I am at peace. I woke up this way after a long uneventful sleep. Many hours later, this feeling nurtures my soul. I could attribute it to the new moon conjoining my natal moon ( 1 degree away) and Jupiter retrograding tomorrow exactly conjunct my natal sun. But I do not think it has anything to do with it!
Every so often I enter this spaciousness and one of the gifts at my disposal is to carry over my dream life residue into my waking life. This is not easy to describe, but if you are a “dreamer”, you will understand.
I attribute this blessing as a grace that may have arrived because I allowed myself to feel my pain and grief. I have been pummeled by the sudden deaths of Anthony Bourdain and a former patient. I see these losses as unnecessary and tragic. But guess what, we do not get to judge.
I have found myself reciting the Serenity Prayer often these past few days:
The Serenity Prayer
God grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change;
Courage to change the things I can;
And wisdom to know the difference.
I am also moved to include a quote that I find helpful in time of tragedy:
Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack, a crack in everything
That’s how the light gets in.
Sometimes we become immersed in an experience the dwells outside of time, space, astrology and it is seemingly paradoxical. A few days before the pummeling began I saw a job advertisement to run programming for a Grief program. While it seemed in some ways like an unlikely fit, my guidance nudged me with a quiet whisper. Only a couple of days after I emailed the organization, I was contacted for a phone interview. I was quite surprised since I did not seem a logical choice. The interview took place less than a day after I learned of my former patient’s death. I carried on with the interview anyway and allowed myself to just go with the flow. I was given feedback that I would bring a lot to the position. While I do not know where this will take me, I follow my nudges more and more each day. I am living proof of someone who can hold sadness in one hand and hope in the other. I threw out my back on Monday, yet I feel less restriction today.
What I want to convey to you dear readers, is that paradox is not an anomaly and that we can all heal and recover. It does not mean that I have finished grieving. It does mean that if you can read my words, you are still most likely alive! I do not know about anyone else, but I plan to live my life with passion and exuberance. This is not about spiritual bypass, but about gratitude for having the gift of spiritual embodiment into form. While chaos swirls around and life is anything but smooth or certain, peace does prevail and vulnerability is a strength.
Blessings to you on this New Gemini Moon!
header image courtesy of wikipedia.org, public domain