Road to NO-where

I have noticed lately how bored I am with this “recovery”. My pain returned somewhat dramatically today, so the doctor put me back on 2 antibiotics. Good times, not! I am curious to see how long my body will tolerate them. So far, so good, for all of 8 hours.  The pain has already decreased, which leads me to think my infection has returned or I have succumbed to the placebo effect. When I had lyme disease many years ago, it was an extended odyssey into the world of multiple medications, hives, assorted side effects, and old-fashioned misery. Eventually I healed, but my fear of ticks persisted. So tired of fear!

Also, I am quite tired of putting plans aside, especially those that are rare and sacred, like my friend’s recent Quaker Wedding. My friend has waited so very long to find her mate and I could not be there. It would have also been my first Quaker Wedding. I was very excited to witness her joy and bask in the love and light.  She was very gracious about my absence, but that is not the point. The point is I am being forced to narrow the playing field in this game of life. It seems like more and more of my choices are being eliminated and I don’t like it.

Yes, I am venting, but this is not a pity party. I will accept what I cannot change. But in the meantime, I want to go to Longwood Gardens or Pendle Hill or the arboretum. Even a car ride out in the country would suffice. It is so beautiful outside , but my body has other ideas. It wants to rest, and stay close to the bathroom. I recently declared that I would only do what is essential or enjoyable. Sometimes what is enjoyable is also essential. The longings of the soul are what is of one’s essence.  .

When I became lactose intolerant, it was a long and unpleasant journey of experimentation. I eventually learned which foods I could consume and which were off-limits. Today I want to reminisce with you and pay tribute to some favorites I can no longer enjoy:

wikipedia.org public domain

Pepperoni_pizza (1)

Lasagna

Soft_Ice_cream

So long cheesy lasagna, gooey pizza, decadent fettuccine alfredo, and yummy ice cream! It was great while it lasted.. Will these seedy treats be added to the gone- but- not-forgotten list?:

Sesame_Chicken

Bagels-Montreal-REAL

Popcornmaker

Let’s not even consider abandoning pecan pie, or dare I say it, German chocolate cake?

I know I will adapt, and that time moves very slowly when I don’t feel well. Funny though, it has been almost 3 weeks and I can barely remember most of it! I am not happy with the prospect of giving up more and more of what I enjoy. Food is comfort and it is natural to seek comfort. It is part of the human experience, particular when one is in pain. When I was in the hospital, they put my treatment plan on the board in my room. I was not actively consulted, but the plan was accurate and quite amusing. It said Less Pain, More Comfort, and Better Explanation.

Who doesn’t desire less pain (contentment), more comfort ( peace) and adequate understanding ( closure) ? These states of being are basic human needs.  It is all about removing the obstacles to love ( fear) from the equation.

While I continue to juggle antibiotics, dietary restrictions, and other details. let me know which fattening and unhealthy foods are your favorites. You can even include pictures!

While you are considering which culinary delights are to “die-for” ? ( no I have not lost my sense of humor!), please listen to The Talking Heads road to nowhere

Maybe I am ascending after all, if I am no-where and arrived in no-time. I have heard we can ascend without leaving the body, but frankly I might prefer trading up for a newer model. On a more positive note, I am closer to recognizing that there is no reason to rush. At a certain age, I became obsessed with living my life now and putting my ambitions into action. I grasped tightly onto a ” now or never” attitude, as time slipped by drop by drop. I am rethinking this philosophy as I have arrived at the realization that there is nowhere to go. My soul is eternal and I have probably  already experienced most of the things I dream about in this incarnation. I sense my ego was having a field day with this midlife race to complete the bucket list. When in doubt, look to the ego!

Maybe all consciousness is perpetually on the road to no-where. I just hope I can grab one last slice of German chocolate cake and take it to go.

 

header image credit: By U.S. Department of Agriculture (Hapgood Pond) [CC-BY-2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0)], via Wikimedia Commons
other images courtesy of wikipedia.org, public domain
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12 thoughts on “Road to NO-where

  1. Pingback: Share Your World ~ Litebeing Style | litebeing chronicles

  2. Sorry to hear you had a bad day, and I hope you are feeling some improvement from the antibiotics Linda .. I am in the process of experimentation in my diet.. And have for the most part started to eat more live foods, such as raw veggies Broccoli with have loads of purple sprouting, so been eating raw with salads, Plus spinach smoothies, more fruit… I am substituting my sugar for maple syrup in baking.. on the whole having a new experience in eating which I am enjoying. I have to say I do at times have a sweet tooth..and have a little chocolate now and again.. But on the whole feel I have more energy.. Good thing too, as Hubby hurt his back recently and so I have been even more active in the garden..

