Yesterday started splendidly with a green insect yet to be properly identified waiting for me! It has been over ten years since I had an insect traveling companion of this ilk. My heart filled up immediately. See photo above.
Alas, today is the day alright! Pluto, Mars, Mercury T Square and Venus stationing Retrograde in the sign of Scorpio. It has been real. Yesterday was truly lovely. I decided to attend group supervision at my actual office. I have never done this before in close to four years working at this practice. The lure of pizza and talking with real people in a room seemed very powerful. It was only three of us with one colleague online. It felt surprisingly chill to me. Before the others joined us, I had a few minutes with one of the partners and my former classmate from Grad School. We met 32 years ago! He was is his late twenties and I was a few years older. We discussed how we met and could not recall which class it was. I said ” It is okay if you don’t remember me from school and he said no, I do remember you. ” We had both been on campus last week apparently and it was a great talk. He was cute back then and still is very warm and kind. He was a major reason I got hired and I appreciate it. I do not report to him but I know the power dynamics. But here’s the thing. When the meeting was over, he and my other colleague had to see clients. It was my day off so i had nowhere to be. The online colleague signed off. It felt like he and I were having difficulty saying goodbye. It felt odd to me.
Later that evening I checked my work email and he emailed me an the group, saying how much he enjoyed the meeting. I thought that was very odd. These meetings are monthly and he usually co – leads them. I have a feeling that he needed to reach out to me and did it in a professional way.
I bring this up not because my ego needs stroking. Rather, I have noticed that more people notice me since the Kundalni transmission. I noticed it before I knew I had ben activated because I did not know what was happening for at least two months. He is a Leo and we have really nice synastry but this is not new. What new is me it seems.
The day continued to be exciting and new. I had a phone call with a local woman who is a friend of an acquaintance. She is a medium , life coach, Reiki practitioner and possibly has other roles. I have been wanting to attend her drumming circles but there has been some roadblocks. We had an extraordinary chat. I asked her about how the drumming may impact the Kundalini. At first she shared her approach but admitted she herself is unclear what it is like to be active. After we spoke more and I described my experience, it became evident that she was in fact triggered herself by a breathing practice. we commiserated and laughed and discussed other topics. It seemed like this connection was destined in some way.
Sadly the mood turned darker after discovering yet again on Facebook that another friend had died. I found out after sending her a birthday greeting. I knew she was ill and no one knew her status for a while. I read some posts wishing her a heavenly birthday. Later I learned she passed close to two years ago. I am not going to do a long write up but I will share that I knew her since my twenties when I was first invited to an Astrology lecture. She was quite older and we have gone from group to group to group and committee to committee since then. Basically she has been a constant in my life. I knew she had Cancer and a couple of years back I reached out and she responded. I left nothing unsaid about how I cared about her and valued our relationship. So while this situation is not unfinished, it set off a cascade of emotion in me. This morning several astrologers showed up on my page and shared stories. One was a woman who moved away who I sometimes met with to read my chart. Another was another member who also moved away. She happens to be friends with Maurice. I felt so overwhelmed, as if the walls were closing in.
So today I kept my plan to stay home and process. The energies are too much for me. However I confirmed another invite that arrived yesterday. Another friend from far away asked for for a reading. She offered a Re-attunement for my Reiki. Our charts are similar and she is part of the Aquarius Rising Cabal lol!
It is no interesting that many of the activities in my life that disappeared are slowly returning in dribs and drabs. For me it begs the question: What is causing the rebirth? Am I manifesting this or is it the K ? Or is it the person who seemed incredibly invested in micro managing my life for me? I am wording this a bit dramatically but there is a reason for it. I plan on discussing another relationship from my past that ties in with my phone call with the Drumming Circle leader. It should track once I go into that thread.
I am finding it confusing to understand who or what is moving my shift? The shift is usually subtle, but still evident. Drumming, sound baths, acupuncture, and Astrology readings had faded from my life. Now they are back as if they never left. Some events came directly to me and others I had a hand in. Maybe it is more of a divine partnership. One may ask what difference does it make but to me it matters. I want to understand if my healing work is reaping benefits.
Maurice is still on the mix but not in an over the top way. I will share a few recent examples. A few days ago I was in Whole Foods. I was in the mood for chocolate bars. I could not find anything I liked. I kept buying other items and forgetting to find the dedicated candy aisle. On the ride home I realized I forgot to buy chocolate. That same day a few hours later I see his post in my feed. I did not seek him out, it was just on my screen I see a photo of a Chocolate cafe and a caption After the Gym! The post was not about me or meant to reach me , but it sure seemed to be a synch. I can almost hear him say you can’t eat chocolate without working out first. In my mind I find him to be rather bossy. Yesterday he and I hd a between wakefulness and sleep a quasi lucid exchange that was playful and conversational. Last week I had two dreams with him back to back in the same morning that were back and forth questions and answers. Sometime it just feels too real. While it is not like he is declaring love for me or asking me out , it feels like he is always around. I sometimes consider that I am not ready for direct contact. If he actually came forward in a clear way I would be forced to take this seriously and may have to make a decision. I am a bit out of practice to be honest. The dreams or becoming more obvious with content not fit for WP, but they could be explained away as simple wish fulfillment.
