Today was another strange day. My life has been in a free fall since May. In retrospect this time period may be considered my third major spiritual awakening but I am not ready to reach any conclusions.
For several weeks I have been buzz buzz buzzing. This included perpetual feelings of power, joy, and expansion. In small and large ways I began to manifest incredible opportunities, signs, and invitations. I was coming back to life it seemed. Last Tuesday that all stopped. Losing a loved one from the past with heavy unfinished business is a major buzzkill. I have not such profound emotional pain since Dexter passed in 2015. However it is not the same when a human dies. The dynamics are not the same.
Ay some point over the past few days I decided to embark on a mystical vision quesy of sorts. After getting a dream about Rick on the very first night at my request, I kept trying. When the dreams did not continue since the first night, I pivoted. I learned more about getting signals from a deceased spirit. I already knew about flickering lamps and cardinals and songs. I was curious what else could happen. I see 1111 and such daily so that isn’t enough. Some source suggested seeing the numbers of the date of death. I am not interested in their birthday because it is the same as mine. I see my dad’s date of passing all the time without wanting to so I thought I could seek it out.
This morning at happened in away that blew me away. I play Pandora regularly on my tv. When you stay on a chosen station for more than 1 song, the previous album appears on the left side of the screen. I Say A Little Prayer with Aretha Franklin was playing. I looked up at the tv and saw the previous album. I did not recognize the band but I noticed the numeral sequence 112. Rick died on November 2nd, which is 112, This is much more meaningful to me than seeing it on a digital clock. It felt unique. I googled the band and learned they sang on the song I’ll Be Missing You. That song has deep meaning for me and I have not heard it in a good while. Both songs I mentioned are meaningful I have been praying for some proof that Rick can contact me. At the end of I Say A Little Prayer, the lyrics say Answer My Prayer. This was not lost on me.
Then I thought ” I need more signs, but not a cardinal. Yet birds rarely show up here at the apartment. ” Well later today I glanced at the living room windows and saw a tiny white bird slowly fly towards a bush right by the glass. It was mostly white with red and yellow markings. It resembles a sparrow but they usually are dark in color and fly congregate in groups. It might have been a field sparrow. It did not hand out long but long enough to catch my glance. The motion of the bird is what gave me the sense it was a sign. I just now remembered my boss would call us the lovebirds. Maybe I will some lovebirds tomorrow? Maybe all this woo is actually real.
I am truly in awe of all of this. Rick had a hobby of being an actual magician and so he may be adept at this point in his transition. I honestly cannot say. However I am excited to explore more. I talk about the astral often and go there sometimes during dreamtime. And yet I still have doubts about the afterlife. Even though cats regularly visit me during my liminal states and my fur babies are so real i can actually feel them when they jump on the bed. Yet I thought that seeing my dad’s date of birth everywhere had to do with me fixating on it. The way this all manifested seems more powerful to me. I am so new at this. I have the hunger to have him reach me. Does he watch me cry? Does he want me to pay attention to him? He certainly did when he was alive.
I am still in process but excited that I can transform lemons into cosmic lemonade. Still learning about my power. Still hoping I can regain some faith.
Faith in love, faith in humanity, faith in myself.
Please share your experience in the comments.
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