True Soulmate

Here’s to prolific artistry and working all the Gemini mojo in my field!  Before we get to the main essay, I discovered some sad news to share first.  I was searching for something on Cable and was led to search for Lance Kerwin. Lance was a child star and my actual  astro twin. We were born on the same day and year. We were born on opposite sides of the country and have different ascendants but share all the same planetary placements. Our moons are both in Gemini but not close enough to be conjunct. In any case he passed away three years ago from heart disease. He was only 62. I was not aware of this, but had thought of him in passing a few weeks ago.

I watched his show James at 15 for 2 seasons. I found him to be cute and liked that we were the same age.  In the 1970s adults often played the roles of teenagers and rarely did a drama revolve around a teenager’s life. Interestingly enough, the plot included his moving from Oregon to Massachusetts and his emerging struggles to belong in his new environment.  This is such a Moon in Gemini story. He acted for many years until his drug addiction worsened. He married and moved to Hawaii. He had 5 children and became religious, working  first as a youth pastor and later in a drug rehab facility. Our lives were very different but I do see some overlap. My dad tried acting as a part time hobby and was successful. Perhaps I could have become an actress. I certainly have a flare for the dramatic, so  I have been told.  RIP Lance Kerwin. It seems I have been left twin less at this point.

I have become preoccupied for several months on this quest to excavate my romantic relationships. Why stop now? With transiting Pluto moving slowly through my 12th house, I might as well dig in. The loss of Rick certainly accelerated my desire to understand my motivations and lessons. Also meeting someone and developing feelings at this stage of the game was unsettling. I still want to better understand who I attract and who is drawn to me. I also am curious about what brings us together and were there any lasting benefits.

This person I am about to discuss is someone I rarely speak or think about.  This story is old and the details are fuzzy. That being said, he may have become the template for everyone I would meet going forward. I had recently republished a private post about my first awakening at age 17. It has been placed back to private status. Dave was the important guy for this timeline but he did not activate or initiate anything. He showed up when I was broken and surrounded by darkness. I think he was sent to keep me safe and perhaps keep me on the planet. So let’s talk about Dave….

I met Dave in a small hospital in New Jersey. The room I had was mostly just occupied by me. The bathroom was jointly shared by me and the occupant of the adjacent room. A few days in I discovered a very tall young man with long brown hair glancing at me from the other bathroom door. Apparently the staff thought it was wise to have a teen girl and boy share the same bathroom together.

I cannot supply many details, but will do my best. What I do include was quite important to me. Let’s say quality trumps quantity in this case. Dave quickly became my shadow. He followed me wherever I went. reminding me of when Dexter my trusty feline was alive. I trusted Dave because he resembled my high school crush. Anyone who looked like my crush was going to make the cut. I had no reason to trust anyone, but he proved his worth on the daily. He was quiet and liked to listen. He would hang out with me and the other teens in the dayroom where I played record albums. The other girls noticed him. There were more girls than guys. I noticed that he only had eyes for me. At some point I thought he was imaginary. When my girlfriends came up to visit, they met him. I asked them if he resembled my crush and they agreed. What a relief! For me if someone looks familiar or is very attractive, I will take a risk. Maybe this is one of the clues I was given between lives on how to recognize a soul family member. Dave was so helpful and generous, like an angel,  My eyesight was poor from medication side effects so he ordered my meals for me when I had no visitors to help. He did all my laundry for me. I do not remember asking for help. I do not know how he found the time to look after himself and look after me. He met with my parents and other visitors. It was very surreal. We would sneak into empty rooms to make out as teens would do. Sometimes we got caught. It was all so “normal ” except that it was anything but normal. I did not know his birth data. I did not know his last name. I knew what town he was from and that he was an athlete. He ran track and had a t shirt from his high school I asked him if i could keep the shirt. I kept it and promptly lost it. This upset me deeply because it was all I had left of him. According to my mother, he had issues with addiction. Maybe that is why he was on the unit. All I know is that he did not need to stay very long.  One day  his dad came to take him home. I did not ever see his mom and wonder if she was in his life.

When all the dust settled I wanted to find him. I had little to go on. I returned to the hospital and inquired. I was given no info as that is the law. I did not know that obviously. When I was in my 40s and had experienced my 2nd major awakening, I was motivated to do a deeper dive. Joel reminded me of Dave. Both were very tall, had long hair, and possessed this sweet kindness of spirit.  One day I drove to the library or high school in his town ( I am not sure exactly) and read a couple of yearbooks. We had the internet now and my research led me to a few possible candidates. I hoped that seeing a photo would help me find the right person. I went home empty handed but I did my best.

At some point in my twenties I regularly met with a channel who visited at a friend’s house.   At a private session I asked about Dave.   She told me he was okay and had become an artist.  I would like to believe that this was true. I wonder if he remembered me. I do not think he ever appeared in a dream, but I am not certain. I learned a few lessons from my time with Dave. One lesson is that it is smart to gather some data when you meet someone new. A last name would be a great place to start, but honestly as a teen that was not a priority. I also learned that we are sent people or spirits appearing as people when it is necessary. There were a few other people who carried me through the fall of 1978. They were both men and women of different ages and different situations. Dave was the most memorable because he met me when I was at my most messiest. He showed me unconditional love.  Why did he do this? Who was I to him?  I do not think I had anything at all to offer.

Saying goodbye to him was one of the most heart wrenching experiences to date. I still retain some fragments of memory. We seemed to be outside of time. I remember just hugging him in silence.  Maybe this is partially why I can’t let Rick go completely.  Maybe that is also why I like to collect memories and hold onto them as if my life depends on it. I really thought I would die without him by my side. The abandonment I felt was not his doing. It was his time to go home and my time had not arrived yet. I guess this also applies to Rick regarding his death.

Looking back I see that Dave was a true soulmate. Not a karmic or a twin whatever. He was a lovely soul who offered love and created zero drama. We only knew each other briefly.  I have no idea if this was pre- planned. I have no notion of a past life connection. There was no soul recognition. He resembled a taller version of my crush, who also ran track!  That synch  does seem important but is only a tiny element in our story.   This had to do with a shared bathroom, divine timing, and apparently a desire to support me without question. I hope he had a worthwhile life. I have no idea if he still walks this Earth. What I do know is that it would have been better had we met a bit later. I cannot imagine a better partner for me. I really do not. Of course if his addiction took over his life . it would never work. But what if he did get it together. If someone stays with you when your hair is greasy and your words make no sense and your emotions are erratic, they are certainly one of a kind.  Maybe my problem is a lack of imagination. Maybe I am projecting my fantasy onto him.  Yet I guess you can love someone who may not have documented synastry. I might predict he was a Pisces. but it does feel somewhat liberating to have absolutely no clue. What I do know is that life is softer when you feel loved, seen, and understood. When someone truly gets you, especially during those times when you do not get yourself.

I dedicate this  David Bowie song from 1978 to all the Heroes. To Dave, to the 911 first responders, to all the courageous souls who keep us safe or tried to intervene to help someone else.