old stuff is coming back for integration during these times of “awakening”. I thought I had done enough self-examination to last 50 lifetimes. My life force seems to be weakening.
So I watch nature and work on preserving Spring Green. Then an advertisement for Quaker zoom worship at Pendle Hill caught my eye. Pendle Hill, one of my power places where I met James and found mystic openings at every corner? Yes, that’s the one. They are offering anyone the chance to join the staff in daily meeting for worship at the Barn via Zoom. I have not prayed this way in many many years and have not been to Pendle Hill in quite some time. Although much of the energy of this place had dissipated for me, I was curious about this opportunity. I joined the worship group this Saturday morning. There were many tech difficulties and it looked like there would be no service, but the team prevailed. Over 100 people from all over the planet prayed together in silence. In Quaker worship, words are spoken only when someone is moved by Spirit. An African American woman was moved to speak. She wondered how she could fight injustice without feeling hate. I instantly knew her words were meant for me. I listened and reflected and remained silent. A few others spoke and at the end the Pendle Hill staff facilitated sharing of blessings and challenges and prayers for others. Then everyone says “good morning” via Zoom. I felt a lightness and some inner peace that lasted a few hours. When I went outside my home and sensed the sounds and wonder of Pendle Hill’s campus. It is hard to explain how this works but it is as if the energy of the campus is transported to my neighboring surroundings.
I was able to climb out of my temporary placement in the abyss after attending this service. I needed to know that others are struggling with injustice and not always doing it “correctly”. I realize that my personal struggles are not race related but have more to do with financial insecurity, loss of dignity, loss of respect, and loss of power. It is easier not to fight, but is it proper? I do not think so. These days I still find myself trapped in quicksand, where the seemingly easiest tasks take forever to complete, or devolve into battles of will. Eclipse season is upon us and I do not have any answers, but I was able to display some Spring Green imagery and can seek shelter in morning prayer , at least one time.
Another year and decade, come and gone, and I feel the need to say something. I took a peek at some of my posts from 2019 to help me chart my “life review ” and it occurred to me that readers might enjoy a sampling to savor as a holyday treat.
As I reflect on this decade, I consider what I am grateful for, what really moved me and placed love in my heart? I went through so many jobs, lost beloved Dexter, and became seriously ill during this timespan, so much loss and upheaval.
On 1/11/13 I started litebeing chronicles and magic was afoot. No, it was not a mystical experience, but it was a holy communion of sorts. Taking the risk of expressing myself for the sheer joy of doing so, lead me on a path filled with excitement, wonder, fulfillment and community. It also gave me a platform to share my astrology with clients all over this beautiful planet, some by Skype, phone, or in person. All were blessed encounters where I was able to serve and shine some light.
I have so much more up my sleeve ( and in my drafts folder) to share when inspiration takes root. In the meantime, I want to share my gratitude for my loved ones, family of blood and of choice, and my guides who help me steer this physical body through both smooth and choppy seas.
What moments resonate for you as the treasured highlights of 2019, the 2010s, or this lifetime? Please share your highlights here in the comments section!
Blessings to all my readers, followers and fellow writers who mean everything to me.
Have a Fearless Joyful 2020! love, litebeing Linda
Hey, it’s Oscar time here in the States and what a wonderful day it is for all things cinematic. With Neptune in Pisces trine the Scorpio moon, supported by Saturn, Pluto and the nodes, this year’s festivities should be spectacular, even without a host! Do I have a favorite pick for best film? I did enjoy A Star is Born and am a long time Bradley Cooper fan, but I have not seen the other films. Most of them intrigue me, especially Roma, Black Panther, Bohemian Rhapsody and The Favourite. Honestly, all of the contenders look good! Please share any of your fav films, spiritual genre or otherwise.
While I am still busy preparing my Awakening post for Barbara’s challenge, I figured this old chestnut will tide my readers over for now. I hope to have it published by Sunday evening, but you never know..
So here is an oldie but goodie that will provide you with some excellent entertainment choices. Until we meet again, have a grace-filled weekend.
In honor of the Oscars on Sunday, I had to showcase some of my favorite spiritually themed films. This weekend’s Sun in Pisces, Moon in Scorpio energies are excellent for combining fantasy with passion. It is a great combo for just about any activity, in my opinion. Some of my choices are more obscure, and therefore less well-known. A few are controversial (big surprise!) , while others are more mainstream crowd pleasers.
Here’s an alphabetical list with my brief critiques below, enjoy!