    Sending lots of hugs.. And I hope your symptoms soon subside Linda.. Mega Hugs ❤ your way xxx Sue

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I do enjoy salads and broccoli, all greens, cauliflower, stone fruits, but some raw veggies and fruits have never agreed with me. I buy more organic and know that sweets and high fat foods are not best for health and vitality. Feeling better today, but many side effects to meds and am not allowed any pain meds as NSAIDS can cause stomach bleeding. So I am using ginger and cinnamon to reduce pain and inflammation. Could use a medicine woman right about now and an acupuncturist. Hugs are wonderful too, thank you! grateful to have you in my tribe 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I could send you my Acupuncturist, she is great.. But I think her travel expenses may be a bit too High for the USA LOL.. Yes I know all about Pain meds side effects.. They gave me a stomach ulcer some years ago when I was on High pain/inflammatory drugs for FMS… I use Cinnamon every day 🙂 …

        I hope you continue to feel improvement Linda.. How about I do a Medicine Woman Dance? 😀 now that would be a sight, your stomach though may not recover from all the laughing at seeing me do a jig around the living room floor!! LOL .. Big Hugs my friend xxx ❤ ❤ ❤

        Liked by 1 person

  3. I’m sorry to hear about your condition, Linda. And instead of giving you a list of my favorite unhealthy food, I would like to ask whether you have considered a holistic alternative treatment? There are a myriad of methods out there, from herbs to past-life regression, all of which work on a a particular level of the body or soul.

    My personal favorite method is homeopathy. I found it helpful in order to deal with my rheumatoid arthritis and with allergies.

    But the help of a professional homeopath would be necessary.

    Interesting that you had Lyme disease. My homeopath told me that this is never really cured by antibiotics. There can be some long-term damages like arthritis and fatigue. I don’t know whether symptoms of the intestines can also belong to the long-term effects of Lyme disease.
    In such cases (of arthritis and fatigue caused by a long-ago Lyme disease), my homeopath would give a single dose of the Borrelia nosode in a high potency and cure the patients with a high success rate.
    I just thought you should know this, in case you develop long-term symptoms.

    I hope that you keep up your faith that life will bring you the healing you requested.
    Love,
    Karin

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks Karin, my intention for my blog is not tales of illness and woe, but this is all part of the spiral I travel upon ( or through). Perhaps there are many who can relate to all or parts of my situation.

      love,
      Linda

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Oh boy, I hear you on the life narrowing thing–mine has become so small I can hardly recognize it as mine. And the food… I had a lot taken away from me so long ago the available substitutes have had time to catch up and I’ve worked for some time on figuring out how to (1) substitute ingredients to make old faves OK and (2) find many new foods and dishes to love that are on the okay list. But really I’d like to go to my fave Italian place and eat spaghetti made from wheat and lots of bread…

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I knew you would understand. Did you like garlic bread with the spaghetti? Sounds like you have adjusted well to your limitations. I am aware there are more food substitutes, but what replaces nuts and seeds? So many foods have seeds that you would not think about? I already scour each and every label for lactose when I food shop. With this illness, the research is skewing towards allowing all nuts and seeds, but for the foreseeable future, I am taking them off the table. Maybe in the afterlife we can eat whatever we like ( as in the film Defending Your Life).

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      1. Sorry, seeds and nuts weren’t taken away for me so I haven’t worked on substitutes. In fact, pudding made with cashews as the base has been one of my ways to avoid other stuff.
        I had some friends in CA who went to an acupuncturist who had a special treatment process for getting rid of food allergies. They had great results. Maybe someone near you does similar work?

        Liked by 1 person

      2. interesting. I am not allergic to nuts or seeds, they just are known to trigger diverticulitis episodes. I do love the idea of alternative healers and wish to live in a society where they are affordable or covered by my insurance. But this health journey peaks my interest in discovering who may be of assistance. 🙂

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