Blessings on Libra Season and the Fall Equinox. I hope it brings peace and harmony your way. I continue to exist outside of time and space more or less. It seems that my inner life has eclipsed recognition of day to day time/space movements. As we move closer towards the end of 2026 I am thinking more of my career at the City of Philadelphia. I have become fixated with the fall of 1987 and 2001. Thinking hard about my encounters meeting Herman and Rick and how they changed me. How I wish sometimes I could go back to the young woman I remember before I made this career shift. What would have happened if I stayed as a FT therapist and sat it out? I left that job to enter government at the urging of friends. I was denied a raise and needed more income. I knew this move was a bad idea and did it anyway because I could not pay all my bills. I also got involved with Herman against my better judgment. If I stayed away from the City perhaps my life would have been simpler. There is no way I could have not been with Herman. The pull was too strong, This shift brought me two significant relationships that rocked my world and hardened my heart.
This makes think about this year. Did I really need an Astrology reading? I hesitated getting read by my hero Michael Lutin because of the expense. By the time I could afford it his health was on the decline. The issues I wanted to solve through a reading continue. My health remains difficult. I am currently healing from an episode this week. My income has not increased. I was hoping to learn about a novel past life, but what I got instead was a more detailed take on a past life pattern that was revealed in 2012. I also got this person in my life who most likely was a player in several of my past lives. Who knows what happened there, but I suspect some of it was pretty horrible.
Yesterday was lovely though. I felt more peace in a few hours than I have in weeks. I wanted a turkey and cheese sandwich so I went to Panera. The sandwich tasted like heaven to me. Prior to partaking I came upon a miraculous sighting. Check it out below.
This is a photo of carvings on a table in Panera. I asked Emily recently to communicate with me. She really stepped up! I was feeling connected again and less alone. Then I went to see Practical Magic 2. The theater had recliners and it was virtually empty. That is ideal for me. I sat in the recliner and just exhaled. The film was a message to me that I have been blocked and need to loosen up more. Is a Shaman a form of witch? Who am I really ? Back with the questions per usual.
Today started out okay but then went south in a big way. I saw a new Maurice video about Venus Retrograde in Scorpio and the Pluto Mars opposition. I am interested in these topics and was curious. I can be very weak sometimes. Watching the video was, surprise, triggering yet informative. He was wearing the same shirt he wore when we met. I must admit he looks good in the shirt. I was relieved that my private words did not make a repeat performance. The emotions I felt seeing my private email comments blasted for the world to see on YouTube included humiliation, exposure, and betrayal. Part of me still wants him to pay, but my higher nature must prevail. Any time I chose revenge I ended up getting hurt the most. He discussed house placements towards the end of the video and that interested me. His emphasis on car accidents was also a trigger. I also discovered that when he discussed his own house placement he became anxious. His non verbal was similar to how he acted with me. Clearly I made him nervous. Watching him so nervous today made me feel nervous. Hearing him talk about his placements and doing shadow work was triggering. Hearing him talking about sex was even more triggering. That’s all I will say about that.
So I take myself out to a seafood meal. Fortunately I am well enough to enjoy a meal with some precautions. The meal was exceptional. I found myself talking with Rick in the car. On occasion I speak to him out loud ( privately) to comfort myself. I have finally forgiven him and am thrilled to have this chapter healed. I thought I would resent him forever. He has been remarkably cooperative in the Afterlife. I wonder if I am more open also due to the Kundalini. So after asking Rick to stay close for atleast until my birthday, the song New Year’s Day comes on. I hear ” I will be with you again. ” and my heart melts. It is gray and rainy on the ride home. I go to Wawa and the vibe is a bit dark. I am eager to get back in the car. A few miles later a car dashes at me from a driveway. The vehicle is moving fast about to collide into me. I visualize the future impact while veering away. I escape impact but experience some whiplash. This felt traumatic. More questions: Where was Rick? Could he protect me? Did Maurice want me to be in an accident? Is he gunning for me? Welcome to the shitshow of my thoughts.
My moods keep swinging. Part of it is the antibiotics. They are not good for mental health. Part of it is that I have been through way too much drama and loss. I cry daily and then I am back singing. Nor only do I wonder about the young woman before 1987, I also reminisce about the woman prior to April 2026 who wasn’t experiencing bleeding that is not supposed to happen in women post menopause. This went on for almost four months. I also fondly remember the woman who thought Rick was among the living and Emily was on the mend. The same woman who wasn’t thinking about romance or kundalini or what it means to be a tribal indigenous healer since ancient times. Where did she go? In just a few short months I had a Cancer scare, discovered the death of a longtime friend and a great love within exactly 2 weeks of each other, embarked on a mission to heal unfinished business with past lovers on Facebook, integrate a new spiritual awakening, and navigate a fascination with a mysterious man who seemed to delight in messing with me in a variety of ways. There was even more that won’t be revealed today, but truly, isn’t this way more than enough already? i cannot even begin to describe how much unresolved 12th house issues have resurfaced as a result of the deaths and my own fear of mortality.
So here we are in a new season and new Jewish New Year. My birthday and the US midterms are approaching. Now I can add Rick’s death anniversary and Maurice’s birthday to the mix. Did 1 Scorpio have to die before the next one could appear? What is wrong with me? I pray I can navigate this season. Even with all the therapy, support, and new Acupuncture sessions, I need more stability. Is it needy to wish I had someone to help me heal? Why was I destined to live this life alone? The irony is now that my heart is back open, I feel worse than before. Letting love in can hurt. Why would I attract more pain in my life? What can I possibly gain?
Perhaps some of this material could become a book? Just an idea. Is it wrong to wish for a simple life? In a parallel universe Maurice would just be another teacher like Lorie Ladd or Matt Kahn or whoever. I would share a video at the end like I have done for other Astrologers. Would that have been so terrible? It rebinds me of that saying be careful what you wish for because you might get it.
You know what, I will post a video. One that is on point for this post:
