Today was another strange day. Neptune’s retrograde energy was quite potent for me. My life has been in free fall since May. In retrospect this time period may possibly be considered my third major spiritual awakening . I am not ready to reach any conclusions until some later timeline.
For several weeks I have been buzz buzz buzzing. This included perpetual feelings of power, joy, and expansion. In small and large ways I began to manifest incredible opportunities, signs, and invitations. I was coming back to life it seemed. Last Tuesday that all stopped. Losing a loved one from the past with heavy unfinished business is a major buzzkill. I have not experienced such profound emotional pain since Dexter passed in 2015. However it is not the same when a human dies. The dynamics are simply not the same.
Ay some point over the past few days I decided to embark on a mystical vision quest of sorts. After receiving a dream about Rick on the very first night at my request, I kept trying. When the dreams did not continue since the first night, I pivoted. I learned more about getting signals from a deceased spirit. I already knew about flickering lamps and cardinals and songs. I was curious what else could happen. I see 1111 and such daily so that isn’t enough. Some source suggested seeing the numbers of the date of death. I am not interested in seeing their birthday because it is the same as my own. Too creepy! I see my dad’s date of passing all the time without wanting to so I thought I could seek it out.
This morning it happened in a fashion that blew me away. I play Pandora regularly on my tv. When you stay on a chosen station for more than 1 song, the previous album appears on the left side of the screen. I Say A Little Prayer with Aretha Franklin was playing. I looked up at the tv and saw the previous album. I did not recognize the band but I noticed the numeral sequence 112. Rick died on November 2nd, which is 112. Imagine an actual band named 112! This is much more meaningful to me than seeing it on a digital clock. It felt unique. I googled the band and learned they sang on the song I’ll Be Missing You. That song about grief has deep meaning for me and I have not heard it in a good while. Both songs I mentioned are meaningful. I have been praying for some proof that Rick can contact me. At the end of I Say A Little Prayer, the lyrics say Answer My Prayer. This was not lost on me.
Then I thought ” I need more signs, but not a cardinal. Yet birds rarely show up here at the apartment. ” Well later today I glanced at the living room windows and saw a tiny white bird slowly fly towards a bush right by the glass. It was mostly white with red and yellow markings. It resembles a sparrow but they usually are dark in color and fly congregate in groups. It might have been a field sparrow. It did not hang out long but long enough to meet my glance. The motion of the bird is what gave me the sense it was a sign. I just now remembered my boss would call us the lovebirds. Maybe I will see some lovebirds tomorrow? Maybe all this woo is actually real.
I am truly in awe of all of this. Rick had a hobby of being an actual magician and so he may be adept at this point in his transition. I honestly cannot say. However I am excited to explore more. I talk about the astral often and go there sometimes during dreamtime. And yet I still have doubts about the afterlife. Even though cats regularly visit me during my liminal states and my fur babies are so real I can actually feel them when they jump on the bed. Yet I thought that seeing my dad’s date of passing everywhere had to do with me fixating on it. The way this all manifested seems more powerful to me. I am so new at this. I have the hunger to have him reach me. Does he watch me cry? Does he want me to pay attention to him? He certainly did when he was alive.
I am still in process but excited that I can transform lemons into cosmic lemonade. Still learning about my power. Still hoping I can regain some faith.
Faith in love, faith in humanity, faith in myself.
Please share your experience in the comments.
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