I will shift gears and introduce the person who long ago made it possible for last evenings phone call. Life does feel very Halloweeny now and perhaps this story will help illustrate my point.
About eleven years ago I met a young man through a meetup group. I have mentioned this here back in 2015. I met him shortly after I had my first Diverticulitis episode, around May of 2015. I saved some of his emails, of which there were many. The details are sketchy but early on he requested to join my lucid dreaming meetup. In the email he said he wanted to join because he met me. I do not recall the initial exchange. He was a lucid dreamer though, which we have in common. He was East Indian American and lived in my area now as an Engineer. He was incredibly young He was much younger than Joel in fact. He was one of those people who come into your life on a mission. He wanted to get to know me. He wanted me to join his group and eventually co lead it. He was a balance of emotion and grit. Very Leonian and Lunar. I rarely meet men who are so sensitive and so confident. I do recall the first time we spent the whole day together, which was our first or second meeting in person. We met a local coffee shop and he wanted to talk more. We went to a Dunkin donuts. I still recall the speakers blasting one of my favorite songs. It is the song Collide, which I associate with Joel. I took that song as a clue that something important was about to happen He wanted to get dinner so we went to this Persian place, We had a great meal and talked. Later that night he called me and we talked more. ” What is going on? ” I asked myself. We hung out a lot sometimes with others and sometimes alone. I was not interested in him romantically. He often would tell me he dates older woman and I shut the topic down. This was not up for consideration. Jupiter was in Leo when we met. Pluto was opposing my Mars and Uranus was squaring my Mars. That triggered health issues with Mars in the 6th but perhaps it also activated a Uranian/ Plutonian man becoming a part of my life. The synastry honestly is one of the most compelling i have seen but I discounted it because it was not going to become anything more than it was. I will share a few details: His Leo Ascendant on my Leo Descendant Uranus. His Moon on My Chiron. He is Uranian with an angular Aquarius moon on my Chiron. He is Plutonian with Pluto on his IC square his Leo sun. His Venus conjunct my Moon. The kicker is that his nodes are 1 degree shy of being exactly reverse my nodes. It is noteworthy that the synastry upends the composite chart but composite does include Sun conjunct Venus in the 5th house.
What actually did play out is that he acted like my agent, An agent I did not ask for or really need. I very much enjoyed his openness. He was brilliant and creative and provocative intellectually. I enjoyed learning more about East Indian culture which I hold dear. We enjoyed many common interests. He was determined to help me develop my leadership skills. He wanted me to meet his people. He introduced me to his best friend who did a guest blog here for a challenge. He introduced me to his meetup partner. He introduced me to another close friend who had a gathering space for my next dream group. He arranged his friend who lived a few hours away to come attend the group . One of his friends was helpful in my meeting a potential employer. He arranged two birthday celebrations for me. Looking back I am not sure what this was all for. He stayed in my life for about a year or so. Sometimes we argues or got on each others nerves but there was a sweet bond. One day he decided to move to the Pacific Northwest. We corresponded for awhile and then it stopped.
Looking aback it must have been a past life soulmate deal. No karma here, probably because it was platonic and probably because none was cultivated. I cannot fathom why he was so motivated to help me. Perhaps I was helpful at some point in the past. The connection was sudden and fast. The cool part is that it left a legacy. That legacy led me to yesterday. He connected me with people where there was some traction. Interestingly enough, he was also friends with a shaman acquaintance of mine. What are the odds? I really appreciate the positive legacy. While it appears both of his really close friends are not in his life now, they are in my life via Facebook. One lives abroad but we remain connected. The other friend I had more in person contact and I reached out to her recently looking for bodyworkers. This led to a Drumming circle invite. It felt like Halloween listening to this woman describe her Mediumship process as I learn of the loss of another old friend. I wonder if anyone will stick with me in the future and be just a half hour drive away? Or is it not my fate?
It saddens me to realize that I rarely am left with a positive legacy when a man leaves my life. Usually there is a major mess to clean up or a feeling of disappointment and wasted time. I do not long for tihs person to return, but you never know. He was way too young and remains too young. It is not lost on me the similarities I see with Maurice. Maurice seemed much more interested in my career than I am. He also seemed to be on a mission of some sort. He was intent on convincing me to totally uproot my life. To what end ? I usually pick men to be my projects. Maybe the roles were reversed. Both dudes are bossy and opinionated, that’s for sure. Both leave legacies but only one is uncomplicated. When his friend contacted me this morning, it bothered me. Does she know that I know him? How close are they? I felt envy that she is physically in his life and I am not. However originally I was physically in her life. She used to live here.
Maybe the unifying question of this article is the following: With Venus retrograde, Who are we really to one another? Why do some bonds form quickly and intensely while others do not grow? Do we know why we are in relationship? Do we come in with actual agendas that serve as soul contracts? Are some connections brand new and more mutable in nature?
I will leave us with a video from a really old film that made me smile and cry. Pay attention to Taurus to help navigate the next few weeks. Enjoy this sweet song:
