Petapalooza

7-12-17 UPDATE: Guess what arrives in the mail, last night, the eve of the 2 year anniversary of Dexter’s death? A huge envelope from the SPCA. I open it up to discover a 2018 calendar featuring photos of cats and dogs. I have never received a calendar from them before, in all the years I have been affiliated with them. And look at the timing? hmmmmm…

I love you Dexter ❤

On Thursday or Friday I heard something on the radio about a Petapalooza in my neighborhood. My intuition told me this whisper was a possible summons. I like the name Petapalooza and was curious. I “heard” it was yesterday and noticed nothing was happening in the area. That is because it was scheduled for today!

Friday evening before bed I sensed Dexter asleep in his bed. Almost instantly I realized this could not be. Yet I gave myself permission to allow this idea to express itself. While asleep I dreamed about animals. Both a dog and a cat ran to me like babies missing their momma. When I hugged the cat, I felt the embrace of completeness. The cat felt like Dexter, but the body was ice-cold. I remarked about this coldness to someone in the dream. There was also a patch of purple fabric on the cat’s body. I did not analyze the dream, but figure Dexter was paying me a visit.

I awoke feeling confused and sad. Honestly, I have felt sad, lonely, missing, and angry for several months now. I keep working to find ways to heal what needs healing. I considered that the Petapalooza may offer some answers.

The weather is lovely so I did not mind the long walk from my car to the festivities. I told myself my body requires more exercise. At first I only saw dogs around, but eventually I noticed some cat rescue organizations. I checked out some cats, with the intention of browsing. I am not ready to adopt. Even though it will be 2 years next week since I lost Dexter. My grief has changed since then, but I am not fully over losing him. Part of me has not fully accepted his departure. I am not really surprised at this discovery. Not really.

While I am glad I got out of the house for a while, I was only more saddened by the sight of the homeless animals. I thought of my former cats Dex and Jasmine who I adopted from the SPCA.  Someone at the cat rescue booth suggested people take pictures of the kittens to post to social media. Once it occurred to me that I could help out, I had already begun to walk to my car. I simply lacked the energy to seize the moment. I feel like those shelter animals: abandoned, lost, empty, and sad.

I am not a stranger to depression. In this instance it is mostly situational. Practically everything in my life has disintegrated before my eyes. What I tell suicidal clients is that we are here for a reason and it is not our choice to end our lives. I am here to see how it all plays out. But at this moment it does not look good.

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17 thoughts on “Petapalooza

  1. Hi Linda,

    I was sorry to read your feeling that overwhelming weight of things that comes sometimes, and I hope that by now the inner mosaic has shifted for you. The times that leave us with a sense of futility are perhaps the most difficult, but they do make way for new growth. Even in ways we may not conceive at the time. It helps me sometimes when these moments hit to acknowledge them and rest in the knowing they too shall pass. But however you are making your way tonight from moment to moment, I am sending peace and love.

    Michael

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Dear Linda, Dexter I know is never far away both from your thoughts or within the Spiritual world, as your own senses testify..
    I know how hard it is, and I so understand those feelings of being unable to commit to another pet just yet. I know how we felt after we lost our own beloved cat who was 21 yrs old. She was unique and a gem… Yet within the space of one year, we had rescued another cat. Who was at the time 7 yrs old, and gave her another 7 yrs, she passed when she was 14..
    Since then we have been petless, apart from our tropical fish. and pond fish.. We have been considering having a small dog now, but then keep changing our minds..
    No other animal will ever replace Dexter, just as the other cat we had never replaced our 21 yr old.. But each find a special place within our hearts..
    When the time is right and if it is meant, one lovely four-legged will find you, and want you to be its guardian ..In the mean time keep following your feelings and intuition.. Your dreams were very interesting.. And I am sure if delved into deeper will bring your more insights.. 🙂

    Lots of Love Linda.. and I know too how those doldrums of thoughts often drag us down.. So I send you some love and energy over the airwaves to help uplift your spirits..

    And I will leave you with this little song..
    https://youtu.be/X_-q9xeOgG4 Lots of Love my dear friend.
    Sue xxx

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Hang in there, my friend! I think Kyle Cease may have some words of wisdom for you. Maybe browse through his videos on YouTube and see if anything strikes you? Sending love and light your way, ~C ❤

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Hey Linda,

    All of your friends miss Dexter. I know that I do. Grey moments come and go but loving memories never fade with time.

    It’s never to late to love again or be loved by another little furball…and if you don’t mind me saying, it seems your heart knows what is best for you and encouraged you up and out the house and considering adding a new member to your family. Perhaps it is time. Perhaps, perhaps if only you’d rolled the dice when you got to the Petapalooza and let fate decide a choice for you, the weekend could have been very different?

    You know me and my book recommendations well, the following was a enjoyably positive and happy read ~ A Street Cat Named Bob ~ The story does not bear relationship to your ‘situational’ circumstances, but the tale is an endearing one all the same: Bob, the cat, is the central axis upon which his world changes, the force of nature that nurtures naturally 🙂

    It is a flying visit only this evening Linda…a busy week ahead and I should head to Zzzzz for an early night. I’ll leave you with best wishes for a week blessed with fine fortune, fair chance, happy fate, kind kismet, desirable destiny and opportunity to exercise free will in all you choose to do 🙂

    Take care of you.

    Namaste 🙂

    DN

    Liked by 4 people

  5. So sorry you are still grieving your beloved pet. Interestingly, I awoke in the middle of the night in tears from a very real dream of my beloved dog Trooper snuggled up against me in my bed. I was stroking his fur and enjoying the warmth of his body and the familiar doggy smell. He passed in 2012 and still these dream encounters result in my reliving the loss of him. I try and remember the joy he brought me while he was in life with me to better cope with the loss but there still is a hole left in my life with him gone. ((((hugs))))

    Liked by 1 person

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